Chapter 25
The Queen of the Dance Floor
victoria
A kiss. That was all I needed to clear my mind and find the answers I was looking for.
All around me, the neon lights have turned my reality into a psychedelic paradise that gives shape and color to my current world, one filled with emotions and sensations that are turning my insides upside down.
My encounter with Elena lasted only a few minutes, but they were more than enough for me to realize that it’s not Joana I want with me in this precious moment, but her—the woman I left behind for an ambition that for years became my goal and that now is nothing more than a daily work routine that has lost its magic.
Since our kiss, we’ve exchanged the occasional glance, but she’s kept her distance—a barrier that, if it were up to me, I’d break down and shatter tonight.
I don’t even know why I doubted what Jorge and Carolina told me first thing this morning, when I myself felt that electricity running through my skin the moment I saw her walk into the hotel lobby a couple of days ago.
I guess we all need someone to open our eyes so we know which path to choose.
Wrapped in the spell Elena has cast over me for over half an hour now, I’ve found a safe spot by the bar at the back of the room.
From here, I can catch my breath a little, think more clearly about how I’m going to handle things from now on, and look at her without everyone realizing she’s driven me crazy.
The guys didn’t notice our closeness during dinner, or our sudden absence, so everything is calm.
It was a great decision to tell Joana the truth, to ask her not to come because otherwise I’d be in even bigger trouble.
Focusing on her for a few seconds, I look for my phone and start writing her a message, apologizing for having used her, for having filled the void Elena left with my company, and for letting our relationship continue even though I knew I didn’t love her the way I should have.
The only thing I want now is for us to talk, to clear things up, to put an end to six months in which I’ve enjoyed myself and also escaped from the shell I was trapped in.
My eyes drift away from the screen as the music blends with the loud thumping of my heart; Elena, in that dress I gave her a few years ago, makes sure I can’t stop looking at her and makes me feel foolish for not having fought for her.
I need us to talk, to tell her what happened with Joana, to let her know that my relationship ended when I confessed that I still loved her.
Letting out a sigh and turning my back on the world, I type until I’m done and send that message, hoping we can talk about everything that’s happened like two adults.
I know we will, but my problem now is whether I’m sure I want to wait to do that and let whatever fate has in store for Elena and me take its course.
“Hiding from me?” Her voice rises above the music, and as I turn to my right, my eyes meet hers just as I quickly put my phone away.
“You can go back to what you were doing, it doesn’t matter,” she says, hailing the waiter with one hand.
Her lipstick is a little smudged, and that makes me want to taste it again.
“You were talking to your girlfriend, weren’t you?
” she asks curiously, leaning close to my ear, allowing me once again to enjoy her rose-scented perfume and leaving me unable to answer her.
“Sorry about what happened earlier. I shouldn’t have come on to you like that. ”
Elena’s golden hair glows pink in the lights, and her eyes sparkle from the alcohol that pushed us to kiss and has brought her back to me.
“Joana and I had a fight,” I dare to tell her without thinking too much about it. “Do you want us to go somewhere else to talk? I promise I won’t do anything; I’m going to lose my voice if I keep yelling at you like this,” I explain, and she nods.
Not knowing where we’re going, I follow her footsteps; I want to avoid running my eyes over her body, tracing every curve, watching the sway of her hips and the movement of her butt.
The alcohol makes it impossible for me to control my impulses, and I hate feeling like a bitch in heat.
Outside, the fresh air clears my senses, and I can barely hold back the sigh that escapes me, nor the smile and the urge to get closer to Elena and feel that we’re together again despite the walls that separate us.
“I’m hallucinating right now,” I confess, and she looks at me, not knowing why. “When I got the invitation, I was this close to not coming, you know?”
“Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to make things awkward for you, and…
” I wrap my arms around myself, searching for something to make me feel secure.
“I know I hurt you when we got divorced. I was a fool for making that decision on my own. All I could think of was that you should be able to enjoy this wedding with a smile on your face.”
“I see…” She laughs and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t even think you’d be able to come. Part of me believed Carolina wouldn’t invite you, and I was sure of it until she told me.”
“I imagine that didn’t sit well with you.”
“To be honest, I was scared.” She looks at me for a couple of seconds and then sighs. “These years without you haven’t been easy. I had to get used to being in love with you and not having you by my side, so I needed a lot of help to move on with my life.”
“And you’ve done pretty well. The hotel is amazing.”
“Believe me when I say that Gardenias was my best therapy,” she confesses. “Although everything was pretty chaotic at first.”
“What job isn’t?”
Silence envelops us, and when I realize the direction our steps are taking, memories flood back to me at the speed of light, sending me back in time to one of those many nights we spent together before we got married and signed a “forever” that I myself turned to dust when we separated.
“Why did you and your girlfriend fight?” she asks, doubt clouding her beautiful gray eyes.
“Do you really want to know?” Elena hesitates with her answer, and I shrug. “I used her. For the last six months, I let her fill the void you’d left behind. I never told her I’d been married, that you existed, or that I was still in love—I just let it happen and got used to her company.”
“That’s…”
“One of my biggest mistakes,” I reply frankly. “But you know how I am… I make decisions without thinking too much about the consequences.”
Elena sinks into such a deep silence that I worry I’ve said something to hurt her.
I feel tense, and for the first time tonight, I’m unable to come up with a single sentence to improve the situation.
Insecurity strikes, so much so that I bite my lip and run my hands through my hair a couple of times.
I shouldn’t have said anything to her; I should have kept my mouth shut and come up with an answer that was believable enough to drop the subject.
“Do you care about her?” she asks suddenly, turning to face me.
“Of course I do!” I exclaim without thinking. “She’s a good person, she’s… fantastic.”
“Then why did you hurt her?” she adds, crossing her arms. “The Victoria I knew doesn’t do things like that; she doesn’t use people to make herself feel better,” she explains, looking annoyed and a little confused. “Was what happened at the club because of that, or are you using me too?”
“No, that’s not why,” I deny, realizing what’s going through her mind. “I care about you—that’s exactly why I didn’t stop our kiss. All these years, I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”
“Then why didn’t you come? Why did you wait until now to tell me?”
“Because I was afraid of screwing things up even more,” I simply reply. “Even if it sounds like bullshit, I decided to divorce you because I didn’t want everything that bound us together to disappear under resentment and hatred.”
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to fight?” Elena gets angry, and suddenly that vein on her temple stands out. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to stay!?” she yells at me. “Do you have any idea how hard this has been!?”
I have no answer that could improve the situation, and the nerves I feel make everything around me tremble.
For a moment, I think I’m going to run out of breath, and suddenly, in the midst of the chaos that has erupted, I do what my heart tells me to do.
I cup her face in my hands and kiss her, fully aware of what this means—and also that it is by her side where I want to be, and where I should have stayed every day of my life.