Chapter 8
Chapter eight
It’s no easy feat to listen to Teagan bitch and moan about her relationship with Josh being over, especially because I can’t let her know how thrilled I am about it or how anxious I am to text him.
I’ve managed to keep our affair a secret for the last three months; no need to ruin it now. Even though I’m the worst friend in the universe for what I’ve been doing with Josh behind her back, she’s also my best friend, and I genuinely hate seeing her in this much pain.
I take a sip of my water, twisting my blonde ponytail in my fingers.
I need to sober up a little before I fall into the trap of drunk texting my best friend’s ex.
We’ve been dancing for what feels like hours, and I’m finally starting to feel my age.
Thirty is nowhere near as fun as my twenties when it comes to clubbing.
The club is full of college kids, and Teagan and I have both giggled over how out of place we feel.
“Hey!” Teagan shouts over the music. “Are you ready to head out of here? I think I’d rather just go home and keep drinking. This music is starting to give me a migraine.”
I nod and book an Uber. “The car should be here in five minutes, so let’s go wait outside!” She gives me a thumbs up and almost falls off her stool. “Good call, because you are way drunker than I anticipated!” I grab her by the waist and sling her arm over my shoulder to help her to the door.
The cool air sobers me up instantly. The same thing cannot be said for my little drunk friend. Teagan steps out of my arms and stumbles into the brick wall on the side of the club. She slides down and plops herself on the sidewalk. I slide down next to her while we wait for our car to get here.
“What if we just go to Scotland together?” Teagan says, her voice taking on that happy-drunk quality that I’ve always been so fond of.
“You want me to be your date?” I raise my eyebrows and smirk over at her. “You gonna wine and dine me while we’re there?”
“No, you ass. I just meant that it might be better if you and I go solo. We can gal-pal it up while Capri and Lee bask in all the romantic scenery that the Scottish countryside has to offer. Plus, I know you don’t want to watch them be all adorable and coupley.
You’re just too nice to admit it,” she slurs out.
“But I know you, Lex. And I know you’re a hopeless romantic at heart just like me.
You pretend to have this whole ‘I don’t need no man’ thing going until you catch the right one.
So let’s say screw it and be each other’s dates. What do you say?”
I roll my eyes and smile. “I’ll always be your date, T.”
“Maybe we’ll meet a couple of hot guys while we are there! Didn’t Capri say that the submission was for all sorts of influencers, journalists, and whatnot?” Teagan asks as she rubs her hands together for warmth.
“What the hell,” I say, shrugging. “Let’s go meet some gorgeous Scottish men and have our way with them.”
We both erupt into laughter just as my phone vibrates in my back pocket. Our car has arrived, so I help Teagan up. My phone dings again as I get into the backseat. I feel like I’ve been dunked in ice water as I read the text.
Josh wants to meet up in half an hour. He left so quickly this morning after we finished that I assumed that he might be sick of me.
I glance over at Teagan before texting him back, promising to be there as soon as I can.
The drive to Teagan’s apartment is quick.
I ask our driver to wait as I help her get upstairs.
“Want to stay over?” Teagan asks once we step out of the elevator. “I have pizza.”
“I’d love that, but I have to get up early for work, so raincheck?” I hope she can’t hear the lie in my voice. Sober Teagan knows I don’t work on the weekends, so I’m hoping she’s drunk enough right now to forget that little fact.
“Absolutely. I’ll just inhale a whole pizza by myself,” she jokes. Her voice still has that happy drunk slur to it. I tell her bye and head back towards the elevator. “Get home safe, Lex!” Teagan shouts after me.
I flash her a thumbs-up and continue to walk down the hallway. I wonder if she can tell that my heart feels like it’s being ripped to shreds on the inside.
I really am the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Teagan and Capri are the first true friends I’ve ever had.
They’ve both been there for me through all the highs and lows of growing into myself as an adult.
They still love me when I’m rude, blunt, and judgmental.
And here I am, betraying one of them so deeply for my own selfish needs.
I hate myself for it, but I can’t seem to find the willpower to stop myself.
As soon as Josh flashes me that wicked grin, I’m a goner.
Josh’s lips skate across my body in the most delicate and delicious way.
I could literally die from this.
Him.
His lips on my skin.
The way his fingers dance across my body in the most tantalizing way makes me see fireworks behind my eyelids.
I shouldn’t enjoy this. I shouldn’t let myself continue this secret, dangerous affair. But I can’t get enough of him.
I would drown myself in him if that were humanly possible.
Josh has never called me for a last-minute…well, whatever this is. Calling it a booty call makes it feel cheap, and my feelings for this man are anything but.
He pulled me inside his house before I could even knock, and within moments our clothes were off, and he had me lying bare on his living room floor as he devoured me. My nails dig into the plush taupe rug as he brings me to the edge over and over again. Teasing me—taunting me.
“I want you.” I moan. “Now.” I run my hands through his hair, tugging roughly just the way he likes it, until he finally releases his invisible restraints and unleashes himself fully onto me. Slamming to the hilt over and over again with a ferocity that has me screaming his name.
We finish, drenched in sweat and a tangle of limbs, while we both struggle to catch our breath. Something about this time felt different, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe it’s because I know he and Teagan are finally over.
My smile couldn’t get any bigger than it is now.
I place soft kisses on Josh’s chest as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight to his body.
I should hate myself for this, for enjoying this so much.
I know it would destroy Teagan if she ever found out.
But when Josh kisses me, I can’t feel anything but overwhelming gratitude that they are over now.
It’s one thing to sleep with your best friend’s ex. It’s another thing to have an affair with the man. I’ve never been brave enough to ask Josh if sex with me is different from sex with Teagan. For some reason, having that knowledge would make me feel dirtier than I already do.
If Teagan wanted me to know about her sex life, she would share it.
Instead, we’ve always been reserved when it comes to the intimate details of each other’s relationships—not that I’ve had an actual real relationship since I met Josh.
I make up stories about fake men that I pick up at fake bars while she tells me how happy she is with Josh.
Capri shows us both up by having the most wholesome and enviable marriage in the world.
It’s just how the three of us roll.
“What are we doing?” Josh says in a hushed whisper, almost as if he’s still scared to be caught with me.
I look up at him and take in how marvelous this man is.
His eyes are closed, making him look like a statue sculpted by the hands of Michelangelo.
He has a strong brow and nose, along with cheekbones that look like they were made for the runway.
The stubble on his face is new; usually, he keeps a clean shave, but it looks incredibly sexy on his sun-kissed skin.
I reach up and run my fingers through his hair; he hums with approval. His hair is a little damp after our escapades, which makes it curl slightly on the ends. I love this look on him. Messy, gorgeous, and so damn intoxicating.
Josh opens his eyes as I shift to kiss his lips, and the look he gives me stops me cold.
Why does he look—unsettled? Upset? Regretful?
I instantly sit up and cover myself with the burgundy throw blanket perched on the arm of his leather couch next to us.
“What’s wrong?” I hate the sound of my voice right now. It sounds pitiful and nervous—a far cry from my usual confident self.
He sits up and scoffs loudly. I don’t miss that he can’t seem to meet my eyes.
“I’m in love with Teagan,” Josh admits after a beat of silence.
“Even after she hurt me again by choosing you and Capri, I can’t help but still love her.
To want her back.” Her name coming out of his mouth makes me flinch.
“How can I win her back when I’m still sleeping with her best friend? What kind of people are we, Lex?”
I open my mouth to defend our actions, but when his eyes finally meet mine, all I can see is the pain and regret glaring back at me.
“I—this,” I stutter. “I thought we both wanted this. I know I did. I do. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Josh.
You know that. It’s not my fault that she got in the way.
You two are finished now. She made it clear tonight that she wants to look for someone else while we’re in Scotland.
She doesn’t deserve you.” I scramble to get closer to him and place my palm softly against his cheek, wishing I could grab hold of his heart through his chest instead and claim it as mine.
“I know what we’ve done isn’t ideal. I wish we had found a better way.
I do. But, Josh, I love you. I don’t regret us for a second. ”
Josh remains still, his breathing strong and steady, entirely unlike mine, which pounds with a ferocity that makes me feel empowered. I love this man, and I’ve finally admitted it.
I slide my hand through his messy hair. “We obviously can’t rush into a relationship right away.
I couldn’t do that to Teagan. But I’m hoping that after a few months, maybe longer, I don’t know, we could finally be together in the open.
We could talk to her, tell her that it just happened, explain that we love each other, and beg for her blessing.
It’ll be awkward and painful at first, but I know after some time she’ll be okay with us. ”
I lean in and place a kiss on his cheek. “I know she’ll be okay with us. We just have to give it some time.”
Josh blows out a long breath before he finally looks into my eyes. I smile softly at him, waiting for his response. I’ve never told him that I loved him before, but he needs to know. He deserves to know how I feel so he can stop worrying about Teagan’s feelings.
What we have between us is real.
“The thing is,” Josh says as he reaches up while cupping the hand I have on his cheek.
“I care about you, Lexi. But I don’t love you.
I love her. And I think we need to put a stop to this finally.
” He pulls my hand gently away from him and places it in my lap.
“I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise.
But now I realize that letting Teagan walk away today and asking you to come here so soon after was a mistake.
I can’t use you to heal what she broke. I need to find a way to fix things with her.
Whatever this is between us, it’s over.” His blue eyes harden. “I think you should leave.”
My mouth falls open, somehow forgetting how to form a single word. Every atom in my body goes numb. Josh stands and disappears into the hallway. A door shuts moments later, and it feels like it’s the final nail in my heart.
He’s still choosing her over me?