Chapter 19
Nineteen
Cami
“Mom and Stella are going to drop into your inbox with a whole slew of wedding items that require your and Leif’s approval,” my sister tells me on FaceTime.
“Oh gosh, is Mom driving you nuts?”
“And Dad. And Rhett. Her entire life now revolves around your wedding,” Jenna shares.
I wince. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s good to see her excited and invested in something…good for you.”
Fair point. “Well, I will admit that it’s been nice having the extra help. With Mom and Stella setting the foundation for all the plans, Leif and I have only been consumed with the fun parts.”
“And cutting the check,” Jenna points out.
I wrinkle my nose. “Yeah. Leif hasn’t given any pushback about anything.”
“He’s a good man.”
“The best,” I agree honestly.
Jenna smiles softly. “You really are happy.”
“I am. I told him about Levi.”
“Oh my God, seriously? What did he say?”
“He was super understanding. We actually ran into Levi at a music festival.” I recount the story for Jenna. She gasps and sighs at all the right parts and having this conversation with her transports me back to college. Sitting on FaceTime recounting my weekend with my sister—gleaning her reactions, waiting for her advice, just bonding.
“He hit him!” Jenna repeats.
“Without flinching,” I confirm. “You should’ve seen Leif.”
“Defending your honor.”
“Yeah, I think he really was.”
“Damn, Cami. You really are lucky. When you married Leif, I thought you went off the deep end, but you obviously chose him for a real reason. He’s the perfect partner for you.”
“Thanks, J. I can’t wait for you two to meet.”
“Me too! I’m going to try to come visit this summer.”
I perk up instantly. “Really?”
“Yes! Send me the dates that you’ll be away?—”
“In Honey Harbor.”
“I’m jealous you’re going. It looks so cute and quaint. Very romantic.” Jenna bats her eyelashes.
“I’m looking forward to it, too.” Plus, it will be nice to see Leif’s friends again and meet their significant others. I chatted with Hudson’s girlfriend, Piper, on the phone and I’m looking forward to hanging out with her during Chris and Casey’s wedding weekend. “But I would love for you to come visit. We have a guest room.”
“I’m going to try my best with work,” Jenna promises. “If not, you will need to come in early before the wedding anyway.”
“True. Hey—did you see the sketches I did?” I emailed them to her a few days ago.
“Yes! And Cami, they’re beautiful. You should really consider fashion and design. Especially wedding gowns.”
I snort. “I’m working at an accounting firm.”
“So? You don’t even like it,” Jenna reminds me.
“You sound like Izzy.” I shake my head. “And it’s not that bad.”
“You’re only saying that because you like your work friends.”
I sigh, hating when my sister is right. She’s almost always right.
“I’m just saying, your sketches are beautiful. You’re talented, sissy.”
I roll my eyes, but I’m pleased by her praise. “Thank you, J.”
“Think about it!” my sister says enthusiastically.
The front door creaks open and Leif appears.
I smile back at Jenna. “I gotta go. Leif is home from his run.”
“Hi, Leif!” Jenna calls.
“What’s up, J?” Leif asks, coming into the frame.
I pass him the phone and he and Jenna chat for a few minutes. It makes me happy, seeing two of the most important people in my life, communicate. For the weeks that Levi flipped my world upside down, I don’t know if he ever spoke to Jenna. He wasn’t interested, he didn’t care, and the fact that I couldn’t see that for what it was—a giant red flag—shames me.
Ever since I told Leif the truth, I feel lighter. Better. Able to move forward with him without any shadows lurking in the corners of our marriage. It was cleansing and cathartic.
But now, I’m worried about how he’s taking it. Leif’s been quieter than usual and I think my story caught him off guard. While we’re still spending time together, hanging out with his teammates and friends, and making love to each other every night, there’s a distance that didn’t used to exist.
When I try to talk to him about it, he brushes it off as us still getting to know each other. He gives me the laid-back persona instead of the man behind it and while I want to give him time to process things, I also want the real him. Always.
Leif ends the call with Jenna and passes me my phone. “I hope J can come visit next month.”
“Same,” I say, following him into the kitchen. “I made pasta for dinner.”
“Sounds delicious, baby. I’m starving.” Leif walks toward our bedroom. “I’m going to rinse off really quickly.”
While he showers, I make us two bowls. Then, we sit at the kitchen island together.
“How was your day?” I like this part of the day best—the part where we confide in each other and exchange stories.
“Beau and Cole are back from Mexico. They can’t wait to meet you.” He points his fork at me. “Actually, I think you’re really going to hit it off with Bea. She’s Beau’s little sister and Cole’s girlfriend. She runs a little art shop downtown—Humble Bee’s. She makes pottery.”
“Really? That’s so cool! I know exactly where you’re talking about. I walked through the shop the other day. It’s adorable,” I gush.
“Yeah. You should talk to her, Cam. I saw one of the sketches you left on the counter.”
I blush at his praise. And also, “Which one?”
Leif smirks. “It was a beautiful dress. Bridal, I believe.”
My cheeks burn. “I’ve been on a roll lately with the bridal gowns.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks, twisting on his barstool until he captures one of my knees between his.
“Yep,” I murmur, grinning back wickedly. “You’ve given me all sorts of inspiration, you know?”
Leif chuckles and takes another bite of pasta. Then, he slides off the stool and reaches for me. In one quick movement, he tosses me over his shoulder.
“Leif Bang! Put me down!” I cry out, grasping at the back of his shirt.
He smacks my ass lightly. “I’d rather bang you, love.”
“Oh, God,” I groan at his lame joke.
He tosses me in the middle of our bed and pulls off his T-shirt.
My thoughts spiral and I take a moment to appreciate how gorgeous he is. Perfection.
“Like what you see, Knox?” He slides off his shorts and tosses them in the corner of our bedroom, missing the laundry basket completely.
But I’m checking him out too hard to comment.
His boxer briefs are next to go. His thick cock springs free, already hardening. Already wanting me.
I make a sound in the back of my throat and Leif grins, coming closer.
He leans over me, dropping his fists to either side of my hips. I lean back so I can find his eyes.
“Are you ready to get banged, babe?” he taunts.
“Yes.” I surrender, flopping backward and lying like a starfish. “Have your way with me, Leif. Just make it good.”
Leif gasps, pausing with his hand on my calf.
“What?” I tilt my head up to look at him.
“It’s always good,” he says, his expression serious.
I roll my eyes and drop my head back. “It’s always fantastic. Stop fishing for compliments, Bang, and get your girl off.”
He pulls my jeans clear off my legs. “Like it when you’re bossy, Knox.”
Leif crawls up my body and I hook my legs over his, keeping him pinned against me. “Promise?” He’s the first man I’ve ever been bossy with. The first guy I’ve ever let my guard down enough to talk about things in bed. About what I like and what I want. Desires and needs.
Leif brushes my hair back from my face and stares at me. His expression is solemn, his eyes blazing. He studies me as his hand makes another pass over the top of my head. Then he closes the space between us and kisses me hard. “Promise. Like you exactly as you are.”
Something settles inside me at his words. I close my eyes, fold Leif into my arms, and give myself to him. He makes love to me slowly. And then again, quick and fast.
And I was right—it’s fan-fucking-tastic.
A week goes by when the first email pops up in my inbox.
The sender?
Levi Rousell.
“No fucking way,” I murmur to myself, opening the email.
Hey, Cami ? —
I hope you don’t mind my emailing you. It took me a minute to track down your email—it was on a U of M alumni list—since you don’t have any socials. What’s up with that?
“You, you dumb fuck,” I mutter, narrowing my eyes at the screen. After that night in Spain, I deleted all my social media accounts. I knew how lucky I was to get through that phase of my life without being tagged in a hundred photos, fucked up out of my mind and dropping my face to lines of coke. It was a lesson I didn’t want to relearn.
But I digress. Shaking off my anger, I read the rest of Levi’s email.
Anyway, since we last saw each other, I’ve pulled my shit together. Rehab was intense but I’ve made a lot of amends with a lot of people. Not with you, though. For that, I’m sorry and I’d like the chance to set things right between us. I know that you don’t owe me anything but if you’ll gift me your time—or let me buy you a cup of coffee just to talk—it would mean a lot to me.
Tell your man he’s got a solid jab.
Levi
I sit in silence, rereading Levi’s email three times. What the hell am I supposed to do with this? He wants to meet up—to get closure—now?
I heave out a sigh and cross my arms over my chest.
Anger, frustration, and…curiosity swirl though me. I hate that Levi can still affect me, still mess with my head. I also can’t stand that a part of me wants to email him back. I want to know what he has to say.
I want closure too.
But why? Why does Levi matter at all when I have Leif? My husband. The best guy. One I can trust and confide in. One who makes me feel whole.
I ex out of the email and close my laptop.
I’m supposed to be confirming wedding plans and now, I can’t think straight. I can’t think at all because the annoying musician with the messy hair and broken eyes reached out to me. After all this time, he wants to talk. And say what?
It doesn’t matter!
Except it does.
I’ve spent years holding on to anger, on to fear, where Levi is concerned. Wouldn’t it be freeing to let it all go? To lay the shit between us to rest? To fully move on, without the shadow of him hovering over me?
My phone beeps with an incoming text.
I grin when I read Harper’s name. She’s a sweetheart and reached out to me to organize a lunch with her, Bea, Lola, and Maisy. Her text confirms the reservation she placed for today. Unfortunately, Beau Turner’s wife, Celine, is currently on location filming a movie. I wonder if she knows Jensen’s girlfriend, Bailey.
I push away from the kitchen island and pace around the space. In a short amount of time, my life has changed drastically. In that sense, it echoes my time spent in Spain.
Except this change has been positive, hopeful, and beautiful. I married a wonderful man and we’re planning our real wedding. I’ve made great friends. I love where I’m living and don’t mind my work because at the end of the day, I get to come home and sketch. Next week, I’m having a getaway to a quaint cottage town with Leif.
All in all, things are amazing.
I look at my laptop. So, why do I want to email Levi back?
Why does his note call to me?
I grip my phone instead and text Harper back.
Then, I leave my laptop behind, shower, and get ready for lunch with the girls.
I force Levi Rousell out of my mind and focus on the life I’m building with Leif.
The life I’ve always wanted. A future I can believe in with a man I trust.