Chapter 6
It was nice to be in my own pajamas. I’d been wearing them in the hospital, but this was nicer.
Or maybe the sheets were nicer. One thing could be said about the Lents—actually many things could be said about the Lents—but one additional thing was that they never skimped on their sheets.
They were always soft and cozy. The pillows were too.
Was this Rosalind who did this? Or had they hired some kind of service?
I dug my face into the pillow. I’d turned off the lights, leaving the curtains open in the room, and the door cracked so they knew they could come in.
I heard it open slightly and then close again. On soft feet, Julian entered. “I managed to be first?” He closed the door to the bathroom. That was smart. If Barrett went in there to pee, we wouldn’t hear him or even notice him closing the door.
Jules climbed into bed next to me. He was shirtless in sweatpants. I would bet they were the gray ones. Unless he’d gotten new ones in the last four months.
“Oh, the strawberry shorts and tank pajamas. They’re a favorite for me.” He drew me to him, and I listened to his heartbeat.
“I didn’t know you had favorites.”
His laugh was small. “They’re all favorites.” He smelled clean. In addition to finishing his work, he had showered. “I’ll close the curtain.” When he would have moved, I put a hand on him to stop him. “I… I seem to want curtains open. Maybe it’s an ‘I don’t want to feel closed in thing?’”
He settled back down. “That’s fine. We have to get up anyway. You have an appointment at the clinic. I’ll be awake. It won’t matter that the sun will shine right in.”
Maybe that would matter on a day that we could actually sleep in. Since he had sort of brought up the subject , I had to ask. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“A lot on my mind.” He kissed my head. I knew how shaved down it was now and internally I shuddered at the thought.
I ran my hand over his chest, feeling his muscles beneath my fingertips.
They still jumped at my touch, even though I looked the way I did.
“I love you, Julian.” There, I had said it.
Not drugged, not sick, not terrified. I’d just said it as though it was normal to do so and something to be sought after.
It was a big step for me. “You can tell me what’s on your mind. ”
“Oh, Alatheia, I love you, too.” He moved until his head was on top of mine. I could feel him breathe on my skin. I didn’t stop what I was doing. It was soothing to me and maybe he liked it too. Jules wasn’t shy. He’d tell me if he didn’t.
Finally, he spoke again. “They took my brother. The generic ‘they,’ because we still don’t fucking know—even though whoever they are is sharing a zip code right now with us.
He came back broken. He’s trying to fix himself.
It’s new, and he’s trying, but… they broke him.
Whoever he would have been if it never happened is gone.
Or buried so deep I don’t know if he’ll ever find it again.
“And then they—and this time I know who they are—took my girl. My Baby. And for four months, I’ve been terrified you’d be gone.
That they would’ve broken you too. That you wouldn’t want this crazy with me anymore.
Because I know it’s a lot. And you have to choose this—choose me—instead of some normal life. A life no one deserves more than you.”
I heard him swallow, and then he spoke again. “And now your life is at risk. Or it always was only now we know. And…” His voice trailed off.
“And?” I knew he wasn’t done.
“I kind of hate that I have to spend time doing spreadsheets for Stephen’s businesses instead of writing. It’s a small thing. But it bugs me.”
I shook my head. “You are an artist. It’s hard.
Barrett is suffering from not helping make music.
You two are the same that way. Trying to shove a square into a circle hurts.
I get that.” The other things were harder.
“I’m probably broken. So broken I can’t see it.
But I still want you, want this. Even if I’m back to doubting because it’s my default setting.
The rest of it? I’m so sorry you have to keep living through this happening around you and feeling powerless to do anything about it. ”
He kissed me gently on the lips, which meant he had to move both of us onto our sides but that was more than fine, and I kissed him back.
It was so lovely to be in the dark with Julian.
Such a fucking gift. I stroked the back of his hair, and he did the same over the fuzz on the back of my head.
We stared at each other in the dark, not speaking.
I saw it when his eyes started to close. He fought it. Oh, Julian, I wanted to whisper, why are you fighting it? But he eventually gave in. Maybe it was exhaustion, or maybe it was having me next to him that finally let him feel some semblance that things were righting themselves. Maybe both.
I knew he was really out when he rolled onto his back.
Generally, that was how Jules slept. He dragged me up against his side.
Yes, this was his “Julian was asleep” mode.
The snoring I was used to from him started too.
I smiled. I’d listened to nineteen other girls breathe in their sleep for four months.
This was so much better. This was Julian.
And it would be fine if Jeremy crawled in and started snoring too. I’d missed it so much.
The door opened and closed. I managed to lift my head to look. It was Barrett. He crawled in next to me on the other side, rolling onto his side to be tucked in right against my back. When he was settled, he kissed my shoulder.
I sighed. Yes, perfect. “He’s out.” He spoke in a low voice, almost a whisper.
I nodded. Yes, he was.
“Good.” Barrett put his head on my shoulder and gave out an audible sigh before I felt his body vibrate. A second later he was quiet. Had he just conked right out?
I wished I could. I was with them. This was home. What was the matter with me?
Well… there was a proverbial price on my head.
Two hundred fifty million dollars. What if I promised to give it to them?
Would they leave me alone? I mean it made me sort of sick to think of them having that much money if they were doing bad things with it, yet I would happily turn it over and let the authorities get them. I could ask about that tomorrow.
Why hadn’t my mother done that?
I wished I could ask her. The door opened again and this time it was Jeremy. He walked over, squeezed my foot, and then got in the other bed. Phoenix must still be doing whatever he was doing. He had jumped in to help as though it was the most perfectly normal thing to do. Was he okay?
“Go to sleep, Princess,” Jeremy said loud enough for me to hear it but hopefully not so loud it woke his brothers. “Everything will either be the same in the morning or better.”
I hoped that was true. I really did.
I let myself listen as he fell asleep, too.
His own deep snores, different than Jules’, sounded, and it helped.
I wasn’t alone. There was an alarm on. One Lent was actually awake, and three of them were piled in here with me.
No one was getting through the door tonight.
No one was going to lock me away where they would abuse me and eventually kill me.
Not only that, but they loved me. They had come for me. They kept showing it. I was safe. It was okay to sleep deeply. It was okay.
My own lids finally shut.
I hadn’t been out very long when I woke back up, knowing I was hungry. I stared at the clock. It was two in the morning. Funny, Rosalind had completely predicted what time I would wake up hungry if I didn’t eat. Well, I had eaten; I just hadn’t gotten to digest my food.
Phoenix was in the room now. On his stomach, next to Jer with no covers on top of him. He was face down on the pillow while Jer was rolled to his side, facing us. They were all there. It was beautiful.
And I either needed to get up quietly and sneak downstairs to discover if we even had food, or I was going to have to wake one of them.
I chewed on my lip. I hadn’t seen the kitchen, but I wasn’t stupid, I could find it.
Still, it nagged in my brain that they had all made a big point of helping me and I didn’t want to negate that by not asking for help when I could probably use it since I was a little bit dizzy.
Okay. Which one to wake? Jules snored, his eyes were moving beneath his lids.
He was out, and he needed to stay that way.
Phoenix needed to sleep. He’d conked out in the atrium lounge when we’d been looking at the lake and stayed that way after Barrett had come in.
What he was going through probably required a lot of rest. Jeremy would want to be woken, but waking him might mean waking Phoenix since they were in the same bed.
That left Barrett, who absolutely would help me and was right next to me.
He was obviously deeply asleep, but I was either willing to wake one of them or I wasn’t.
I smoothed his hair off his face. It was soft and familiar, like all of him was. Comforting. Barrett would always—right or wrong—shoulder my troubles if he could and never think anything of it. He needed care even though he would never ask for it.
“Barrett,” I whispered in his ear. “Sorry to wake you.”
His eyes fluttered open, and before they cleared, he smiled at me. It was adoring. Then he blinked awake. “What’s up, Sweetheart?” He had the sense to whisper. “You okay?”
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered back. “But I’m hungry. And a little bit dizzy because of it. I don’t want to wander the house alone. Can you help me?”
His nod was fast. “Absolutely.”