Chapter 16
16
Nataly
Nathan had to duck out of the service early to help a guest for the last time tonight. My heart was feeling a little raw after our earlier conversation.
Joel isn’t around for a little while but I’m going to have to muster up the courage to break up with him.
I’ve never had to be the one to break up with someone. Unfortunately, I’ve always been the dumpee. Which is embarrassing enough, but somehow, I still walked away feeling like I’d won. I’ve always felt like I held the upper hand in my previous break-ups—it was always about what I wouldn’t give them. So, they didn’t deserve it. I’m the one girl they didn’t get, and I’m happy about that. But now, I’m having to be in charge of the dumping.
This is weird and way out of my comfort zone. And I haven’t had many opportunities to venture out of my comfort zone in life. London is proving itself to be my unofficial ‘let’s get you out into life’ friend as it pushes me into adventure and conflict.
There’s a church hang out down in Covent Garden tonight, and my friend Danielle had to get going, but Joy texted and said she was around church. I figured it would be a great time to join Joy, even just for an hour or two so I don’t have to go home and stay in my dorm room staring at the ceiling overthinking my decisions and lack of decisions in life. And maybe even to chat about it all with someone. I haven’t even told my mom or anyone else about my dilemma because my guilt has been too prevalent.
I see Joy standing over by the door.
“Hey girl!” I call to her as I walk up.
She looks up from her phone and puts it into her pocket.
“Hey! Let’s shoot?” She says as she gets ready to go.
“Let’s do it,” I say, as I make my way out of the door.
Apparently my thoughts are plastered all over my face because Joy looks over at me and immediately acknowledges it.
“What’s up girl? Are you okay?” Her brows furrow in concern.
I really am absolutely transparent. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, and apparently I wear my expressions ready for everyone to see.
It’s about a 10 minute walk to Covent Garden, so it gives us a bit of time to talk before heading in. As we cross over to the other side of the street, I fill her in on my woes.
“To be honest, I’d love to have someone to talk through this with. You know Nathan?” I glance over at her to receive confirmation.
“Girl, finally . I’ve been waiting for you to address this!” She says as she eyes me.
“Well, he’s just told me he found out about Joel, and he was so upfront. He told me he liked me and that he can’t be talking with me and pursuing me if I’m still with Joel. Which, of course, makes sense. The ground should’ve swallowed me whole at that very moment.” I say as I shudder.
“With Joel, we’ve coasted through this relationship. He’s the first Christian guy I’ ve dated. He’s a nice guy,” I continue, my voice faltering a bit. “And I never wanted to be the person who broke up with someone for no ‘real’ reason. I kept thinking maybe it would get better, maybe I’d wake up one day and just feel more… but I don’t. I never have. And now I feel like the villain. But I’m developing feelings for Nathan, and I feel like that’s totally unfair to Joel. I’m not that girl, and now I’m so annoyed with myself for letting this carry on so long,” I blow out my breath after basically word-vomiting all of that.
“I noticed immediately when I met Nathan that he made your heart come alive. Joel doesn’t do that. I think it’s pretty simple.” She shrugs, a little indifferent, as if the truth was obvious.
“I also still don’t get why you let that whole California trip slide,” she continues. “The places he went? The people he was with? Girl, you deserve better. Someone who loves you so much they wouldn’t even want to go to a place like that, even if it is because the ‘other guys’ are going. I know you don’t like to hurt people. I know you hate confrontation. But avoiding it? That’s only going to make your life harder,” she adds.
We’re already drawing near to Covent Garden at this stage.
“I know, you’re right. My inner debate team has definitely been telling me I’m a total coward for a while now,” I sigh.
“You’re not a coward.” She pauses. “Okay, maybe a little bit of a coward,” she says, and we both laugh as I facepalm. “But you’re human. You haven’t had many opportunities to make decisions like this. And now you’ve got two guys into you, and you have to choose? Girl, sign me up—I want two guys to choose between,” she laughs.
I laugh with her. I’m grateful for her encouragement. It makes me feel like I’m not a total failure. It bolsters my confidence a bit that I can do this.
We’re walking up to the door of our hang out spot in Covent Garden, and as I start fishing through my bag to look for my wallet, Nathan walks out of the door with his friend Jerome.
My heart decides it also wants to run a marathon today (have we not had enough of those?!) at this very moment. But I actually need my wallet to be able to go in. I’m fishing around my bag, pretending it’s Mary Poppins’ bag and it will give me what I want. Even when I can clearly see my wallet is nowhere to be found. I blow out a breath as Nathan comes up to me.
“Hey,” he says, with his hand in his pocket.
“Hey, yourself,” I reply, as I fidget with my bag. I probably should let the bag go by now but what am I supposed to do with my hands now that Nathan is here?!
His brows furrow as he looks at me. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t seem to find my wallet. I think I must’ve left it at the Dominion. But what if someone took it? Oh no. I have to go back and search for it,” I say as my mind starts to run a million miles an hour. If only my mind could translate that good exercise ethic into my reality, I’d be ridiculously toned.
How do I do these things to myself? My mom always says I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on. It’s probably true. And Nathan is always around to witness it. Great. This really looks great on my resume of reasons he should continue to pursue me. I don’t even know if he’s going to want to now that he knows I’ve got a boyfriend—even if I am splitting up with him. Maybe he’ll decide that I’m not worth the fight.
I groan outwardly at both scenarios.
“Why don’t I come with you?” He says, gaze intent on me. It’s starting to get really dark now.
I take a look at Joy.
She waves me off. “Go, I’ve got some friends inside, I can catch up with you later. I hope you find it. May this not be like the camera fiasco,” she rolls her eyes. Yup, I deserve that eye roll.
It’s dark, and honestly, I don’t trust myself to function properly when my brain is still spiraling over this entire mess. And he’s offering. It’s just a walk.
“That would be great. I’d appreciate the company,” I say as I look to Nathan. I’m sure he can see my inner turmoil. But I’m glad he wants to join me.
We start our walk back to the Dominion .
“You’re always finding trouble, Nataly.” Nathan keeps his eyes ahead, but that lopsided smirk is there , teasing me like he knows exactly how much it’s going to unravel me.
“I think I get myself into trouble just fine on my own,” I mutter, pulling my jacket tighter around me. But I can feel it—his gaze, heavy on the side of my face, like he’s peeling back my layers. And maybe he already knows. Maybe he can see that I’m drowning in my own guilt.
Nathan, unlike me, is not the type to sidestep confrontation. Where I brush things under the rug and pretend not to notice the lump, he lifts the rug and stares the mess straight in the face. He doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t stall.
“So.” His voice is calm, measured. “Why haven’t you broken up with Joel earlier if you’ve been unsure about him this whole time?”
My mouth goes dry. I knew this question would come eventually—but from him, in this moment, it feels like a spotlight on my failure. The question lands heavy in the space between us, but his tone is light, like he’s treading carefully. Like he knows the weight it carries for me.
I exhale, letting my breath linger in the night air. “You make it sound so straightforward. And really, it is straightforward. But living in my head is a little more complicated. I hate confrontation, unless it’s with my parents.” I force a small laugh, but it dies too quickly. “I hate the thought of hurting someone. And Joel… he’s the first Christian guy I’ve ever dated. I wanted to feel more for him. I kept thinking, ‘Maybe if I wait, the feelings will come.’ But they never did.”
Nathan hums, his hands sliding into his pockets. “Sounds like you’re going to have to learn that life comes with confrontation. And sometimes, doing the right thing means someone gets hurt. That’s life. It’s messy. It’s real. What matters is your heart. Your intentions.” His voice is steady, like he’s known this truth for years, like he’s already had to learn it the hard way.
I nod slowly. He makes it sound so simple. And maybe it is simple. I’ve just been too scared to admit it. This man sounds like he’s a vault of wisdom.
We’re nearing the Dominion Theatre, but the front entrance is closed now, the doors locked and the street nearly empty. The neon lights from nearby shops cast glows of red and blue against the pavement.
“I think we’ll have to go around the back, Nataly,” Nathan says, tilting his head toward the side alley.
I follow his lead, my heartbeat picking up for no reason other than the fact that he’s here , next to me, saying my name like it belongs in his mouth.
When we reach the side entrance, the door is thankfully unlocked. Nathan holds it open, and if I weren’t currently having a full-body, emotional meltdown inside, I’d take a moment to appreciate this gentlemanly side of him.
I walk up to the counter, nerves bubbling again. “Hi! I think I forgot my wallet here earlier. Do you have a lost and found?”
The woman at the desk offers a polite smile. “Let me check.”
She disappears into the back for a moment, and my stomach twists with worry. I am not in the mood to replace my debit cards and ID right now.
When she returns, she shakes her head. “Sorry, nothing back there.”
Panic starts rising in my throat. “Would it be okay if I checked in the auditorium?”
She gives me a nod, and Nathan leads the way inside again. He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t make me feel silly for retracing my steps, just walks with me—like it’s the most normal thing in the world to be on a lost-wallet rescue mission with a girl who may or may not have shattered his expectations today.
When we reach our old seats, I get down on my hands and knees, scanning the floor. And then?—
“Ahhh, yes! ” Relief rushes through me as I grab my small pink wallet from underneath the seat. I get up, clutching it like it’s a long-lost treasure. Some of the tension in my chest eases .
As I stand there, clutching my wallet like a lifeline, I look up—and he’s still there. Not rushing me, not judging me. Just… steady. And it hits me like a freight train: this is what it feels like to be seen. Really seen.
“I’m glad you found it,” he says, his smile easy. “Let me walk you out.”
The way he says it—it’s casual, but it’s also not. I don’t know how I know, but I just do.
We step back outside, the London night crisp and cool. The streets are still alive, the distant hum of conversation, the occasional honk of a taxi.
“What are you up to this week?” I ask him as we begin to head out the doors, trying to sound normal even though I’m still reeling from the earlier conversation. I’m grateful he’s walking me to the station because I just prefer not having to walk alone at night when it’s dark. My dad never really let me do it when I was a teenager—I always had to be home before the sun was down. Otherwise, my mom would pick me up wherever I was. So as much as I love walking around in London, I much prefer doing it with people than I do by myself.
“I’ve got work. Then this weekend, I’m heading to Barcelona for a week and a half with some friends, Will and Henry.”
“Will as in the pastor?”
Nathan chuckles. “One and the same.”
I groan dramatically. “Barcelona is permanently ingrained in my mind from The Cheetah Girls 2. It owns that city for me.”
Nathan raises an eyebrow. “The what?”
I gasp in mock horror. “ The Cheetah Girls . A Disney Channel Original Movie.”
He smirks, shaking his head. “Never heard of it.”
I clutch my chest. “I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Even if you would’ve never watched it anyway because you’re a boy.”
He laughs, and the sound makes my stomach flip.
“Barcelona is beautiful. I’ve been once before, and I can’t wait to go again.”
“I’m sure. I’d love to see it. I’ve only ever been to Madrid, but I think I’d like Barcelona a lot more,” I reply.
“I think you’d love it. Maybe someday, we could go,” he says.
My heart starts pounding in my chest. I don’t want to get too excited that he may still want to explore the possibility of a relationship with me in the future, in case he changes his mind.
When we reach the tube entrance, I don’t know what I’m expecting. A goodbye? A lingering moment? But then?—
Nathan steps in, and before I can process it, he pulls me into a hug.
I freeze. Not because I don’t want to hug him back, but because I wasn’t ready for how good it feels. He’s warm, steady, and so much taller than me that I have to tilt my head slightly against his shoulder. It’s quick, just a second longer than a polite hug should be.
When he pulls back, his eyes lock onto mine. “Think about what I said earlier, Nat.”
Nat.
The nickname lands soft but heavy.
He’s already turning to leave, hands in his pockets, disappearing into the city night like some unfairly attractive mystery novel hero. And I? I’m standing here, staring after him, wondering if I even deserve him to care this much.
Even if Nathan backs off entirely after this, if he never mentions it again, the one thing I do know is that I can’t keep dragging this out.
I have to break up with Joel. This week.
Because there’s no going back now.