Chapter 11 #2
A hand touched my arm, and I managed not to gasp.
It was Rosalind. She smiled at me. In a low voice, she spoke, “I used to love to go into her room and see all her photos. I’m not surprised she picked these to bring.
She has shelves full of them in her room at home.
These are all so early. Except the boys.
” She lifted up that frame and stared at her sons.
What did she remember when she looked at that?
It would be ten years before her life would blow up and change to almost unrecognizable.
Rosalind set it down. “She used to keep them so we could have date nights. It was such a gift. I don’t know if I appreciated it enough at the time.
I think I was selfish and thought it was just what grandmothers should do or something.
My own mother—well, may be best left unsaid.
Anyway, when I look back I should have been dropping to my knees in thanks to Dina. ”
“Well that would have been awkward.” Dina’s voice made us both jump and then Rosalind laughed.
“Leave it to you to hear that.” She took her mother-in-law’s hand. “Did I say thank you enough?”
Dina waved her hand. Even like this, she was still Dina. “More than.” Rosalind laughed as we both turned around. From her bed, Dina spoke again. “You have always been lovely to me. Always.”
She shook her head. “Let’s face it, I haven’t been much of a mother.
Thank god the boys had you.” Rosalind adjusted herself next to the bed.
As I had done so many times in my life, I observed from the outside.
“It’s too late now for me to mother them.
I wish I had let myself fall apart earlier.
If that had happened, maybe I could have been able to handle things better.
Without you? Honestly there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not grateful. ”
She smiled and sat up a bit. “I thought I would be stronger today. Listen to me, the boys may not need you to mother them anymore, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t somebody who could use a little mothering.”
They stared at each other for a second. Who did she mean? I wasn’t usually dense, but I absolutely had no idea.
Rosalind turned in her chair. “Come sit, Alatheia. I interrupted your time. Join us. Please.”
On leaden feet—the kind that only came from wondering if I wasn’t really welcome—I sat by Dina’s bedside.
She met my gaze. “Is that my journal?”
“Yes, I’m trying to read them more quickly. I’ll type it tonight.”
Dina lifted her brows. “You know what I would love? Can you read me some of it? What I wrote? Can you? Maybe that would make me feel like they were here?”
My heart sank. “I would love to more than anything. You may not know this but one of the things about me is that I’m very dyslexic. I can’t read aloud. Not unless I practice a lot beforehand. I really won’t be able to.”
Rosalind let go of Dina’s hand to squeeze mine. “That must be so stressful. In school, I mean. And you had that awful teacher, Ms. Collins. She’s gone now. I heard that in the school’s parent group. Let go permanently.”
“Was that your doing? Or one of you?” It seemed kind of random to have happened otherwise.
“I wish it were us. I think Barrett had Daniel working on it. But I think it was the Monks. I think… I think they are taking some ownership of you before you even get there. That’s something you’ll want to think about.
If I can help you navigate that, let me know.
Dina would be better. I am here. Dina helped me navigate everything. ”
I stared at our joined hands. Rosalind had cursed in what sounded like Cajun the day she had thrown me out of the Hamptons. Out of everyone, she seemed to want me around the least.
“You called me a charity case,” I managed to say. This was probably not the time and place. I couldn’t seem to control myself. “In the Hamptons. I… I have been pretty sure you don’t really like me.”
Dina sat up further. “Oh how awful.”
Tears shone in Rosalind’s eyes. “I am so sorry, Alatheia. I do like you. I should not have said that, and it’s terrible that you had to hear it.
I apologize. Dina was so much more welcoming to me than I have been to you.
I am constantly so afraid, so worried about strangers coming to hurt us.
That’s part of what I have been attempting to deal with.
I have no excuse. Please accept my apology. ”
I supposed I could understand that. Given everything she’d lived through. How could she not be wary? “I don’t… I don’t want anything from your sons except their love. I’m after nothing.”
“I know that.” Her voice was low. “I am so sorry.”
“I forgive you.” I answered her. It was enough already. “Maybe you could read Dina’s journal to her.”
She looked at her mother-in-law. “Would that be okay with you?”
“Yes.” She smiled at both of us but winced.
“Are you in pain?” I could get someone for her.
“Always a little bit and then it gets worse. Now is fine. I may fall asleep. You’ll forgive me?”
Rosalind squeezed my hand tighter which was the only sign that she wasn’t okay. “Rest when you need to.”
I handed her the journal, and she opened it up to the page I indicated.
After a second, Rosalind nodded. “March 16th 1968.”
“Wait.” I stopped her. “That’s a jump of a year. It was just April 1967.”
Dina did her wave. “I started and stopped a lot. You know how it is? Days pass and you think maybe none of what you’re doing is very interesting. Then I would come back to it again for a while. Can you imagine if I wrote every day since 1966?”
I would have loved that. Every day of her thoughts although I supposed that made sense from a real-life perspective. Who would want to read my thoughts? I didn’t even want to think them most of the time.
Rosalind started again. “March 16th 1968. Well, I have decided to write again. Truthfully I haven’t had any reason to put my thoughts down lately.
” In Rosalind’s southern drawl, Dina’s journals sounded much more sophisticated than my own voice in my head.
“The store is doing well. So well that Nathaniel and Ed think we can open a second store in a year. They have been looking at property. Oh, and Robert has grown a mustache. I hate it. But I don’t dare tell him.
He is so proud of that mustache. The other thing about us all doing so well financially is that we are taking a vacation.
Well, their version of a vacation. I might like to see the Grand Canyon. ”
Dina laughed. “Still haven’t.”
Rosalind returned her grin and then kept reading. “But we are instead going to Louisiana to see their mother. I am not kind, but I don’t like their mother, and I doubt I ever will.” Her daughter-in-law lifted her head. “Oof.” That was obviously not part of the journal. Dina would never say oof.
“I wish I could say I was hard on her, but I wasn’t. I may have been too kind.”
I loved how Dina sounded like herself when she said that.
Rosalind went back to reading. “Her initial support of my husbands’ absence has waned.
She wants them home. She doesn’t care what we’re doing here in New York, and she basically blames me for their not returning.
Of course they left before they ever knew me but that is neither here nor there to her.
They aren’t where she wants them. She will not come and visit.
She has no real idea of the store that we are devoting ourselves to and does not wish to know anything about it.
She simply knows that I have not had a baby, something that she feels I should have done by now.
I have seen a doctor. No one knows why I’m not pregnant.
It breaks my heart. Not that I intend to discuss that with her.
If I did, she would just wish harder they had married someone else. ”
Rosalind leaned forward. “Little did you know how many kids you were going to have in such a short period of time. Boom. Boom. Boom. We share that experience.”
“We do.”
Rosalind turned to me. “Don’t ever feel pressure to reproduce from me, Alatheia. That is none of my business.”
“I can’t imagine kids. I’m barely functioning.”
They both laughed like I’d said something funny.
I was being dead serious but that was okay.
Maybe I’d been unexpectedly funny. A noise caught my attention and Phoenix came in.
After leaning his skateboard against the wall, he walked over to us and sat on the floor next to me, putting his head in my lap.
Dina smiled at him, and he gave her one back.
After a second, Rosalind started reading, and I gently petted Phoenix’s soft brown hair. He hadn’t said anything. Maybe he just wanted to listen.
“But we are going. Maybe my good breeding keeps me from really telling them how much I hate their mother. Frankly I’m not sure what they would do.
At least they have no intention of moving back.
I’m not sure I could tolerate it. Sure, we all pretend to be fine when we’re down there, but we really aren’t.
That other side of the lake. They hate us.
I knew it when we visited, but I said nothing.
Not even in here. They hate us. They are as much in the Life as the rest of us, and that isn’t going away.
I think distance is all that can keep us safe.
That kind of hate? It always needs an outlet.
Of that I am sure. But I had better finish up here.
There is an actual war waging in this world not just the one in my head. D.L.”
Rosalind looked up, and I followed her gaze.
Dina had fallen asleep. In a quick moment, the boys’ mother wiped at her eyes.
“She was right. So right.” With a sad smile she handed me back the book.
“I love that you have them. I know you’re typing them up.
But hold on to the journals, too, okay? If you don’t want to, I will keep them. They are a treasure.”
They really were. Phoenix rose quietly and kissed his granny’s cheek. “If you’re still up for it and want to go to Sam’s, we should do that now.”
I was. Yes, that sounded like a good idea. “Rosalind, I would love any help you can give with the Monks.”
She seemed to brighten with that. “How about lunch tomorrow? We never did have lunch.”
“Tomorrow is therapy. Next day?”
She nodded, fast. “Next day.”
Phoenix grabbed his skateboard and led me from the house. I still held onto her journal. “I need to take this back to the house.” I wouldn’t risk anything happening to it, ever.
We walked together. The wind, having picked up when I was inside, blew at my head, and I put the knit cap back on.
It was cold but beautiful. Jeremy had given me my phone, and I had it in my jacket pocket.
I pulled it out. He’d stored everyone’s numbers in it.
His entire family. And one additional—Sally’s.
He had that from when she called him back.
I quickly typed out a text. Wherever you are, I hope it is beautiful. I then took a picture of the lake. It really was pretty. Serene, even in this cold weather.
I went back inside and set down the journal on the table by the door. Upstairs, I could hear the maids working. That was maybe the first time in the course of my time with the Lents that I had ever heard them.
It took just a few seconds and then I met Phoenix back outside. He held up a helmet he must have pulled from somewhere, and he put it on my head. I grinned. “Well, that is one way to cover my hair.”
“Not funny.” He kissed my lips firmly. “No, this is to keep you safe. Jump on the back.” Phoenix indicated his skateboard. We’d done this several times now.
I noticed he wasn’t wearing a helmet. “You need a helmet.”
“I have exactly one. I need to buy one. For now, your brain is more important than mine. Hold on.”
I would have argued with that, but when I stepped onto his board, he took off almost instantly. The driveway was a little bit of a hill. And we flew down it, the wind hitting us like we were flying. I shrieked.