Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
LOCH
I get it.
I know why Alena needs to be alone and how Nash can be. It must be frustrating, living under his rule, and what makes it worse is that Nash won’t tell her why.
Why he has to be an oppressive tyrant about protecting her.
It must hurt Alena’s feelings. Treating her like a child when she’s a grown woman. It must drive her crazy too. I wonder if she can sense the secrets she’s living in?
Because they’re driving me crazy.
I stand in my kitchen, petting Mutt, trying to get this urge to make it right for her out of my veins, but I can’t. I can’t tell Alena about her father’s secret world, our enemies, or the threats on every side.
But I can make our world right.
Me and Alena, and no one else. In bed, in our hearts, we’ll have no secrets; fuck the rest.
Besides, I can’t do it anymore. I’d never cheat on Alena, and that includes letting thousands of OnlyFans watch me jerk off for her. I need to end this so I can start something new with her.
My email dings with notifications. My loyal orgy of fans are accepting my calendar invite for an impromptu video chat.
My final chat.
Guess I could just never post again, ghost them, but I can’t do that. They’ve been good to me.
Most will move on. But @HarrySmiles? He’s not out in Hollywood. And @WhoreInDC? I hope she finds love. Her husband sounds cruel. @CherryGirl and her husband, @SilverZaddy: I’m going to miss their support.
And my @DirtTGirl?
I’ll say goodbye to her here and start loving her in real life. I’ll tell Alena tomorrow about @LuvPounder and @DirtTGirl and pray she doesn’t hate me.
She’s gotta give us a chance. Right?
Maybe later, it’ll be my only chance.
My proof that when I could, I told Alena the truth.
Setting up my ring light and boom stand for my mic, I then clear one of my nightstands and move it by the center of my bed. When I set my laptop on it, I make sure its camera captures only what I want to reveal—me from the chest down, sitting on the edge of my bed.
Though tonight?
I put on my leather pants and black long-sleeved shirt so they’ll know it’s me, but I sit, hands clasped, elbows braced on my legs like a doctor about to give bad news.
I start my video call, letting each guest in, but my hands start sweating when I see @DirtTGirl joining.
I can’t lie. A twinge of jealousy hits me that Alena’s here. But why? I trust her. With every cell in my body, I do. She’d never cheat on me, so there must be a reason.
Besides, I’m the one who needs to earn her trust. Like this…
“How is everyone?” I greet my guests as the chat fills with comments. “Surprise,” I agree, my husky voice modulated by my mic. “Yeah, it’s a Tuesday night, so thanks for meeting me on short notice.”
HarrySmiles
Anytime you want me leather daddy
JuicyLipsNLondon
Just me tonight. No date. But I’m so wet and ready for you
CherryGirl
We’d rather watch you than Dancing With The Stars
ProudWhoreinDC
My husband’s in his office, spewing number two. I hope he croaks while I come for you
I laugh. “Feeling poetic tonight in DC?” I search the chat, heart racing. “DirtTGirl, you with me, too?”
DirtTGirl
Here. I have some news. But you go first
Fuck. Alena’s so sweet. I think I know what her news is; she can’t do this anymore either. We’re a thing. She’s loyal to me, Loch.
So, please don’t hate me for this.
“Yeah, I have some news, and it’s why I asked you all here.
I… uh…” I wipe my sweating hands on my leather pants.
This is so damn surreal… and real. “I’ve found someone.
There’s something special between us, and we’re taking a chance together.
So this—me and my OnlyFans—it doesn’t feel right anymore. I’d never hurt her or cheat on her.”
HarrySmiles
Daddy I’ll share you. Don’t leave
JuicyLipsNLondon
How do you know she’s the one when you never gave ME a chance
I think Juicy is being cheeky. I’ve only allowed good people and vibes in this chat. No negativity allowed.
“Yeah, JuicyLips, HarrySmiles, CherryGirl, everyone.” I pause, my heart clenching.
“I’m going to miss you all, but she’s so beautiful, smart, and funny.
Even though I can be a brainless meathead, I think she likes me back.
So, I’m hers; she’s mine, and I’m telling her who I am tomorrow, so this is our last chat. ”
CherryGirl
But is she right for you? You can’t hide who you are. That’s not love
“Don’t worry,” I answer, though anxiety explodes through me—Fuck, CherryGirl is prophetic—it makes me struggle to parse my lies from reality. My truth. “I get off on understanding her pleasure, and she gets off on being understood. We’re two forces of nature, meant to collide.”
ProudWhoreinDC
Well that’s love and too bad for us but I’m happy for you
The chat lights up with begrudging congratulations. I’m tempted to be a cliché asshole and say, “We can still be friends,” but that’s not who I’m focused on.
“DirtTGirl? What’s your news?”
Three dots appear under her name. Alena’s typing while the chat fills. My fans are losing their minds when a BANG, BANG, BANG hits my cabin door.
“Shit. Just a minute, everyone.”
Who is it? Fucking Jace? Maybe it’s Wilder, early for his watch.
Quickly, I mute my mic and jump up, leaving my laptop facing my empty bed while Mutt barks from my bathroom. I put him in there during my kinky videos. It would’ve been my luck if a fan had recognized me by my dog.
Ripping my cabin door open, my heart stops.
It’s Alena, standing in the nighttime drizzle, her white tank top and pajama shorts wet, her feet in rainboots, her eyes wide and ribs heaving.
Blinking, we stand.
Staring.
I’d pinch myself to see if this is real, but it is.
She blinks back tears and raindrops, shocked. “A brainless meathead? Something special between us? You get off on understanding and I get off on being understood? Two forces of nature meant to collide? Did you want me to know it’s you?”
Fuck.
No.
I want this like a raging case of pubic lice with a smidge of burning piss.
Mentally, I press rewind. Realizing I got no game, while she’s a natural investigator. I used the same lines with Alena IRL as I did online. I feel like Fate’s fool and so fucking busted.
“I… uh… uh…”
And sound like one too.
“Three years?” Her eyebrows shoot up. “Three years, and it’s been you this whole time? Did you know I was DirtTGirl when we met? Is that why you’re here?”
“No. No, I swear, Alena. I didn’t know it was you until…” My dick stirs. It’s not getting the emergency memo. “Until I touched you, and was making you come, and you said the same fantasy from our chat. And then—”
“Oh my god…” Her eyes close with a cute kill-me-now look on her face. “All the things I’ve said—that I’ve told you, that I got off doing for you. The banana last year…” She throws her stare to the stars. “I want to die, you know that, right?”
“Please don’t because you’re the one for me, and it’s getting me really hard just remembering it.” She meets my stare, her gaze not sure, so I smile, desperate for her to believe. “It’s Fate, Alena. Me and you. Don’t fight it. Just come inside.” I open my door wider. “Let’s talk.”
She hesitates on the edge of pride, pissed off, and passion, so I lower my voice. “Babygirl, get your hot ass in here right now, and tell LuvPounder why you’re his DirtTGirl, fucking a dildo for him for years.”
“Jeez,” she mutters, stepping inside, right up to my chest. “Press pause on the dildo talk. I’m the one asking the questions first.”
“Fine.” I close the door and grab my hoodie hanging on the coat rack, handing it to her to dry off. “Shoot.”
I’m an idiot.
She wipes the rain off her arms. “Why is a man, as hot as you, jerking his massive dick off online, when he can have any real pussy he wants?”
See? Told you.
Snowballs have better odds in hell than I do right now. But I sigh, getting better at this; keeping secrets while giving the truth. “Because you know I’m a Pleasure Dom, and this way, I can please thousands without being a man-whore.”
Her eyes widen. “Do you want to fuck thousands?”
“No.” I step toward her. “I only want you.”
“I’m serious, Loch.”
“So am I, Alena.”
She blinks. “But you don’t really know me yet.”
“Yes, I do, DirtTGirl. For three years, I’ve known you online. And after this week and last night, I know you even more.”
“Wait.” She pokes my chest. “So, you’re telling me this is all Fate? You, loving Slurpees? And living next door? And working with me? You, the perfect man for me, just stumbled into my life?”
Guilt twists my gut. No, that was part of the plan. The kings’ plan to protect our princess.
So, what was Fate?
“The Wedding Singer,” I answer, not lying about this. “DirtTGirl told me about that movie. You made me love it. Two years ago on August 1st, DirtTGirl said she was sad. That it was her birthday, and she had no date. So I told her I’d be her date. Every Saturday night. You were my date, Alena.”
I suddenly realize it. Struck by a cosmic feeling.
“But… but did you like DirtTGirl?” She stammers, “Like… LIKE… like her?”
Can her eyes get any wider? Can I make any sense of this sweet clusterfuck of emotions?
Have I secretly loved Alena for three years? Yes.
But can I be an asshole to a lonely woman? A stranger who needed to feel beautiful and loved? No.
My mom always said kindness is the easiest gift to give. And maybe that makes me a shitty person, so neck-deep in lies while trying to do the right thing.
Or maybe it was Fate. Trying to give me my soulmate.
“I didn’t not like her,” I answer truthfully. “I cared for her, like I did my closest fans. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted to please her. And the truth is, I was lonely too. It was my only date. I was honest when I said it’s just been me and my fist for years, because it’s…”
Careful.
Alena can’t know this part. The beach rescue. Her bully. Why you’ve watched her for so long from afar.
“It’s what?” She searches my gaze, and I fear she can see my truth.