Chapter Thirty-One - Thalia
“I’M NOT DRINKING tonight,” I remind Blake, except it’s more of a reminder for myself. The last time I drank, I ended up crawling into bed with Sebastian. Granted, I needed that full night of sleep; I could probably use another. I prefer to avoid putting myself in that situation again.
“That’s so boring. Why not?” she asks, jutting her painted red lip into a pout. I shrug, playing with the flimsy material of my dress. I’m supposed to be an angel while Blake is the devil; it’s almost ironic, considering our personalities are opposite our costumes.
Blake’s auburn hair is curled, but her front pieces are pulled back with a headband attached to glittery devil horns. She’s wearing an outfit of all red leather, and I’m wearing a white lace slip with a garter that could classify as lingerie. I didn’t bother with much makeup; my splash of freckles are on full display, and a coat of mascara has made my green eyes pop.
“Because I’m an angel. I don’t think we’re supposed to participate in acts of sin. Being sober for one night won’t kill me,” I add in because, if anything, it will help me stay sane. “I can’t wait for Owen to see you in that costume. You look hot enough to belong in hell,” I tease. Blake rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling.I’m glad she’s coming out of her break-up funk.
“What do you think Sebastian will do when he sees you in lingerie? At least I’m wearing real clothes.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes because all he will do is tell me to put more clothes on. He isn’t my boyfriend, nor the boss of me. Me staying in his room one night to finally get some fucking sleep doesn’t mean anything has changed.
To my surprise, Bash hasn’t mentioned it once. I thought he’d see my moment of weakness as a victory to lord over my head. He said good morning, asked how I slept, and left as if I hadn’t crawled into his bed kinda drunk.
It was stupid of me to do that. I still can’t believe I did it. Not sleeping is making me slowly go crazy. Maybe Owen is right for once. I should see a doctor and tell them how much worse my insomnia has become. In high school, I tried every variation of a sleeping pill, but I hated how they made me feel the next day.
A glass of red wine works, but only to an extent. I still wake in the middle of the night, tossing and turning with an itch to get up and wander that I can’t permanently scratch. It’s quite a disaster, but it’s nothing I’m not already familiar with.
“Bash can look all he wants, but he can’t touch me without anyone seeing tonight. That’s the beauty of a good party. There’s eyes everywhere,” I muse, brushing through my curled blonde hair to create soft waves that fit the angelic look.
Blake raises an eyebrow at me. “Oh, so he’s Bash now? I haven’t heard you call him that since your party. Did anything change?”
“Absolutely not. I hate him.”
“You so do not hate him.”
“I wish I did. It’d be a lot simpler,” I say, frowning. So much simpler.
She grins widely at me, like she knows something I don’t. “Love is never simple.”
My jaw hangs open as I spin to look at her in disbelief. “You’re insane if you think Sebastian and I are in love. We didn’t even make it long enough to tell my brother we were a couple.”
“I’m crazy, but I think you’re crazy in love.” Blake sticks her tongue out playfully at me.
“Absolutely not,” I counter quickly. “You belong in an asylum.”
“How long have you had feelings for him?” she asks curiously.
I’ve had a crush on Sebastian since my sophomore year of high school. He always saw me as Owen’s little sister, or at least that’s what I assumed. Then his grandfather died, and it didn’t feel right saying anything. He went to college while I graduated. I got into Duke, and I was so excited. I had this ridiculous notion that Bash would see me as a grown-up outside of the environment that we grew up in. I was delusional. Sebastian did act differently, but not in the way I wanted. He acted like I was a mere bug that wouldn’t leave him alone for months. I wasn’t trying to annoy him, but it helped that Owen was his best friend, so I feigned missing my brother. Then I kissed him at that stupid party when I was drunk, and it felt like my old Sebastian again. Kissing, fighting, France, fighting again, sex, car breaking down, relationship, breaking up, fight. I guess it is pretty simple.
“I’m not answering that question. How long have you had feelings for my brother?”
“All right. Fair enough. Do you have any alcohol in here?”
I point to my desk drawer. “There should be a flask with some vodka in there if you want it. Who would the devil be without her very own flask?”
Blake finds it quickly and takes a long swig. She sputters, trying to regain her composure. “Are you sure you don’t want some liquid courage before going dressed like that?”
“If you got it, flaunt it,” I smirk, adjusting the headpiece around my forehead. Dear lord, they’re going to kill me. I’m not sure which one is going to be worse. Actually, it will probably be Sebastian; Owen will be too busy looking at Blake to notice me.
The dress covers everything, but it helps that I’m not the tallest. I guarantee I’m still wearing more than most first-year sorority girls who will be there tonight.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Of all the pictures I’ve taken of Sebastian, this might be the one I wished I could capture the most. He’s dressed as a police officer, and I like a man in uniform. Shit. I’m not supposed to think he’s sexy.
First, his jaw drops, then it snaps shut and tightens. Sebastian has almost a feral look in his eyes as they roam up my legs to the tiny slip I’m wearing, lingering slightly on my breasts. He’s making this too easy. I smile politely at him, giving a little wave and walking right up to him. “Keys, please.”
For now, Owen’s too busy staring at Blake to notice my costume yet.
“What?” Sebastian asks hoarsely, and I hold my hand out expectantly.
“I’m the designated driver tonight. Keys, please.”
He shakes his head, his brain finally processing what I’m asking for. “Absolutely fucking not.”
I roll my eyes and reach into the front pocket of his pants for the keys, since he wouldn’t give them to me. I did allow him the chance to hand them over first. “Oops,” I whisper with a quick wink, and I don’t think it is possible for his eyes to get that dark.
“Thalia, what are you doing?” Sebastian asks through gritted teeth as I hold them up victoriously.
I maneuver around him to the door. “Are you guys ready to go or what?”
Blake giggles and moves past to join me at the door. “Thalia’s right. We don’t want to be late.”
Then Owen notices, and the disapproval is evident on his face. Except to my surprise, he doesn’t say anything. He nods, and I almost want to laugh because I expected so much more from him. Even Bash looks stunned by Owen’s lack of protest.
We arrive at the Phi Delts house just in time to snag one of the last street parking spots, and I toss the keys back to Sebastian. “Care to hold onto those for me? I don’t have any storage unless you think they’ll clip to my garter belt?”
He scowls but doesn’t say anything as Owen helps Blake out of the car. I don’t miss how his hand lingers on the small of her back possessively as we enter the party.
Owen’s staking his claim on Blake, and it’s cute when they do it. I can confidently say that if Sebastian tries that shit with me tonight, I actually will throat-chop him.
I march into the fraternity house after them, knowing that Sebastian is on my heels. I try to slip away once we’re inside, but I’m unsuccessful. Whenever I turn around, Sebastian is glaring at any guy who even bothers looking my way.
He’s still sipping on the same beer he was handed when we first walked in. I watch as he stares down another guy, deciding enough is enough. “Can you go find someone else to annoy?” I snap over the loud pulsing of music.
“It’s so much fun annoying you, so why would I stop?”
“Because I want to go dance, but you won’t leave me alone long enough to give me the chance to! You’re scaring every guy off, and I’m tired of it.” I give him a hard stare as he smiles at me.
“I’ll dance with you,” Sebastian offers after sipping his beer again.
That is not the solution here. “No thanks. I’m sure Vera would gladly take you up on that offer. She’s only been staring at you all night.” Shit. That was the wrong thing to say. Sebastian’s smile grows wider, and I shouldn’t have let him know I noticed her watching him.
He finishes his beer quickly and pulls me to the dining hall turned dance floor. Instead of dancing with Sebastian, I turn around to dance with the guy behind me. Based on his smile and how he looks me up and down, I’d guess he’s an overeager freshman wanting to get laid. Great. Not who I had in mind, but it’ll piss Sebastian off.
I am too sober for this shit.
But damn does it work. We dance through two songs, with the guy having just worked up the nerve to lean in to talk to me before Sebastian pulls me back by my waist, splaying his hand possessively over my hip. “Thalia, that poor kid looks like he’s about to cream his pants if you dance with him any longer.” His voice tickles my ear as the guy wiggles his eyebrows at me.
It’s awful enough that I turn back around to laugh, resting my head on his chest as I do so. “Oh my god.” I laugh, smiling at Bash, unable to force myself to scowl.
“Thalia Lewis, you’re quite the tease, but I don’t think you need me to tell you that,” he taunts, and I hit the spot where my head was previously resting.
“And you’re quite the asshole Sebastian Walker.”
I wish I could say I wasn’t turned on by his costume, but he wears it well.
“One might even say we go together pretty well,” Sebastian muses, and I step away.I thought the same, but he proved me wrong.
“Yeah, so well we didn’t even make it past the three-week mark,” I reply quickly, and Bash grabs my wrist gently.
His grip is loose enough that I could pull myself away, but part of me is intrigued to hear what he will say next. “Don’t make me handcuff you to me. I don’t trust any of the guys here not to be a little too interested in what’s under your clothes, if you can even call them clothes.”
“But, Bash, that makes you a hypocrite. We both know you’re interested in what’s under my clothes.” I flash him an innocent smile. “Handcuffing is kinky, Officer Walker, but unless you want to follow me into the bathroom while I pee, I’d wait to do that.”
“All right, let’s go. I’ll wait,” he challenges. Really? Not even this will shake him? “For the record, I’m more interested in your heart and mind.”
I ignore him again as I start to make my way to the bathroom, saying hello to some of my friends when I see them. I get a few questioning looks about my very tall and muscular shadow, but all I have to say is Owen made him stay by me all night, and it’ll no longer be a question.
Until he follows me into the bathroom. It’s the first time I can hear all night because the DJ has the music so loud out there. “You didn’t have to follow me into the bathroom. I’m quite capable of going on my own, just like I have my entire life!” Except I don’t have to go; I just wanted to find a way to get him away from me. It’s irritating how well he knows me.
He shrugs, calling my bluff to lean against the wall. “So go. I don’t care.”
I roll my eyes and look in the mirror, happy to see my makeup has remained intact despite how hot it is while dancing. Over my shoulder, Sebastian is watching attentively, and now I decide it’s time to poke the bear. I take a few steps until I’m in front of Sebastian. I’m playing a dangerous game I shouldn’t be; Sebastian makes me insane.
I slip my hand into his front pocket to check and ensure the keys are still there, enjoying his eyes on me. “Thalia, what are you doing? Just go to the bathroom already.”
“I wanted to make sure you were still holding onto the keys for me. Do you mind locking the door?”
Sebastian’s eyes narrow as he tries to figure out what game I’m playing. Maybe he can explain it to me when he figures it out since I have no idea what I’m doing. “They’re my car keys. I’m not going to lose them,” he says, able to reach far enough to lock the door without moving away from me. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“No.” Yes.
He chuckles softly, the sound sending shivers through me. “Not to boost my ego or anything, but I think you want me as badly as I want you. Why don’t you tell me why we really came in here? If you have to go to the bathroom, I’ll go. But to remind you, you asked me to lock us in here. What’s it going to be, little Lia?”
“I don’t know, Officer Walker. Why don’t you tell me if you have everything all figured out?”
Bash leans down and kisses me. He kisses me like a starving man, desperate for more. His lips press roughly against mine, and I loop my arms around his neck as Sebastian moves himself against me. Physical chemistry has never been a problem between us. He pulls away to kiss the sensitive spot on my neck, but it’s his words that cause me to shiver. “I wasn’t kidding about using the handcuffs on you. If we were at the apartment, I’d have no problem cuffing you to my headboard and doing every wicked thing I want to you. Should I start with my fingers, my tongue, or my cock?”
“Fuck you, Sebastian,” I mumble, twisting my fingers through his soft hair. I hate how much I enjoy that idea. I’d love to give Sebastian a taste of his own medicine to make him beg for me to let him come.
“You already have.” He dares to laugh. “I didn’t think angels were supposed to have such dirty mouths.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
And he does. Sebastian’s mouth is just as talented as his hands, and I’m putty in his arms. I moan into his mouth as his hand holds my hip tightly. I keep one hand hanging around his neck for balance as my other one starts to fumble with his belt.
Bash pulls away and looks into my eyes as I relish the sight of his swollen lips. “Are you sure?”
“I want you to fuck me so hard I see Heaven. Can you do that, or do I need to find someone else?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. I don’t want anyone else, but it kicks him into action. Sebastian answers by lifting me at my waist and setting me on the counter’s edge. He watches me intently, unbuckling his belt smoothly. My mouth waters in anticipation because we’ve been dancing around each other all night.
He reaches into his back pocket, and then his face drops. “My wallet’s in the car.”
“So?”
“I don’t have a condom.” Bash groans, his face falling in immediate disappointment.
Fuck, I’m really going to hell now. I guess that makes my new costume a fallen angel. “I have an IUD. Don’t worry about it this time, but if I get an STD from you, I’m going to kill you.”
Bash laughs, and his cheeks are tinged pink. “I’m negative for everything. We get tested with the team every few weeks. You need to be quiet, or I’ll find something to make you quiet.” Part of me is tempted to see what he means by that, except he’s kissing me again. His calloused hand slides up the inside of my thigh, and I lift my hips so he can take my underwear off. Sebastian dips a finger inside of me, and I bite his lip in response.
“You’re so fucking ready for me,” Sebastian whispers against my lips. I hate how right this feels, but I love it. I impatiently shove his pants down to free him. It appears his restraint is waning as well. My dress is quickly bunched at my waist, and he enters me slowly. Sebastian rests his head in the crook of my neck, letting out a low moan of his own as our hips join. I wrap my legs around his waist, locking him into place.
“More please,” I ask breathlessly, holding onto Bash.
And he does what I ask, almost pulling out before snapping his hips forward again roughly. I’m almost certain my lip is bleeding from how tightly I’ve been biting it, but I’m determined to stay quiet to prove his ego wrong. His pace is punishing, taking what I’m offering without any hesitations. “You’re perfect.” He groans against my skin, slipping a hand between us to apply extra stimulation with his talented fingers. I might see Heaven because this feels so good I might die.
I don’t care about anything else right now.
“Bash, I—” My voice falters as I tip over the edge, digging my fingers into his skin as Sebastian shakes underneath me with his release. I don’t have words for what that was, but I feel the immediate wrongness when he peels his body from mine. His heavy breathing matches my own, and one look in the mirror tells me that my hair is an absolute disaster.
Is…is that a fucking hickey on my neck? I turn to glare at Bash, but he’s already cleaning up. I follow suit, going through the motions silently to give my brain a second to catch up. I attempt to fix my hair so it hides the evidence of what’s transpired in the Phi Delta Theta bathroom, but I don’t think there’s any hiding the freshly fucked look. “You gave me a hickey,” I state, and Sebastian smirks. He did it on purpose!
“You only said I couldn’t give you an STD.”
My jaw drops, but I have no quick comeback coming to my mind. I think he fucked me a little too well. “You suck,” I grumble, retreating to unlock the door and rejoin the party.
I set out to find Blake, who is unsurprisingly with Owen, but what’s surprising is that they are pressed together, kissing like there’s no one else in the room. I’m so going to ask her about that later.
I should try to find Stacey since I’m sure she’s here; it’s Jeremy’s fraternity. My nose wrinkles because if anyone discovers what Bash and I did in the bathroom, I’ll never live it down.
Only I run directly into Vera wearing a hippy costume. “Oh, you seem to have lost your bodyguard. I’m shocked you don’t have him on a leash, but if you whistle, Bash will come running.” On the bright side, she’s not trying to hide her opinion. I think the can in her hand might be the reason for it.
“What do you want, Vera?” I ask, putting my hands on my hips, hoping she’ll miss that the fabric is now wrinkled. Then I notice her eyes have narrowed on my neck, and I realize I’m worried about the wrong thing. My hickey. Shit.I’m going to murder Sebastian.
“You’re going to throw away our eleven years of friendship over a guy you couldn’t care less about?” she asks, and my hands clench at my sides. I cannot take a swing at her. Violence isn’t the answer. Our moms are best friends, so no matter how badly I might want to hit her, violence really can’t be my answer. Liquor finally helped Vera find the balls to say this to my face.
“I’m not the one who threw away our friendship over a guy. You did that when you decided to fuck Sebastian, knowing he is important to me! He’s been my friend for eighteen years, so get off your high horse,” I snap, laughing quietly at the ridiculousness of this conversation. I might finally be losing it.
“I love him. I’m in love with him!”
Vera loves Sebastian? What?
“Then stop playing these fucking mind games with me, and tell Bash how you feel instead of telling me. I am not your enemy, Vera, but how you’ve acted since I came back is ridiculous and petty,” I say, trying to keep the hammering of my heart from revealing how shitty that makes me feel. I didn’t know she felt that strongly toward him. It shouldn’t matter how she feels, but while it might have been easy for Vera to flip the switch on our friendship, I’m still playing catch up.
Vera stares at me in disbelief. “I would tell him, but Sebastian doesn’t care about anyone but you! Lia, look at what’s right in front of you! You get everything, and you take it for granted. Do you even see Bash that way, or do you just like having someone always falling at your feet?”
I suck in a sharp breath, hurt by the insinuation I’m playing with him. That’s not who I am, and I thought she knew that. “It’s not my fault you won’t tell him. He’s a good man and deserves better. I deserve better after eleven years of being your best friend, but you had no problem making sure Sebastian and I were still at each other’s throats. You had the nerve to bring Landon into it too. Loving someone is not an excuse to treat your friends like shit. You’re a manipulative bitch, Vera, and you have no one to blame but yourself.”
“Better than being a bitch that leads on her brother’s best friend.”
It takes everything I have in me to keep my cool. It’s a good thing I haven’t been drinking tonight, or I wouldn’t be willing to keep this argument from escalating. I walk away from her, taking the high road, but it doesn’t feel as good as everyone says it does. I make a beeline to Sebastian’s car on the street, except I don’t have the keys since I made sure Sebastian held onto them. Great.
I’m not sure how long I’m out here leaning against Sebastian’s car, trapped in my thoughts, replaying tonight’s events over and over before he finds me. The conclusion I’ve come to is that I messed up big time. The smile on his face fades when he gets close enough to see the expression on mine. “What are you doing out here, Thalia? You have to be freezing.”
He unlocks the car, pulls a jacket out of the trunk, and hands it to me. I hold it in my hands; the simple act of kindness is more than my brain can comprehend. I think about how we were together in that bathroom not even an hour ago. I sniffle and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. “Bash, nothing has changed. Tonight didn’t…it hasn’t changed anything for me.”
“I wasn’t going to assume anything until we had a chance to talk. Put the jacket on, please. It’s cold, and you’re wearing scraps for clothes,” Sebastian says, with the hint of a smile, but I can tell I’ve upset him.This is why we don’t work, no matter how right it might feel.
I want to curl up into a ball and cry. “Can you just take me home, please? I’m tired.”
He surprisingly offers me the keys without a fight. “I should probably stay and keep an eye out for Blake and Owen. We’ll call an Uber.” It might be a good thing he’s staying. It guarantees I go to my bed instead of backsliding into Sebastian’s.
“Thank you,” I say softly, accepting them carefully. I walk around the side of the car to climb in before driving away from him without looking back.