Chapter 16 #3
Only a little bemused by her daughter's strange reaction, Aniera gathered up the orphan. "It was joy made Fiona weep." Aniera tried to comfort her son. "She will tell you herself when she returns." Then, cuddling the calf close, she disappeared into the castle, singing an off-key lullaby.
Niall's blood chilled with foreboding in the dreadful silence left behind. Nay, it had not been joy that sent his sister running into the night sobbing.
"I do not understand," he said, unable to bear the clutching stillness at last. "I was sure the calf would please Fiona, and you... you would be satisfied to stay here at Daire with me."
"I want it more than life," Caitlin confessed so raggedly Niall dared to feel a faint reawakening of hope.
"Then why do you look at me thus, as if your heart were bleeding?"
She turned her face to the shadows, and Niall knew a moment of panic, as if she were somehow melting into the hills, bleeding into the land itself like the Tuatha de Danaan. "There is something you must know," she began slowly. "Something happened today that changes things."
"Fiona up to some sort of mischief? Nothing we cannot sort out together, I am certain."
"I wish... hope that somehow we may."
"What is it, alannah?” Niall chuckled to fight off his unease. "Has she pierced the water skins with that spear I made for her? Has she dumped ashes on some poor wayfarer's head? Tonight I feel as if I could mend anything."
"This you cannot. And yet, if only there could be a way to—to make things right."
"What is it, my love? Tell me. Trust me." He cupped her cheeks in his rough warrior's hands, feeling as if she were as insubstantial as moonlight and as impossible to hold.
"The cow Fiona wanted..." Caitlin began.
"Aye, she was worse than a demon, tormenting me about it, and now she has one. A bit small, I admit, but give it time, and it will grow."
"Niall, she—she took it."
"She what?"
"She thought it was her right. Gormley had stolen so much from Daire. Fiona only thought she was taking back a piece of what was hers."
Niall felt a flare of heat in his belly, that creeping sensation of disaster about to fall down on his head.
A sensation he would forevermore associate with his sister.
"Tell me Fiona did not steal that cow!" he demanded, as if his own temper could keep it from being so.
"Does the little fool have any idea what would happen to her if anyone discovered what she had done?
Where the devil is the beast? I will drive it back across Daire's borders before anyone realizes—"
"It is too late. This—this loathsome man, Gormley, he came to Daire, ready to drag her off. God only knew what he planned to do to her."
Niall mustered a wan smile. "But the girl got away from him. Aye, Fiona would find a way to wriggle out of catastrophe. Thank the sea god she is as resourceful as she is infuriating. I will go to Gormley tomorrow, make amends so the girl is out of trouble."
He chuckled, but there was little mirth in him. He shuddered to think what Fiona might have brought down on Daire. "Tell me, Lily Fair, what do you think it will cost me to pull one small sister out of the flames?"
"A gold bracelet."
Niall jerked around to stare into Caitlin's face. His blood turned to ice. "What the devil do you mean by that?"
Was it possible for Caitlin's face to grow whiter still? "Fiona hid the cow in one of the abandoned rooms in the back of the castle. Gormley found it." She turned away. "I traded my bracelet for Fiona's freedom."
"Tell me he did not see you," Niall pleaded, knowing it was impossible.
Caitlin nodded.
"Nay!" Niall cried out. "I warned you to keep out of sight!"
"I feared that he would kill her. What choice did I have? Even if it costs me everything I have ever dreamed of... a life with you. Your love... even then, I cannot regret what I did. You cannot regret it."
"Aye, I can!" Niall raged. "I can curse the little thief to hell for it! Why could she not have waited? Just one day more—"
"She was afraid. Afraid of losing Daire. Afraid of trusting you."
"And now you—you are defending her?" Niall cried in disbelief.
"Can you not see, Caitlin? Your bracelet is gone, the only treasure you had from your parents.
But we have lost more than that. We cannot stay here now.
If Conn should ever see that bracelet, hear Gormley's story, he'll know the truth. Daire is lost to us."
She reached out, touched his face, her fingers trembling against his skin.
"But we still have each other. Fiona will get over losing Daire in time.
And your mother will be comforted by her love for you.
I meant what I said. I will follow you wherever you lead.
Aye, to hell itself, as long as you are at my side. "
Niall bellowed a black oath. "You think I would condemn you to such a fate, loving you the way I do? Hunted? Afraid? Chased through the night like a beleaguered doe?"
"But I would not be afraid. I would be with you."
"Nay." Niall drew back, his mind spinning with improbable plans, thick panic roiling in his gut. "There is only one thing to do. I must get you as far from me as possible."
"Nay! I will not—" Caitlin protested, but he scarce heard her.
"Soon as someone sees Fintan's bracelet and hears Gormley's boasting, the tale will travel back to Conn.
Conn will know I have lied to him," Niall reasoned.
"He will guess I would guard you, defend you.
He will still want your death, but he will hunt more fiercely to silence me.
Keep me from betraying the truth—that he ordered me to murder you, Fintan's daughter.
That he broke his vow to your father. When he finds me, and he will, Caitlin, by your God, he will—"
"Nay! Niall—"
He could feel her shattering inside, whatever remained of the dreams in her eyes turning into sharp fragments.
Out of love, he did what he swore he would never do.
He lied to her, his voice gentling. "Perhaps he will not find me.
But I cannot let that matter. I will do what I have to do.
Take Mother and Fiona north as planned. Settle you in Iona.
And then I will do all in my power to lead Conn and his dogs away from you.
Leave a false trail to madden them. Then—" He stopped, trying to spare her.
"Then what, Niall?" she quavered.
I will let them run me to ground in some far-off land where they can never find you, Niall thought bleakly.
She clutched at his arm. "Niall, let me come with you! I beg of you. I would wander Ireland with no other shelter but your mantle and count myself the most fortunate woman on earth."
"Caitlin—"
"I would rather have whatever time God gives us together, no matter how brief, than live to be old without you."
For an instant, a wild, desperate madness took hold of Niall's heart. He wanted to snatch Caitlin up onto his horse, to ride away into the night wind. He wanted to seize the impossibly precious gift of whatever time they had left.
It took more strength than he had ever expended to shove that last chance away. He turned his back on her, unable to bear her suffering.
"It is finished, Caitlin," he rasped. "This is why I never dared to dream. No matter how beautiful, in the end, you have to awaken."
And it had been a dream, more wondrous sweet than anything he had ever hoped to know. Now it was ended. Niall squared his shoulders, resolute.
"You do not know what you are asking of me!" Caitlin cried. "To be left behind by you—to lose you—there could be no pain worse."
"It is over, Caitlin."
She must have heard the conviction in his voice, unyielding as the blade of his sword. She turned, fled, as Fiona had, into the darkness. Niall sagged against the castle wall, her words still echoing through him.
To be left behind by you... there could be no pain worse.
He closed his eyes, hearing his mother's agonized screams ring in his ears, seeing the hideous torture contorting his father's face as he was dragged from her arms.
If only you knew, Lily Fair, Niall thought, anguished. When you love as fiercely as we do, there is pain far deeper than loneliness. I will not let you see me die.