Chapter Ten
Mackenzie
I lose my balance on these eggshells
You tell me to tread, I'd rather be a wild one instead
- ‘Wild Things’ Alessia Cara
I have been working at Ambrosia for about a week and it’s been great. Logan hasn’t been in since the first night, which I’m thankful for. Watching him take Darcy to the back room and knowing what that meant gutted me. I almost walked out but I knew that was what he wanted.
That night is burned into my brain like a brand I can’t scrub out. The way she had looked at me, smug and triumphant. The way he hadn’t even spared me a glance as they disappeared together. It had been a calculated move and knowing it didn’t make it hurt any less.
Darcy has been giving me hell ever since that night and I can’t fucking stand her. Mainly because she is disgusting and has a shit attitude on top of it, but also because of Logan. Every interaction with her feels like she is rubbing salt into an open wound.
I am walking around Main Street today, hoping to drown my sorrows with some new shit.
The air smells faintly of coffee from the café down the block and the faint tang of leather from the biker shop next door.
I have been making a lot more money than I thought I would, enough that splurging feels justified.
Retail therapy might not fix everything, but at least it keeps me from spiraling.
Walking out of Chaos, I run into some guy who was walking and playing on his phone. The impact is enough to make me take a step back.
“Shit, sorry.” He looks at me as he is picking up his phone.
I smile back at him. “All good, I wasn’t really watching where I was going either.”
“Not gonna lie, I’m not that sorry because it gave me an excuse to talk to you.”
My brows lift slightly. Oh. I’m not even sure how to react to that. He’s cute, with shaggy brown hair that falls over his forehead, and a tall, muscular build that suggests he works with his hands.
“So, is there any way you might want to grab some lunch with me?” He glances at me and flashes a smile that is easy and confident.
I smile back at him. “Sure, I don’t have work until later tonight.”
We stop at a burger place with red vinyl booths and the faint scent of grilled onions hanging in the air. Lunch is actually really nice. I haven’t been on a date in what feels like forever, and it’s almost strange to have someone look at me without an edge of history or resentment in their eyes.
When lunch is over, I have learned that Nathan is newer to town because he has family that lives here. He is working construction and is super sweet, the kind of guy who probably calls his mom once a week without fail.
Nathan walks me out to my car. “So you said you were working tonight and I don’t think I found out what you do yet.”
“I work at Ambrosia.” I watch the recognition cross his face. “I’m a bartender.” I laugh, knowing exactly what he thought I did. “Lunch was great, give me a call sometime.”
I hop into my car knowing that I never gave him my phone number. He was nice enough, but I just didn’t feel that pull toward him. It’s the pull I feel every time Logan is near me, that raw magnetic pull that feels like it could be the end of me if I let it.
I need to forget all of that though.
Logan has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me, and I will never be the girl that chases after a man. I’ve done enough chasing in my life, and it never ends the way I hope.
When I walk into work that night, the music is already pounding and everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Allison sees me and comes over right away, her hair slightly out of place in a way it never is.
“Mac, I need a favor.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I have had three waitresses call out from the flu and the boys are coming in tonight to celebrate Ryan’s birthday. Any way you’ll step out from behind the bar and waitress for me?” She bites her lip nervously as she waits for my answer.
“What does that entail?”
“Just serving drinks. You don’t have to do dances or any of that shit. It is totally optional for waitresses.” She holds her hands out in front of her as if she’s praying.
“Okay, sure.” I smile at her and she hugs me, smelling faintly of vanilla body spray.
“Great, there is a different uniform but just ask Shaina and she’ll grab one for you.” She starts to hurry away but turns to yell, “You’re the best!”
Shaina gets me set up with a waitress uniform that is a crop top and tight spandex shorts I would probably only wear as underwear.
I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t hate it. “You got this.”
When I walk out onto the floor, there is already a large crowd. The lights flash across the stage, the bass vibrating through the floor. I take a few different orders from guys who are sitting near the stage and go to the bar to wait for them.
I feel a hand on my arm and when I turn, I see Logan. “What the hell do you think you’re doing wearing that?”
“I’m filling in for Allison, she was short-handed and it’s none of your business. If you don’t like it, don’t look.” I grab my drinks and walk away from the giant neanderthal staring at my ass.
I head over to the table where the MC guys are located. “Can I get anyone a drink?”
One of them looks over at me. “I’m good on the drink but how about you sit that sweet ass on my lap a minute.” The name on his vest says Ryan.
“Sorry, birthday boy. You’re barking up the wrong tree.” The other guys laugh as I walk away, except the one in the corner. He’s staring holes through me as he walks up behind Ryan. He says something in his ear, causing everyone to look over at me.
“Hey, Mackenzie.”
I turn around, hearing my name, and see Nathan from earlier.
“Hey, Nathan.” I told him I worked tonight, but I didn’t think he’d just show up. It’s kind of weird and honestly a turn off. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugs. “You said you were working and I realized after you pulled off that I didn’t have your number to call you.”
There was a reason for that, buddy.
“Oh, yea.” I look around, giving Shaina the eye, and she waves me over. “Sorry, the bartender needs me and we are slammed tonight.”
I walk away quickly and head to the bar.
“Thanks,” I say as she makes a few drinks.
“Who is the frat boy?” she asks with a laugh.
“Some guy who I had lunch with randomly today. I made the mistake of telling him I worked here and he showed up.”
Her face scrunches. “That’s really creepy and clingy.”
“Yup,” I say with a laugh before grabbing the drinks and taking them over to the MC boys.
Nathan has taken a seat in the middle of the floor, but I can feel him watching me.
After I place the drink on the table, Logan comes up behind me so close that we are practically plastered against each other. “Your little friend is watching. I don’t know why you’re wasting your time. I could tell from one look that it would never work.”
I turn around to face him. “Why is that? I should only be with assholes like you who treat me like a yo-yo? Fuck you, Logan.” I push his chest, causing him to step back and giving me room to walk away.
The rest of the night is constant chaos. Between running drinks, Nathan trying to stop me to talk, and Logan staring holes through me, my nerves are fraying. I drop Nathan’s latest drink off to him and he grabs my wrist before I can leave.
“I haven’t been to a place like this before. Could I pay a little extra and have you hang out for a few minutes?” He reaches for his wallet.
“I’m not a stripper, but I can send one over for you.” His hand is still wrapped around my wrist and I tug a bit, but he doesn’t let go.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that—”
“Let her wrist go now.” I don’t even need to look to know that Logan is standing behind us.
“I have this one, I don’t need you swooping in.” I give him a look telling him to leave.
“I’m not going to say it again. We have a rule here that women are only touched if they okay it. She has obviously tried to pull her hand away. Let go or I’ll make you and then toss you out on your ass.” Logan takes another step forward.
Nathan lets go of my wrist and I rub at the spot that’s now red and a bit sore. I didn’t realize how tight he was holding me until now. Nathan stands up and is nothing when compared to Logan. “I wasn’t hurting her. I know her and was just talking.”
“I will make a strong suggestion that you just get the fuck out. Now.”
Nathan looks as if he might reply, but he doesn’t.
“I’ll see you around, Mackenzie.” Nathan leaves without looking back.
I turn to Logan. “You can’t have it both ways. All this back and forth is exhausting and it’s making my fucking head hurt.”
I walk to the back, needing to breathe because whenever Logan is around I feel like I can’t.
The door to the dressing room opens and I know it’s him.
“Logan, I’m serious. I can’t keep doing this with you.” I turn around to face him.
The way he’s looking at me is completely different than anything I have seen from him lately. He looks like the boy I used to know. “I don’t know why I’m here.”
“That makes two of us.” I move to walk past him, but he doesn’t move. “Get out of my way.” I shove him, but he doesn’t move. I push at his chest again. “Goddamn! Why are you like this? You don’t want me, so just leave me alone!”
Before I know what’s happening, he has stepped into the room, kicked the door closed, and picked me up.
One of his hands grips my neck as he kisses me and backs me against the wall.
I try to pull away, but he holds me in place, his mouth trailing down my neck, and I can’t hold in the moan that escapes.
“The problem, Kenzie, is that I have never stopped wanting you. It consumes every fucking inch of me.” His head rests against my forehead. “It’s fucking torture seeing you every day. Wanting you. Needing you. Walking away from you.” His face turns hard again.
The moment is done.
He puts me down and walks away from me.
I sit on one of the chairs and start to cry.
I can’t keep doing this.
Maybe I do just need to leave town.
***
Logan
The second the door shuts behind me, I’m already regretting walking out.
Her scent is still on my skin, a mix of vanilla and something softer I can’t name but would know anywhere. My hands are still tingling from where I touched her. From where I held her neck, felt her breath catch against my mouth.
I lean against the wall in the narrow hallway, trying to breathe through the tightness in my chest. I came in here telling myself I was going to keep my distance tonight.
That I was going to let her do her job, ignore her in that uniform that has every man in this place looking at her like she’s theirs for the taking.
But then I saw Nathan’s hand on her wrist. Saw the way she tugged to get away and he didn’t let go.
I saw red. That’s the thing about Mackenzie, she’s the one place in my life where logic doesn’t exist. There’s only instinct, and mine is always to put myself between her and whatever could hurt her. Even if what’s been hurting her is me.
When I walked into that dressing room, I didn’t plan to touch her. Hell, I didn’t even plan to talk to her. But the way she looked at me… like she was already bracing herself for another wound I was about to inflict… it broke something in me.
I wanted to leave. I should have left. Instead, I closed the distance, let my hands find her, let my mouth remind me what it was like to taste her.
I’d forgotten nothing. Not the sound she makes when I kiss her.
Not the way her body arches when I press her against me.
Not the way it feels like she was carved to fit against me.
And then I had to stop. Because this is the cycle. I give in, I take, I remember exactly how much I still want her, and then I remember why I walked away in the first place.
She deserves better than the life I can give her. Better than the weight that comes with my name. Better than a man who runs a club that has enemies in every county line.
I push off the wall, heading toward the front of the club. My hands are clenched into fists, not because I’m angry at her, but because I’m angry at myself for letting my control slip.
Every time I tell myself I can handle keeping her at arm’s length, I end up back here, tasting her like I’ve been starving.
And every time I walk away from her, it feels a little more like I’m ripping out something I might never get back.