Chapter 12 #2
As they couldn’t have faked that, I took a deep breath.
I mean if I wanted to really go down a conspiracy hole I could say that they had used that as a way to not be there, but that was just getting out of hand.
This woman wasn’t a mastermind of Phoenix’s kidnapping and the death of children.
Her husbands, who I hadn’t met, were running about cleaning, and everyone laughed.
I didn’t know what had happened with Sam. That wasn’t my business unless he shared. But, they weren’t it.
She caught her breath. “And you all stopped coming.”
Yes they had. They’d wanted Phoenix and Walter and River dead. Or at least three kids that were there and those were the ones who ended up getting taken. Why? Who had it out for those families? Not this one for sure.
Carl cleared his throat. “So seriously where do we go to find our Alatheia, because I just can’t with the women we know here.”
“There’s no one like Alatheia. ” Julian kissed my head. “Yours will show up. Assuming they want to put up with you.”
That made everyone laugh. I didn’t have an answer, but it was a nice visit. And at least I knew Sam was safe for Phoenix. As much as anyone was for anyone else.
I lay in bed listening to the guys breathe. I couldn’t sleep. Barrett breathed deeply. He was actually closer to the window when he usually slept on the other side. Phoenix was out cold where Barrett would usually be. His face was scrunched up. I couldn’t sleep and he was having a nightmare.
I ran my hands through his soft locks. “It’s just a dream. You’re safe.”
“They’re going to take me to the dark place.” He shook his head.
I hated this nightmare. He had it a lot. I blinked. They were going to take him to the dark place? Why hadn’t I focused on it before? Well, because usually it was about someone trying to take me to the dark place. And it was just about trying to comfort Phoenix. But what was this dark place?
I didn’t want him to get stuck in this dream. But was the dark place… the play? It wasn’t like I could coax him to tell me. It was just something to think about. I moved to face him. “Hey Phoenix, just a dream. It’s over. That time is over. You’re here with me.”
His eyes opened to slits before immediately closing again, but he didn’t look like he was in pain. That was good. How often did that happen when I didn’t know? He worried about so many things. Did the others?
This time I turned to Barrett. He wasn’t having trouble sleeping. You would think after the night I’d had the night before not sleeping that tonight I could. I flopped onto my stomach. This just fucking sucked. Was this going to be a thing now?
I had therapy first thing in the morning.
My pillow was hot. I flipped it over to the cooler side.
Barrett tugged me to him, not awake. My flopping was probably bothering him.
I scooted out of the bed and walked into the bathroom.
Quickly, I used it, making note that my spotting had stopped. Most of the cramping had too.
I didn’t want to wake anyone. It wasn’t like I needed help.
They couldn’t turn off my brain. I walked through the house, touching things as I went.
I still hadn’t seen Barrett, Julian, or Jeremy’s rooms. I wasn’t going to go in and just enter without their permission.
They’d tell me it was fine, only it wasn’t. It was kind of rude.
When I got downstairs, I flipped on the light in the living room and grabbed the journal from where I had left it.
May 1st 1968
Well, we are at the Lake. Maybe that is a good thing.
It feels like the world has exploded. Since the last time I wrote, Martin Luther King has been assassinated.
Is everything going to blow up? I have to write it here because I find that if I start to get too low, my husbands get very concerned.
If it’s possible to over care about someone’s mood, they do when it comes to me.
But oh how I love them. I love them enough to come to this place and be insulted by their mother every other minute.
I wish that was an exaggeration.
Nathaniel has noticed and started to stop her.
He keeps trying to talk to me about it but there are some things it’s just better to keep inside.
At least for me. Lately when I sleep I am dreaming about my uncle.
I haven’t seen him since I ran away. It’s doubtful I would run into him, so I would love to know why I am thinking about him at all.
Ed took me rowing on the lake. It is beautiful here.
Even though I hate it. We ran into another group of boaters.
One woman took one look at Ed and me and started weeping.
I didn’t understand it, and it wasn’t until later that he sheepishly confessed that she had wanted to marry them.
They’d known her their whole lives and maybe at some point one or the other of them had liked her but never for very long and promises had never been made.
At least not by them. Their mothers might be a different matter.
It had to be really hard when you were expected to live this life to have what you thought would happen be ripped away from you.
When I’d asked Ed if he had liked her, he adamantly told me he never had. Maybe he’s lying. I’m going to let him get away with it.
That seems like a box even Pandora doesn’t want to open.
I am letting my mother-in-law think that I’m taking birth control. I’m not. But I’m not pregnant. No reason. No explanation. Just no baby. Perhaps I’m not meant to be a mother. I don’t know if I’d be a very good one.
DL
I closed the book as my eyes drifted closed. The couch wasn’t that comfortable, but I didn’t care.
“Hey. ” Phoenix smoothed the hair off my head. “Why did you sleep down here?”
I smiled at him. Early morning sun came through the window. “Came down to read, and I guess I drifted off.”
He hugged me to him, and I breathed in the essence that was Phoenix. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” he whispered in my ear. “The others aren’t up yet. But it’s time. You aren’t sleeping well. You should tell Kirk that. He might be able to help you. In any case, he should know.”
Phoenix obviously did not have the problem I did with using Dr. Trevor’s first name. He was right nonetheless. “I’ll get up.”
“I’ll make coffee. We can have a minute like we used to at home.”
That was right. Before school it was all just Phoenix and me after Barrett left. Except the one time that Julian had stayed home and Phoenix had not been happy.
“What are we going to do about school? I mean… when they arrested me, my family had turned my whole life into proof I was a bad person. Do you think they could do that because I’m currently not in school?”
He shook his head. “They don’t get a say if you’re in school.
That’s Monk business now, and as far as I can tell, Daisy Monk is leaving it be for the moment.
But we should probably just be in school because education is important.
Do you want to enroll in an online school?
We could do it together. Sit next to each other and not have to put up with people like Collins and crazy classmates. ”
I hadn’t thought about my friendships from Pullman. “How are the people there that I left? Any idea?”
“No. But Jeremy might. I’m totally checked out of there right now in my mind. Pretty sure Jules is too since he is also done, and Barrett graduated. So, yeah, ask Jeremy. He just knows things.”
He brewed coffee, and I sat listening to the grinding sound as the aroma filled the room.
“Hey, you two.” Barrett came in rubbing his eyes. “How did I miss both of you getting up?”
“She didn’t sleep with us. Found her on the couch this morning.” Phoenix yawned.
I winced. “Can’t sleep. I’m going to tell the doctor this morning.”
Barrett drew me into a hug. “You know what I’m going to say, right?”
“Yes. Wake you. But my insomnia need not be your insomnia.”
He laughed. “You sounded just like Gretchen then. Time to start the Poor Relation back up?”
I caught my breath. I really had. “Maybe.”
The idea had been inconceivable yesterday, but maybe today… yes, maybe I would put something together later.
“The Real Deal has been aching for her. She could come home.” Phoenix smiled as he handed me a coffee.
“She doesn’t have a home. Not really.” I sipped my coffee. That tasted good. Phoenix did know how I liked my coffee.
This was such an easy, happy moment. Barrett shrugged. “Then maybe it’s time to give her one. You have one.”
“She was never entirely me.” I had always held that belief.
“No, she wasn’t, but she was kind of you.” Phoenix drank his coffee and handed one to Barrett. “She can still be the Poor Relation. She’s what happens next to her.”
That was something to think about for sure. There was no movement upstairs that I could hear. “The twins are really out of it.”
“They are.”
So out of it they continued to snore when I dressed and left the room. Barrett was waiting for me, and Phoenix sat by the window looking out, holding his coffee. “See you in a bit.”
It felt weird not to say good morning or goodbye to the twins, so I shot them good morning and goodbye over texts and jumped in the car with Barrett. We got to the clinic, and he leaned over to kiss me.
When his lips met my own, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy, fast peck.
No, and not because of Barrett, but because I really wanted to kiss him.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on.
Barrett quickly got the idea and caressed my mouth with his own.
He sighed against me before he slipped his tongue into my mouth.
It was like our tongues danced together.
Barrett moaned. I loved that sound. I knew a little bit more what exactly that meant, and I loved that he felt that way.
Finally, he pulled back and sank into his seat, panting.
My own heart raced. “Fuck. I mean. Thank you. I am going to be… really excited all day now.” He ran his thumb down my cheek.
“I love you. But if you don’t get out of the car, I’m going to keep you here kissing you all day and you have to go to therapy. It’s important.”
I tilted my head. “Kissing you might be better therapy.”
He groaned. “Go.”
I bit my lip. “Soon, Barrett. Okay?”
He would know what I meant, and the intake of his breath told me he did. I meant it too, which was amazing.
The cool air bit me as I left the car, and I realized I hadn’t brought my knit hat. Well, my forgetfulness was going to mean that my head was cold most of the day. I hoped Dr. Trevor could be trusted. Sam had proven to be fine. But what happened now?
And why did I think I could suddenly become Detective Alatheia? I could barely pass school.
I went inside to his office. This time I knew where I was going and didn’t have to be walked. Lily had the window open and waved to me when I entered. I quickly took a seat. Was this supposed to feel this stressful? Shouldn’t I be glad for therapy? What the fuck was wrong with me?
The door opened and Dr. Trevor walked in. “Alatheia, right on time. I love that. Or is that Barrett’s doing? He definitely has Kit’s sense of punctuality.”
I smiled. “I think I’d have been early if Barrett had his way today.” I’d waylaid us in the car. “But I was up on time to be here on time.”
He motioned for me to come and I did. We were back in his office, and I sat down. Everything was the same. That was kind of nice.
“Today ” —he sat down— “ I’d like to talk to you about an idea I have for how we can progress.”
Uh-oh.