Chapter 13
Imanaged not to pull my knees up and lay my head on them. Instead, I stayed very still. “Like what?”
“You sound terrified.” He didn’t move. “Are you?”
I nodded. “Yes. All of this is just so scary for me. I don’t know why. But I have to remember to tell you that I’m not sleeping. I had a panic attack almost all night two nights ago, and last night I just couldn’t sleep. Finally read myself to sleep on the couch.”
He leaned back in his chair. “That’s not surprising to me. Not at all. Don’t forget among other things that you have been through you are going through a drug withdrawal. Now I haven’t seen any signs of you missing the injections they were giving you. Are you? You can tell me if you are.”
Missing them? “I’ve never been so relieved to not have something in my whole life.”
“Right, but for example, a drug addict might be relieved when they finally get through detox but inevitably also miss it. There are reasons for this. If you’re not, it could be because what was happening to you wasn’t so much an addiction as a medical trauma.”
I supposed that made sense in some ways. “I’ll for sure tell you if I want to use something. What I’d really like to be able to do is go to sleep.”
“I’m going to suggest some things for that. But I also want to talk to you about something called EMDR. It can help people deal with trauma. I think it would be a good fit for you.”
I took a deep breath. “So like dealing with the way that they took me?”
“Sure. That will come into play, but I think, don’t you, that isn’t the start of your trauma? Where do you think it started?”
I just wasn’t sure. “There have been a lot of things I guess we could call trauma. I mean my teacher was awful to me. A girl drugged me.”
He looked at me with kind eyes. “Further back. What started all of this?”
What started it? My hands started to shake. It was getting harder and harder not to do the knee thing. “Um, my mother died. I was eleven. My mother died. My dad died too, but I can’t really remember. I’m blocked or something.”
“That’s right. We’ll start with what you do know. Your mother died. And I think maybe it’s time for your brain to come to terms with that.”
I looked down. “I knew I was going to hate this.”
“For a while, probably.”
No one was waiting to pick me up when I came out. That was so strange. I looked at my phone and there weren’t any messages. I quickly texted the group but didn’t hear anything. Okay. Well… as I looked around the parking lot I realized I didn’t have a lot of choices. I was going to have to walk.
It was several miles, but I’d walked longer.
At least it was pretty. About a minute into my trek I really wished I had my hat.
But I put my head down, grateful I had the coat Julian had gotten me.
Even though it wasn’t icy, the ground felt cold even through my sneakers. I should probably get some boots.
Cars passed me but none of them were Barrett in his Jeep. What bothered me more than walking—it was a good idea to get some exercise particularly after feeling like I had been trapped in the room with Dr. Trevor—was that something was wrong. No one answering their phone?
Was it Dina? It had to be Dina.
A van pulled up next to me. It was white. I gasped. What was happening? I had a very bad feeling about this. I didn’t have a great history with vans. The door slid open from the inside and two hooded people rushed toward me.
Oh fuck. I was right. This was a kidnapping.
Or something else bad. They rushed toward me, and I tried to run, but one of them got a hold of my arm.
Okay. No, I dragged my feet. I’d never learned to fight.
That was obviously a big fucking problem.
I lifted my leg and kicked whoever it was right in the shin.
They fought back and a second person grabbed me.
No, I wasn’t going easily. I wasn’t. If this was related to Phoenix, or fuck, my own family, I didn’t care. I wasn’t. No. No. No.
I fought as hard as I could until a second set of screeching tires arrived. I didn’t look up. If this was my doom, I was too busy trying to prevent it to look it in the eye.
“Hey,” came the shouts. It was Barrett. Jeremy. I couldn’t see. Someone grabbed me by the waist and my kicking wasn’t going to help.
There were shouts and yells. Bodies in the way of the people trying to take me. Finally I was loose and the van skidded away so fast the tires screamed on the pavement.
I would have hit the ground if Jeremy hadn’t caught me. “Princess. Oh my god. I’ve got you. Shit.”
Barrett touched my cheek. “You’re okay. I can’t believe…”
I didn’t hear what he said. I’d never been a fainter, and I had fought as hard as I could, but it was too much. I collapsed right there in Jeremy’s arms. The world just went black.
I walked with my mother. She held my hand and we stared at the lake. “I would have liked it here. I wish I knew places like this existed.”
This was a dream. She was long dead. Unless… I was dead? “Am I dead? I knew I would see you when I died.”
She met my gaze, her green eyes so similar to mine. I must have gotten them from her. I’d never thought about it. Tricia’s were the same. But they looked different.
“Do you think you’re dead?”
I thought about it. No, I really didn’t. “I’m dreaming.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” We walked again, but she stopped.
“Alatheia, I ran from two of the most powerful families in Manhattan. I hid you from the world. I survived and didn’t touch millions of dollars to keep you safe.
I adapted and tried and tried and tried.
Do you think I did all of that to overdose on drugs? Does that sound right to you?”
It really didn’t. The wind picked up, blowing my hair off my face. “Is this happening because Dr. Trevor told me I haven’t processed your death?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
I sat up, gasping for breath. “Hey, easy. Easy.” It was Jeremy. I was still in his arms on the street.
Okay. I’d fainted. But not for very long. Barrett knelt down in front of me. He was pale and his gaze was strained, angry. At me?
“Thank fuck we got here.” He looked at Jeremy. “Are you okay?”
“Are you… mad at me?”
He blinked. “What? No. I’m mad at whoever that was. And I’m terrified about what could have happened to you. We were late because we were with Granny and had our phones in our pockets and on silent. We didn’t mean to be late. I am so sorry.”
“This is not your fault.” A thought dawned on me, and I tried to sit up. “I’m… I might be in shock, but I’m okay. But, you know what?”
Jer kept smoothing his hand over my forehead. “What? I… I can’t think right now, I’m sorry. I just almost lost you.”
“The second one who came out to grab me just as you got here, he stank. Like bourbon.”
They both stared at me and Barrett finally spoke in a low voice. “Anyone think that’s a coincidence?”
“No,” Jeremy and I answered together.
He looked up at his older brother. “We have to get out of here. They told us to leave. I can’t have Alatheia taken. I can’t. I just can’t.”
“You think I can?” Barrett looked at the street. “We’re always in twos. That’s how this is going to go. We can’t leave. The doctors are here. Granny can’t be moved. She really took a turn today, Sweetheart. Afterward, we’ll talk about leaving.”
I shook my head. “They came for Phoenix in the Hamptons. You think that there is anywhere we could go we wouldn’t be looking over our shoulders? We stay.” I was the one who had just almost been taken. I had to say this. “We must be making them very nervous by simply existing here.”
Barrett picked up his phone. “I’m calling Kit. Then I’m taking you two home and going back for Phoenix who is still at the clinic. None of us are walking anywhere.”
Jeremy nodded and closed his eyes, leaning his head against mine. It seemed like he was taking a lot of deep breaths. Finally, he opened his eyes. “Barrett, teach me to drive this car.”
“You don’t have a license.” We all rose as Barrett spoke, heading toward his Jeep. That was when I noticed Jeremy’s hand. It was bleeding.
I took it in my hand. “You hurt yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess I did. I punched one of them. I don’t care that I don’t have a license. Teach me, and I’ll get a license later. I need to be able to get to her in a car if you’re not available.”
Barrett nodded. “Sure.”
“Good.” Jer looked me up and down. “I saw you kicking them hard. Good job. Really proud of you.”
Something they said finally hit me. Dina had taken a turn. “How bad is she?”
“It’s soon. That’s what the nurse told us. Soon. She was pretty much asleep the whole time we were with her.” Kit must have picked up because Barrett stopped talking to us and spoke to the phone. “Someone just tried to grab Alatheia off the street. No, I’m not kidding. Why would I be kidding?”
I leaned on Jeremy as he walked me to the Jeep. “You just saved my life.”
“I can’t think about it. I can’t even believe this just happened.
We’re in this god-forsaken place so you can heal, so Phoenix can get support, and we’re supposed to be safe here.
Safe from discovery. That’s what they always say.
” He was shouting by the end. “You could be in this kind of trouble at home.”
Barrett jumped in the driver’s seat. “Come on. We’re going.”
I leaned against the back of the seat. My head started to pound. “I really don’t feel well. It’s been a long day.”
“It’s ten in the morning.” Barrett winced. I could see it in the rearview mirror from where I sat in the back with Jeremy. He hadn’t let go of me.
“Fuck,” Jer said again, banging his head into the back of the seat so hard it vibrated.
I looked over at him. “Don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself.”
He met my gaze, there was so much unexpressed rage in his stare I wasn’t sure how he didn’t explode. “You are covered in dirt and scraped up. Can you even feel it yet?”
I looked down at myself. Oh, I sure was. “I have fingernail marks on me.” They were going to hurt. “That’s gross.”