Chapter 20 #4
“Those online tests are not a diagnostic tool, obviously," Cadence says.
"But seeing as you are a grown man with an established career, an official diagnosis will mean little.
As a child, you would have had access to additional educational resources.
You would have had an IEP—an individual education plan.
It's—" She stops with a sigh. “It is an extraordinarily complicated topic, especially right now, with so much renewed attention, research, and discussion, particularly among women going through perimenopause. "
Nyx blinks at this. "I…Um."
Riley covers Cadence's hand. "Babe." It's quiet, gentle.
“Oh." Cadence frowns and blinks as if to comprehend whatever personal, unspoken message Riley was conveying; she smiles at Nyx. “We can discuss your particular situation whenever you wish, Nyx. I am here to help, if only by sharing my personal experiences and stratagems for coping."
“Stratagems for coping, huh?" Nyx says.
"It isn't always very easy, Nyx," Cadence says, her tone gentle and kind. "Our minds work differently and people often do not understand us, nor we them."
Nyx is quiet for a moment or two; around us, Bear and Felix are having a side conversation, as are Cole and Ember, but I get the impression that everyone is at least partially paying attention to this one.
"I don't know that I wanna think about it as us and them, Cadie." He smirks. “Can I call you that?"
Cadence thinks for a moment, then nods. "You may."
I like this girl—she's serious and interesting and different, but I've never been around someone who so palpably exudes compassion and kindness. It comes out of her pores, radiates from her like physical warmth.
Nyx continues. "I just wanna be me. Learnin' about this stuff helps me understand why I do the weird fuckin' shit I do, why I get fixed on dumb, random shit.
But at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter.
" He glances around at the rest of us, his gaze lingering on Felix, Riley, and Cole.
"And I think, to those who matter to me, and who I matter to, it doesn't matter.
" He blinks. "Matter, matter, matter. Damn, I hate it when that happens. "
"Semantic satiation," Cadence says. "The repetition of a word or phrase to the point that it loses syntactic significance."
"You're a weird ass motherfucker," Riley says to Nyx. "You've always been a weird-ass motherfucker, and you will always be a weird-ass motherfucker."
“Thanks, bro.” Nyx doesn't sound like he's being sarcastic.
Riley is, again, uncharacteristically serious, then.
"I wouldn't change a goddamn thing about you, brother.
The world would be a much less interesting, funny, and strange place if you weren't in it, or if you were boring.
" He blinks. "Lotta serious shit goin' around the table.
Jeez. Quick, Nyxie, say something stupid. "
"Riley," Nyx says.
Pause.
"Fuck you."
"Took you a second, didn't it?" Nyx says, snickering.
The conversation shifts, then, becoming less of a group thing and more of a cluster of crisscrossing, starting and stopping, and shifting individual ones.
I spend a long time sipping beer and talking to Noelle; she and I went to the same church growing up, and we know a lot of the same people from there.
I learn some of her story—the cheating husband.
Meeting Bear. Almost being raped. Having to stop Bear from killing the man who assaulted her.
As we talk, I notice that, naturally, all the couples are sitting together, leaving Nyx, the only single one, by himself at the head of the table, and he pops in and out from one conversation to another, never staying in one for long.
Eventually, I see him quite obviously fake a yawn.
"Well, ya'll, much as I like being the…ninth?” He pauses, thinks, and nods, "Ninth wheel in this situation, I've got a joint, leftover pizza, and a round of Apex calling my name.
" He goes around the table, and exchanges handshake-hugs with the guys, hugs Ember, Noelle, and Cadence, and then pauses when he comes to me, last. Looks down at me, thinking, and then kisses the top of my head.
"Glad you're back, Lace. Hasn't been the same without you. And I don't just mean Cole."
My eyes burn at the unexpected affection. "Aw, Nyx. You're sweet."
He fakes a glare and a furtive look around. "Hey, shut up. I don't want it getting out."
I grab the front of his face and shake his head playfully. "You're such a dork."
He licks my palm, making me squeal in disgust. "See ya later, Lace-Wing."
"Oh my god," I say. "I forgot about that one!"
"I didn't!" He waved without looking back, but right before he turns and leaves, I catch a glimpse of longing on his face as his eyes scan the gathered couples.
And I don't miss the slight droop in his shoulders as he walks away, either.
I nudge Cole. "Go catch him," I whisper to him. "He needs a friend."
Cole blinks at me, then looks after his buddy. “He does?"
I sigh. “Men. So oblivious." I push at his immovable bulk. "Yes, you big oaf. Go! He's feeling left out and lonely. Everyone in his friend group is paired up except him. Hello, the ninth wheel comment?”
Cole's face blooms with recognition. "Shit, babe, you're right." He kisses me quickly and then shoves his chair backward with a noisy scrape, pours beer—sloppily and quickly—into two glasses, and hustles after Nyx.