Chapter 17
Ihadn’t expected the beach to look so quiet, so impossibly still.
The cold had swept across the sand like a hush, leaving everything dusted in white—snow clinging to the rooftops, the paths, even the edges of the bay.
I walked toward the house, wishing I had boots, my sneakers pressing deep into the packed sand, my breath fogging just enough to feel the bite in the air.
The house loomed in a way it hadn’t in summer—less like a backdrop and more like something ancient and watching.
Or maybe I just felt that way because I knew what was coming.
Phoenix was going to remember. It would be dark.
Like the estate looked right now. The windows were dark in the main house, and the little houses—their g ranny’s and the guest house—closer to the trees looked almost shy, tucked into the snow like they didn’t want to be seen.
Like we didn’t want to be seen. The staff had come in and set up the guest house for us.
The last time I’d been here I had stayed in their granny’s house.
But now no one wanted to go inside of it.
Her death was too close right now. Like setting foot in her place would overwhelm us with it.
We’d eaten dinner and climbed into bed quietly, hardly saying anything after we arrived.
With the guys still asleep, I had crept outside to watch the sunrise over this scene.
I couldn’t sleep. Everything was just… too much.
Inside, there’d be silence. No slamming doors or music bouncing from the kitchen where the chefs were working.
The fridge was stocked, but we were left to cook it, which was fine by me.
Still, it was strange to be here in all of this nothingness.
Just the echo of empty rooms and the trace of summer still clinging to the curtains like memory even though it was months ago.
I hadn’t spent much time here, having been thrown out before summer had really gotten started.
But, I’d thought of it like that. The Hamptons.
This place. Their granny had hated it here.
Still, she’d come every summer to be with her family.
The guys were okay with not doing that anymore. I might be too.
This place was terrible in its beauty.
I stood at the bottom of the porch, unsure if I wanted to step inside or stay here a moment longer—this quiet, frozen version of the house that only existed in the off-season. It was beautiful, in a lonely sort of way.
Julian came through the door, staring at me for a long second. “If you’re going to go walking in the snow, you need to at least wear a coat and a hat. Some better shoes.”
I did have clothes. I hadn’t packed myself, but someone had. My bag lay unopened on the living room floor, surrounded by the others. Inside, it smelled like the fireplace. Someone had lit a fire.
“Which one of you knew how to light a fire?”
I stepped toward Julian’s open arms and let his warmth fill my body. He was right, of course. But I wasn’t feeling like being smart about the weather. “I just wanted to see it. For a moment. In stillness. Or something.”
He pressed our foreheads together. “You couldn’t sleep because I was snoring, right?”
“Not that. I don’t even hear the two of you snoring anymore. It just sounds like home to me.”
He rocked me with his laugh. “Love you. And to answer your question, apparently Phoenix knows how to make a fire. He doesn’t remember how he learned, but he knows how to do it.”
“Yeah, I’m slightly concerned that there are going to be a lot of things in my life like this. Like I know something but how I know is a bit of a blur.”
Julian let go of me, and I hugged Phoenix. “Well, that has to be weird. But I am really glad you made this fire.”
“Me too.” He nodded. “It’s going to start to snow again, so I’m going to wait to go on my let’s-find-where-they-held-me quest until tomorrow when I think the weather report is better.”
That sounded like a plan. I didn’t see Jeremy or Barrett. Maybe they were both still sleeping. “What got you two up?”
“Cold where you were supposed to be.” Julian sat down on the couch; he patted the spot next to him, and I sat on it. They had been who I had been cuddling with the night before. “I’m sorry. I just… needed to see this place in the winter.”
Phoenix threw himself down next to me. “That’s okay. You aren’t trapped in bed because we happen to be asleep. Although, wait, what am I talking about? I completely want you trapped in bed.”
I laughed, throwing my head back, which made them both grin.
The fire crackled in the fireplace. It flickered quietly, its orange glow painting soft shadows on the wooden walls.
This house had less stone everywhere than their granny’s had.
In the hush of early morning, the world outside that I’d just traipsed through to get a look at things, felt miles away—snow whispering against glass, the cold nowhere to be found in our little room.
They’d built the rooms smaller in here than the other houses too.
There were more of them and they were each tinier in size.
How had they made these decisions? Would that be in the diaries?
I watched the flames twist and climb. The crackle and snap of burning wood filled the silence between us. Julian played with a piece of my hair, tugging it as he too stared at the fire.
Phoenix sighed. “Other situations I might be scared to wake up and find you gone but I know, at least for now, no one is here who would want to hurt you.” He rubbed his chin.
“Then again I guess I am going to have to get over myself. You went around New York with no trouble. In fact, half the time I didn’t know what was going on, so I couldn’t have helped you even if you’d needed help.
And you got sent away because of me, which just illustrates the point so, yeah, go ahead and do as you like. Ignore me. “
I shook my head. “Phoenix, you also saved me when I got hit by the PI and chased him down and threatened to hit him with your skateboard. So, you showed up a lot for me, too.”
Julian frowned. “I need to be more heroic.”
“You are plenty heroic. What you need to be doing more of is writing.” I smiled at him.
“No, Baby, the person who needs to be writing and creating is you.” He leaned toward me. “Time to pick back up the Poor Relation?”
Now there was a thought. With everything… I just hadn’t. But should I?
“Hey,” Jeremy called down to us from the top of the stairs. “Why didn’t anyone wake me? I don’t want to miss fireside chats with Alatheia.” He was half asleep. I could tell from the way he ran his words together. “Is there coffee? Who made the fire?”
I got up. “I’ll make it.”
The guys weren’t particularly wonderful in the kitchen. It came from years of not having to be. No one had ever taught them to cook, and probably they would go their whole lives without having to do it. I blinked. Would I be with them the rest of their whole lives?
“I can make it.” Phoenix yawned.
He could. Truthfully, they could all use the coffee maker. That much they could handle. And probably I could teach them some basic meals. They’d all attempted things like eggs and easy things for me.
I rubbed his arm. “I’m more awake than you. I’ll make it.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t sleep.” Julian sighed.
Jer came downstairs the rest of the way. “She didn’t sleep?”
“Not much, ” I answered. “Don’t stress about it. New place. Lots on my mind. Whatever.”
I fiddled in the kitchen, eventually making coffee and turning on the oven to cook bacon. If they wanted something else, I would make it. I heard footsteps before arms came around me from behind. It was Barrett. I leaned against him.
“Morning.” I smiled. “Coffee is almost ready.”
He nudged me. “You obviously didn’t sleep okay.”
“Does anyone sleep okay? Ever?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Probably some people do. I mean, I don’t really know any, but yeah.” I lifted my mouth to kiss his chin.
“Move so I don’t accidently burn you if I spill this.” I paused. That had sounded more pushy than I’d meant it to. “Please.”
He had already let go by the time I said please, and he winked at me. “Might be worth it to get burned to get to hold onto you.”
Barrett was so sweet. I doubted anyone outside of our household would know that, but he really was.
I poured coffee and turned to him. “Hey, when you are a little bit more awake, can you play the piano? You haven’t been playing since we got back together.
” There had been a piano in the other house, but he hadn’t used it.
In Manhattan, when he wasn’t busy, he tended to just be on it playing quietly in the background of every day, like he lost himself in the music.
He blinked, taking his coffee cup when I offered it. “Sure. I… I guess I sort of lost it when they took you away. I haven’t wanted to play since. I’m not some kind of great musician, as you know. I just like it. I want to help real musicians.”
Well… there he was. This was the Barrett who had been missing since my return. He had been too busy taking care of all of us to talk about what he wanted. “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
He leaned over to whisper in my ear. “The fact that you could even think that is such a gift.”
Phoenix came in. “Hey—oh is that mine? Thank you—” He picked up his coffee cup. “Let’s register for school. Want to?”
I stared at him. “Like in the public school here?” Was there one? I had no idea. I supposed there had to be. People did live here all year round.
“No.” He shook his head. “That’s not a terrible idea, but I don’t want you out in public until you’re feeling better about things so that if it gets back to someone we don’t want seeing you yet that you’re out, you can withstand their presence.
I mean, unless you really want to? I meant online. We could go to school online.”