Chapter 19
19
ACE
The one with the smart quotes, if it’s not love it’s just a mess and if it’s a mess someone’s bound to get hurt, and if you’re the someone thinking about the mess, it’s one hundred percent you.
T he reception was loud.
Everyone was drunk.
And I was tired of pretending to be happy.
I wasn’t a good actor anyway, and the more times I had to take pictures with family, with Raven specifically, the more I felt my soul get stolen from me.
It was torture, seeing her in her gorgeous dress, tasting her lips, knowing that they weren’t even mine to taste to begin with.
I decided the only way to absolutely cut my feelings off was to be a complete asshole once we were alone, if that meant I stayed in the bathtub of our hotel room or slept on the floor—so be it.
I couldn’t sleep next to her, not in the same bed, not in my current state.
I’d say something stupid or I’d be tempted to ask if I could hold her.
The last time I held someone they let me only to push me away and stab me days later, so maybe I’d put that one on the shelf permanently.
“Hey!” Ivan slapped me on the back and leaned against me.
“I’m a bit drunk, but it seems like you’re watching Raven like you want to either hunt her and take her down the street to the hotel or you want to see if she’ll stand in front of your car while you put it in drive.”
I snorted out a laugh and shoved away his offer of wine.
“Nah, I want to be sober for tonight.”
His eyes narrowed.
“You mean?—”
“Don’t worry about it. Her body is mine, right? Her life is mine now?” I smirked and walked off then did just like he said.
I grabbed her, put her over my shoulder, and walked toward the doors.
She’d see everyone tomorrow anyway.
Tonight I had to prove to everyone she was mine.
Dante gave me an interesting look once I stopped at the door.
I couldn’t decipher it but he seemed to be projecting a mixture of amusement and respect.
“Beautiful wedding.”
“Yeah.” I looked between him and Phoenix.
“It really was.”
"Put me down!” Raven smacked me in the ass.
I heaved her higher. “Save that for later.”
“You disgusting piece of?—”
“Shhhh, your dad’s right here, plus he knows why we got married, just can’t seem to keep our clothes on when we’re around each other.”
She grumbled something as I nodded my head and walked us to the waiting limo out front. I set her down and let her crawl in on her own then followed suit.
The car immediately started to pull out of the church and onto the road toward the hotel.
We were quiet.
I could still smell her. Taste her. My body wanted her.
She shifted in the leather seat.
I swallowed for the tenth time.
We finally pulled up to the hotel.
“Your bags are already in your room, sir,” our driver said.
I turned and regarded him. He was familiar…but not one of our guys. “Thank you.” Normally I’d ask if he was new. Instead, I grabbed Raven’s hand and walked through the double doors of the boutique hotel, Cellar. It was owned by one of our families and had one of the best rooftop bars in the city. Every room was a suite and had a fireplace along with an extensive private cigar selection.
"Stay close,” I said under my breath when we went to check in.
Already, they had our key cards out for us.
I took the cards and didn’t say a word to the receptionist. They knew not to speak to me unless spoken to first. It was one of the rules if you worked for any of our businesses.
Our business was ours.
Theirs was theirs.
We walked to the elevators.
I looked over my shoulder.
Our driver was currently in the lobby on his phone.
Weird and he wasn’t acting according to typical protocol.
Raven started to get onto the elevator.
I pulled her back and around the corner and put my hand over her mouth.
Footsteps sounded. “Yup, I understand, I’ll make it clean, they’ll probably be too busy to notice. Hah, right? Boss mad? Shocker. Yeah, yeah, heads will roll, the favorite phrase this week. I’ll call when it’s done.”
He was an idiot.
Nobody went after us without signing their own death sentence.
He must be that green or that much in debt, my guess was the latter.
People tended to become extremely blind to things when money was brought to the table.
He got in the elevator.
I pulled Raven with me and walked into the same one and pressed her up against the elevator wall and ran my hand up her thigh.
“Fuck you’re so ready for me, aren’t you?” I leaned into her neck.
“Go with it.”
"Ace!” She let out a moan. “We’re in the elevator. Aren’t their cameras?”
“Nope, not in this one.” I grinned, reached for my gun, quickly turning around and pointing it at his head before he knew what was happening. He’d been watching, distracted. “Hi sunshine, anything you’d like to tell us?"
He gaped.
"They must have offered you a lot knowing you’d probably get killed tonight, so that means they’re testing security. Well, they’ll have to get through me to get to her and I don’t fuck around.” I pointed the gun at his left knee cap and pulled the trigger. “Ouch, must hurt.”
He stumbled, grabbing for the side of the elevator car, screaming, “You lunatic! You broke my knees!”
I shot the other kneecap. With another scream, he collapsed against the floor as blood spewed down his pant legs.
“No, now I broke both of your knees. Who do you work for?”
He went quiet. Then, through gritted teeth, he said, “Kill me.”
I shrugged. “Too easy. I’m more curious than anything. Why don’t you crawl back to where you came from and let them know I’d be open to talking so we can put all this violence behind us, hmmm?”
He frowned. “What?”
“You heard me.” I hit the penthouse button. “This is us. If you follow, breathe, or sneeze in our direction I’m putting a bullet between your eyes, got it?”
"Yes.
”
“Good.” I pulled Raven with me off the elevator.
“Have a lovely evening. What was your name again?”
He stared me down.
“Chuck.”
"Night, Chuck.” I hit the down button and walked over to the penthouse door, scanned our key card and started shrugging out of my jacket.
"Brutal.
” She sighed. “Even for you. He’s going to have to crawl to get anywhere. He’ll be wishing for death.”
"The human body can handle a lot, Raven. Besides, he was staring at your ass, and that’s my ass.”
“Your ass?”
“Yes, I hissed. “Because your life is now mine, and your body as well, so staring at your ass is uncalled for. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him.”
She sat down on the white comforter and leaned back on her elbows. “Didn’t take you for the jealous type.”
She was so stunning, sitting the way she was. I wanted to look anywhere but into her hypnotic eyes. I had no choice, though. I had a lifetime of this ahead of me. I might as well accept it and say thank you even though I’d be living a life of deserved torture. I wondered in that moment if her child would think of me as their dad? Would he or she call me that? Would she let them? Why did I care? This was a business arrangement, nothing more, nothing less. I had to think of it that way so my heart didn’t rip to shreds inside my chest and leave nothing left but lungs without the ability to breathe in oxygen. “I don’t like sharing, remember?”
“I do.” Her eyes flickered to my chest. “I should probably go shower or something and get ready for?—”
“No need.” I pulled her to her feet and started to help her take off her dress. “I’ll get you completely undone first and then I’ll draw you a bath, not too warm, but warm enough to help soothe your muscles.”
"That’s actually nice of you.
”
"I thought of drowning you in it later but?—”
“Very funny.” Her hands shook as I slowly unzipped the back. She had gone for a modern dress thing, very modern, something that screamed Raven Alfero. I loved the easy access. I had no buttons to fight with and yet it didn’t matter did it? How fast or how slow I took off that dress and let it pool on the floor by her blood red heels.
I could look but not touch.
Remember her taste and never have it again.
I slowly tugged the dress down once it was loose enough and let it fall to the ground in a heap. Inwardly, I cursed as my eyes roamed over her shoulder blades and curved back. Her plump ass was barely covered with a scrap of lace that rose up around her ass cheeks and cut into her hips. My hands would fit perfectly there. My thumbs would rub down her skin while my fingers pulsed with the need to dig into her flesh and my mouth watered to nibble down her neck.
It was stupid but it was an excuse, wasn’t it? To touch her just once. I ran my fingertips down her spine. “You’re cold.”
“I’m half naked,” she answered crossing her arms in front of her.
She wasn’t wearing a bra.
One.
Two.
Three.
I had three seconds with her skin before my hands dropped to my sides. “I’ll go draw you that bath now.”
“Wait.” She turned, her arms covering her breasts. “Can we maybe just sit in bed for a while? I’m still a bit freaked out over what happened in the elevator, it’s been a long week and—” She made a face.
“Are you going to be sick?” I asked.
She shook her head, her eyes narrowed. “No, I thought I was, I just need to sit, I think.”
I didn’t realize how pale she’d gotten just standing there. “Come on.” I pulled her into my arms and gently carried her to the front of the bed and pulled the covers down. “I’m not a total monster; I can at least keep my wife warm.”
The minute the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
Not because I was embarrassed, but because she flinched.
The word wasn’t a comfort; it was almost an insult, a dirty reminder to her of who she belonged to and why.
Every time my walls started to crumble, she was right there to remind me why it was smarter not to care, why I needed to keep them fully erect to survive.
I never ended up drawing her bath. Instead, she was asleep in minutes. I went to the mini bar, poured some whiskey, then went outside and sat.
Maybe the sins of my past brought me to this place.
“Did you ever love me?” I begged, blood soaking my shirt as her face filled with rage, she held the knife over my chest. She’d drugged me so it was hard to move, yet I felt every single stab of the knife.
“You?” She laughed. “I loved you for what you could give me and what did you do? You got all noble. I want something you can give me, power. Quit? Quit the family business? You want to leave all of this? I would never go with you. It was either pull you into the family or kill you—we’ll keep this our little secret, though, because I did at one point have a flicker of attraction toward you.” She knelt down and pressed the tip of her knife where my heart slowed. It sliced into my skin. “Besides, did you really think you had anything to offer me other than your name and the muscle behind it, Ace?”
Yes. Because she’d been the only one other than Dante to show me affection. The only one to tell me I wasn’t broken, that I was loved.
And when I really thought about it in that moment, it included Raven, even Tempest, my family.
What I’d had with her wasn’t real, I’d just wanted it to be. I wanted something I achieved on my own, not a family or girlfriend given to me out of pity.
Once a forgotten De Lange, always a forgotten De Lange.
I slammed back the whiskey.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t even check the screen before answering. “What?”
The line was quiet for a brief minute. “Wow, you clearly didn’t get laid tonight.”
“No shit.” I gripped the phone harder in my hand. “Did you need something, Ivan?”
“Found your guy crawling down the street, thankfully one of our inside guys was on patrol, picked him up and dropped him off on our doorstep.”
“What a gift.”
“And it’s not even my birthday.” He laughed. “Anyway, through much blood loss and screaming we think we have a lead.”
“Oh?” Finally something. “Do you know why they were after her?”
“Not her,” Ivan whispered. “Him.”
“Louis? Why?”
“He said that Louis stole something from his boss and that he was getting revenge, it apparently has nothing to do with the Alfero’s.”
“That doesn’t explain the break in.”
“Unless…” Ivan sighed. “The person was after Louis in order to get to Raven. It’s possible it’s someone we know and it’s possible they were trying to intimidate you to get close to her, to maybe take her. Has she had any boyfriends in the past before you two er, hooked up, because let’s be fully honest, there is no way it was more than a one night stand. I don’t care what shit you try to spin.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “It wasn’t a one night stand. It wasn’t even one night.”
“What?”
“Louis. It was Louis.”
“And we’re back at square one then, aren’t we?” He cursed. “Keep close to her, someone wants everyone out of the picture, including you. And someone desperately wants her.”
“Over my dead body.”
“That’s the spirit. Well, enjoy your blue balls and whiskey. My wife’s waiting for me.”
“Screw you?—”
He hung up.
I almost threw my phone over the balcony when I made eye contact with someone several floors below and froze. He was wearing a dark baseball cap and staring up at me. He briefly nodded his head like he knew me and then crossed the street.
Strange.
Maybe he was just being polite or noticing my semi-nervous breakdown. Either way, I ignored it and went back inside the hotel room and watched her sleep.
The sheet dropped below her breasts.
I walked over and looked away when I tugged the sheet back up. She grabbed my hand. “Lay with me.”
Did she understand what she was doing to me? What she would be doing to me over and over again until the day I died?
I didn’t think it through.
Or maybe I did.
Maybe I wanted the torture.
Or maybe the idea of being anywhere but by her side was more painful than being by her side knowing she wished it were someone else.
“Okay.”
I lay down on the bed next to her. “Promise me.”
“What?”
“You’ll protect me and the baby. My life is yours, so is this baby’s.”
“As mine is yours.”
“Will I be a good mom, you think?”
I smiled up at the ceiling. “The baby will probably know how to talk before it can walk, so yeah?—”
She rolled toward me. “Mean.” She flicked my nose. “Sorry I fell asleep on our wedding night.”
“You’re tired, sad, and pregnant. What else would you do?” I shot her a quick glance and looked back up at the ceiling.
Her hand slid around my neck, slowly tilting my head toward hers. “I’ll be loyal. I swear it.”
“I know.” That was the problem. She was too damn loyal, to his memory, to my choice to take the brunt of everything.
Loyalty be damned, I just wanted to kiss the word out of her body and purge it from her soul.
Her eyes locked in on my mouth. “Remember when you rejected me?”
“Vividly. Why?”
“Do you have the will power now?”
“Absolutely,” I lied. “Why?”
“Because you’ve been trying really hard not to look down,” she teased.
I cracked a smile. “I’m not perfect, and your body is mine. It’s not wrong to stare at what belongs to me, right?”
“Then can I stare at what belongs to me?”
Yeah, because that was a good idea, to show her a fully erect man in bed with her just waiting to pounce. “If you want, but I highly doubt it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“You scare easily.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Do not.”
“You slept with the lights on for five years after watching the entire Scream series and then blamed me for turning it on in the first place—which I didn’t.”
“You were older. It was more believable,” she pointed out.
I rolled my eyes. “You scream when you see horseflies.”
“They bite.”
“So do I. My point is made.” I started to move when she grabbed me by the arm and then crawled on top of me, straddling me completely. “What are you doing?”
“I’ll regret this.”
My heart sank. “Me? You’ll regret me?”
“No, I worded that wrong. What I’m saying is that I know you aren’t getting anything out of this, and while I can’t move on because it feels like betrayal, I can at least give you a wedding night, right? I can do this for us. And then we just live as really good roommates.”
“I take it back, you’re scarier than me, I don’t like this story at all.” I started to move away from her, lifting her body off me. “I’m not a pity fuck, Raven.”
Her face fell. “I didn’t mean?—”
“Come to me.” I sat up and rubbed my hands down my face. “Come to me when the ghost of him is gone, when nothing stands between us but skin, when we’re emotionally bankrupt and completely stripped of everything that makes us human, when it’s just us against the world. Come to me then. Not now, when it’s convenient, when I’m convenient. I may be a monster, I may be a De Lange, but one thing I have left is a tiny ounce of pride. Let me keep it, Raven. God, let me keep it.”
I left.
I grabbed a pillow and the bottle of whiskey and went to the balcony to cool off.
She didn’t see how weak I was.
Or that my hands shook.
Or that she’d hurt me in unimaginable ways. How could she know that my ex’s very last action was to tie me up and take advantage of me only to say I would have been no different than the same De Lange whores we used to sell on the market.
Just as tarnished.
A means to an end.
A body to use.
A soul that was lost long ago.
If Raven was lost in her grief, then I was lost in my inability to gain back what had been taken from me and the shame that went with it.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Choose not to feel.
And if you must, pick rage, it hurts so much less than love.