Chapter 10 #2
"Because it will only make things harder. As soon as I can arrange it, my mother and Fiona will be leaving Daire forever. We will have to alter the course of our escape a bit, take them to my uncle's, where they will be cared for."
Caitlin's mouth fell open in dismay. "I cannot imagine your mother ever leaving this place! It would destroy her! And as for Fiona, I think she would rather die than step a foot beyond Daire's boundaries."
"That may be so, but I will not let her get herself killed because of it! They cannot survive here alone, and there is not enough time for me to make things right so that they can stay."
"Fiona spoke of a cow. Perhaps—"
"Curse that infernal cow! Aye, and my sister with it!
Can neither of you understand? There is no time!
If I were to wager, knowing Conn as I do, I would bet that by the time the full moon rises again, the chieftain will realize something is amiss.
He is more clever than you know. I have fought my whole life to win this new name.
When I do not return to Glenfluirse to claim it, Conn will grow uneasy.
Conn might send the warriors out in peace to find me, or he might entrust them with the quest I was on—tell them of you, that you are supposed to be dead.
Which, I cannot say. But he will send his warriors out to search.
Men who have secretly hated me. Envied me for years because the chieftain showed me such favor.
If a band of those warriors finds us here, Caitlin, do you know what would happen? "
Her shoulders stiffened. "I am not a complete innocent!"
"You think not? I promise you, sheltered and beloved as you were, you cannot even begin to imagine what vengeance they would take! On my stubborn curse of a sister. On my mother, even dazed as she is. Aye, Lily Fair, and on you. Especially upon you."
Ice flowed through Caitlin's veins. "Nay," she whispered, shaking her head. "I cannot believe—"
"I thought you trusted me."
She winced at the bitter edge to his voice.
"If ever once you have believed me, lady, believe me when I tell you this.
" Niall's eyes narrowed. "There are things far worse than the quick, clean blow of a sword.
And if one of those men—just one—guessed what you have made me feel—" His mouth twisted with a pain that surprised her. He spun away, trying to hide it.
What had she made him feel for her? Compassion?
Pity? Or had the passion that swept through her affected him as deeply?
A tingling sensation started in her chest, terrifying and delighting her.
She dared to lay her hand upon the rigid muscles of his back, felt the heat of him, smelled the wild fragrance of meadow wind and horse and a slight tang of sweat.
"Niall, I am not afraid."
"I am afraid for you!" He wheeled, his hands driving back into the curls at her temples, his eyes afire. He was close, so close his breath heated her lips, and she could taste the wondrous flavor of them, hot with barely leashed passion as they had been the night he had kissed her.
Hunger pulsed through her, and she waited, breathless with the need for Niall to close the space between them, take her mouth with his. His eyes should have burned her, his lips parting, moving ever so slightly toward hers, but at the last instant, he jerked away with a savage curse.
"Do not look at me like that! As if I could tame every dragon that ever breathed fire! Can you not see your own future now? You will be hiding from Conn forever, looking over your shoulder, wondering who might be carrying his blade to kill you!"
"As long as you are with me, no blade will ever strike."
"I cannot hold back an army, Caitlin, even if I wanted to!" His face contorted. "When Conn learns the truth of what I have done, being with me might put you, my mother, and Fiona in even greater danger!"
"What do you plan to do?" she asked.
"I will take all three of you north to Mother's people. Whatever happens next, Fiona and my mother will be far from Daire when Conn's men return here."
"Will we remain there as well?"
Niall gave a bitter laugh. "You think Conn's warriors cannot ride north? I have thought about it every night since I betrayed my chieftain. I will take you across the sea to Iona, find a place for you there, safe, well hidden. Make certain you will be cared for."
The beginnings of a smile curved her lips, so tender, so trusting, it twisted like a dagger in Niall's heart. "Conn will not find us there," she agreed, agonizingly certain he could keep her safe.
"I will not remain in Iona." Niall's hands curled into fists.
"Oh, I—I see," Caitlin said softly. Disappointment shadowed her face, and Niall felt a quick, hot terror at how much it affected him. What had the woman thought when he had kissed her? That they had sealed some sort of lovers' vow?
"I will return to Ireland, go before my chieftain," Niall bit out, wanting to drag a shield between him and this soft-eyed woman. "I will make certain he believes you are dead."
Hope sparked in those fairy-blue eyes, eyes that could still dream of happily-ever-after, no matter how much ugliness they had seen. "Then you will be able to gather up the threads of your old life. Go on as before."
"Do you think I could do that? Look every day into my chieftain's face, knowing I had lied?
" How long would it take before his own conscience betrayed him?
Before Conn looked into his face, realized the truth?
For an instant, he imagined kneeling before Conn, confessing his betrayal, facing whatever retribution would await him.
There was a cold, clean comfort in it—retribution in a warrior's realm, far from Caitlin's world of compassion and courage, from braving emotions far more dangerous than any executioner's sword.
"Niall, what will you do?" Caitlin's voice trembled.
"I will refuse the honorable name Conn offers, refuse any reward. I will leave Glenfluirse forever."
"Exile yourself? But where will you go?"
Niall squared his shoulders, looked out the arrow slit, to the world beyond he could barely see. "It does not matter. No matter how far I wander, I will never escape the truth. I am forsworn."
Words sprang to Caitlin's lips, words of comfort, words defending him for the mercy he had shown her.
Words about honor, the real meaning of courage—what it meant to be a true hero, not some imaginary perfect figure, without breath or life or flaws to be overcome, one who risked everything to save someone innocent.
Instead of speaking, she stood in his shadow, silent, her heart aching.
Nothing she could say to this man would ever take away the burning wound of broken vows, of lies from lips that had only spoken truth, of betraying not only his chieftain but everything Niall had fought so hard to believe about himself.
Tears stung Caitlin's eyes. The vision of this brave, generous man wandering the world alone was more than she could bear.
He had sacrificed the only world he had ever known for her.
The least she could do was make certain Niall had a life to come back to once this ordeal was over.
She would breathe life into Castle Daire, bind the wounds tearing apart his family.
She would leave him a gift in exchange for all he had sacrificed for her.
A home, and someone to love him when this last bitter quest was done.