Chapter 40
40
TWO MONTHS LATER
Logan tried not to think about her too often, but she was always on his mind. When he’d fix his unsullied morning coffee and found that he wanted to fix another cup full of sweetener and cream. Even in his home, where she’d never been, he would almost expect her to stumble into the kitchen… my zombie Viv. And every time Sakari jumped into his lap, he’d see Viv in his mind as she’d stroke the cat while sitting at the computer.
Late at night was the worst, when the loneliness of his bed would threaten to choke him. The sunsets that painted the sky and the sunrises that shook off the night, all brought her right back to him—and the reminder that they were never meant to be.
It was crazy, considering they had only known each other a couple of weeks before they separated. He’d never believed in the notion that love could come so quickly, but now, with an emptiness in his heart, he knew it was possible.
After returning from Alaska, he’d called Donald.
“Logan, I got your report about Rashad. You tracked him to where he caught a ride on a Russian tanker just leaving the country. Interpol will handle him now. And you managed to destroy the contaminants that were developed. Congratulations on a successful mission. The country owes you and LSI a debt of gratitude.”
He’d wanted to tell Donald where he could shove the gratitude but just grunted instead. Since returning from Alaska, he’d thrown himself into the leadership role at LSIMT, ensuring they had vendors and suppliers they could rely on, going through their contracts more carefully before sending any of his Keepers out into the field, and not taking any more assignments like the one he’d agreed to for Donald. He’d stayed in close contact with Mace and Carson, forming an even closer bond with the other leaders. He’d added more runs to his training, each footstep pounding the earth unable to stop the memories of her face when they’d said goodbye.
His Keepers had avoided the topic of Vivian once he was home, although he knew they were curious. Landon had tried to talk to him, but Logan had just shaken his head and said, “I know you mean well, but I’m not talking about her. She’s better off without me, anyway.” Landon had just held his gaze and then sighed heavily but nodded.
Alone at night, he tried to imagine what she was doing and how she was getting along. There were times his fingers would hover over the keys on his phone, wanting to call or to text, just to see how she was. But each time, he shoved the phone back into his pocket. If she was getting over the events in Alaska, he didn’t want to bring them back up for her. Checking in with her would be a particular torture for him, and he needed to respect her privacy
At the end of another long week, Mary wheeled over and said, “Logan, I just received notification from Mr. Markham that he wanted a video conference with you. Only you.”
Jerking slightly, he started to ask why but knew that Donald would never have given that information to anyone but himself. His jaw tightened in anger as he wondered if Donald had forgotten that Logan had told him, in no uncertain terms, that they would not take another termination contract. “Thanks, Mary. I’ll take it in my office.” He walked into the small office he maintained just outside the large workroom the other Keepers used. He preferred to be out there when possible, but sometimes, the chance to work in quiet still reigned.
Moving to his desk, he sat and logged on to his computer. In a few seconds, Donald’s face came on the screen. “Donald.”
“Good to see you, Logan. It’s been a couple of months since we last debriefed.”
“Two months, four days, and about twelve hours.”
Donald’s gaze remained steady as he slowly nodded.
“Any particular reason you called…other than to check to see if I’m functioning? You’ve got no worries. Once a SEAL, always a SEAL. You know that. And now, once a Keeper, always a Keeper. What happened up there… how it ended… that was fucked up.” Sighing, Logan added, “She shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”
“Bottom line, Logan… you completed the mission. What Ms. Sanders went through, especially getting sick, was unfortunate.”
Logan’s eyes widened, and his body jolted. “What...sick…what are you talking about?”
Donald grimaced. “Ms. Sanders became ill upon her return to California. She was exposed to the bacteria, but it appears she wasn’t a carrier. She was the only one ill.”
His breath left him in a rush, and Logan leaned forward, his gaze anguished. “Is she all right? Is she?—”
“She’s fine; she’s fine,” Donald assured, his gaze assessing. “She was treated in a hospital with antibiotics. I talked to her DHS supervisor, who was in constant contact with her and the hospital staff.” Donald stared at him intently, his eyes showing understanding that Logan didn’t bother to hide. “So as I said, her supervisor says she’s fine… she got debriefed… she got counseling. I’d say she handled things very well.”
Logan’s jaw hardened as his eyes narrowed. “Seriously? You seriously think that? She had no fuckin’ clue?—”
“If she had left when her part of the mission was over, she wouldn’t have ended up in the thick of things at the end?—”
Slapping his hand down on the worn table, he growled, “I told you what happened. She just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Donald nodded slowly. “Or perhaps she was in the right place at the right time.” Not giving Logan time to respond, he continued, “She did her part of the mission without fail and then, at the end, worked with you instead of against you when she realized what you had to do. From what you said, it seems she saved your life.”
Silence descended as Logan’s mind shifted back to Alaska. “Thin ice,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?” Donald asked, his head cocked to the side.
“Nothing,” he responded. “Just a saying I heard from someone.”
“I also wanted you to know that I understand what LSI will and won’t do from now on. There may be more cases I’d like help with, but I get your hard line.”
“You have something for LSIMT, send it my way, and we’ll consider it. We might not be able to take it, but we’ll consider it.”
“Understood,” Donald said with a nod. “Then, goodbye, for now.”
Logan stared at the blank screen, his body not moving. He finally lifted his hand to rub his chest, right over his heart. The pain was real, and the ache was heavy for the suffering Vivian had to endure, as well as the loss of her in his life.
Finally, he walked out of his office and headed upstairs. Alone. And destined to be alone.