Chapter Eleven #2
“No! Who to? Anyone we know?”
“Nate works for Jack and Pete. I like him a lot. He used to be a bit of ladies’ man, but then he met Lily and he turned out to be a closet romantic. They’re kind of cute together, just don’t tell either of them I said that.”
She laughed. “Don’t worry. I won’t. So, everyone’s paired off and settled down and married, or engaged, then?”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “Almost everyone.”
Looking back into his beautiful hazel eyes, Charlotte’s heart hurt.
They were supposed to have been the first to get married and settle down together.
She nodded, hoping he’d hear what her heart was screaming, but she wouldn’t say there’s still hope for us.
She couldn’t say it, so she chattered on.
“I heard about April, I liked her when I met her in Vegas. I knew the band guy had a thing for her and I made her promise to let me know if anything happened. She sent me an email when they got engaged.”
Ben smiled. “Well, you’ll get to catch up with her whenever you like now. She’s your neighbor.”
“Yeah, can you believe that? I couldn’t when Missy told me this morning.”
“You saw, Miss?”
Charlotte nodded, wishing she hadn’t mentioned that, but it was too late now and so she had to be honest. “Yeah.” She hung her head for a moment and then looked up to meet his gaze.
“I called her after I saw you and Angel. I didn’t know what to do, Ben.
Part of me just wanted to run away. I felt so stupid and so bad for eavesdropping on you. ”
Ben shook his head. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that tonight?”
“Okay, sorry. It’s just really important to me. I want you to understand that I want you to do whatever is right for you even if that’s not me.”
“It is you. Can we leave it?” The look in his eyes made her drop it.
“Okay. Can I ask you one thing?”
He gave her that same pleading look.
“Don’t worry. I’ve dropped that. I just need to know; have you been happy? I hope you have.”
His smile was genuine. “These last few months I have. Since I saw you. It gave me hope.” He shrugged.
“Sorry, that probably makes me sound like a sad sack. I have a good life. I’ve done what I wanted to with the resort.
More than I believed was possible when I started out, but I think I kind of lived in a bubble.
I tried to protect myself from the hurt, and I don’t think you really can shield yourself from hurt without shielding yourself from happiness, too.
” He shrugged. “That probably doesn’t make any sense. ”
“No, it does. I don’t think I would ever have found the words to say it, but you just summed up my life—at least my life since us.
The pain … it all just hurt so much. I kind of went numb.
I didn’t let myself go near the pain, because I knew I couldn’t heal it.
And so, you live in a cloud of cotton wool, the pain can’t pierce you in the same way, but happiness can’t get through to you either. ”
“Exactly, but these last few months it’s like I’ve shed the layers, and started to feel again. I’ve examined the pain, from a new place of hope, and happiness has just kind of crept in around the edges.”
“I’m glad, Ben. I want you to be happy.”
“And we will be.”
She nodded. She’d been about to say again that she wanted him happy, no matter what that meant, but his answer stopped her.
She hoped with all her heart that he meant what she thought—that they would be happy together.
“I don’t want to bring this up now, I don’t really want to bring it up ever, but we need to.
You said you’ve examined the pain …” She stopped.
The lump in her throat made her unable to continue.
He nodded and squeezed her hand. “We need to go there, but I can’t do it right now.
” He looked around. The restaurant was quiet, but there were a few other diners in there, and most of them had already shot a few curious glances in their direction.
“I feel like we need to grieve together at some point, maybe a little at a time, but definitely in private.”
She nodded. “I don’t know how to do a little at a time. It’s like a door that, when you open it you step into this dark and lonely place, and it sucks you in, you have to stay a while.”
Ben sighed. “And we need to go through that door together.”
Charlotte swallowed. “I hope this first date isn’t going to put you off. You’re supposed to talk about fun, light, and fluffy stuff on a first date, right?”
He nodded. “You are, but that’s why we’re in such a weird place. We can’t step back to where we were, but we can’t start fresh from nothing either. We’ve got too much shared history and not enough at the same time.”
“That about sums it up.” She smiled. “I think we’ve done enough darkness for one night though. I vote we get back to light and fluffy. And I can’t think of a better way to do that than to order dessert.”
Ben chuckled. “Let me guess, double chocolate whatever-they-have?”
“Yep, you know me so well.” She held his gaze, knowing he was thinking that he used to. And of course, she was hoping that he would again.
It was late when they finally made their way outside. Ben took her hand and led her back toward his car. “What do you think, would you like to come over and see the apartment?”
Charlotte looked up into his eyes. She would like nothing more than to go home with him, but she was exhausted, physically and emotionally.
She slid her arms around his waist and smiled sadly.
“I would like, yes, but I think for tonight I’ll make do with a goodnight kiss.
I really want us to do this properly, Ben. I’d like for us to go slowly.”
Ben slid his fingers into her hair. “However you want to play it, that’s fine with me.
” He tilted her head back and brushed his lips over hers.
Charlotte clung to him as he kissed her.
His kisses had always carried her away—away to a place where nothing but the two of them existed.
This case was no different, and she was so grateful and happy for him to take her there again.
When they finally came up for air, she wanted to change her mind, wanted to ask him to take her home, to make love to her and truly bring them back together, but she didn’t.
It was best to go slowly, and like he said, enjoy the anticipation.
“When can I see you again?”
“As soon as you can spare the time,” she said with a smile. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Whatever you want me to do.”
“You are too sweet, I can’t imagine you don’t need to work on a Friday night, but what do you think, would it be okay if I came to the Boathouse?”
“It’d be more than okay, so much more. The band will be playing and I think most of the gang will be coming out. How do you feel about that?”
“I think that’d be lovely. I’m looking forward to catching up with everyone.”
He nodded. “I don’t have to work work, but I do like to be there to keep an eye on things. We can go somewhere else if you prefer.”
“No, that’ll be perfect. I’ve not come back to change your life, just to see if I can fit into it.”
He hugged her to his chest and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “I know you can fit into it, Charlie. And I hope that you will change it.”