Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
E den
After hours of talking about how Marius and I got together, I give in on the ice cream idea, so Ava orders some to be delivered while I get cleaned up. I think I got all my crying out, but as I stand in the shower, memories come rushing back that make my eyes fill with tears.
What good is it to remember the time we had great shower sex or the time he found me taking a bath and climbed in clothes and all to join me and we laughed until our sides hurt? Yes, those are great memories, but do they fix the problem at hand?
No. In fact, they only serve to make me even more miserable because I can look back at the time I’ve been with Marius and honestly say I was happy. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life. And now it’s crashed and burned, ended with some stranger serving him divorce papers.
My attorney told me it would be fine if I had a friend or colleague deliver them to him, but I was too embarrassed to ask anyone I know.
Thank God in this state it’s illegal for the spouse to do it because if I had to be the one to serve him, it would have never happened.
I know myself. When Marius decides he wants to be charming, I can’t deny him anything.
Two years of lying about us to everyone I know and love proves that.
I turn the water to hot so it practically attacks my back as I stand here thinking about how it all went wrong. How is it that two people can love one another and this happens?
No doubt some would question if Marius loves me since he wanted us to be a secret all this time. There are many things I’m not sure of in this world, but his love isn’t one of them.
So why am I divorcing him?
As soon as that question forms in my brain, I start crying.
I bury my face in my hands and sob like a baby, already missing everything we had together.
The laughs. The way no matter how bad I felt after a hard day at work Marius knew how to make me smile.
How we’d watch movies together, sometimes never saying a word for hours but then talking all night about what we loved and hated about the story.
The way he’d surprise me with breakfast in bed.
And a million other things that made me love him.
Make me love him.
See, that’s the problem. I still love him.
After another ten minutes sobbing in the shower, I get out and throw on some clothes before heading downstairs. I hoped the ice cream would have been here by now, but maybe the delivery company is running behind tonight.
“Ava, I wonder what’s taking them so long.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before Marius steps out from the pantry. Ava looks at me sheepishly, but I can’t be angry with her. She’s a romantic who loves the idea of love, so naturally, she made sure not tell me he was here.
“Duck, I thought we should talk.”
Of course, he had to come around when I look like something the cat dragged in. My hair is soaking wet, I’m dressed in ratty black yoga pants and an old t-shirt from college, and I don’t have a stitch of makeup on.
For a moment, I consider saying I don’t want to talk, but that’s not the truth. I love talking to Marius. In addition to being incredibly funny, he’s smart, so our conversations are always interesting.
The man is everything I’ve ever wanted in a husband, so how can I not take the chance to talk to him?
Just then, the phone rings. I answer it and hear the doorman downstairs telling me the delivery guy is here with our ice cream.
“Okay. Thanks, Conrad.”
Ava walks across the kitchen to stand with me. “How about I go downstairs to get the ice cream? Just text me when you want me to come back up with the goodies.”
I shake my head at that idea. “No. Just go down and get it and then come back up and hang out here. Marius and I will talk upstairs so you don’t have to stay down in the lobby with melted ice cream.”
She smiles and gives my hand a sympathetic squeeze. Leaning in toward me, she whispers, “I think it’s a good start that he came to talk, don’t you?”
Rolling my eyes, I shrug. “I guess.”
When Ava begins walking toward the hallway to get on to the elevator, she turns to Marius. “I’ll be right down here, so my warning from before stands.”
He nods and says, “Got it. No funny stuff or the best friend slaps me across the face again.”
She gives me one last glance before walking out to the elevator and leaving us alone. For a few moments, neither of us say a word. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. What exactly are you supposed to talk about with the man who was just served divorce papers from you not four hours ago?
Finally, he speaks first. “Thanks for not throwing me down the elevator shaft as soon as you saw me.”
Marius still looks like he hasn’t slept all week, but at least his sense of humor hasn’t disappeared.
“Let’s take this upstairs. I don’t want Ava hearing what we have to say.”
I start walking toward the stairs as he follows me, but he stops me by touching my hand before I reach them. When I turn around, I see hurt filling his eyes. I hate seeing him look like this. I don’t want him to be unhappy. That was never my goal.
“Eden, I know you want us to talk upstairs, but before we head up, I have something I need to say. I’m sorry. This whole thing is my fault. I never meant to make you feel like I wasn’t the proudest man in the world to have you as my wife.”
Well, he’s definitely come armed with the big guns. An apology and taking responsibility for this mess on top of a lovely compliment? Who would dislike that?
“I appreciate you saying that.”
We don’t say another word until we get upstairs. I’d wanted to talk away from Ava without having to make her sit in the damn lobby, but now I’m wondering if this was a good idea. Talking in the bedroom will probably give him the wrong idea.
So instead, I stop at the top of the stairs in that area on the second floor that the realtor called a mezzanine. It’s partially open to the downstairs, but I don’t think Ava will be able to hear what we’re saying.
Like in the much of the penthouse, this area only has those minimalist chairs Marius hates.
I don’t like them much either, which I guess begs the question why neither one of us has bought new ones.
Then again, he spends more time at Ava’s home than here, so that explains why Marius hasn’t done anything about them.
As for me, I barely notice these ugly chairs when I come upstairs.
He realizes we aren’t going into the bedroom and looks around as I stop next to one of the chairs. “Oh, we’re talking here? Why not in the bedroom?”
“Because I thought a more neutral ground would be better.”
The real reason is I know what will happen if we’re near a bed for any amount of time. While a bout of lovemaking is always great, I’ll never be able to have a real conversation with him if sex is looming over our heads.
Marius looks down at the barely there chair and sighs. “Mental note to self: get some new fucking furniture for this house.”
I smile as I think about how much effort we put into buying bedroom furniture but nothing else in the rest of the penthouse. I guess you wouldn’t have to be a genius to figure out where we spend most of our time.
“That’s assuming I still live here,” he says in a low voice.
“You barely ever lived here, Marius. You sleep in your old room at Matthias and Ava’s house more than you do here.”
He winces before saying, “Fair enough. In my defense, though, I wanted to keep an eye on Ronan for the past few months. That won’t be much of an issue anymore, though, so I can be here every night from now on.”
“I know you were concerned about Ronan, but why couldn’t you stay here and go out to the house every day? It’s not like you have a job that forces you to be chained to a desk from nine-to-five, Monday through Friday.”
As much as I understand his concern for the youngest King, I’m not ready to let him off the hook as easily as he’d like.
Marius opens his mouth to respond to me but closes it again. Sitting down on the chair closest to him, he sighs. “Again, fair enough. I wasn’t thinking the right way about things when it came to Ronan.”
He doesn’t say it, but I know finding Ronan bleeding out was devastating for him. He’s always been very protective of that brother in particular, and going to his apartment and seeing him barely hanging onto life must have been terrible.
“I know, Marius, and I don’t want to fault you for anything you’ve done with Ronan.”
“I’m sorry that I got sidetracked with him and neglected you. I never meant to. It’s just that after finding him like…”
His sentence trails off, but I understand. I also know he’s been struggling with what happened.
I touch his hand, and he looks at me. God, his eyes are filled with so much sadness.
“Marius, I think you need to see someone about what you’ve gone through with Ronan.”
He looks at me oddly and shakes his head. “I’m fine. Really. He’s the one who went through something. Not me.”
Clearly, my husband doesn’t see what I’m seeing.
“Baby, you found your brother bleeding to death when he tried to take his own life. That’s bound to affect a person.
I know you want me to think you haven’t been sleeping because you miss me, but that’s not it.
Not entirely. You have to deal with what happened. ”
“I am. I promise. Right now, I need to make sure you know how sorry I am for everything that I did. I never meant to hurt you, Eden. I love you. You’re my entire world. I’m lost without you.”
Hanging my head, I sigh as the weight of missing him presses down on me. “I love you, too.”
We fall into an awkward silence until he says, “So, Matthias thinks Ava’s been giving you a list of guys she’s interested in setting you up with. Is that what you guys have been doing all this time?”