Chapter 20
20
“ T he One where you hate who you’ve become and you choose it anyway.”
Raven
“He’s good with kids.” Serena was sitting next to me at my dad’s house.
We were supposed to be opening wedding gifts then heading back to campus, but my dad decided it would be more fun to not just open gifts but also throw a random cornhole tournament.
Any excuse to play games without violence, though most of their tame games ended up with bets, bullets, and bruises.
I watched Ace grab Spiderman and spin him around, at this point since they were all in super hero costumes it was just easier to call them by their hero names.
“Oh shit, Thor’s throwing a fit.” Serena stood.
“Thor, sit your ass down and give the hammer back to Batman. you know how pissed he gets when you take shit out of his hands!”
“Shit, shit, shit!” Boss Baby started screaming.
I frowned. “Since when is Boss Baby a hero?”
Serena slowly craned her neck in my direction.
“I swear if you ask that around any of my children I will set you on fire and make S’mores.”
Children’s laughter sounded in front of us as Ace put on a Sully costume from Monsters Inc.
“I take it he too is a hero.”
“EVERYONE IS A HERO!” Godzilla walked up to us and tucked her hands behind her back.
“Right, Mama? They just need a chance!”
I grinned.
“Does that mean monsters don’t exist?”
She shrugged her scaly shoulders.
“Monsters are just scared heroes who don’t get enough hugs because they’re afraid that they’ll like them too much and won’t get them anymore.”
Girl had a point.
“Honey…” Serena let out a patient sigh.
“You’re right, but that doesn’t’ mean we just go and hug perfect strangers.”
“BUT ACE LOOKED SAD!”
Ace?
My Ace? My next breath stalled in my lungs.
When did I start thinking of him as my Ace?
What? “He’s, um just tired from protecting me.”
“Oh.” She folded her hands in front of her costume and whispered.
“Is it because you snore when he cuddles you too hard?”
“OKAY, THEN!” Serena jumped to her feet.
“How about a snack to fill that mouth of yours, Godzilla?”
“Good luck with that!” I laughed and watched Serena scold her as they walked off back toward the house.
It was a beautiful spring day, I could almost tuck my sadness away, or at least pretend it didn’t hurt to breathe as much.
The sound of laughter around me seemed to reach the skies in that moment.
I touched my stomach.
My appointment was tomorrow, right after class; Ace was obviously going with me.
Why was I even finishing my senior year?
I only had a few classes left anyway; couldn’t I just test out of them?
Or wait a year?
I chewed my lower lip and reached for my water and took a sip.
Batman started walking up to me then took Serena’s empty seat.
It had to be Ace, the costume was clearly meant for a small adult, his muscles protruded and the mask did nothing to hide his perfect jawline.
“I like the cape,” I finally said.
“Capes get caught in things. What super hero actually wears a cape? It’s stupid, it’s just one more thing the bad guys can grab.”
Ivan walked by us and stopped.
“He still complaining about the cape?”
“SIT DOWN, AQUAMAN!” Ace yelled.
I frowned. “He’s wearing a Finding Nemo costume.”
“Cinderella got confused.” Ivan pointed.
I nodded. “I think I missed the part where she carried a bow and arrow.”
“It’s there, trust us, do not engage.” Ivan kept walking, his fish tail moving behind him.
I burst out laughing.
“How did you guys get roped into playing with the kids?”
“I offered,” Ace said, surprising me.
“But the others lost at cornhole so this was their punishment. I think Ivan has it the worst; guy hates eating fish let alone wearing a bright orange costume.”
Yelling ensued on the other side of the grass where Ivan was trying to pour beer through his mask while a small cowboy kicked at his feet.
I turned to him, raising an eyebrow.
“I take it Woody has a strict no drinking policy when in costume.”
“Mmm, on account of it ruins the magic for the kids.”
“Isn’t that Bam Bam’s friend? Who’s like four?”
“Three, actually.”
“That’s terrifying.”
“Tell me about it. I almost asked if he wanted to do my taxes, I’m surprised Walt hasn’t jumped in and offered a calculator to the kid.” Ace pulled off the mask and dropped it onto his knee.
“We should get back; you have an early day tomorrow.”
“You sure about going with me?”
He frowned.
“Where else would I be?”
“Anywhere but a doctor’s office surrounded by screaming kids?” I offered.
“Again, I’m used to the loudness. It’s the quiet I can’t stand.” He stood.
“I’ll go get the car.”
“Don’t forget to take off your costume!” I yelled.
He started peeling it off while he walked.
I almost joked that he should take it home with him and then stopped myself.
I mean what would we do with it?
Stare at it? I wasn’t thinking those sorts of thoughts, right?
I loved or had loved Louis; it was wrong to even think of Ace like that, and yet as his body flexed with each step, I couldn’t deny he looked damn good in black.
“Damn.” Ace swung his gaze around the doctor’s office.
“That’s a shit ton of brochures that woman’s stuffing into her bag.”
Panic hit me instantly, and I grabbed his biceps.
“Do we need that many? Should I have bought a book? Do you think there’s going to be a test?”
His blue eyes narrowed.
“You’re an aunt and cousin to so many kids we could have our own school—legally—if there’s a test you’d pass it by simply existing. Why are you so stressed?”
I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant even as tsunami waves of fear rolled through me.
“I don’t know. I guess I just, I don’t know, I mean the test was inconclusive today, and I have been feeling better, so maybe I’m not pregnant after all or I lost the baby. What if I did something wrong?”
He reached for my hands.
“Worrying about it isn’t going to change anything. No matter what, you walk in there with your head held high and me by your side. It’s why we have doctors. And you’ve been doing all the right things, Raven.”
“Thanks to you,” I grumbled.
“I wasn’t even taking prenatal vitamins.”
“Easy mistake, and I live to make you feel inferior,” he teased.
“Stop overthinking it.”
“Fine.”
“Good.” He leaned in then stopped himself.
Wait, was he going to kiss me?
On the head? “Hey, Ace were you?—”
“Raven Alfero?” The nurse called me back.
“That’s us,” Ace announced standing.
I swore I could feel every single person in that small waiting room crane their necks in our direction to get a good look at him, then me, then back at him.
Yes, I was aware, he was a god walking among men, gorgeous, tall, muscular, a stunning smile, perfect hair.
Which was why I almost tripped him when we followed the nurse.
He elbowed me. “Seriously?”
“They’re staring!”
“They always stare!” he snapped back.
“They’re scared. I’m tall, and I look like a killer.”
I nearly ran into the nurse’s back as she cleared her throat.
“Now we’ll just take your height and weight.”
I kicked off my shoes.
“You do not look like a killer.” I faced the wall.
“Right? He doesn’t look like a killer!”
The nurse forced a brittle smile.
“No you look like a very nice young man.”
“See?” I threw my hands up while she wrote down my height and weight.
“You just give off hot dad vibes along with a phobia of complex carbs.”
Ace scowled.
“Hot dad vibes? Please, I know I’m terrifying.”
“Meh, more like terrifying to think about how you’d just take them against the wall instead of the bed.” I winked at the nurse.
“Right?”
She looked between us.
“Um, I’ll just take you into the room now.” She cleared her throat a few times while I sat on the table.
“I need your blood pressure.”
“Ouch.” I lifted my arm.
“Sorry, my neck’s been hurting.”
Ace was immediately at my side.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” His hands moved to my neck and then his fingers were digging in and I was lost in ecstasy.
“Does that feel good?”
“Oh, God.” I gripped the edge of the exam table.
“So good. Don’t stop.” I leaned against his body.
He moved his hand. “How about here?”
“Mmm, yeah that spot, right there.”
The nurse cleared her throat.
“Oh, um, I need to take your blood pressure again it seems to be all over the place, ha ha.”
“Sorry?”
“Just one more?—”
“Ahhh Ace, you have magic fingers.”
The nurse dropped the blood pressure cuff onto the table.
“Sorry, um one more time, try to relax and stay very still.”
I ignored her and continued to focus on Ace’s hands.
“Yes, you’re such a monster Ace, one who knows how to use all of his parts effectively.”
Did I just say parts?
Out loud?
“Well, I guess I don’t need to ask if this is a surprise pregnancy or not,” the nurse said under her breath.
“The ultra sound tech will be in soon.”
She eyed Ace, then me.
“I mean at least ten minutes, if you…” She held up her hands.
“No judgment at all, women tend to get very horny during the first few stages. I’ve heard it gets worse in the end but, just, there’s space, this is a safe space.” She turned and tried the door handle twice before leaving.
I sat up. “That was weird.”
“Must be her first day,” Ace agreed.
“Do you feel better?”
“Much.” I yawned.
“Seriously, though.” I grabbed his hands without thinking.
“I want these everywhere.”
He froze.
I froze.
I said it out loud.
It was the truth, and I couldn’t unsay it.
My body was quite literally humming with awareness.
Was I sweating? Chest heaving, I leaned forward.
“I’m going to do a really bitchy thing that has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”
“Okay…” He drew the word out and kept his hands next to his sides.
It wasn’t fair. It was wrong, but I suddenly needed him.
“What are you?—”
I fused my mouth with his and put his hands on my chest only to break away from his mouth.
“I need you to—to touch—I sound crazy I just?—”
“Shit.” He ran his hands up my shirt, his tongue slid aggressively across mine deepening the kiss.
I moaned into his mouth only for a knock to sound at the door.
We broke apart, me still horny, his eyes wild like he was seconds away from ripping my clothes completely off.
I lost my balance and accidently grazed his dick.
He let out a low noise in the back of his throat.
My fingers grazed the front of his jeans again.
He leaned into me, mouth parted, eyes wild.
The nurse swept right in, as if I didn’t look like I was ready to jump my husband’s bones, and yawned.
I couldn’t tell how old she was but she seemed nice enough, salt and pepper black hair pulled into a tight braid and she was wearing pink scrubs.
“Alright let’s take a look at this baby.” She grabbed the ultra sound machine next to me and pulled it around then grabbed some gel and a warm towel.
“I’m going to have you just slide your jeans down while we try to find this baby.”
My eyes filled with tears.
“What if it’s not there?”
Ace squeezed my hand.
She smiled over at me.
“Well, we’re here to find out what we’re working with so just lean back, there you go. Are you the father?”
She asked Ace.
Was he shaking? I hoped to God he said he was because we couldn’t let it get out that he wasn’t, that would defeat the whole point.
“Yes. I am.”
The room probably felt my giant exhale.
I clutched his hand like it was my lifeline and I told myself it was because I was thankful not because I needed him.
“Mmmm, let’s hope this one has daddy’s good looks then, hmm?” She released an amused laugh.
“I haven’t seen a man so tall in a while.”
Because I’m sure that’s what everyone thought when they saw him, how tall he was.
I’m sure it was easy to look past that perfect jaw, the piercing eyes, wide open smile when he was really happy and sexy scowl when he wanted to chase.
His height might as well be the least shocking thing about him.
“Alright, it’ s going to be a bit warm, tell me if it’s too much.” Too soon she was rubbing oil on my belly with the wand.
Tears slid down my cheeks.
Please let there be a baby.
What if my body just conjured up something?
What if this was all for nothing?
What if I had nothing left?
The silence was painful as she ran it around and flicked something on.
Immediately I heard it, like a thousand little wings taking flight.
“Do you hear that?”
“Yeah.” I sniffled.
“Strong heartbeat, this baby, he or she seems to be hiding a bit oh, there we go.” She stopped the wand and kept tapping on her keyboard.
“Right now I’m just getting a few angles look at that.” She circled a dot.
“That’s your baby, congrats Mom and Dad.”
Ace let go of my hand and leaned over my body to stare at the screen.
“That’s him or her? Right there?”
“Right there.” She pointed again.
Ace’s smile could not be more gorgeous as he stared at another man’s baby knowing it would call him Dad and whispered, “I see you.”
I didn’t know why it was the most romantic thing I’d ever witnessed.
But it was.
Ace wasn’t watching me.
He was watching what was growing inside of me.
And he was claiming it as his own.
The joy of the moment lasted the entire hour-long appointment—and then we got to the car.
He turned on the ignition and looked behind us even though he had back up cameras, then ahead, then behind, then took a deep breath.
“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I forgot how to drive.”
“A car?” Perplexed, I leaned over the console to get closer.
He turned. “I think anything at this point? A car. A truck. Give me a bike, and I’ll probably stare at it too. I think I just need a minute.”
“Is the baby freaking you out?” My stomach sank.
“Because I could understand, this is a lot in the last few days?—”
He held up his hand.
“Do you know what it feels like?”
“What what feels like?” I asked gently.
“To be given a chance to give something so innocent the absolute world you were never given? Do you know what an honor this is?”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“You’re going to be a great dad.”
“You’re going to be a great mom,” he whispered.
A horn honked behind us, killing our moment, but we had it, a moment of solidarity, determination, a moment of shared love.
Me and Ace, in that hospital parking lot, for the second time since agreeing to all of this, had another moment.
And just like that another crack in my heart knit back together, not on its own, not through my own strength, but through Ace’s.