Chapter Sixteen - Thalia
“SO, HOW WAS it?” Penelope asks immediately after answering my call, and I switch to French as I walk to my next class. It’s been a few days, and I don’t know how to be around him. The sex was just sex. I must keep reminding myself of that because all I can think about is how Sebastian looked at me before I left his room.
“He’s all yours. You won’t be disappointed.”
“I didn’t think you’d follow through! Tell me everything, and don’t leave a single detail out.”
“Um, well.” I feel my cheeks flush. “It was enough to get him out of my system hopefully. It was fun. I think we both got out of it what we wanted.” I learned I might have a new kink called Sebastian Walker. Definitely didn’t get it out of my system. It was just sex, but sex I want to have again. Damnit.
“Lia, sweetie, you’re not telling me what I want to know! Stop tiptoeing around it.”
I adjust the strap of my backpack that’s being weighed down by my history books. “I’m not tiptoeing around anything. What do you want to hear? There’s nothing soft about him? He bites? Sebastian made me beg for him to fuck me? He has a filthy mouth that is as hot as he is? That he succeeded in giving me an orgasm and that I blew him?”
“And after all that, you’re just done? You’re not going to dip your toe in the water again?” she asks, causing me to hesitate.
I blow a raspberry, fully aware that this is a mess I took from bad to worse by actually following through with it. “Pen, the whole reason we had sex was to get rid of the tension between us—the one time. The second I put on that stupid lingerie you had me buy, I was jumping in feet first. There’s no more dipping my toe in the water.”
I find a bench to sit on because this conversation is far from over. So what if I end up missing class? It’s not as if history is going to be rewritten. The time difference between Penelope and I makes it hard to have actual conversations more than once a week if we’re lucky. I don’t trust myself not to make an ass of myself if I don’t talk the situation out with her.
“But you want to have sex again with him?”
“Of course I do.” I shake my head, my brain unable to keep up with the whiplash. “No. Okay, maybe? I don’t know. I’m glad Owen was on his way back, or I don’t know if I could have left his room. It was that good, Penelope.”
Penelope pauses, probably to think about everything I just threw at her. I don’t know what I’m doing. “Do you think he wanted you to leave?”
I close my eyes, forcing the image of Sebastian’s face out of my head. “Sebastian told me that I didn’t have to go yet. Except I did, or we were going to get caught. I did us both a favor.”
A small part of me has been wondering what if we did get caught? Would that have been such a bad thing?
“Would it be so bad if it weren’t just a one-time thing?” she continues as I look around campus to people-watch.
“Who knows?” I say vaguely, sighing. “We’re not good for each other. We keep hurting each other. It’s a cycle of insanity.”
“I love you, but have you considered that maybe you are good for each other? Easy love is boring, and you are anything but boring. Plus, he’s hot and good at sex. I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him as an option,” Penelope teases, but I don’t laugh. She clears her throat, quickly recovering. “Have you had an honest conversation with him about the argument you guys had before you left?”
I snort and roll my eyes. “I can’t do boring; you’re right about that. We haven’t talked about it, and odds are, we probably never will. Bash can’t take back what he said, and neither can I. You can’t rewrite history.”
“So move past it. You’re making this harder on yourself than it needs to be.”
“I blame you for the mess I’ve gotten myself into. ‘Just climb him like a tree, and everything will be fine!’ Sure.” I reply sarcastically, and Penelope laughs on the other side of the world.
“You’re being dramatic. I think the problem is that you have feelings for him, which is why sex didn’t solve everything for you,” she theorizes, and I hate that there’s a part of me agreeing with her. “Anyway, I’m so excited to see you that I changed my ticket. Maybe it’ll help you abstain from jumping his bones again.”
“Very funny.”
“I can always change it back to my original flight, but I figured it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission in this case,” Penelope says, but I don’t want to get my hopes up yet.
“So when would you get here?” I ask, pulling up my calendar on my phone.
“I’ll get there this Sunday if you’re all right with me crashing at your place for an extra week?”
My jaw drops, and I can’t believe it. This might be the best thing I think I’ve ever heard. “Of course. However, I should warn you that Bash and Owen might not appreciate your lack of clothes. You should pack extra.”
She laughs lively, and I smile at the sound of it. “Got it. I’m excited to meet this man of yours. I wouldn’t want to make his head explode.”
“Not my man, but I don’t even have words for how excited I am to have you here. It’s nothing compared to Paris, but I can’t wait to show you everything.”
“Perfect! I’ll send you my flight details, but can you try to stop denying yourself love, Thalia? Don’t be afraid to climb the tree a second time. I expect an update in a few days!” Penelope throws out there, hanging up before I can protest. I’m not denying myself of love. That’s not what it is with Sebastian. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s not that. I will also not be climbing the tree again.
I look at the time and could probably make it to class, but I don’t want to. I pop into the library, and sitting at one of the tables by the great wall of windows is Landon. He’s intently staring at his laptop, and I turn to go in the opposite direction when Landon looks up, waving at me. Oh fuck. Now, it will be awkward if I turn around to walk away.
I force my feet forward until I sit in the seat next to him. Perfect. “Hey, Landon. What’s up?” I would rather be anywhere but here. Maybe I need to swear off men and avoid them altogether. I think the Amazon women were onto something.
“Just some biology assignment. You know anything about evolution?” He smiles easily at me, and I relax in my seat.
“Unfortunately, that’s not the area of history I study. Didn’t humans used to be monkeys or something like that?”
Landon laughs, giving no hint of feeling uncomfortable. I’m glad one of us is fine. I can pretend to be fine, but I’m nervous about saying the wrong thing. “Something like that. Are you here to study? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in the library.”
“Something like that,” I tease with a smile. “I’m skipping class. I have a case of I didn’t feel like going. You should try it sometime.” We share a brief laugh, and Landon shakes his head at me.
“I wish I came down with that today. I’m so tired all the time.”
I feel that. My sleep occurs even less now. All I can do is lie there thinking about him in the next room. I totally got him all out of my system. “How’s basketball going?” I ask, taking a relatively safe conversation path.
He grimaces, and I guess I’m wrong about it being a safe conversation. This is what happens when your friends avoid you after rejecting them. “Coach is going to work us to death. This is the first time he hasn’t run us ragged in days. The trainers made him give us the day off because they’re tired of patching us up.”
“Damn, that really sucks. I’m sorry.” I feel bad because that sounds horrible.
“It’s part of the sport. I knew it going in. I’m used to it, but it can make it difficult to keep up with classes,” he explains, motioning to the books in front of him. I give Landon a sympathetic look, and he clears his throat. “Listen, Thalia, I want to apologize for the night at the party. I’ve liked you for a while.” He laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t want a silly crush to ruin our friendship. I feel bad that I haven’t reached out, but I’m a little embarrassed because Vera told me you felt the same way I do. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you have to, but I’m trying to make sense of it all.”
I can’t help the shock that runs through me at the new information I’m learning. It makes me see the conversation the other day in the bathroom in a whole new light. Why didn’t Vera give me a heads up that she knew Landon was going to ask me out or that she told him I reciprocated his feelings? I have never told Vera that. None of this is making any sense.
“Vera?” I ask, trying to keep how baffled I am by this information separate from his apology.
Landon’s face shifts, and he looks as confused as I am. “Did you not tell her that?”
“No. I don’t even see her all that often anymore. We hang out sometimes, but it’s not how it was before I left,” I clarify, refusing to let my mind run rampant. I quickly clear my throat. “Seriously, Landon, don’t worry about it. I’ve missed talking to you. We don’t have to make it awkward.”
“I appreciate that. I’ve missed being around you. You make everything so much more fun and chaotic,” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “Thanks for understanding. I’m sure the thing with Vera is just a misunderstanding. I probably heard her wrong.”
“Maybe.” I smile, forcing a short laugh.
~
Owen and Blake are each grumbling over different assignments they have. Meanwhile, I’m working on a paper worth 15 percent of my grade. Blake has followed through on her French lessons by asking me words every few minutes.
I’m unsure where Sebastian is, but I can certainly focus better knowing he’s not in the apartment.
“How do you say food?”
“Nourriture,” I respond, typing a few more words on my screen.
She taps her pencil on the table. “How do you use it in a sentence?”
“J’ai faim, j’ai besoin de nourriture. I’m hungry, I need food.”
Owen yawns, stretching widely. “Blake, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably not going to pick up anything before her friend arrives in two weeks. Especially not if you’re flying to California this weekend.”
“It’s just a few days,” Blake says, but Owen looks away. Okay, definitely weird vibes there.
“Actually, Penelope changed her flight; she gets in this Sunday. She changed it to spend some more time here. I guess Paris is too boring for her now without me there.”
Blake groans, dropping her head back in defeat. “Seriously? I’ll never keep up with the two of you. I don’t know how anyone can think Paris is too boring. Please take me with you one day; I know you miss it.”
“You’ll have to ask her yourself. You’re right; I do miss France. Everything seemed easier there,” I mumble the last part under my breath, but Owen catches it. Half the time, I swear he can’t hear anything I’m saying, but this? This he hears?
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I reopen my computer, regretting that I let the comment slip in the first place. “Oh, nothing. Just something I’ve been thinking about.” I’m second-guessing everything with Vera after having a few days to think about her split personality. I also haven’t been able to stop thinking about the dirty, hot sex I had with Sebastian. Thankfully, Penelope coming early has given me something else to think about.
The further into the semester we get, the more I remember why I loved living in France. Working as a freelance photographer was satisfying because I didn’t have to answer to anyone.
My portfolio was extensive before France, but during France, I took trips nearly every week to a different area of the country, making plenty of money for someone my age. It was quite an adventure.
Writing papers and attending class daily is definitely not an adventure.
“So when you, Bash, and Vera were all home for the summer, did you guys hang out often?” I ask, trying to be subtle, because I’m still reeling from my earlier conversation with Landon. I’ve been unable to get it out of my mind.
Something had to have changed while I was gone. I know I’m different, but it’s a good kind of different. The Vera I’ve been noticing since coming back is an entirely different person than the one I said goodbye to all those months ago. I don’t understand what happened, but maybe I haven’t been asking the right questions.
Owen shrugs. “Sebastian and I saw each other every day. Vera was around more than I expected her to be with you gone, but it wasn’t a bad thing.”
I feel ridiculous. I’m not a suspicious person, and I’m really not. There’s just something about this situation rubbing me the wrong way. I don’t enjoy thinking about it, but I can’t help it.
“Was she acting differently or something?” I’m trying so hard to be nonchalant about all this, but I feel like I’m failing miserably. I can somehow hide everything that’s been going on with Sebastian, but when trying to ask about Vera, my brother reads me like an open book.
“Did something happen with you guys? She hasn’t been around much lately?” he asks, pushing his textbook to the side. Owen’s a better student than I am; I would have thrown it out the window a while ago.
I look down at my lap, avoiding his scrutiny. “Nothing happened. I think we’re just drifting apart. I’m overthinking something that Landon told me earlier. By the way, when will you shave that hideous beard?” My quick attempt at changing the topic doesn’t slip either of their attention. I hate being friends with intelligent people.
Owen rolls his eyes, irritated that I’m bringing this up again. “First of all, my beard isn’t going anywhere. I’d have weird facial tan lines if I shaved it now. Secondly, I didn’t realize you were talking to Landon again. Blake, did you know?”
“Nope. This is the first I’ve heard of it. It’s a good idea; you should shave your beard.”
I laugh and stick my tongue out at her. “You know, I can have good ideas, like getting rid of his truck! That stupid thing is about two starts away from breaking down.”
“Nice try, Thalia. What’s going on with you and Vera? You guys have been friends too long to let petty shit get between you.”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare at my unfinished essay. I have a few days to do it, but I’d rather get it done sooner than later. I want to hike in the nearby state park for some new photographs. It’ll help me clear my head of any filthy thoughts lingering about Sebastian.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll figure it out. She told Landon that I was interested in him, and I just…I don’t know why she’d do that.”
“That’s weird, but maybe she thought she was helping you?” He shrugs and shakes his head, playing off the idea that I’ve also considered. “You’ll figure it out. You guys always do.”
Blake rolls her eyes at Owen. “If you think something is off, can you ask her about it? What did she have to say about Landon?”
“I would think I could, but I honestly don’t know. Vera said she thought I would be interested in him if Landon told me how he felt.”
“Maybe you’re overthinking this if you’ve been friends for a long time?” she questions, and I can see where she’s coming from.
“You’re probably right. I don’t know. How’s your man? Are you excited for your trip?” I deflect, noting how Owen’s gaze flicks up to watch her. He likes her. The least he could do is be a little less obvious about it.
She hesitates, staring at her computer. “I don’t know. I bought the ticket, but he’s been acting weird. I’m not sure if I have time to go anymore; a lot is coming up in my classes.”
I feel bad having this conversation in front of Owen, but I’m done talking about Vera. “I’m sure Thomas just misses you. Distance is hard, but taking even a few days to see him could be exactly what you need.”
Blake smiles appreciatively at me. “Now I’m the one overthinking it. I’m sure you’re right.”
I clap my hands excitedly. “So, Owen?”
“What do you want?” He’s staring intently at his textbook, pretending he doesn’t care that Blake is supposed to be flying across the country to visit her boyfriend in a few days.
“How do you know I want something?”
“Because you always want something. What is it?”
I let his comment roll off my shoulders. We were just talking about my friend’s boyfriend, who is also the girl he likes. I don’t blame Owen for being a little snippy now. I feel bad for him. It sucks wanting someone you can’t have. “Can I borrow your truck tomorrow?”
Owen laughs in disbelief, his brown eyes widening. “I’m sorry, you want to drive my baby tomorrow after making fun of her a few minutes ago? That’s some twisted logic there.”
“Please? I promise next time we go home, I’ll grab my car and bring it back. Then you don’t have to worry about me asking to drive your precious baby. Just this one time?” I plead, slipping an extra bit of sweetness in my voice.
“You can borrow her under the condition that she comes back unscathed.”
“I’d never dream of hurting her.” Honestly, it’s more likely to be the other way around. I’m worried hitting a pothole will set off the airbags and break my face.
“How do you say tree?” Blake asks, and I chuckle as I type the next sentence in my essay.
“Arbre. Grimpe-le comme un arbre.”
I can’t help but giggle after the example I used. It describes perfectly what I did with Sebastian a few days ago, with the bonus neither of them can understand me beyond the word tree. However, Blake gives me a look that tells me she’s pretty sure she knows exactly what I said. Oh fuck, I did tell her what Penelope suggested I do. I forgot about that.
“The spelling bee is getting annoying. Give it up, Blake,” Owen says, jotting more notes onto his homework.
She rolls her eyes to my amusement. “After you give up your beard.”