Chapter 23 Lily
Lily
“So, what do I do?” I ask Ryder. My voice shakes, and I wish it didn’t. But the idea of learning how to protect myself makes me nervous.
Ryder’s calm and collected, though. “First things first, you just need to be aware of your surroundings. So let’s say you needed to exit right now. Where would you go?”
I point at the bookshelf. “Secret door.”
“Okay. Where else?”
I gesture toward the balcony. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to, but I could always try climbing down the balcony.”
“Exactly. Anywhere else?”
I bite her bottom lip, looking around. “Window over there?” I ask, pointing at the window above the kitchen table.
“Yeah. But that would be a last resort. So always make sure you have your exits in mind.”
“Got it.”
“And then you just need to be aware of your surroundings. Does anyone look out of place? Or do items look out of place? Do you hear anything unusual? Those kinds of things.”
I nod. I can do that. I’m relatively observant, and I have a feeling I’ll already be semi-on-edge when I go out. “What next?”
“The next thing is to make sure your voice is heard. Don’t be afraid to tell someone no, or stop. You’re in control of your body and your boundaries.”
I sigh. “See, that’s hard.”
“Why?”
“Because I have three older brothers, right? They were always the ones watching out and speaking up for me.”
“And now you need to stand up for yourself,” he says.
I swallow hard.
“Try it,” he says.
“Try what?”
“Say ‘no’ to me.”
I snort a laugh. “No.”
He shakes his head. “Not like that. For real, say no in a loud, firm voice.”
“No,” I repeat.
“Louder, Lily. Take up space.”
I want to giggle but hold it in. “No,” I say, a little louder.
“Again.”
Now I’m getting annoyed with him. “I already said it!”
“Again, Lily!”
“No!” The word leaves my mouth in a shout, and I blink in surprise at my own voice.
Ryder applauds. “There it is.”
I roll my eyes. “You were just being obnoxious.”
“And that’s what you need to think if you’re ever in a situation when someone is physically assaulting you.
Don’t shrink back in fear. Don’t hide away.
Say whatever you need to so your message is clear—you do not want their touch, you don’t want them near you.
” He tilts his head. “How do you feel, after being firm with me?”
I pause and think. “Stronger, I guess? A little proud of myself. You were being annoying.”
“Good.” He lifts the side of his mouth in a smirk, but then it falls. “But that might not always work, you know.”
My face sobers, too. “So, what then?”
“That’s when you need to learn how to break out of a hold.”
I swallow. “I don’t know if I’d be able to do that.”
Ryder narrows his eyes at me. “Yes, you can. You can absolutely get out of someone’s grasp.
You’re small, which means you can fit in narrow places.
But I can teach you how to use your body to leverage an escape.
Remember, the goal here isn’t to win a fight.
I’m not saying you’ll be able to beat up a guy who’s six-three.
The goal is to get out. You just need one solid move to cripple him, and then you run as fast as you can. Got it?”
The idea still makes my stomach turn, but I nod. “Got it.”
“Is it okay if I pretend to grab you?”
I nod. “Yeah, that’s okay.”
He reaches out one hand, his fingers circling my wrist. I know we’re pretending this is a scary, dangerous situation, but my body doesn’t know that and has involuntary reactions every time his skin touches mine.
Warmth shoots up my arm and down into my belly, and all I want to do is lean into his touch.
“No, don’t sway into me,” he says.
Whoops. “Sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t apologize. This is all new to you.” He nods his head down at his hand and my wrist. “Okay,” Ryder says calmly. “I’m holding your wrist. Not tight. This is just pressure.”
I nod, even though my pulse spikes. Now I’m actually imagining what it would feel like if someone tried to grab me, and my body lurches away from him instead.
“Don’t pull back, either,” he says gently. “That’s what everyone does.”
“Then what do I do?” I ask, my voice quivering.
“Turn toward the opening,” he says. “Where my hand is weakest. Slip out. Your body goes with your arm.”
I breathe in and try it, and suddenly his hand is gone.
Ryder smiles. “That was you.”
“Yeah, right,” I say, exhaling and laughing.
“No, really. You used your body to give the force needed to escape. That’s all.”
“Really?”
He nods. “Really.”
Pride swells in my chest. I can do this. I can escape from someone who grabs my wrist. Maybe it’s small, and maybe it won’t even happen, but I feel a surge of…empowerment? Confidence? Whatever it is, it’s blooming inside of me.
“Why didn’t my brothers teach me this?” I ask.
Ryder’s expression drops. “I don’t know.”
A small fire ignites in my chest. “All they’ve done is teach me to be afraid and hide, not stand my ground. If they’re so afraid of something happening to me, why didn’t they teach me to defend myself?”
He shakes his head slowly, his expression full of sympathy. “I honestly don’t know, Lily. But I’m glad I’m teaching you.”
I take in a deep breath, smothering the flames, and grin at him. “Yeah, me too.”
For the next hour, Ryder and I practice a few more times. Then he teaches me about targeting vulnerable points “in case escape isn’t immediately possible.” Again, it makes me nervous to think about the possibility, but at the same time, he’s finally giving me actionable tools I can use.
“Eyes. Throat. Groin. Instep,” I repeat back to him, over and over.
“Look for openings. You can use everyday objects, like keys. Or you can use a barrier, like your purse or jacket or something.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye. “You can do it. And then, when they’re disabled, you run.”
I nod.
“Actually,” he says, looking down between us, “this is exactly how someone might try to entrap you. If they did, you could bring your knee up to their groin and run.”
“Like this?” I ask, lifting my knee. But apparently I’m a little too eager to practice, because Ryder collapses in on himself, releasing my shoulders and doubling over.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!” I squeal, bending down and putting a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”
“Just…like…that,” Ryder wheezes out.
“Do you need something? Ice?”
“Give me a minute,” he pants. “I’ve been through worse.”
I stand there, rubbing his back for a couple of minutes until his breathing evens out. I feel awful for hurting him, but I also feel even more powerful and strong.
I can do this.
A few minutes later, Ryder seems back to normal, but he isn’t moving from his position, still doubled over. “Are you okay now?” I ask.
He turns his head to look up at me. “I’m fine. I’m enjoying the back rub.”
I swat him on the shoulder, then feel a pang of remorse. “Well, I guess you deserve it after teaching me to protect myself.” I grimace. “But I’m sorry for hurting you.”
He straightens and winces. “It’ll be a little sore for a while, but I’ll be okay.” He tips his head toward the kitchen. “Nothing a cupcake can’t fix,” he says with a grin.
“That I can do!” I skip to the kitchen and pick up the piping bag, my heart lighter than it’s been all day today.
While I’m still apprehensive about going outside, Ryder has given me something more than just physical techniques to protect myself.
He’s given me courage and confidence in myself and my abilities. No one has given me that.
I know my family loves me, and that’s why they’re trying to keep me hidden and safe. But I’m just shrinking in fear, letting them call the shots instead of controlling the narrative.
Ryder is giving me the strength and power I need to take control.
And dang it, I’ve fallen for him even more.