Chapter 18 #2
I can’t help but smile at how little Matthias and Marius understand us.
Shaking my head, I answer, “No, that’s not what we’ve been doing.
We watched Air Disasters, and then I told her how we got together.
Between you and me, I think Ava is hoping you’ll do something incredible to fix things between us.
I know she slapped you, but she’s still one of your biggest fans. ”
“Air Disasters, huh? I bet it was an episode with that guy you like in it, wasn’t it?” he asks, and I swear I hear jealousy in his voice.
“If you must know, it was.”
“I get it. I’m not around enough, so you watch that guy. I’m a little confused since he looks nothing like me, though.”
As I sit down in the chair next to him, I ask, “Do you only fantasize about women who have long black hair and green eyes?”
Marius shakes his head. “I don’t fantasize about anyone but you, Duck.” He stops for a moment before adding, “Eden.”
For the longest time, I secretly hated that nickname he gave me, but now that he seems to not want to call me that, I’m sad. Still, I don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t fantasize about women who don’t look like me.
Leveling my gaze on him, I say, “You watch porn, Marius. Don’t tell me you don’t fantasize about those women, and let me remind you, they rarely look like me. They’re mostly blondes with giant racks and big asses, three traits I don’t possess.”
“I don’t make the decisions regarding who stars in pornos. Personally, I’d like more women who look like you to star in them, but that isn’t up to me.”
We’re clearly getting lost in the minutiae.
“Is this what you wanted to come to talk to me about tonight, Marius?”
His mouth turns down in the frown, and he shakes his head. “No.”
“Then why don’t you say what’s on your mind, and then I’ll do the same.”
Even as I say that, I’m terrified to hear what he has to say.
What if he’s decided my serving him with divorce papers was a step too far?
What if he actually plans on signing those papers?
I knew when I said yes to my attorney that it was a risk Marius might just agree to divorcing me, but until this very moment, I didn’t know how crushed I’d be if that’s what he wants to do.
“Fine,” he says nodding his head, almost like he’s trying to convince himself we’re okay.
We aren’t.
Staring into my eyes, he looks so sweet when he says, “I meant what I said before, Eden. Everything that’s happened is my fault. I just want you to know that I’ve never been ashamed of being with you. I’m proud you’re my wife, and I hope I can continue to say that.”
Relief washes over me at hearing those words. He doesn’t want to divorce me. Good because I don’t want to divorce him. Now if we can figure out how to right this ship, we’ll be okay.
“You can call me, Duck, Marius.”
He reaches out for my hand and smiles. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to use that nickname anymore.”
“What I don’t want is to be the last thing you think of in your life. And I don’t want to wonder if we’ll ever have a marriage where I mean more to you than everyone else. I’ve gotten used to that nickname and actually like it. It’s all the other stuff I can’t do anymore.”
In his dark eyes, I see genuine fear as I say those things. It’s almost as if he isn’t understanding me. Does he truly believe I don’t want to be married to him?
“Duck, you were never less important to me, but I see now that’s what you felt. I’m sorry. You mean more to me than anything in this world. Do you really want a divorce?”
I don’t answer for a long moment. No, I don’t a divorce, but we can’t continue like we were.
Looking down at where our hands are joined, I shake my head. “I never wanted a divorce, Marius. I just couldn’t keep lying to everyone I love.”
He slides his forefinger under my chin to lift my head. With a smile, he says, “No more lying. I promise. If you want, I’ll buy a billboard in Times Square to let the world know. Or dozens of them so we can tell everyone we’re together.”
My husband loves the big gesture. It’s his signature thing. I’ve always loved that about him. He’s generous to a fault.
“You don’t have to do that. All I want is to know my husband isn’t ashamed to be married to me.”
“I’ve never been ashamed of you, Duck. You’re gorgeous, smart as hell, accomplished…everything any man would kill for. I’ve never been happier than when I’ve been with you. God, I hate that you think I was embarrassed by you.”
Fighting back tears, I say, “I didn’t know why you didn’t want to tell the world we were together.
My mind came up with dozens of scenarios to explain it, and none of them felt good.
Then you brought that beautiful girl to Ava’s party, and I couldn’t do it anymore.
I couldn’t wonder why you were fine with showing her off but not me. ”
“Aww, Duck. Sam is just my assistant. She means nothing to me. I thought I was proving a point, but I know now I was just being an asshole. I never meant to hurt you. I swear. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
The pain of that night at Ava’s rushes through me, and suddenly, I’m angry again. “I know who the hell she is, Marius. It’s the fact that you thought it was okay for you to bring her to the party that was the problem.”
“I know. I get it. Honestly, I do. Just tell me you think you can forgive me. That’s all I need to hear.”
“And what if I can’t?”
Until this very moment, I wasn’t able to entertain the thought that I wouldn’t forgive him, but what if I can’t? What if all that’s happened is too much?
As soon as I ask him that question, I’m met with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen on anyone’s face. “Duck, you have to forgive me. You just have to. This can’t be the end of us.”
“I don’t know, Marius.”
“You love me, right?”
My eyes fill with tears at hearing him ask me that. “I do love you. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love you.”
His face lights up. “I’ve loved you since that first day, Duck. You knocked me off my feet, and I’ve never been the same again. I know I’ve screwed up, but please remember all the good times we’ve had. There have been some, haven’t there?”
I laugh at the memory of the two of us eating Chinese food and Marius utterly failing at using chopsticks. He was so frustrated by his inability to handle those two pieces of wood.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“I was thinking about us eating Chinese that one night and you practically throwing the chopsticks across the room when you couldn’t figure out how to use them.”
“Yeah, I’m more of a fork kind of guy, but you walked over and stood by my side to help me learn how to use them. I’m still not good at chopsticks, but I’m better because you helped me.”
He stops and then adds, “I’m a better man and a better person because of you, Duck. Losing you would mean losing the best thing in my life.”
My heart breaks hearing him like this. I love this man. I’m crazy about him. I don’t want to lose him any more than he wants to lose me.
Marius takes both of my hands in his and holds them, almost as if he’s afraid if he doesn’t that I’ll run away. “I just need to hear you think you can forgive me. That’s it, Eden. If you can’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
As much as I wish I could simply walk away from him and never forgive what he’s done, that’s simply not possible.
Not with how I feel about him. Even sitting here in this neutral space in our home and in these horrible chairs we both hate makes me want to take him into my arms and never let him go again.
“I think I can forgive you,” I say in a quiet voice.
His eyes get big, and his face lights up with pure joy. “That’s all I needed to hear. You’re going to see being married to me is a good thing from now on.”
“It wasn’t bad before, Marius. It wasn’t enough of a marriage. That’s all.”
He stands up and then leans down to kiss me. “Now I know what I have to do. I think I heard Ava come back, so go enjoy your ice cream together. I have to go.”
What?
Now I’m confused. He came here to apologize for all that he did and to find out if I can forgive him for being such an absent husband, and the first thing he thinks to do to prove his love is leave me again?
“Where are you going?” I ask as he starts down the stairs.
Marius looks back at me and gives me a big smile. “To make you see why you should forgive me. I love you, Duck! Never doubt that.”
And with those lovely words, he bolts downstairs, leaving me unsure what the hell just happened.
When I get downstairs, Ava is waiting with bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream for us. “Hey, Marius looked happy when he left. He even apologized to me and said he deserved me smacking him. What happened?”
I sit down at the island and dig my spoon into a big scoop of ice cream.
After I let it melt in my mouth, I answer her as truthfully as I can.
“I have no idea. He said he was sorry. He told me he loved me. He asked me if I could ever forgive him, and when I said I think so, he jumped up and said he had to go.”
Ava stops eating and shakes her head. “Where?”
“I have no idea. He said he knows what he has to do now to make him forgive me, and then he practically ran down the stairs. Should I be afraid he thinks everything is better and he doesn’t have to do anything else?”
My friend smiles and scoops up a spoonful of ice cream from her bowl.
“I think you should be ready for him to do something ridiculously big. Matthias does that when we have fights. One time, after we had a huge argument about him working every day, he bought me my car. I would have been fine with some flowers and an apology, but he thought saying sorry and handing me the keys to a brand new car was what I needed.”
As I dip my spoon into my melting ice cream, I smile and joke, “I like the car I have already. I don’t need a car.”
Ava levels her gaze on my face. “Eden, he bought you this penthouse when you said you didn’t want to go to hotels anymore. Marius is obviously a man who likes to go big.”
“I guess he took go big or go home literally, although I guess it should be go big and go back home for him.”
“This ice cream is delicious, Duck. Am I allowed to call you that? It’s cute, and I’ve never though of you as cute.”
Shaking my head, I smile. “No, that’s a Marius King thing. I’m still regular old Eden to you and the rest of the world.”
I don’t tell her the truth why she can’t call me by his nickname for me. She’d understand, but I want to keep that private.
The reason no one but Marius can call me Duck is that’s his unique name for me. It’s a special thing only between us.
So what is that man going to do to convince me to forgive him? I don’t need a car or a house, and we’ve taken vacations around the world so I can’t imagine where he might think of us going now. He’ll probably go with jewelry.
Maybe I’ll get an engagement ring finally.