13. Nothing to Out
13
NOTHING TO OUT
Magnus
The glint in Susan's eyes doesn't bode well. Glancing over my shoulder, I spot Gabriel turning round to face her and instantly see how that’s only going to make things worse. Desperately, I close the door a little to give him a touch more privacy. Susan opens her mouth to say something else, and I wrack my brains to think of something to cut her off.
Klaus is our unexpected rescuer.
Before Susan can get a word out, he asks, "Have you had breakfast yet?" in his usual calm manner.
I could kiss him! Although kissing is what got us into this situation.
"No," I reply, trying to ignore Susan, her grin, and everything going on beneath Gabriel’s towel.
Klaus nods. "We're going to the main restaurant if you feel like joining us."
I exhale deeply and reply just as calmly, "That'll be great. See you there!"
Then I close the door in Susan's curious face.
As soon as the door closes, I turn around and lean against it. All of a sudden, I feel exhausted, as if I’ve just run a marathon. What a mess! But what's done is done. The only question is — what will happen now?
My gaze is fixed firmly on the floor. I haven’t got the guts to look at Gabriel straight away, although I can’t stay like this forever. I just hope this doesn’t make him freak out.
I take a deep breath, mentally steeling myself for whatever is about to go down — anger, accusations, fear — then I raise my head.
It’s even worse than I feared. Tears are trickling down Gabriel's cheeks and his shoulders are shaking. I’m at a loss about what to do for the best. Should I go to him and console him or is it better to keep my distance ?
Gabriel gasps for air, and with his next breath, I realize the sound escaping him isn’t a sob — it's a loud, liberated laugh. I stare at him, stunned. I was prepared for a mental breakdown and readying myself to play psychologist for the next few hours. The thought even crossed my mind that I should intercept Susan at breakfast and swear her to silence. Even bolting — booking a flight from our next dock in the Canary Islands — felt like an option. But this?
I stare at Gabriel, frozen to the spot, unable to get my head around his reaction. Gabriel seems to notice I’m speechless, because he steps over to me, his towel losing out to gravity in the process. This guy really has zero problems with nudity. Then he wraps me in his strong arms. As he presses me close, I can feel his body trembling with laughter.
"That's one problem out of the way," Gabriel chortles loudly into my ear.
What?
He takes a deep breath in an effort to get his fit of giggles under control — he doesn’t completely succeed.
"At least we don’t need to worry about how to act around my sister anymore. The cat is definitely out of the bag," he adds with another chuckle.
What?
I'm stuck in a mental loop. My brain has clearly stopped working properly. The only thing that brings me down to earth is Gabriel’s cock rubbing against my thigh. Then I remember I have a naked man in my arms.
Gabriel presses a kiss to my neck and his touch sends shivers down my spine. Partly because it’s so erotic, and partly because I’m incredibly ticklish there. It's a heady mix.
"Cat got your tongue?" adds Gabriel.
I want to speak but words fail me.
What do you say in situations like these?
Gabriel
God, Magnus is so cute!
I have no idea what’s made him so speechless right now. Okay, I realize he’s been thrown through a loop with my dearly beloved sister turning up. She seems to have that effect on everyone, if I’m honest, but considering Magnus is her best friend, I’d have thought he was used to her by now.
When Magnus still doesn’t relax, I start to worry. Did I miss something? When I turned around, Magnus had closed the door slightly so that I couldn't see what was happening. Did Susan whisper something to him or make a gesture of some kind? Or did Klaus?
I tilt my head back to get a good look at Magnus' face. Maybe that will give me a clue. But as soon as I loosen my grip slightly, a jolt runs through his body. It's as if he had been in a parallel universe and returned to earth. He encloses me in an already familiar embrace and it feels so good!
"Are you okay?" he asks eventually.
He’s still clearly concerned, but I'm starting to get tired of this question. It’s like Magnus feels the need to ask it every third sentence.
"I'm not made of porcelain!" My response comes out more gruffly than I had planned.
Magnus' arms close even tighter around me before he murmurs, "It's not every day you get outed to your sister,"
Oh! I hadn't thought of it that way.
Outed?
As what?
I have no idea what I am. And I haven’t even begun to think about what’s going through Susan's head right now. I’m usually better at dealing with absolutes. If I can see the mountain I have to climb, it's all good. But this uncertainty — the "what ifs" — that’s what I’m having trouble with.
Or am I?
Magnus and I had fun. I’d like to do it again if he’s okay with that.
And that is clear in my mind.
So, that's good, isn’t it? That's all I need to know at the moment. If I focus on that and ignore the small But … that’s trying to join my inner monologue, then I’m okay for now.
"There's nothing to out," I say lightly. "We're just having a bit of fun. I haven’t got a problem with people knowing that." I add a shrug for good measure.
Magnus eases back a little to peer into my eyes. His gaze searches mine. What he’s looking for, I don't know. But whatever it is, it doesn't take long for him to find it, because he nods once and eases me aside to step away from the door.
Am I mistaken or did his eyes lose some of their sparkle as he moved away? My breath catches and my heart tightens painfully for a moment, because I have the feeling that he wanted to put more than physical distance between us.
Did I say something wrong?
I want to reach out to him, to bring him back in close.
But before I can utter a sound, he says, "I'm going to take a quick shower. I’ll be ready in ten."
Then the bathroom door slams in my face.
Magnus
There’s nothing to out. We’re just having a bit of fun. I haven’t got a problem with people knowing that. Gabriel's words echo in my head in that carefree tone that tore my heart out. He clearly doesn’t give a shit.
But what did I expect? That Gabriel would fall to his knees and confess his undying love? It seems I’m not just a hopeless romantic — I'm an idiot!
For Gabriel, this is a vacation fling then. A trip to the wild side. An experiment to brag about later, maybe — is that something hetero men do? Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that there’s never going to be anything more between us.
When did a hope of "more" creep into my mind anyway? What is my brain doing to me? We flirted with each other for a couple of days, and one quick hand job later, I’m walking down the aisle. Why do I have such a problem separating sex and feelings?
I strip off my damp swimming trunks and turn on the shower. The warm water pours down on me and after a while I start to think a little clearer again. I wanted to make sure that Gabriel is okay with what went down between us, and I did. He clearly meant what he said — no matter how painful it was for me — so good for him.
I laugh bitterly. All this time I’ve been worried that Gabriel would freak out, and it's me who's standing in the shower having a meltdown.
While I lather my hair, I replay his words again: There’s nothing to out. We’re just having a bit of fun. I haven’t got a problem with people knowing that.
We’re having fun. He used the present tense, so it doesn't sound like it was a one-off.
Good! And he’s not ashamed of it either. Great! I'm not good at hiding who I am anyway — never have been. And being joined at the hip for several hours a day during tango class, I doubt I could pretend not to be hot for Gabriel.
So, if Gabriel wants to continue getting down and dirty with me, and he has no intention of hiding it from Susan and Klaus, I can work with that. I should enjoy it while it lasts! A little vacay fling never hurt anyone, right?
With a fresh perspective, I get out of the shower and gel my hair to stop it flying all over the place when it's dry. Then I reach into my toiletry bag, take out my favorite lip gloss and slick a pink shimmer over my lips. Then I let the towel slide to the floor and step back into the cabin, ready for anything.