Chapter Ten - Thalia
I’M IGNORING TEXTS from everyone, but I assumed it was only a matter of time before someone forced their way in. I expected it to be Vera, assuming Landon told her what happened. The last person I expected it to be was Sebastian. The bag of food still sits on my desk as a reminder of Sebastian’s olive branch.
I wish I had been more drunk to where I didn’t remember any of it. I haven’t been able to get the look on Landon’s face, or the shit Owen said to me afterward, out of my mind. The look of pity that Bash gave me was perhaps the most mortifying part of the night. I never wanted to let him see me cry again, and then he reached for me. Why did he reach for me after leaving me in the room with Owen? What did Sebastian think would happen when Owen told him to leave? I don’t understand any of it, and I don’t know if there’s a point in trying to figure it out. I don’t have it in me.
Maybe Penelope is right. I should climb him like a tree and get it over with. Then we can stop playing our game, coexist together, and ignore him forever after he graduates.
I can hear the front door opening from my room. I shouldn’t hold my breath, but I do. It could be Sebastian checking in on me again or Owen coming back to yell at me.
My heart stops at the sound of a girlgiggling. For obvious reasons, it doesn’t belong to either of my roommates and regardless of which one it is, I don’t care to stick around to listen to their after-party.
I hastily grab my camera off my desk where I had it charging for the football game today until I didn’t go. Pulling my jacket off the back of my desk chair, I slip into flip-flops before escaping.
When I leave, Owen’s door is open, and his room is empty. Awesome. Now I really don’t want to stick around here. Hot anger overcomes me, leading me straight to where Sebastian’s keys are sitting on the counter. I might as well have a good time tonight too.
I can’t help but rev the engine, undoubtedly pissing every single one of our neighbors off if they’re home. I don’t know where I want to go, but anywhere is better than here. I finally pick a park, and it dawns on me as I walk through the wet grass that I should have chosen different shoes. Perhaps I should have thought this one out a little bit more, but I am so fucking confused. I shouldn’t let Sebastian get into my head, but he won’t go away.
There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the stars are twinkling especially brightly tonight. I adjust the settings on my camera to capture the beauty of what can be seen when you take the time to look.
I prefer nature to people. Pictures capture people for who they really are.
~
There is a knock on the door, and I turn my music down. I’ve been busy packing the last of my things. All that’s really left in the dorm room that Vera and I share is my outfit for tonight’s party and my clothes for tomorrow. It can’t be Vera because she’s supposed to be helping get everything ready for tonight.
I wasn’t allowed to help because I hadn’t finished packing. It sucks having friends more responsible than you because they force you to do the things you procrastinate. “Door’s unlocked. Come in!”
I turn, expecting it to be Stacey or one of my other friends from the floor, but Sebastian is standing there instead. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming by?” Why does his face look like that?
He quickly closes the distance between us, leaning down to cup my face with his hands. I can feel the calluses on his hands that he’s earned from all the hours he’s spent working out. My breath hitches as Bash lowers his head, brushing his lips briefly over mine. It’s a taste that sober me can appreciate as opposed to our intoxicated kiss last week. What is he doing?
It’s tempting to ask when he pulls away, his dark eyes scanning my face. I wish I knew what he was looking for because I’d give anything for him not to leave right now. I push onto my tiptoes, closing the distance between our lips.
Is this really happening? I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m definitely not complaining.
Sebastian slides one hand behind my neck to hold me in place, as if I’d even try to escape now. His mouth moves tentatively against mine, almost like he’s studying me. I’m okay with that. Bash can study me any way he wants as long as it involves his hands and mouth on any part of me. I open my mouth, surrendering myself to him, vaguely aware that I’ll never be able to look at Sebastian the same way ever again. Realistically, I’ve been avoiding him since last week. It wasn’t very hard, given it was finals week, and I did have exams to pass. Shit, I really wasted my last week in the United States focusing on the recorded past when I could have been doing this. I really wish I hadn’t avoided Sebastian.
I twist my fingers into his shirt and pull him backward until my back is flush against the wall. Bash’s tongue strokes against mine, and my legs threaten to give out under me. This is better than all the times I imagined before. I slip my hands greedily under his shirt, feeling every toned muscle I’ve seen him work for. The number of times I’ve been dragged along to the fields with them to watch them run plays gave me plenty of fantasy material over the years, so I guess I can’t complain on that end. His kiss is punishing and relentless. Drunk me didn’t appreciate this enough, but sober me could become addicted very quickly.
Sebastian pulls away, but instead of kissing me, he lowers his head more to press his candy-sweet lips against my pulse, which is thudding fast. I tilt my head, giving him a better angle as I touch his hair to feel how soft it is formy enjoyment. The last time I touched his dark hair, I was probably mashing gum into it. The haircut he had to get afterward didn’t even look bad.
I catch sight of my packed suitcase as a knock sounds at the door. It’s a short series of tapping that I recognize immediately belonging to Owen, even in the dazed, euphoric state I’m currently in. Oh fuck. I push Sebastian off me, but I can’t stop myself from stealing one more short kiss before I point to the bathroom we share with our suitemates. “It’s Owen. I’ll get him to go away.”
Bash’s face is unreadable as he disappears behind the door when Owen knocks again. “Thalia! I know you’re in there. Open up!”
I glance in the mirror, and at least to me, it’s pretty clear what I was doing here. Shit, why did Owen have to show up here, now, of all times, while his best friend is hiding in my bathroom? “Give me a second; I’m changing!” I pull my hair up quickly to hide its mess and reapply lip gloss to look more presentable. Why would I be wearing lip gloss in my room by myself? I don”t have a clue, but hopefully, Owen won’t question it. I open the door, and Owen rolls his eyes.
“Were you hoping I’d go away if you didn’t answer the door?”
“Hello to you too,” I greet, leaving the door open so he’ll get the hint that he isn’t welcome to stay. I look at the bathroom as Owen looks at my packed bags. This is dangerous.
“Is something going on with you and Bash?” he asks bluntly, shutting the door behind him. Owen’s not fucking around right now. I feel my smile slip. Don’t look at the bathroom.
“Why would you even ask that?”
He folds his arms over his chest. “One of the guys on D-line told me he saw you kissing at a party last weekend. Were you kissing Sebastian?” My heart starts beating faster in my chest as panic triggers my fight response.
I do my best to keep my voice from shaking so I have a shot at Owen believing me. “Seriously? You think I’d kiss your best friend?” I laugh as if the idea of Bash and I kissing is hilarious in the hopes it will keep Owen from seeing right through me. “Owen, come on. He can’t stand me, and I’m a little offended that you think I’d lower my standards for a dumb jock who can’t even pick a major because everything revolves around football! Why would I want him? I’ve seen what you two have done to girls in the past, and I want no part of it.”
My stomach twists into knots because I completely and entirely do want a part of it, regardless of Sebastian’s past with girls. I don’t care, but I cannot explain that to Owen. Maybe I should try a different career path as an actress because Owen relaxes. “Thank God. I told him he was full of shit,” he says before looking at my clothes. “You should finish getting ready for the party; you don’t want to be late, considering the party is for you,” Owen says.
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“I’ll see you later,”I choke out, practically shoving him out the door to shut it behind him. There was no other way, right? It had to be believable, so I went more extreme, but Bash will understand.
Sebastian opens the door silently. “Hey, I—”
My voice fails because of the look on his face. It’s full of hatred and disgust. Bash’s mouth opens and shuts, no words making their way out. Finally, he shakes his head and walks past me without a word. The door clicks shut, the sound echoing through the room.
I went extreme so Owen would believe me, but I didn’t have time to consider the possibility Sebastian would as well.
~
Pictures are memories for me, so it’s unheard of that I would get rid of any. But, I did. I deleted every photo from that night. The photos only reminded me of my mistake, and I wanted to forget. I’ve tried like hell to forget.
As I sit in the grass, I pull my knees up to my chest and think. I ruined my chance with Bash before it even started. I don’t even know if we can have some form of friendship if all we do is fight. Hiding out on a different hemisphere didn’t help fix us either. Occasionally, I wondered what would have happened if I had told Owen the truth when he asked.
“Yes. I kissed Sebastian, and I was just kissing him,” I say aloud, answering Owen’s question the way I should have the first time. I’m torturing myself. Maybe I’m crazy. Crazy people talk out loud to themselves. I also stole Sebastian’s car, and that’s pretty insane as well.
I have no explainable reason to be upset with Sebastian, but that rational thought means nothing to me right now. I am upset with him for sending mixed signals that are confusing me, only to bring another girl home. I can also admit I’m being unreasonable here because I have no claim to Sebastian Walker.
A warning would have been nice, though. I shouldn’t care Bash brought a girl back to the apartment. I really shouldn’t, but I do. I care. Maybe Penelope had a point, but I could never tell her that. I came out here to clear my head, and she gave me the answer two weeks ago.
I’m still not ready to go back to the apartment yet.
~
After reluctantly driving back, I half expect to see Owen waiting to yell at me for taking Sebastian’s car. What’s one more thing for him to yell at me for?
The lights are still on, so whoever is home is up. A horrid thought pops into my brain as I wonder if they’re still going at it. I can’t tell whether I’m disgusted or impressed, considering I’ve been gone for two hours.
The living room is empty, and I put Sebastian’s keys on the counter where I found them. Listening closely, the sound of the shower running is barely audible. I could continue hiding in my room, but I no longer want to. Part of me is itching for a fight with Bash. I grab my computer from my room to sit at the counter to look at the pictures I took tonight. The longer I sit out here alone, the more I consider going to my room. It’s not too late yet. I haven’t been seen. Maybe he doesn’t know I borrowed his car?
The choice is taken from my hands when the lock flips, and Sebastian walks out alone. It’s a relief to see him standing by himself, but my eyes instantly drop to the happy trail revealed by his low-slung towel. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen him shirtless; it never gets old.
“When you’re done eye-fucking me, we can talk about how you committed grand theft auto tonight,” Sebastian says. The tone in his voice convinces me to look away from his insane muscles. The furious expression on Sebastian’s face tells me he definitely knows I took his car. Oh shit. I didn’t think this all the way through.
He steps closer to me, and my face heats. Is this what he feels like when I walk around without clothes on? I feel very exposed. “How was getting laid?” I ask, unable to hide my jealousy. Fuck.
His lips curve into a knowing smirk. “Exactly what I needed. I offered Lucy a ride home, only to discover my car and keys were gone. Owen’s staying at a friend’s place, so that leaves you, Thalia.”
I look away from him, mumbling under my breath to myself. “So she has a name,” I grumble, tapping one of my presets to help clear up some lighting. Stupid pollution. “I would have asked, but it sounded like you were a little busy. I didn’t think you would want an interruption.”
“You wouldn’t have asked regardless of whether I was busy or not. You’re forgetting that I know you.”
“Everyone keeps telling me how well they know me, and I’m getting really sick of it.” My head snaps quickly to look at him. Bash is leaning against the counter only a few feet away. Don’t get distracted; they’re just muscles. Everyone has them.Not everyone’s looks like Sebastian, but everyone technically has them. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
“Thalia,” Bash says my name in a way that makes goose bumps appear on my skin. It should be illegal to say my name that way.
“Don’t say my name like that. Put some clothes on; you’re nipping.”
“How does it feel?” he asks curiously, a slight smirk on his lips.
I narrow my eyes. “Repulsive.” I scoff, deflecting from what I want to say. Why don’t you take it all off and give me a show? Except that’s gross! He literally just showered after having sex with another girl. What is wrong with me?
Sebastian steps closer to me. “I don’t believe you. I think it turns you on to see me like this. Do you like what you see?” He’s toeing the line dangerously. What the hell has gotten into him? I’m not playing this game with Bash right now.
“How would you rate Lexie on a scale from one to ten? Did she satisfy you in all the ways you require?” I continue deflecting because I do not trust myself. I don’t know what is happening in Sebastian’s head right now. “Next time she comes back, I’d appreciate a warning. I live here, too, and I don’t care to listen to you two again.”
“Her name was Lucy, and it was a one-time thing,” he says, pausing before continuing. “I don’t think she’ll be coming back.”
“So you used her for sex,” I deduce. I can read between the lines.
“We were mutually using each other to get someone else out of our heads,” he says bluntly. Is Sebastian implying that I’m the someone he’s trying to get out of his head?Am I supposed to be flattered he resorted to screwing another girl to take his mind off me?
Bash’s stare is unwaveringly focused on me. Usually, this is the part where we’re interrupted by someone else stopping the conversation before we can say something we’ll regret. Except Owen’s gone tonight, which means it has to be one of us.
I look away, resuming my focus on my computer. My heart skips a beat when his large hand rests on my arm. “Lia, what’s going on?”
I inhale sharply, losing my ability to hold my tongue. I am done. I switch to French because I know how ridiculous it sounds in English. It sounds equally ridiculous either way, but at least this way, I can say what I want without ruining everything. “I was going to ask if I could climb you like a tree so we can end this little game because I’m done playing.”
“Thalia, English, please.”
I shut my computer, looking Sebastian dead in the eye. “Will you have sex with me?”