Chapter 41 Darian
Darian
He’s tearing me apart from the inside out.
This is agony. As if Kaelen is holding everything I ever wanted in his hands, only to reveal it as a cruel joke.
And everyone around us has a seat to the show.
Emboldened by wine and grief and the heaviness of our world caving in around us, I came to ask him for one thing. Just one, to carry with me through the fight.
I wanted them to be the last thing I see. But now he’s breaking me all over again. “I’m going to go now.”
“No.” His voice hardens. “We’re not walking away from this, Dare. Not again.”
“Then you should have said something sooner.” I need him to stop. To stop trying to make it right. “It’s too late for words, Kae.”
I need to lose myself in wine and memories while the rest of them spend their final night with someone they love.
While Kaelen, Eres and Lyra stay together, and I’m left on the outside, looking in and wishing things had turned out differently.
But I won’t let Kaelen lie to me for the sake of pretending. “Let me go.”
For a moment, I think he will. And my broken heart breaks a little fucking more.
I barely get a few steps away when the darkness creeps up around me. Kaelen’s hands are open, his erevas curling free from his palms and his eyes on me. “No.”
The shield grows, blocking out the room around us and creating thick, solid walls. I slam my fist against one, irritated when it doesn’t move. “Let me out.”
A solid band wraps around one wrist, then another and pulls me around to face him. I suck in a breath as the eravas yanks them up, pinning them in place above my head. “What are you doing?”
“It’s too late for words.” He steps closer. “You just said it, and you’re right. I’ve wasted enough of our time. So I’m going to show you.”
His shield has locked the four of us in a small, dark space. Opaque enough to let a little light through, but enough that I know the rest of the room won’t be able to see us. “This is ridiculous.”
Behind him, Eres and Lyra’s eyes are wide. It might be comical, if not for the burning behind my eyes.
Kae doesn’t stop until he’s right in front of me.“No, it’s not.”
We stare at each other for a long, silent moment.
He takes my face in his. Cups my cheeks, runs his thumb over my skin.
“I have been in love with you since we were fifteen years old.” He says it quietly, firmly, with enough conviction that shock and ecstasy war within my chest for dominance for a single, euphoric moment.
“And I don’t want you walking out there tomorrow without knowing, Dare.
Every day. Every single day, I have loved you, and missed you, and I’m sorry. ”
My eyes close. “Kae. I don’t—”
His lips press against mine. Not demanding or dominating. A gentle, inquisitive question before he pulls back. “Stay with me tonight. With us. Say yes.”
Before I can answer, he kisses me again. Harder, this time. His body presses against mine, his hand slipping into my hair and gripping it, angling my head to give him better access to my mouth as it opens beneath him.
When he pulls away, both of us are breathing heavily. “You’re an ass.”
“I know.” His forehead presses to mine again, and he breathes deeply, as if it’s a need for him to be this close.
To breathe me in, and the feel of him against me, touching me and wanting me is so much better than I ever thought it would be.
It makes it so much harder to say no. “Say yes, Dare. You want me to beg? I’ll beg whatever way you tell me to. ”
Every time, he kisses me before I can respond. And all of the reasons I should say no are slowly slipping from my mind with every touch.
I tear my eyes away, looking to Eres and Lyra. He has his arms wrapped around her, whispering in her ear as they both watch us. Heat suffuses Lyra’s cheeks, darkening her skin, and she bites down on her lip when our eyes meet.
Kaelen’s lips move to my neck. He uses my hair to give him better access, tugging at the strands until I open up for him, my body shivering beneath his. “This seems like a very poor investment on their part.”
“Trust me.” Eres’s murmur carries. “Neither of us mind.”
A graze of teeth over my neck. “Say yes, and we’re going back to my rooms. All of us, Dare. Like it should be.”
I clamp down on my lower lip with my teeth, attempting to hold the noise I want to make back. My cock starts to fill, pushing against my damned trousers as Kaelen pushes his hands beneath my shirt, scraping his nails over my stomach as his mouth moves to my throat. “That’s going to leave a mark.”
My words are breathless. His response comes directly against my damp skin. “I fucking hope so.”
Fuck.
I want to say yes. But I can’t bear the thought of seeing regret in his face. Something to add to the many memories I have of Kaelen, all of them stored in my memories, a personal pain pot that I pull at when I’m feeling especially self-pitying.
We don’t have enough time for him to wipe all of those memories away. But we have time for him to add new ones. Better ones.
My head bangs back against his damn shield. “I hate you for not doing this sooner.”
He pauses his movements. “Not as much as I hate myself. Is that a yes?”
I breathe in. “I’m still not convinced.”
“Fine.”
When he drops to his knees, the three of us inhale. But Kaelen is staring up at me, his hand already on the buckle of my belt. “Can I convince you this way?”
He’s asking my permission to ruin me. And Erevan help me, but I’m going to give it to him.
I raise my eyes in silent question, and get two nods in return. Eres whispers something in Lyra’s ear, and her eyes widen. “Like that?”
I clear my throat. Glance down at Kaelen. “It seems very unfair for me to be the only one in this shield having fun.”
He slides his hand beneath my loosened trousers, cupping me. “What the fuck makes you think I’m not having fun?”
When my legs weaken at the feel of his hand, hot, and tight and gripping me, Kae’s shadows push me up, keeping me in place. My breath hisses out through my mouth. “I think that we could have more fun if someone were to join us.”
Or two someones.
His gaze flickers. Want, and need, and surprising indecision. “Is that what you want?”
Is it?
I look at them again. This time, it’s Eres who looks back at me. His eyes are soft with understanding. If I say no, they’ll stay back. Give me this moment with him. Give up this moment, when we have so very few left.
But if I say yes—
“Yes.” I look down at Kaelen. His hands tighten on my legs. “Yes.”
In response, he leans forward and kisses the exposed skin above my trousers before turning, staying on his knees. He holds out a hand. “Witch.”
I don’t know when it moved from being an insult to an endearment, but Lyra comes to him, Eres following with his hand locked in hers. There’s heat in her eyes, but uncertainty, too. The flames burn brightly, dancing in her irises as she looks between us.
Kaelen turns her hand, pressing his lips to the pulse in her wrist. In the low light, her riftlines almost gleam silver. “Remember what I said?”
The fire in her gaze banks. “It should not hurt.”
My heart turns over. I’ve seen what she keeps secret inside her head, the memories she fights against. “Was he your only experience?”
When she nods, her arms shifting to wrap around herself, I have to breathe. To focus on it, to force the air in and out of my lungs before I let the emotion free. “Kaelen is right. It should never, ever hurt.”
I’d cut my beating heart out of my fucking chest before hurting her. “Eres.”
His lips are already on her neck, tasting her skin. “Do you want to try?”
“You can say no,” Kaelen says steadily. “It’s your decision.”
Her eyes travel over me. To where my wrists are still pinned. Down, to my cock straining against my trousers. Her lips purse. And then she steps up beside me, lifting her hands above her head and looking to Eres. “Like this?”
“Yeah,” he croaks. A moment passes, all of us stilling. “Just like that.”