Chapter 24 #2
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Massimo,” I snap.
I wince when he arches a brow. “I’m sorry.
I don’t mean to sound like a bitch. I just…
I’m overwhelmed, and when people push me, I just get defensive.
” And before I can stop myself, I blurt out, “And I really don’t want you to use what you know against me.
I don’t know that I’ll survive someone doing that again. ”
Soren lets out a loud burp, and Massimo gives him a big smile, turning the baby to face him.
“Good job, ometto. Now, I need you to be a good bambino and let me talk to your mama, yes?” Soren lets out a small sound, and Massimo presses a gentle kiss to his forehead before gently settling him down on the couch beside him, putting some of the throw pillows around him.
Soren lets out a big yawn and kicks his legs, but doesn’t cry out, clearly content.
Massimo’s gaze moves back to me, but his hand stays close to Soren, and I don’t know why, but it endears me to him more. That he’s thinking of him and also making sure he’s safe.
Massimo’s gaze is intense as he watches me.
“Someone did this to you? They broke your trust that way?” I lower my eyes and nod.
God, it’s shameful to even think about. No, not shameful, embarrassing.
I should have the backbone not to let someone treat me that way, to use something so intimate and personal against me.
I should have had the strength to walk away the first time it happened.
“Lucy, look at me,” Massimo orders gently.
It doesn’t escape me that he’s careful with his tone.
It’s an order, but not one expected to be obeyed without question.
I lift my gaze to his, and it makes my chest clench to see the understanding and the comfort there. “Will you tell me?”
Do I want to tell him? A part of me wants to tell him no, but another part of me feels like I need to.
Finally, with a nervous lick of my lips, I admit, “My husband and I really liked trying new things. And when we were young, it was a big thrill. From there, he took me to a sex club back home, and we really enjoyed it. We learned from people there, we took classes to make sure we were being safe, and then we started doing a bit of a dominant and submissive dynamic. Not completely, mostly only in the bedroom, but I figured out that I’m very susceptible to the way someone speaks to me when I’m in that submissive space, or when I’m overwhelmed.
Joey figured that out pretty quick and at first he only used it in certain situations when he knew I needed it, in bed, or if we went back to a club.
But then I started to notice that he was using it other times too.
Outside of what we agreed. I wouldn’t realize it until it was too late.
He was careful at first, like he was testing to see what he could get away with.
By the time I figured out what he was doing, it was months later, and I was furious and hurt. He didn’t care though.
“We had a huge fight about it, and he finally apologized and said that he wouldn’t do it again.
We were already engaged, so I wanted to believe him, and I forgave him.
He was good until he wanted to move and take the job here.
I realized too late he had done it again, he was just more careful this time.
By then, we moved here and he was starting to almost act like he didn’t want a wife.
Hanging out with the guys at work all the time, upset if I wasn’t home and he had to make his own supper because I was working.
It caused a lot of fights. We managed to work our way back to each other one more time, and this time, I got pregnant.
“At first, I was terrified, but Joey assured me this was good. This was what we always talked about. So I thought this was going to be a turning point. I was about six weeks along, so still early. Then, I noticed that he was doing it again, but using my hormones against me as well. I was so tired, so weak from morning sickness, that he used that time to manipulate me into agreeing with him that he could basically do whatever he wanted because I wasn’t useful to him.
I was too sick to do everything, including sex, so that gave him the right to go out and party and spend time with his friends.
He fucked up by trying to coerce me into sex after I had a really hard day at work, was sick as a dog, and he was feeling horny.
I caught it that time, and I lost my shit.
We went to bed angry and he said some horrible things.
“It took almost a full week for us to get back to normal and talk things out, but I think I knew that I would never trust him again. He broke it one too many times. He died a week after that big fight. I mourned his death, but parts of me are grateful that I won’t have to deal with him manipulating me all over again.
Or teaching our son to do the same things.
And I’m pretty sure that that makes me a terrible wife and human. ”