Chapter Seventeen - Sebastian
THALIA IS LEANING against Owen’s truck when I approach the small lot. I recognize this place from Mimi bringing me here when I was younger. The frown on Thalia’s face makes it abundantly clear about what kind of mood she’s in, not that I can blame her. I’d be pissed if I were in the situation she found herself in. Selfishly, I’m glad Owen couldn’t come, and he asked me to go instead, because she’s been avoiding me like the plague.
Her blonde hair is pulled back into some braid, and her camera hangs from her neck. “I think the boots sell the outfit.” I can’t help but tease, trying to lighten the mood. Thalia rolls her eyes, and I’m shocked they’re not stuck at the back of her head by now.
“Owen’s stupid truck crapped out on me. Figures,” Lia responds tightly, ignoring my comment. I walk up to her, and defiantly, she stands her ground. I don’t miss the sharp intake of her breath when I reach past Thalia to grab her bag from the back of the truck. It makes me feel less crazy for not being able to get her out of my mind.
“Did you get anything good today?” I ask after stepping away, giving her space again.
“Actually, I did. I was in a pretty good mood until I realized I was right about my brother’s pride and joy being two starts from breaking. Certainly put a real damper on my day.” She blows a piece of hair out of her face. “I thought I called Owen to come pick me up?”
I shrug, trying to play it cool when I’m actually a nervous wreck around her. “And he called me. Said he had something going on.” He was at Amelia’s, but I’m not supposed to say anything about it to Thalia.
Thalia looks uneasy. “Do we wait for the tow or…?”
“Yeah. Did they say how long it would be?” I ask her, leaning against the bed of Owen’s truck.
“I called them right after I called Owen, so it’ll hopefully only be a half hour at the most,” she says, moving past me to drop the tailgate and climbing into the bed. “You’re welcome to stand, but I feel it’ll probably be longer. There’s plenty of room.”
I still do my best to give her space because she’s been avoiding me for a few days now, but my leg ends up pressed against hers.I don’t know what I did to make her act this way around me. I’ve been trying to figure out what I said wrong that day, but it doesn’t make sense to me. Lia was happy and relaxed, but then she wasn’t.
Thalia is pressing buttons on her camera, and I pull my phone out, but the tension is thick. “Haven’t you heard you’re not supposed to go hiking alone? What if you came across a bear or a serial killer?” I ask, trying to lighten the air.
“Bears aren’t too bad. You have to make yourself loud and large to scare them away,” she replies, leaning over to show me what’s on her tiny screen. “This is why I came by myself. It’s hard to find people that will sit and wait for the perfect shot.”
Even on the tiny screen, it’s easy to see that it’ll be incredible when she blows it up. “Maybe you’re just not hanging out with the right people.” I want to sit and wait while Thalia tries to get the perfect shot.
Lia looks skeptically at me, picking up precisely what I’m putting down. “Bash, I’m pretty sure we’re at the point where we don’t need to tiptoe around saying something. If you want to go hiking with me, then say it.”
“That’s not what I’m getting at. I’m just saying that most of your friends here aren’t into the same things you’re into,” I explain, chuckling because imagining Vera out here with Thalia is funny.We all used to go hiking in high school, but now? She would never.
“I’m sure if I asked Landon, he would come,” she muses, and I can’t hide the look of surprise on my face.
“I didn’t realize you guys were talking again.”
Her fingers are tapping rapidly on her knee. “He apologized. I guess Landon only asked because Vera told him I liked him.”
I hate how that hurts to hear. It was just sex between us. I shouldn’t be jealous of Landon, especially after she was adamant about not liking him. The same could be said for how Thalia feels about me, but that doesn’t change our chemistry.
“Do you?”
She laughs dryly, looking at me with annoyance. At least that hasn’t changed. “Yes, Sebastian. I’m so interested in him that I got plastered after he asked me out, and then I had sex with you. I definitely like him.”
I feel slightly better. “Why would Vera tell him that?” I ask, ignoring the bite in her voice.
“That’s what I was out here trying to figure out. I couldn’t come up with an answer that made sense. It all sounds ridiculous now that I’m saying it out loud.”
“I’m sorry.”
Thalia pulls one of her legs up to her chest to rest her chin on her knee. “It’s not your fault; I don’t want you to apologize. I should be apologizing for my attitude. I’m acting like an asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole. I would know.” I bump her shoulder with mine. “I don’t know how to help with Vera.”
“I don’t need your help; you don’t owe me anything, Sebastian,” she says stubbornly, but I would expect nothing less from Thalia. We took one tiny step forward and three giant steps back.
“I do. An apology that I should have said a long time ago,” I start to say, except Thalia can’t help opening her mouth.
“Stop—”
I let out a frustrated sigh, cutting her off. “Will you just let me apologize without interrupting me?” Her mouth surprisingly shuts, and I sit back against the truck. “I’m sorry that I came and kissed you at your dorm without saying anything. I should have asked first, and I should have talked to you after Owen left. It hurt hearing what you said to him, even though you said it to protect my friendship with him. At least, that’s why I think you said it.”
I’m doing what Mimi said I should do and apologizing. It’s long overdue. I don’t know how to tell her the real reason why her words hurt me so much. I’ve never said the truth out loud to anyone before. I haven’t bought Thalia flowers like I told Mimi I would, but I’m starting in the right direction.
Thalia’s face softens as she turns to look at me. “I’m sorry for saying it. I panicked. Owen was there asking questions, and you were in the bathroom. I…was overwhelmed. I didn’t mean any of it, but I was trying to protect your friendship. I was trying to protect you.”
“I know,” I whisper, shame crawling all over my skin at how I treated Thalia after what I heard. It took me a long time to look past what she said and to look at why she said it. The splash of freckles across her nose is more noticeable today, momentarily attracting my attention. “I get it now. It was a lot.” I can’t help letting my attention fall to her soft lips. I’d give anything to kiss her again.Thalia’s so damn pretty. I was a fool to think once would be enough.
Thalia surprised me the other day. I didn’t know that sex could be fun and erotic at the same time. It caught me off guard, but it also solidified a major issue. For a moment, I didn’t care that Owen could catch us. I didn’t want her to leave my room because I liked holding her.
Thalia surprises me again by laughing softly. “I could have handled it better, but I appreciate the apology. ”
“Lia, what if I don’t want a ceasefire?” The words are terrifying, but I can’t cram them back into my throat once they fall out.
Her green eyes widen with alarm. “What are you trying to say?” Oh shit, there’s a real possibility this isn’t going to go well. I should have just stopped while we were having a pleasant conversation.
“What if it wasn’t just the one time? When we’re not fighting and at each other’s throats, we could…” I trail off as Thalia gapes at me. Maybe this is just something I want and not something she wants.
“We could what? Continue screwing? What the fuck, Bash? I’m worth more than that, and I know it. Just because I sucked your dick doesn’t mean you get to ask me to be your fuck buddy,” she fumes, climbing out of the truck bed quickly.
Oh shit.That’s not where I was going with it. Honestly, it’s a little contradictory, considering she is the one who asked me to have sex with her in the first place.
“Thalia, can you wait and let me explain?” I call out as she stomps away from me. I climb out of the truck bed, following after her.
Thalia stops and yells at me in French, almost identically to how she did on the day at the beach after I threw her into the ocean. If this keeps happening, then maybe I need to learn how to speak French. Seriously? What is wrong with me? She has me contemplating learning a whole new language just so I can understand her when she’s mad, and Thalia thinks I want to be fuck buddies with her. We are clearly on two different wavelengths.
“Je suis confuse et tu veux savoir si je peux être ta putain de pote que tu baisse? Sébastien, t’es un connard encore plus gros que ce que pensais si tu penses que c’est quelque chose qui m’intéresserai puisque nous avons couché ensemble une fois. Cela devait nous débarrasser de la tension mais bien s?r, tu en demande plus. Que veux tu de plus de moi?’”
She’s breathing heavily when she finishes, and I warily step toward Thalia. “Lia, you don’t understand what I’m saying, just like I can’t understand what you’re saying. The only difference is I’m speaking English. I guess I’m doing a shitty job at it. I’m not good at this, but I think about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my head. I thought once would be enough, but do you know how badly I want you to be someone else’s sister?”
I look down at her and see the same vulnerability in Thalia that she only lets make an appearance in the middle of the night. This is the girl I kissed the night before she went to France for fifteen months. This is the same girl I have feelings for that I can’t will into nonexistence.
“Do you know how long I’ve wished you weren’t Owen’s sister? How guilty I’ve felt for wanting to be something other than your brother’s best friend to you? You are the most frustrating person I’ve ever met, but I can promise you I don’t want you for only your body, no matter how fucking unbelievably pretty you are.”
Thalia bites her lip to keep from speaking, and I have to put my hands behind my head to resist reaching for her. I’ve been burned by this girl one too many times. I should sit in my car and wait for the tow truck to arrive. This was stupid.I need to forget Thalia and this ridiculous notion.
She shakes her head slowly. “What are you saying?”
Does Lia really need me to spell it out for her? Have I treated her that awful?
My hands drop, and I tilt my head, trying to keep my nervousness off my face. “I’m saying that I like you. I want to try being with you. I don’t want the ceasefire because it means no more banter between us. It means boring and nice. Lia, you said it yourself: you don’t want nice.”
“What makes you think I want you? What about my brother?” she asks, holding her head high.
“If you can honestly say you feel nothing for me, I’ll walk away. I’ll leave you alone and only be your brother’s best friend.”
Mimi, I hope you’re right about this.I hope that Thalia is worth me risking my best friend.
“You would do that?” she asks, and I suck in a sharp breath before nodding once.
“I would,” I admit quietly. “I hope I don’t have to.”
“I’m scared to let you in, Sebastian,” Thalia whispers, taking a small step forward. My hands are itching to reach for her. “We hurt each other, and I don’t want to get hurt.”
“We don’t have to hurt each other.” I close the gap between us, almost expecting her to spook. My heart is pounding erratically in my chest. Am I imagining things? Have I made all of this up in my head? Thalia exhales slowly, peering up at me through thick lashes. She curls her fingers around the fabric of my shirt, pulling me down to meet her halfway. The second I feel her lips brush against mine, I kiss her back immediately.
Thalia wraps her arms around my neck, and I smile against her lips before pulling back. She still looks reserved, so I kiss her again, hoping to get rid of her fears. I’ve been such an idiot. She’s always been right in front of me, and now I will have to figure out how to explain to Owen I have feelings for his sister.
I’m not quite sure what this all will look like, but I think this means she’s willing to try with me. It’s probably more than I deserve.
The loud honk of the tow truck breaks us apart, and Thalia chuckles before smiling. “Guess it took them the right amount of time.”
I debate asking the driver to come back in twenty minutes. “Only you could make a joke right now. Do I even want to know what you yelled at me in French?”
“Probably not,” she answers, and I smile, appreciating the honesty.
Thalia gives the keys to the driver, who is trying to keep a straight face when looking at us.
“That’s a pretty sweet ride,” he says, looking at my car. Sometimes, I feel stupid for having gotten the car I did. I guess it’s an expected decision after turning twenty-one with a stupid amount of money in my account. I’d trade the money for my family back in a heartbeat. A year later, I still love it.It might sound stupid to anyone else, but the car makes it a little easier to stomach how alone I feel sometimes.
“It is,” I agree, clearing my throat awkwardly. “Will you take the truck to Frank’s shop? He has a separate inventory specifically for this truck because it breaks down so often.” I force a laugh while Thalia busies herself, putting her stuff in the trunk of my car, and he nods.
“You got it. Can I get a copy of your license for the paperwork?” the driver asks, and I pull my wallet out of my pocket, handing it over without a second thought. “Hey, aren’t you the quarterback at Duke?”
I rub the back of my neck, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Yes, sir.”
“Consider this tow on the house. Just keep winning games for us. The program wouldn’t be what it is without you.”
“I appreciate it, but I have to refuse due to regulations. Thank you; I’ll do my best.” I smile politely at him, but I hate it when people tell me that. The program was there long before me and will be there long after. A player doesn’t make the team. It’s the work that everyone puts into it.
I shake the hand that he offers me before turning to meet Thalia at my car. She looks at me curiously. “What’d he say to you?”
“Nothing.” I slide into the driver’s seat, starting the engine. “Why?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.
“Because you look like you swallowed a lemon after the coolest girl agreed to give you a chance. Nothing should have been able to dim your smile,” she teases playfully, in a much better mood than when I got here.
Damn, if hearing Lia say that doesn’t put a smile back on my face. She is the coolest. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine,” I insist as I start the drive down the mountain. “I guarantee that tow will still cost Owen a pretty penny to fix the damn thing.”
We spend most of the drive back in silence, but it’s a good kind of silence. I convinced myself that Thalia was a distraction, but maybe the distraction was denying myself what I wanted. Plenty of guys on the team have girlfriends, and they’re fine.
The only problem is Owen.
Fuck, he’s going to be so mad at me. I know, at some point, he’ll get over it, but it’s a crappy situation, no matter what way you spin it. I might leave out the kissing and hooking-up part when I tell him. I don’t think he needs all the details.
Thalia isn’t the only thing I need to come clean about.
I know it’s not fair to hide the truth of Mimi’s condition from Owen and Thalia. I haven’t found the courage or words to explain to them that Mimi is a ghost of the person they love. I’m just not ready.
“Now what are you thinking about?”
I glance over at her. “Truth or lie?”
Thalia smiles at me, which will take some getting used to. I’ll miss her scowl—actually, I’m sure I’ll do something at some point to deserve seeing it again. “What do you think?”
“Owen.”
She rests her hand on top of mine. “What if we just lie low until after my birthday? I mean, what are two weeks going to matter in the grand scheme? That gives us time to figure this out without Owen piping in how he feels.” Thalia falls silent for a moment before asking the real question. “How mad do you think he’ll be?”
Based on his reaction to Brooks saying something pretty harmless not long ago, I’m going to expect the worst. “I don’t know. He is going to have to get used to it.”
Her hand tightening around mine gives me hope of a reality that I haven’t let myself consider.
A reality where I can hope for more.