Chapter 12
Sam lived just next door but Phoenix took the long route, winding us in and out of the roads, never quite getting to the house.
I held on tight and eventually, down the driveway to where I presumed we were going because Barrett’s Jeep was on the driveway, we stopped.
I was frozen but so happy. Almost exhilarated.
“Did you pick me because you felt you had to. I mean, I know you love me now. I know you do. And you know how I love you. I am not in doubt of it. But at first? Did you take me because you thought you had to because you had fallen for my brothers?”
I stared at him, his words not registering for a second.
Then they did. He had wanted to have a serious conversation.
This was it. “No, of course not. I fell for you the second you threatened that PI. And then more so when you fell asleep and put your head on my lap. You snored. Oh my gosh, did you snore. You don’t now.
Very quiet. But you hadn’t slept in who knew when and you did right there on my lap in the limo.
Snored. Like you had just been waiting for my lap to sleep on forever.
” I couldn’t close my mouth and stop talking.
It was probably too much. But Phoenix had asked.
“And you have always been this mix of strong and vulnerable. So tough sometimes. So capable and then so soft inside, at least with me. Like maybe you need me too. And, Phoenix, even when you were out of it all of the time, you are so smart. Like you know so many things. I am in awe of you. Did I choose you by default? No. Absolutely not. Even if I had met you all by yourself, I would have chosen you. I’d have had a huge crush on you and never spoken to you because that is what I was doing. ”
“Fuck.” He kissed me. Again and again and again. He had really been worried on this topic. I held on and let him. It was almost like a reclaiming, like he could do that now that he was able to let go of this worry he had that plagued him.
“Hey, I know it’s easy to get lost in her lips but we’re all inside visiting and it’s a little weird without you.” Jeremy called down the driveway and Phoenix stopped, breathing hard.
He rubbed his thumb over my cheek. “I have an addictive personality. That will not come as a surprise to you. And I need your love more than I have ever needed anything. I don’t care if my level of obsession for you is unhealthy.
Okay? I just do.” He whispered in my ear. “I am soft inside. Love you.”
We walked up the driveway together, Phoenix holding his board under his arm. When we reached Jeremy, he kissed me, quickly. “I mean, I can’t blame him for taking the chance to make out with you. I would have done the same.”
There were two homes up the driveway, like the Lents had.
Was that normal for around the lake? I supposed I was going to find out.
Samuel’s family’s homes stood with a kind of elegance against the soft afternoon light.
I hated to think it because it felt disloyal, but they were nicer than the Lents’ houses.
I’d just think it. I would never, ever say it.
The first house had a broad front porch, its white railings framed the doors. The shutters were neatly aligned beside each window, painted a deep green that contrasted beautifully with the light brick exterior.
The bigger house was slightly taller, its windows reflecting the golden glow of the sun on the lake. The trees lining the street swayed slightly in the breeze, their branches casting long shadows over the sidewalk in the winter light.
Maybe it wasn’t that it was prettier than the Lents’ homes. Maybe it was just more readily lived in. There was a sort of coldness to the Lents’ house here that hadn’t been true in the Hamptons and was certainly not true in New York City. Or maybe I was projecting. I was good at that.
“Hey, Jer? ” I asked him before we stepped inside of the bigger of the two houses. “Do you miss Manhattan?”
He really was a city boy. I didn’t know how long he was going to hold out here. He blinked. “Yes. But I missed you more, so I’m good.”
“Really? What if I can never go back?”
He kissed my temple. Wow. He smelled really good. Like sandalwood. I breathed him in. He seemed like he was doing the same to me. “You’re going to be eighteen in less than a year. You can go back then for sure if we can’t figure out something before.”
It wasn’t just me who couldn’t go back right then. Phoenix was doing really well here. Did he ever want to go back? Should he?
I looked at his strong profile. Had he really thought I’d just settled for him?
He turned to me. “Alatheia.” Oh, it was serious if he wasn’t calling me Red. “In that scenario you gave me where you had a crush but wouldn’t speak to me? Yeah, I’d never have let you not speak to me. Why do you think I stole your wallet?”
We stepped inside, my head whirling. Wow.
Okay. I was going to have to mull over that.
But now we were inside of Sam’s house. His very big house with a big gaping chandelier.
But it was the only fancy thing I could see because otherwise it looked like chaos.
Happy chaos. I smiled. This was once what I had imagined having a family looked like.
Three little girls—I didn’t know how old they were— ran through the house shouting, one of them holding a doll in the air like it was a prize she was protecting.
The other two shrieked. In the corner, Jules and Barrett spoke to two guys I didn’t know—they were probably Sam’s brothers.
I didn’t see Sam anywhere until I spotted him across the house standing on the porch by himself.
There were three older men mi lling about— one of them seemed to be picking up toys— and I heard a woman’s voice from the kitchen talking about orange juice.
Phoenix nodded toward the porch. “Be right back.”
He walked quickly toward Sam, and I dropped my gaze. Whatever went on between them wasn’t my business unless he proved to be some kind of liar who was involved in what had happened. But seeing this house? I doubted it. This was a happy family.
“Hey.” One of the guys raised his hand to us. “Jeremy. You found her.”
He put his arm around me. “I’ll always find her.” He looked down at me. “Even if it takes four months. I’m sorry that took so long.”
“Jeremy, it’s okay. I know you were doing everything you could do. It’s okay to let that go.”
“Maybe someday but not yet.”
We walked together toward the crowd, and as we reached them, I took off my hat. It was hot inside. Just better to take it off. The whole town knew what I looked like by now or had heard.
Barrett took my hand. “Alatheia, these are Sam’s older brothers. This is Jadon and Carl.” He motioned to both of them. They looked a lot like Sam, same smile, same facial structure.
“Oh my gosh, what happened to your hair?” A little girl behind me shouted. It was partially a question, partially a shock.
Carl’s eyes widened. “Kelly, you can’t talk like that. It’s not polite.”
“No, it’s okay.” I didn’t have to look at my guys; I could feel how stiff they had gotten. I needed to fix this if we were going to progress. I got down on her level. “I had it shaved. It’s pretty funny looking, right?”
I wasn’t going to tell this eight-year-old—at least I was pretty sure she was eight, maybe nine—what happened to my head.
She grinned and had two dimples. “Yes.”
“Right. So, it’s fuzzy. Want to feel it?”
Her smile broadened when she did. “Do you like it like that?”
“No but it’ll grow back. That’s what hair does.”
That must have satisfied her because she ran back up. I stood up straight. “Hi, I’m Alatheia.”
Jadon opened and closed his mouth. “Do girls like this just fall from the sky in Manhattan? Like for real? How did you manage this woman?”
“No,” all three of them answered together. Julian must not have liked that because he pulled me against his side. I was happy to be there. It was a comfortable place.
“Here we are. Orange juice.” A brightly smiling woman who had gray hair and kind brown eyes exited the kitchen. “Sorry this took so long. Anyone want some juice?”
The girls rushed over, and Carl shook his head. “Thanks, Mom. I think we’re okay over here.”
She walked over to us. “I couldn’t find the juice.
It was all the way in the back of the house.
I swear when Seth unpacks the groceries he puts them in the most random places.
Oh, I’m sorry. I am Kate, you must be Alatheia.
It’s so nice to meet you. Usually we come up for the summer but I guess it was canceled this year? ”
Barrett nodded. “That’s right. Sorry about that.”
Had they canceled it? I guess maybe because we hadn’t been there. They couldn’t have all the kids from here there if their own weren’t going to show up.
She kept talking. “I am so glad y’all finally stopped by.
We look at your houses all the time and just wish you were here more.
Oh, look there is Phoenix with Sam. What a blessing he has been.
” She met my gaze. “I mean really, I don’t know what would happen to Sam now without Phoenix.
It wasn’t going well until he showed up. ”
That was interesting. Sam had been in the rehab program a month longer than Phoenix. I stared out at the porch just as Sam laughed at something Phoenix said.
“Those two. Always thick as thieves.” She sighed. “When they could see each other. Why, I sometimes wonder, what would have happened if we’d been there that summer…”
“Mom,” Jadon interrupted her, his cheeks turning a little pink. “Not appropriate.”
Jeremy held up his hand. “It’s okay. We shouldn’t hide from it like it didn’t happen.” As I knew that was a very un-Jeremy phrase; he had to be playing along on this. “Why weren’t you there? Remind me. I don’t remember. Most of that time is a blur.”
She grabbed his arm. “Of course it is. My mother had been very sick for a year. And she died that week. We were with her.”