Chapter 1
Chapter one
TWO WEEKS EARLIER
“Alright, my thriller-loving queens—and kings, that’s it for this week’s episode of Live, Laugh, Murder,” Capri says into her pink microphone. “Catch us next week for another deep dive on how to survive a thriller novel—because you know there’s always a way to have more than one final girl—or guy!”
“Until then, our dearest listeners,” Lexi purrs before the three of us yell, “Live, Laugh, and Murder your little hearts out!”
Shouting our podcast slogan has always been my favorite part of recording sessions.
I hit stop on our recorder and grin at my two best friends in the world. “Another fantastic episode, if I do say so myself.”
Capri yanks her headset off, tossing it onto the sofa next to her, and pulls out her hair tie. She shakes her teal and pink braids loose and lets out a huff of air. “That might have been our best episode. I don’t know how we’ll top that one.”
“I do feel a little bad about how harsh we were about this particular author’s books,” Lexi chimes in as she stares down at her notes.
I roll my eyes at her—not that she’s paying attention.
“I would feel bad because A. M. Pierce is our all-time favorite thriller author,” I say.
“But they’re a recluse. They don't even have social media, so it’s not like they’ll ever listen to our silly little podcast on how shitty their character’s survival skills are. ”
Capri gives me a slow clap from her end of the couch. Capri has always been our biggest hype girl. She never misses an opportunity to make each of us feel seen and be heard.
“Did you guys see this comment on our last video?” Lexi says loud enough to tear me out of my thoughts. “We’ve been dubbed ‘The Thriller Queens’! How freaking cool does that sound?”
“I think we should make stickers with that on them,” Capri muses as we both lean toward Lexi to see the comments. “Or maybe hats! We could take some disgustingly cute selfies in them for the website!”
My front door opens, and we all turn to see my boyfriend Josh walking in with a bouquet of pink flowers. Peonies, my favorite.
“Oh,” he says wide-eyed when he enters the living room. “I didn’t realize the girls would be here today.” The tips of his ears turn red along with the blush that creeps up his neck and over his cheeks as he sets the flowers on my entryway table with his keys. “I’ll, um, go somewhere else?”
Capri is the first to stand, and she grabs her bag from the floor. “We are on our way out, Romeo. Lee was expecting me home an hour ago.” She winks at me, grabs Lexi’s purse from the table, and shoves it at her. “Let’s go, Lex. It’s date night for these two lovebirds.”
Lexi looks up from her phone and blinks. “Oh, hi Josh,” she mumbles as she takes her bright green purse from Capri. “Bye, Josh.”
They both wave at me as Josh opens the door for them.
“See you later, Teagan. We still on for books and coffee Sunday?” Lexi asks hesitantly.
Something has seemed a bit off with her lately, and I make a mental note to text her later to see what’s up. She goes through spells like this occasionally, and I know she’ll tell me once Capri isn’t around.
Capri may be the one who lights up my world on the darkest days. But Lex will always be my person, and I can read her like a book.
I grin at Lexi and throw a pair of finger guns her way. “Of course I’ll be there. It’s not like it hasn’t been a permanent date on our calendars for the last three years.” I wink. “You girls get home safe. Love you.”
“Love you!” they say in unison.
Josh locks the door behind them after they leave, and I jump over the back of the couch and wrap my arms around him from behind.
“Hi, babe,” I say as he turns in my arms to face me. “I’ve missed you today.”
Josh reaches up, cups my face with both hands, and stares into my eyes. His own dark eyes sparkle whenever he does this, making me smile from ear to ear.
It’s one of those private moments between couples that feels immensely intimate.
“I’ve missed you, too,” he whispers before he kisses my forehead.
I could die of happiness every time he does that. Forehead kisses are every girl’s secret Achilles heel, and any girl who says otherwise is a damn liar.
Josh releases me, grabs the flowers he left on the table, and hands them to me. “Happy anniversary, Teagan.”
I bring the peonies to my face and inhale deeply as I take in what he said.
Oh crap.
I forgot our anniversary.
Our first anniversary.
I look up at him and give him my most convincing smile. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful. You’ll get your gift later tonight,” I tease. “If you know what I mean.”
Josh’s smile slowly fades as he looks down at me, and I know that I’m screwed. He can smell a lie from my lips quicker than a bloodhound.
“You forgot, didn’t you? You spent all day with your friends and forgot about our anniversary?” Josh stares at me, and I see the tick in his jaw—the one tell he has that shows he’s angry. “Our first anniversary? The one I’ve been reminding you of for weeks now!”
“I might have forgotten, but I’ll make up for it!
” I promise as he scoffs and rubs a hand through his dark hair.
“I’m sorry! Today was a super important episode!
We needed to get it done so we can spend Sunday editing it!
You know how much I love talking about A.
M. Pierce’s books! This is my career, Josh. ”
“Career…right.” He rolls his eyes at me and doesn’t elaborate.
“And what exactly do you mean by that?” I glare up at him.
He shakes his head and rubs his temples.
“What I mean is that this podcast isn’t a real career.
You know that, right? You’re supposed to be working on becoming an author yourself, and instead, you dedicate your whole life to playing this influencer crap with your friends.
You put them above everything, including your own dreams!
Even your friends manage to have real careers.
Lexi works at the architecture firm with me, and Capri is studying to be a nurse!
All you’ve managed to do is gain followers by talking shit about real, published writers. ”
His emphasis on real makes me see red. “You can leave now,” I say through gritted teeth. It’s taking everything in me not to throw these flowers at him and chase him out of my life.
He may have been my partner for the last year, but he knows nothing about what I really want in my life.
Josh glares at me and shakes his head. “Then you should spend our anniversary with your favorite author and friends. I can’t keep being second place to everyone else.”
He grabs the door handle and squeezes it tight enough to make the veins in his hands bulge.
“I said you can leave. I’m not going to force you to be with me if you so clearly look down on my life choices,” I feel a warm tear escape and roll down my cheek as I clench my fist around these flowers. I hate that I’m an angry crier.
Josh turns toward me, and the look in his eyes makes me step back.
I’ve never seen him this angry before. “I don’t want this to be the end of us.
You know I love you. But the only way I stay is if you start to put me—us—before your friends and before your stupid podcast. Can you do that, Teagan?
Do you even know how to breathe without them holding your hand through life? ” he shouts.
I open my mouth to respond, to tell him I love him, too. To promise him that I’ll start putting him above the girls and my career as soon as he agrees to look at me like someone he’s proud of, but nothing comes out.
Because deep down, even though I know I love him, I can’t put him above my friendships. Those girls saved me in a way I didn’t think I needed. They have my whole heart.
Josh lets out another hideous scoff. “That’s what I thought. I’m not going to compete with your friends anymore. I deserve better than half a girlfriend, Teagan.”
And just like that, the first guy I ever loved walks out of my life, and I’m left with nothing but crushed flowers and a slammed door in my face.
But, he’s right. He does deserve a better girlfriend.
I take a deep breath to ground myself. If the tables were turned, I’d be hurt too.
I adore my friends, but I love him and want to build a life with him.
I’ve prioritized my friends and our podcast. Anytime Josh wanted to see me for lunch or dinner, I had to check to make sure I wasn’t scheduled to see the girls first. I don’t think I meant to do it, but somehow I’ve thrown him and his needs aside whenever Lexi or Capri wanted to see me.
I really messed up this time.
My heart races as I rush to the door and throw it open. “Josh! Wait!” I yell into the deserted hallway.
My feet hit the carpeted flooring faster than I’ve ever run as I chase after him, praying that he hasn’t left yet.
I can fix this.
I have to fix this.
Josh may not be the most supportive of my career and friendships, but he’s the love of my life, and I’m not ready to give up on us yet.
I can’t lose him because of my ego. I reach the end of the hallway and slam my hand onto the elevator button, pressing it repeatedly until the light above shows it’s on my floor.
The doors start to slide open following a loud ding, and I rush through the small gap, almost hitting the metal.
The flowers fall from my hand as my body slams into someone.
Their arms wrap around me as I catch my balance.
“Teagan?”
I look up, and the whole world falls back into place as my eyes meet Josh’s. His jaw twitches, so I know he’s still upset at me. He has every reason to be, though.
“Josh, you’re still here!” I finally say.
“Forgot my keys in your apartment,” he tells me through gritted teeth.
“I’m so sorry. You were right. About all of it.” Tears slide down my cheeks, and I wipe them away quickly. Josh has never been one for crying, so I don’t need to make this any worse than it already is. “I love you, and I’m not ready to lose you.”
His eyes give away nothing as he continues to stare down at me. The elevator closes behind us, trapping us in this uncertain air.
Finally, after what feels like an entire lifetime, his mouth twists into the smallest of smiles as he reaches up and caresses my cheek softly. “You know I can’t stay mad at you.”
I have to force myself to keep the tears at bay.
“Promise me things will be different from now on?” he asks. “You can’t keep putting me last, Teagan. I love you so much, but I deserve better than being an afterthought in your life.”
I nod my head at him because I know if I try to talk right now, I’ll turn into a sobbing mess and ruin this whole moment.
“Well then.” He reaches down and picks up the few surviving flowers. “Happy anniversary, Teagan. I can’t wait to spend many more together.”
My smile feels bigger than my face as I take them from him and bring them to my nose, inhaling deeply.
“I love you,” I promise him.
Josh’s lips graze mine softly before his teeth nip at my lower lip more forcefully. “Now about that anniversary gift…” he mumbles through our tangled mouths just before he pushes me into the elevator wall.
I’m breathless as I reach out to push the button to open the doors. The two of us barely make it through the front door to my apartment before Josh rips at my clothes. His hands are rough and relentless as he takes what he needs from me.
It feels like an appropriate punishment after I almost let him walk away tonight.