Chapter 32
Lily
Idon’t know what’s wrong with me tonight.
Ever since Ryder and I got into that argument—if you could even call it that—at Aram’s restaurant, I’ve been off-balance.
But tonight, I feel all the signs of another panic attack.
I’m successfully keeping it at bay, but I feel like I’m on a seesaw and can’t find that middle point where I can stay still.
The cold air outside helps a bit, bringing me back to my senses and what’s happening right here, right now.
Until I turn and see Ryder again.
I wish I could stop thinking about him that way. The way that makes me wish we did give Rosalie a kiss to talk about. The way that I can’t stop wearing his jacket and inhaling his scent. The way I curl up in bed, imagining what it would feel like to have him lying next to me.
Ryder is here for me, in every way. He got me into the theater when no one else gave me a chance, giving me the greatest gift he possibly could have. Every day, he’s here to steady me, keep me grounded in reality, and help me heal.
He’s been my friend, the only one who’s given me the confidence I need to move on.
But is that all it is? Friendship? Or is it…pity? Or is it because he wants to do something nice for Peter by befriending his little sister?
Is that all I am to him? His best friend’s little sister?
“Argh!” I cry out, and Ryder rushes to my side.
“Are you all right?” he asks, his strong hand gripping the upper part of my arm.
I whirl around and face him. “Why are you doing this?”
His eyes widen, and he drops his arm. “Doing what?”
“Being so nice to me!”
His brow furrows. “I…what?”
“You brought me to the theater, you wear my bracelet, you gave me your jacket—you even gave me Galileo!” I hold up my little green friend in accusation. “Why are you doing this?”
He keeps his eyes on me but doesn’t answer.
My lips press together in frustration. “Then you do things like push me away from you when Rosalie makes a joke about us kissing! And you get mad about the possibility of me getting romantically involved with someone.” I inhale deeply and cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t understand what’s going on, and I’m getting really annoyed. ”
We stand there, staring at each other, my chest heaving and heart pounding in my chest. I’m finally telling him how I feel, using my voice just like he taught me. And now I just have to wait for his answer.
His eyes darken, and he takes one deliberate step toward me. “You want to know why I act this way?”
I swallow hard and drop my arms, his intensity catching me off guard. “I…yes.”
He steps toward me again. “You want to know why I’ve given you everything I possibly can. Why I’ve taken care of you—not just by keeping you safe, but truly caring for you.”
My throat is dry, and my tongue feels stuck. All I can do is nod.
He’s just inches from me now. “You want to know why I don’t want you to get romantically involved with someone.”
I nod again.
His voice is low and gravelly. “Because I can’t stand the thought of anyone other than me getting to do this.” One of his hands grabs my hip, pulling me toward him. The other hand is on the back of my head, his thumb on my cheek. He pulls me in and crushes his lips to mine.
It takes a moment to register what’s happening.
Ryder Hawthorne.
Is kissing.
ME.
And not just kissing. His lips run over mine, full of unbridled passion and longing that he’s been keeping beneath the surface. Longing that matches mine.
Holy smokes.
His hand grips my hip, and my hands find their way around his neck and into his hair.
He groans and pulls me tighter to him, wrapping his arm around my waist and holding me flush against his body, cradling my head in his hand and leaning me back so he can properly kiss me.
I’ve never felt safer and more secure than being wrapped in his arms.
He pulls back after what seems like too short a time. I tilt my head to look at him, and he gazes down at me. As he smooths down my hair, he whispers, “Lily Stone, you have completely stolen my heart.”
He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead, and my heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. My mind is still trying to wrap around this sudden shift.
He doesn’t see me as his best friend’s little sister. He doesn’t see me as a little girl.
I’ve stolen his heart.
He pulls his lips from my skin and looks down at me. “Did that clear things up?”
I smile up at him. “That gave me all the clarity I needed.”
“Good.” He tucks my head under his chin and holds me close. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
I’m still full of disbelief, but I try to soak in the moment. Turning my head to the side, I glance at the window of the bookshop.
Where Agatha, Rosalie, Gwen, Lucy, and Suzette are all watching.
“Oh, no,” I murmur, pulling away.
“What’s wrong?” Ryder asks.
I point at the window. But the women watching us all start waving, clapping, and cheering.
“I guess they finally got their kiss scene,” Ryder says under his breath.
I snort a laugh. “I guess so.”
“Even Agatha is…happy?” Ryder comments.
“Huh. I didn’t expect that.” But in that moment, my heart sinks down to my stomach.
Agatha.
My father.
My brothers.
“Hey,” Ryder’s voice is soft, and his hand glides down my arm. “You okay?”
I blink a few times and look back at him. “Just wondering what my family is all going to think of this.”
“Oh.” He swallows hard. “Yeah.”
We’re both quiet for a minute. I’m sure Ryder is wondering about his relationship with Peter, and I’m wondering if my brothers and father will want to rescind all my new privileges.
Ugh.
But Ryder pulls me gently by the elbow until I’m back in his arms, and he leans his forehead against mine. “Let’s not worry about that now. Because right now, it’s just you and me…and a few crazy old ladies.”
“And Gwen,” I add. “Don’t forget Gwen.”
“That’s right.” He smirks. “Let’s just enjoy the night.” He nods toward the bookshop. “Do you want to go back in?”
“Not particularly,” I reply.
“To the theater?”
I shake my head.
He quirks a brow. “Then what do you want to do?”
“A little more of this,” I reply, and press my lips back to his.