39. Isaac
39
Isaac
“You okay, Mama? You need anything from the kitchen?”
“I need you to quit fussin’ over me.”
“Oh, the fussing is going right on schedule. It’s my shift now. Vic’s coming at seven to continue it.”
She chuckled, grimacing a little. “I can’t stand y’all.”
“We love you, too.”
“Where’s your girlfriend?”
“Probably somewhere regretting the day she let me into her life.”
“Boy, please. She’s lucky to have you.”
“You’re supposed to say that.”
Her eyes formed the prettiest crinkles when she smiled. “That doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”
“We’ll see. I'm trying to figure out how to be the man she deserves.”
“Is she the woman you deserve?”
“I don’t know if I deserve her, but I’ve never needed a woman until I met her.”
“I see.”
“What did you think of her?”
“She seems sweet.”
“She is.”
“A little shy.”
“That’s just cuz she was meeting you. She was nervous.”
“I noticed you’re very affectionate with her.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, speaking of…we need to talk about old boy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Taurus and Victor already fussed me out. I’m over all of y’all.”
“If you would let me finish, I would tell you I’m not fussing.”
“What does that mean?”
Carefully, so as not to disturb her, I sat on the edge of the bed. “I still wanna run a background check on that nigga, but I feel like…if you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Life’s short, and we only get one. Who knows when it’s gonna end?”
She tilted her head. “That was a hard lesson for you to learn, especially at that age.”
“So was watching you grieve.”
She heaved a heavy sigh, grimacing again. “I tried to hide it from you.”
“And you failed.”
We both chuckled at that.
“I saw you walk around with your heart broken. For a long time. At this point, I’d really rather see you smiling. And loved on. Even if it’s with a nigga named Eldin.”
“Eldrick.”
“Still ugly.”
“You’re so annoying.”
The door opened downstairs, and we both smiled at the sound of little footsteps running up the stairs and down the hall.
“Nana!”
Naya, my eight-year-old niece, ran straight at my mama’s bed. I put an arm out to stop her.
“Wait, wait, wait. You can’t hug her right now. She’s recovering.”
“Yes, she can. You just have to be gentle, sweetpea.”
“Alright.” I let Naya go. “Just hug her shoulders, Ny. Don’t lay on her.”
“Hey, my sweet baby.”
“Hi, Nana. Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m feeling great. I’m so happy you’re here.”
“Is your daddy here?” I said.
“My mommy dropped me off.”
Okay, no wonder Naya came in by herself. Amber, Taurus’ ex-wife, was not a fan of my mama, and vice versa.
Naya pulled away and came back to my side, but she kinda ignored me.
“So, I don’t get no hug?”
She cut her eyes at me like a grown woman. “I’m mad at you, Uncle Isaac.”
“What I do?”
“You made fun of my brother.”
“Who told you that?”
“My daddy,” she said, tossing in a neck roll for good measure.
“Ny, that was jokes. Why would he tell you that?”
Mama laughed.
“Jokes can hurt people’s feelings,” Naya informed me. “It’s called bullying.”
“He doesn’t even know what I’m saying.”
Why was I defending myself to a third grader? The fuck.
“And also, it’s body-shaming.”
“Oh my God. Okay. You’re right, Naya. I’m sorry. I won’t make jokes about Christopher.”
“You promise?”
“I promise, baby girl.”
She smiled. “Now you can have a hug.”
“I recently had a scare. My mama had to have surgery.”
“How did that make you feel?” Doc asked with his pen poised over his notepad.
“Like I would lose her. Which made me feel like I was about to die. I’m not even kidding when I say that. I couldn’t breathe. My chest was tight. My hands were shaking. I was nauseous.”
“Panic,” he said with a nod. “That’s not surprising, especially given the loss of your father.”
“Yeah. I’m not sure I ever really grieved for him, now that I’m thinking on it. I kinda decided life ain’t fair and then…I don’t know. Rebelled against it.”
Doc leaned forward. “Can you say more about that?”
“I think I’m…mad about it. You know? Why him? Why that moment? When I was that age? My brothers got to eighteen with him in their life. I was still a young nigga who didn’t know shit. To this day, I still don’t.”
Doc nodded.
I blew out a sigh. “My girlfriend’s so damn happy and hopeful, and…” I trailed off and smiled. “If my life is a storm, that woman is what happens after the rain. But that shit scares me. Because one of these days, she’s gonna get caught out there, and—“
“You don’t want her to get wet.”
I nodded. “My mama was tore the fuck up. Watching her was worse than grieving. I can’t do that shit again. I can’t watch another woman I—“
I stopped abruptly.
His eyebrows lifted. “Another woman, you…?”
“I can’t watch another woman I… love …go through pain.”
That was the first time I said it out loud.
“Life has painful moments.”
“Exactly. I feel like I need to prepare her for that, but at the same time, I don’t wanna pull that optimism out of her. It’s part of the reason I love her.”
“Have you considered that it’s not your responsibility to change her?”
I scrubbed a hand down my face as I grappled with that.
“ Fuck . Yeah. You kinda cooked with that one.”
“I want to get back to you, though. Rebelling against life. That stuck out to me, especially given the context of our sessions.”
“Right. Life. I feel like I’m maybe getting my shit together a little bit.”
“Good. Lots of qualifiers there, but good.
“That shit is an uphill battle, though.”
“Of course it is. But the fact that you’re committed to climbing is promising. I’m proud of you, brother.”
“You know what? I appreciate you saying that. I needed to hear that.”
When I left that session, I knew what I had to do. Some of it would be good. Responsible. Some would be reckless. But it was all for the greater good. It would work itself out in the end.
“Please state your name for the record.”
“Isaac Lamar Jackson.”
“Age.”
“Thirty-three.”
The redheaded man with freckles slid the tape recorder closer to me. “What is the nature of your relationship with Azalea Davis of the Summerville Corrections office?”
“She was my probation officer. She’s not anymore, currently.”
“Please list all occasions you’ve seen or interacted with Officer Davis.”
“Exact dates?”
“Approximate dates are fine.”
“I ain’t even got that. I can tell you she came by my old job to check my employment. Came to my place for a home inspection. And I checked in with her here at the office.”
“Have you ever interacted with Officer Davis in any other context?”
“I saw her once at an art gallery. Also, I’m friends with somebody she knows, so I saw her at a barbecue.”
“Have you ever had any physical contact with Officer Davis?”
“No.”
“Why did you request a transfer to another probation officer?”
I tried to read his face, but homeboy was giving me nothing to work with.
“Honestly? I was attracted to her. I mean, come on. You’ve seen her.”
I watched him closely, and there it was. A little smirk. That told me everything I needed to know about Officer Henry, but as long as he kept it professional with her, there was no need to worry about him.
“Did she ever do anything to encourage your attraction?”
“Nah. Wish she would’ve,” I said, fake laughing my ass off. Henry joined in, and it just made me dislike him more.
“Do you have any idea why someone would report that you two have a personal relationship?”
“None whatsoever. I don’t even know why I’m here, to be honest.”
“Okay. Thank you for your testimony.”
“So I can go?”
Henry turned off the recorder. “You’re free to go.”
“Cool.” I stood and pulled out a stack of folded papers from my back pocket. “But before I go, I have a request.”