Chapter Eight - Thalia
I SPENT THE next week ignoring Sebastian because I knew he would cave. Well, I didn’t know for sure, but I wasn’t speaking to him, and he wasn’t speaking to me.
Owen hasn’t asked what I yelled at Sebastian, nor has anyone else. Vera and Stacey questioned me endlessly about it, but Blake only mentioned it once. Let me tell you, it was a fucking awkward car ride back riding in Bash’s lap.
Owen and Bash won their game on Saturday by a landslide. Watching Sebastian control an entire football field was annoyingly hot, and I’m mad at myself for even thinking that. It makes me no better than everyone else obsessed with him. The pictures I’d taken at the game turned out great. Usually, I wouldn’t bother photographing sports because it’s primarily point-and-shoot, but expanding my portfolio is good. It finally allowed me to send a photo of Sebastian to Penelope. Her response only asked if I’d climbed the tree yet.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table working on my history assignment while Blake is working independently. I think she was skeptical when I asked if she wanted to come over and do homework, but I do have shit I need to get done.
I’m currently working on an assignment focused on Stalin’s five-year purges, and the things he did while in power are horrifying. Despite having learned about it before, it never gets any easier to read.
It feels like when I’m around Bash. It should be easy to read him at this point since I’ve known him longer than I can remember. Despite our history, it’s still a struggle.
I can’t believe I let my temper get the best of me like that. At least I said everything in French, but I should have been more careful.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Blake asks, interrupting my thoughts.
Huh? “Talk about what?”
She brushes a fallen lock of hair behind her ear. “The reason you’re staring at your computer screen like you want to kill someone. Unless Stalin makes you that angry.”
I hesitate, because telling Blake anything is against whatever unspoken agreement Bash and I have about that night. But it might be nice to get advice from someone other than Penelope, whose only advice is to climb him like a tree.
“I don’t know where to start.” How do you cover sixteen years of history to make it easier to understand?
“You could start with whatever happened between you guys before you left for France?” Blake suggests, and I look at her, confused. How does she know something happened? “Owen can’t keep his mouth shut. He wanted to know if I knew anything about your argument at your going-away party. I’m guessing Bash’s dumb jock comment the first day I met you stems from that argument?”
An immediate frown settles over my face at the thought of my going-away party. “Toward the end of my first year at Duke, I got tipsy at a party. Bash was there, and I kissed him. I thought…I don’t know what I thought.” I was leaving for France the next week. If he rejected me, I knew I’d have a lot of time to recover from the embarrassment.
“So you guys kissed?”
“Yeah. And again on the night of my going-away party. Bash had stopped by my dorm room, didn’t say anything, just came in, kissed me, and I let him.” My face heats up at that part of the memory because it probably would have gone much further than kissing if Owen hadn’t shown up. “Things were heated, but then Owen knocked on my door. I knew it was him because we had this dumb secret knock when we were kids, and he insists on still doing it. I shoved Bash into my bathroom and tried to make myself presentable quickly.”
Blake is hanging onto every word I’m saying, and this is the part where I become the bad guy. I know it’s my fault, but I don’t know if Sebastian understood I was trying to protect him. Owen would forgive me, but I don’t know about Sebastian. “Owen wanted to know if something had happened between Bash and me. One of their teammates was at that party and saw me kiss Sebastian. I panicked and said no. I said it was ridiculous he thought I’d lower my standards for a dumb jock who couldn’t even pick a major, and basically that I’d never go for a guy like Sebastian.”
I close my eyes, and I can still vividly see the look of hurt on his face when I came to let him out of the bathroom. “I was the dumb one. Bash left without saying anything, and I felt sick the entire night.”
“I found him toward the end of the party. We’d both been drinking, and I didn’t even try to apologize like I should have. I asked him why he’d kissed me, and Bash scowled at me like usual. I shouldn’t have because you’re a fucking child. And I snapped. We yelled a lot. I left the next day and went to France. We didn’t speak once while I was gone. I came back, and we’ve done nothing but fight.”
“Your brother’s best friend kisses you, and you don’t know why?” Blake asks, and I shrug. The answer I wanted it to mean is unlikely, so it might be better not to know. “Lia, I hate to break it to you, but if you can’t see how he put his friendship with Owen on the line for you, then you are the dumb one.”
Shit, Blake didn’t mince her words at all. “Thanks for not telling me to climb him like a fucking tree. That was much more helpful.”
She looks at me with utter disbelief. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you right. What did you just say?”
I should try thinking before speaking. “Penelope, my best friend from France, came up with just climb him like a tree already and get it over with. That’s been her advice.”
“That is hilarious. Is that what you were yelling at Sebastian on the beach because your face is as red now as it was then.”
“It was more like Penelope says I should climb you like a tree, but if I did that, it wouldn’t be what she had in mind. It’d be so I could kill you.”
Blake erupts into a fit of giggles, hugging her stomach. “No fucking way. That is the funniest shit I’ve ever heard. I wish you had said that in English to see the look on Sebastian’s face.”
I slump into my chair, covering my face. “I thought I did say it in English. I didn’t realize I’d switched to French. I was ready to drown myself before you told me.”
“It makes sense that your brain would revert if you were mad enough. It’s probably all you spoke for an entire year. If I had to guess, your brain is probably having difficulty keeping up with all the changes,” Blake contemplates out loud. “So what’s your plan?”
I look down at my textbook. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m ignoring him.”
The real question Blake should have asked is how far we’re willing to take things before one of us calls chicken.
~
Despite the party my first night back, I haven’t gone out since. There’s nothing wrong with going out, and I think I deserve a night to let loose after the beach trip failed to do that for me.
Landon and Vera are here with me, and I’ve perhaps been too relaxed with my number of drinks. I haven’t drunk this much since Penelope and I went to Berlin for a weekend. They go hard there.
I recognized most people here, rotating from group to group as I danced. I’m on my way toward the makeshift bar in the house when my waist is caught by Landon, who pulls me against him. “You okay?” he asks, tucking a piece of hair that fell out of my ponytail behind my ear.
I give him a huge smile in response. “Perfect. God, I really needed this tonight.”I’m having so much fun.
“What’s going on with you and Sebastian?”
The music is loud enough that I’m not sure I heard him correctly. Did Landon just ask if Bash and I are together?
“What?”
“Are you and Sebastian together?” The seriousness in his face tells me that he’s not joking.
“No,” I answer automatically.Why is Landon asking me this?
I feel like I’m missing something major here. I realize our close proximity, and how he’s holding me. This feels too serious, and Landon is fun. We have fun, but we’re only friends. His free hand tilts my chin. “Do you want to go somewhere we can talk? I’ve been meaning to ask you—” Holy shit. No, no, no.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t,” I interrupt before he says something he can’t take back.
“Thalia.”
I try to step back, my head spinning with this new information. He doesn’t try to hold me there, letting me slip away from his grip. “Landon, I need you to be my friend and only my friend.”
“Okay,” he agrees, reluctantly forcing a small smile. Fuck, I feel bad. I didn’t know that he felt anything more for me. I probably would have done a hundred things differently if I had suspected it.
I give him a soft smile before slinking back into the crowd. I try a few more drinks that came out over the last year to attempt to forget what Landon thought would happen in that conversation he wanted to have. First year, I might have considered it, but not now. He’ll only ever be a friend. My brain has chosen to be occupied solely by Sebastian Walker. Sober me will deny it, but drunk me is hopeless.
My momentum from earlier in the night is practically gone by this point, and I stumble outside, having gone from playfully drunk to being on my deathbed. I should call someone to get me. That’s the best course of action right now. “Thalia?” A voice says my name, and I turn to find the person it belongs to.
“Eric? Don’t you have a game tomorrow?” I ask, trying to straighten up to act more sober than I am. My goal is to get home and sneak into the apartment, so Bash and Owen don’t kill me. Eric might be my friend, but he’s also on the football team. I don’t know where his loyalties lie.
He holds a water bottle up. “I’m sober; my friends wanted me to come by for a bit.” Oh fuck, I think I’m going to be sick. I hold a finger up to him and stumble away to retch next to a bush. To my embarrassment, he pulls back my hair. “Are you okay?”
“I need to go home.” I groan, spitting in the grass before straightening. Eric hands me his water, which I accept gratefully to swish and spit any remnants of vomit in my mouth. I cannot believe this is happening.
“Do you have someone to call?” he asks. I pull my phone out of my pocket, but it’s dead. Lovely. Just lovely.
“Dead,” I show him, pressing a hand to my forehead.
“Are you okay if I take you? I can call your brother—”
“No! Don’t do that. Whatever you do, you can’t tell him, Eric. I’ll be fine if you can take me back to my apartment. Owen doesn’t need to know,” I plead, and he looks hesitant.
“Okay, let’s go.”
Eric’s car is halfway down the street, and he wraps me up in his jacket. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks, helping me into the front seat of his car.
“I’ll be fine. Boys are stupid.” I fumble with the seat belt before leaning my head against the cool glass of the window.
“I think people are generally stupid, but Natalie thinks boys are stupid all the time,” Eric says, chuckling. I choose not to respond, because the last thing I want to do is throw up in Eric’s car when he’s helping me.
Tonight wasn’t a good idea. I should have stayed home. The two flights are more manageable when I’m not hammered. Eric has his arm looped around me, practically supporting my body with only his arm as we approach the door. “Do you have your keys?” he asks, and I realize I’d given them to Vera to hold onto.Guess I’ll need to get those back at some point.
“No,” I answer reluctantly. “Go ahead and knock; I’ll deal with my consequences like a big girl.”
“Maybe Owen won’t be too mad?” Eric tries to suggest, knocking on the door a few times.
It takes a minute before the door opens, revealing Sebastian. “Of course, it’s you,” I mumble, his eyes widening in shock.
He looks at Eric immediately for answers. “What the hell happened to her?” Bash demands. Shit, I must look terrible if Sebastian is concerned.
“Too much to drink. Her phone died, so I figured I should bring her home before something happened to her.” Bash steps backward, letting Eric guide me into the apartment.
I see Owen sitting on the couch, and his jaw drops at the same time the spins start again. “Get her to the bathroom. She looks like she’s going to hurl any second.”
I cover my mouth with my hand and make a break for the bathroom on my own, sticking my head in the toilet just in time. I feel miserable right now. I should have just gone home after Landon tried to pull his stunt. Why do men have to make everything so fucking complicated?
Eventually, I pull myself off the floor to face the lectures I’m positive are waiting for me. I don’t want to look at Sebastian right now, so I hope he went to his room.
Except Sebastian is waiting for me in the kitchen. “Feeling better?”
“Leave me alone,” I retort, definitely not feeling better. I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up again.
Is he some sadist, getting off on my pain? I can’t believe Sebastian. Is this just enjoyable for him? Then, he surprises me by filling a glass of water and handing it to me.
I look at it hesitantly. “What’d you do to it? Spike it with a laxative?”
“It’s just water. I know better than to mess with you the way you are right now. For all I know, you could throw up on me in retaliation.”
I take a small sip before I start to tilt again. Definitely can’t stand. The floor looks safe. I slide down, leaning against the cabinets. “Thank you for the water.” I sound like I’m thanking him for killing my dog.
Bash looks down at me curiously. “What happened tonight?” It’s nice he’s asking instead of assuming the worst of me.
“I didn’t plan on getting this drunk, I swear. I had just enough to have a good time by other people’s standards, and then fucking Landon had to ruin it.”
Holy shit, I feel like I’m burning up. I shrug out of Eric’s jacket, making a note that I need to wash it.
“What’d he do?”
I give Sebastian a weird look because I’m drunk, but I’m not stupid. “Why are you being so nice to me? Shouldn’t you be yelling at me?”
His alluring lips tick upward in a ghost of a smile. I like his smile. “Thalia, I am nice. You’re always too busy calling me an asshole or driving me crazy with your lack of clothing to realize it. I don’t need to yell at you because I think you already feel shitty enough.”
“You’re not nice to me. I always do the wrong thing and make you mad.”
Bash lowers himself to the ground diagonally from me. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to be around you,” he says carefully, and I don’t want to hear anymore.
“Yeah, I’m aware. I’m Owen’s kid sister you’ve been stuck with since we were kids.”
“That’s not it,” he says vaguely, offering no further explanation. “What happened with Landon?”
I drink the water Bash gave me, choosing not to call him out on the subject change. “I was dancing, or maybe I was going to get a drink. I don’t know. Landon caught me and asked if anything was happening between you and me.” I glance over at Sebastian to see if there’s something on his face that will tell me what he’s thinking. If he’s surprised by Landon’s question, he doesn’t show it. Whatever. I know what Bash is thinking. I ruined any chance of there being something more between us the moment I opened my stupid mouth that night. I told Landon the truth. There isn’t anything more than this game we’re playing. Sebastian and I are nothing.
“Landon wanted to go somewhere to talk because he wanted to ask me something. I cut him off and said I couldn’t. He tried again, and I said I needed him to be my friend only. He was just so nice about it, letting me go. Then I proceeded to get absolutely trashed over the fact I probably just ruined my friendship with him. Great night overall.”
“What’s wrong with him being nice?”
“Because I don’t want nice, Bash,” I admit softly, closing my eyes. I’m still too drunk to have this conversation.
However, in typical Owen fashion, he appears before one of us can say something I’m sure we’ll regret. “What were you thinking?” he demands, his voice cold.
“That I wanted to be a normal twenty-year-old. You’re not Dad, so don’t try to act like him.”
“I wouldn’t have to act like it if you didn’t come home completely hammered, practically being carried by one of my teammates because you can’t walk. What the hell, Lia? What if Eric wasn’t there? Where was Vera? Landon? They just let you go off on your own?” he presses, and my head hurts at the thought of facing Landon after tonight.
I open my eyes to find a disappointed look on my brother’s face. “Landon was too busy hitting on me, and I don’t know where Vera disappeared to. It was a party, Owen. Eric was there, and I got home safely. Chill out.”
“Owen, she just needs to go to bed,” Sebastian says, rising from where he sat with me.
“I need to talk to my sister. Alone,” Owen says, crossing his arms over his chest, giving Bash his cue to leave. And he does, leaving me alone with my brother because, at the end of the day, his friendship with Owen will always come first. What a helpful reminder this has been.
I struggle to stand up, and Owen looks at me disappointed. “I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?” I blurt out angrily, and he shakes his head.
“This isn’t you, or hell, maybe it is. I don’t know why I thought I could believe you when you swore you grew up! We’re in college, and you want to have fun, but you have to be safe about it. You can’t just get slammed on your own and hope you run into someone who will help you instead of take advantage of you! Shit like tonight can’t happen again. Eric might be your friend, but he is also my teammate who dragged you in here. It’s embarrassing,” he scolds harshly, and my breath catches in my chest. “Maybe Bash is right. You are still a child; I don’t know why I expected anything to be different.”
Tears burn in my eyes because that one hurt. He hit me with his words precisely the way he meant to. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an embarrassment to you. Fuck you.” I walk past him, moving to get to my room.
Sebastian’s standing in the hallway, and I know he heard everything Owen just said to me based on the look of pity on his face. I don’t want his pity. Sebastian reaches for me, and I shove his hand away, shutting the door behind me.
I cover my mouth to hide the sound of my sobs.