Chapter 20 #2
How my heart’s pounding. How there’s a word, and I know what it means because of her.
“It’s way more than Fate, Alena. It’s—” I lick my lips. They’re way too smart to be stupid and say it now.
“It’s what?” Her fists fly to her waist. “What’s more powerful than Fate?”
The beast inside me stirs. He doesn’t like denying what’s right in front of him and his.
“It’s the word that’s too soon to say.” But the man in me reaches for her cheek. “It’s the word that’ll scare you and make you run because you like being free. You like being in control. You like being alone, and—”
“But I don’t like being alone.” Her eyes swim with sudden tears.
“I’ve been alone my whole life. I mean…” One falls.
“I’ve never had a man in my life. Not one who made me feel sexy like…
” Another falls. “Like LuvPounder… I mean… like you. You made me feel that way, and you never even saw me. You didn’t know I look like…
” She gestures to her banging body. “Like this.”
I glance down at her full hips and thick thighs in those wet booty shorts. “Like fucking hot as shit?”
She shakes her head. “That’s not how I felt. Not until I met you. I mean, LuvPounder, who’s really you, and… and…” she stammers, “and, so what’s the truth?”
I cup her cheeks and anchor to her eyes; she’s all I need to know.
“You’re fucking beautiful, Alena Allen. That’s the truth. I did see you. I do see you. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” I nuzzle my forehead to hers. “What was your news tonight?”
“Goodbye.” She blinks. “I’d never cheat on you. I mean you, Loch. I want a real chance together. But I can’t hurt someone, and LuvPounder was sweet to me, and I wanted to say goodbye, and…” She shakes her head. “And it was you, so I guess… Hello?”
I risk a soft kiss, barely greeting her lips with the real me.
The man no one owns but her.
She takes my kiss, but I have to know. These are dickhead questions, but I’m flawed, possessive, and falling even harder for her like that’s possible. “Why were you online searching for men? How did you find me?”
“My best friend, Vale.” She sighs over my lips. “She’s getting her PhD in Sexuality Studies and told me about OnlyFans and this man who…” She blushes. It’s so adorable, I’m gonna have to taste her tonight. “This man with a really big pretty penis who comes really hard.”
Now, I fucking blush. “I have a pretty penis?”
She nods. “You know that glass triangle at the Louvre Museum in Paris?”
“Yeah.”
“Your hard penis should be at its center, all lit up like the Eiffel Tower when it comes.” Her teeth grab her bottom lip. “Can you really shoot it in your mouth?”
“I can for you.” Not lying. “Is that why you stayed with me? That’s your kink? Men tasting their cum?”
Goddamn, my dick needs to stand down. I’m wooing here.
“I mean…” She tugs on the hem of her wet white tank top. Not helping. “It became my kink. You became my kink. I didn’t want a real man. I didn’t trust them. I only wanted you. Until I met… you. God.” She huffs gratefully. “This is Fate.”
My heart bursts. Fuck, when does this falling feeling stop? When do you finally land in love? “You only felt safe online with me?”
“Yeah, I… I mean, I don’t trust most men in real life.”
“Why?”
Goddamn, I know why. Alena was fifteen, I was eighteen, we were on the beach, and she ran away, crying, while I beat him within an inch of his life.
But I need Alena to tell me. I need her to trust me, Loch. Not @LuvPounder. Then, it really is the word that’s too soon to say.
“I don’t…” But she looks away, tears welling in her eyes again.
I caress her cheek, turning her swimming stare back to mine. “Alena, please tell me. Tell me why you don’t know how you’re so fucking beautiful, and I promise, I’ll make you feel it. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. As long as you let me, Babygirl, because you are.”
Her lips tremble, but her chestnut eyes lock on my soul.
“Because I was bullied,” she mutters. “All through middle school. And he made me feel so small and big at the same time. I used to love how I looked. I look like my mom, and when he called me fat and ugly, he was calling my mom that, too, and I missed her so much, and it hurt so bad. I wanted to die like my mom did until my best friend saved me.”
Fuck me, I know where John Thurmond still lives, and I want to maim him all over again.
“He’s gone.” I cradle her wet jaw, swearing to her eyes.
“He’s so fucking gone because I’m here. Always.
Knowing your mom was so damn beautiful because you’re so goddamn breathtaking, Alena, it hurts to look at you.
Because I feel it in my chest, my dick, my heart, my hands.
I want to grab you and make you mine, but that’ll scare the shit out of you—”
“I’m not scared of you. Of us.” Her lips reach for mine. “I’m yours, Loch Waring, and I want you to make me feel it tonight.”
Days. Years. Forever. It’s in our kiss. It’s in my lips, taking her breath away. My tongue, rousing her moan.
She presses her wet body to mine, and I wrap my arms around her. Rescued. Relieved. Feeling so goddamn alive that we made it through this.
Alena knows me, the truth, at least, some of it, but that suddenly makes me remember. “Fuck,” I pull back, huffing from our kiss. “Fuck, my video call, my fans, they’re still waiting for—”
“It’s still on?” She glances at the back of my laptop.
“Yeah, I…” I turn to walk across the room, to slam it shut, but she grabs my hand.
“Wait.” She chews her lip. “I… I want…”
I can read her blushing cheeks, her blooming flesh, my kinky world shifting on its lonely axis, but I want her to own it. “You want what, my DirtTGirl?”