7. Micah
One minute the cabin was well lit and cozy, and the next we were plunged into darkness. Were it not for the fire crackling in the fireplace, we’d have been in the pitch black. A bead of nervous sweat gathered at the back of my neck.
“Shit,” Connor said. “We lost power.”
Zeke seemed unbothered by the situation. He stabbed another marshmallow onto the skewer and sat down next to the fire. “Nothing we can do about it. There’s no backup generator, so we have to hunker down and wait it out.”
“There’s plenty of firewood to keep the place warm. We’ll be fine.”
Connor’s assurance helped me feel a little better, and I moved to sit next to the fire. I stuck my marshmallow into the flames, burning the outside of it to a crisp before yanking it back out of the fire. Zeke eyed me as I peeled the charred shell off the inner, gooey center then stuck the marshmallow back into the flames to repeat the process.
“You’re so weird.” Zeke laughed at me, but I didn’t take it personally.
“I’m not actually that fond of marshmallows.” I let the outside of it char again before repeating the process. “I like toasting them, but I can’t eat that many.”
I felt, rather than saw, Connor sit next to me. With Zeke on one side of me and him on the other, I felt like a sandwich. The fire crackled and popped, and Connor stuck his marshmallow into the flames near mine.
The fire wasn’t the only thing heating up. The tension between the three of us seemed to increase with every breath and awkward pause as they waited for me to make up my mind. I let myself get lost in my thoughts and the flicker of the flames. It would be the easiest thing in the world to say yes. Zeke and Connor had a relationship that most people could only dream about, and part of me was terrified that there wasn’t a space for me in it. Liking someone didn’t always mean you were compatible. Chemistry didn’t mean things would work in the long run. Sometimes people wanted things that weren’t good for them, and it was my biggest fear that I’d say yes to something I so desperately wanted but couldn’t keep.
Having slowly destroyed one marshmallow, I opted not to go for a second one and set my skewer aside. Movement to my left caught my attention as Zeke licked sticky marshmallow off his fingers.
Maybe it was the fact that I’d run away from being the third wheel in one situation to being the third wheel in another. Or it might have been the way that I didn’t feel like a third wheel here. Zeke and Connor had laid all their cards on the table, probably seeing the storm as a sign from the universe. I’d never known either man to be dishonest, even about small things, and this was no small thing.
This was my entire heart I was about to hand over to them. I only hoped they wouldn’t break it.
“What would it look like,” I asked, unable to make myself meet either of their gazes, “if I said yes. What would that look like?”
Connor put his marshmallow skewer aside and twisted around to get his hot chocolate. Forcing myself to look at him, I was struck dumb by the hope in his expression. It lived in his eyes, the one thing about him that always betrayed how he was feeling. I’d watched him long enough to know this. It was a small thing that I knew about him. Over the years, I’d collected a hoard of random knowledge about these men, but of all the things I learned, of all the tiny factoids I stowed away like treasures, I never noticed that they might have been looking at me the way I wished they would.
“We’d take it slow. We’d romance you. Take you on dates, to start,” Connor said as he moved closer. But it was Zeke who reached for me and slipped his hand in mine. My attention snapped to my hand in his. I wanted to be the weirdo who told him to hold that pose so I could take a picture and keep that moment forever, because I’d never felt so alive. From hand-holding.
“We’d invite you over for movie nights.” Zeke stroked his thumb over the back of my hand as he spoke. I couldn’t look away. If I moved too much or even breathed too hard, whatever spell this was would break. I’d wake up from this dream in a ditch somewhere, buried in snow. The life I wanted flashing before my eyes instead of the life I had.
“We’d make popcorn and huddle up on the couch together. I’d put something scary on and laugh as you jumped and cuddled up to us.”
Unable to help myself, I laughed. “I would not.”
“What if we watched Jaws?”
Lifting my gaze, I glared at Zeke but without any real malice behind it. “If you want to cuddle with me, all you have to do is ask. You don’t have to give me nightmares.”
Heat crackled between us, and Zeke moved closer. “What if I asked right now?”
My heart pounding a furious rhythm was the only sound I could hear. The weight of their gazes wrapped around me like a blanket. It wasn’t like I’d never fallen in love before or that I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I’d loved and lost. I’d found homes with friends and family, never once feeling like I didn’t have a place in the world. But the way they made me feel eclipsed all that.
Everything I felt for them was bigger to the point that it had me thinking maybe I didn’t know what loving or belonging felt like, not when Zeke’s imploring eyes and soft hands could make me feel more in a heartbeat than other men had made me feel in our entire relationship.
“You want to date me?” I could barely get the words out, but something in my chest that felt like fear loosened when Connor moved closer. He positioned himself at my back and waited patiently for me to go to him.
“We want to date you,” Connor said.
I looked over my shoulder at him. “And then what?” I’d never gotten beyond the dating stage in any relationship. It was uncharted waters for me.
“And then we keep you.” Connor was dead serious. I’d never heard him say anything with more conviction. I could have swooned, but Zeke moved in closer and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
My head swiveled to face him. We were so close I could feel the shape of his kiss before I closed the distance to taste him. It was warm and chaste. Soft and so fucking simple that it had no right being as arousing as it was. My dick had already been half hard, but now it throbbed, pulsing stronger than my own heart.
For once, the two organs were in agreement. I wanted this more than I’d ever wanted anything in my entire life. There was no way I could refuse. I kissed Zeke again. This time, his hand came to cradle my face. Fingertips gently brushed through my scalp, and I trembled as he teased his way into my mouth with his tongue.
I’d been kissed before, but not by Zeke. Not by someone I’d imagined kissing, never believing I’d get a chance. I pulled away to make sure he was real.
“This is really happening,” I said, almost unable to believe it.
Connor moved so he was closer to Zeke instead of directly behind me. His fingers took hold of my chin and he turned my head.
“This is happening,” Connor confirmed. It was only a second, but it felt like it happened in slow motion as he leaned in. I met him halfway, riding the high from kissing Zeke a moment ago.
Connor kissed differently than Zeke, was my first thought. Holy shit, was my second. Connor wasted no time licking his way into my mouth. His fingers still gripped me by the chin, keeping me in place. I kissed him back, my head swimming and pulse racing. I needed more oxygen than I was getting, but I didn’t care. The lightheaded feeling only added to the dream-come-true atmosphere that felt more like magic than reality.
Connor pulled away before I was ready, and I whimpered. Though I felt immediately stupid, the way he looked at me countered any momentary embarrassment.
“That was so fucking hot,” Zeke said.
Unable to help myself, I laughed. “Now you know how I’ve always felt every time I’ve watched you two kiss.”
Connor grinned at me, the lawyer in him picking up on what I’d admitted.
“You watched us, huh?”
“No.” I tried to backpedal, but Connor shook his head, silently calling me out on my lie. “Okay, I watched you a lot. Every chance I got. If we’re doing the whole honesty thing, which we need to if we’re going to do the whole dating thing, I’ve sort of always had a crush on you.” I turned my head to Zeke. “Both of you.”
Zeke’s face lit up like a beacon. It made me want to tell him all the times I thought about them when they weren’t there. All the times I’d measured my own relationships to how I thought theirs looked. I wanted what they had, but I’d never for one second imagined that I could have it too, at least not with them. It was better than anything I’d ever conjured up.
“What now?” My whole body trembled without my permission. I tried to make it stop, but adrenaline or lust or something else that I didn’t have a name for had rendered me kitten-weak. Was this what hope felt like? Was it more than wishing for something? If so, hope was fucking terrifying.
Zeke held his arms open, wordlessly inviting me into the space between them. Of course, I went. I settled in the space he offered between all his limbs. Cradled by legs, caged by arms, I buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes. For a second, I breathed in the scent and the feeling of being so close to Zeke, but then I worried about what Connor was doing.
I shouldn’t have worried, because Connor was looking at us, a dreamy expression on his face.
“Is this yes?” he asked, reaching for my hand. He tangled our fingers together.
“How could I possibly say no?”