Chapter Sixteen #2
We’re quiet for a few moments, then she meets my gaze. “You’re seriously… sexually attracted to Jude?”
Heat rises from my neck to my face. “Do you really want to talk about that?”
Cuz, I don’t.
“Not really. I just don’t understand how you can suddenly like guys, but not know you like guys.” She bites her bottom lip, appearing puzzled. “It makes no sense to me.”
“It doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me either. It’s just how it is. Something about Jude, it just feels right.” I grimace. “I don’t know. For all I know he’ll prefer being with Ben and I’ll just end up alone.”
She winces. “Even though that would serve you right, I hope not.”
“Really?” I ask, moving over to pull her into my arms. “You mean that, Kara?”
She wraps her arms around me and she nods. She sounds tearful when she at last says softly, “I do mean it because I love you too, Liam. And even if I don’t get to have you, I want you happy.”
My eyes sting as I hold her. “Thanks, Kara, for saying that. It means the world to me.”
“See what a catch I am?” She laughs tearfully. “You’re really passing up a good thing here, Liam.”
“Honey, I already knew that.”
****
When I get home, the house is dark. For one frustrated moment, I think Jude went to bed and that I’ll have to wait to talk to him.
Then I see his outline in the chair in the corner of the living room.
As I near, his eyes glitter and I smell the scent of sweat, pine needles, and frozen earth clinging to him.
Underneath all of those earthy scents there’s the distinct musk of his wolf, which always lingers after shifting back.
The fact that he ran alone tonight feels meaningful.
We usually run together. Jude going out alone while I was with Kara tells me something is wrong.
Jude needed to deal with something he couldn’t handle in human form.
Sometimes, when emotions are too big, our wolves are the only way to deal with the feelings.
My heart races as I near him. I’m so nervous, I feel shaky and scared he’ll reject me.
I don’t even know how to bring up my feelings for him.
For all I know he shifted because he was thinking of Ben.
Longing for Ben. I’ve never felt insecure approaching anyone I had feelings for before.
But the stakes have never been this high either.
I truly believe that Jude is mine. We’re supposed to be together, but what if he doesn’t feel the same?
Just the thought of that makes my legs almost buckle.
“You’re home earlier than I expected,” he says softly.
I grimace. “Am I?”
“On a night like tonight, you should have spent the night with Kara.” Even in the dark his gaze feels intense. “Whatever you need to say to me could have waited.”
“No, Jude, what I need to say to you couldn’t wait.” I feel breathless. If he rejects me, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“I suppose congratulations are in order.” Jude’s voice is bright, but there’s a bitter undertone. “I’ll bet Kara was over the moon. Your family will be thrilled too.” He stands, laughing roughly. He holds out his hand. “Congratulations, Liam. I hope you two will be very happy.”
“Uh, Jude—”
“And I already know I need to move out. That’s no problem.” He lets out a shaky breath. “My place isn’t ready yet, but I’m sure Ben will let me crash at his place.”
Jealousy nips at me, but then it hits me what he thinks is happening. When I told him I was having a serious talk with Kara, he assumed I was going to propose to her. Of course he’d have had no way of knowing I was going over there to break up with her.
“Jude you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t want you to move out.
” He’s close now and I feel the heat of his body and his familiar scent fills my nostrils.
It’s all I can do not to reach out and pull him against me.
But I don’t know where his head is at, and I need to figure that out before I make a fool of myself.
“Ha.” His laugh is harsher now. “Right, Kara will love that. It’s okay, really. Ben will be cool with me staying at his house—”
“Could we maybe stop talking about Ben for five seconds?” I growl, taking a step toward him.
He hesitates, looking muddled. “I’m just trying to be respectful of Kara.”
“How about we stop talking about her too.”
He blinks at me. “What do you want to talk about?”
Heart pounding, I force myself to say, “You and me. I want to talk about you and me, Jude.”
“What… what about you and me?” His voice trembles.
The adrenaline pumping through my veins makes me light headed. But it’s now or never. Even if I’m terrified he’ll reject me, if Jude is ever going to be mine, I have to take this leap. I open my mouth, but the words are stuck in my throat. His confusion is palpable, but I can’t seem to speak.
“Liam?” he asks softly. “What’s going on?”
With a groan, I reach for him, hoping I can convey my feelings with actions if not words.
I pull him against me and I bury my face in his warm neck.
He smells so fucking good, and I tighten my hold.
He’s shocked, that much is obvious by how rigid he is in my arms, but then he gives a needy little whimper and he melts into me, slipping his arms around my waist.
“What’s happening?” He sounds uneasy. “Are you okay?”
I lift my head and take his mouth in a hot, greedy kiss. It doesn’t matter that he’s a man, I need to taste him. Touch him. Take him. He’s mine. Just mine. Man or woman, he’s my mate. I know that now.
Primal instinct roars through me as I plunge my tongue into his mouth. I feel his surprise, but he kisses me back, moaning. He’s greedy for me, just like I am him, as he sucks on my tongue, slipping his hands down to cup my ass. He presses closer, his kisses desperate.
Once I know he still wants me, a rumble starts low in my throat as my wolf rises to the surface.
I want to take what’s rightfully mine, and all rational thought blurs into nothing but lust. White hot need sears through me, and I walk him to the couch.
He falls backward on it, but he holds out a hand.
“Liam, wait,” he says hoarsely, his cheeks flushed. “What about Kara?”
I fall to my knees in front of him, hands on his thighs. “I broke up with her,” I rasp.
Shock washes over his face. “You did what?”
I lick my lips, my wolf wanting to pounce but my human side understanding his need to hear what’s happened. “I’m not engaged to her. I will never be engaged to her. I want you, Jude. I… I want to be with you. Only you.”
Doubt clouds his pretty blue eyes. “Just like that?”
“Yes.”
He cocks his head questioningly. “But… you said kissing me was a mistake before. You said you didn’t want… me.”
“From the way I just kissed you, do you think that’s true?”
His cheeks pink. “Probably not.”
“I was a fool before,” I say harshly. “I was scared and in denial. I… I wasn’t ready to accept the truth.”
“And now you think you are?” He looks dubious.
“I get why you’re suspicious.” I laugh harshly. “I understand this seems sudden to you, but believe me, I’ve been wrestling with this for a while now.”
“Oh.”
“I fought it. The feelings.” Shame nips at me. “But I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t want to.”
He whispers, “What if I trust you, but you reject me again? I don’t think I can take it, Liam.”
“I won’t reject you. You’re mine,” I say quietly. “And I’m yours. We both know it.”
“You believe that?” He swallows hard.
I nod. “I have no choice. You’re my mate and it’s just how it is.”
He narrows his eyes. “You believe in the mate bond?”
I laugh gruffly, rubbing my aching chest. “I do now.”
“But I’m a man and you said you didn’t want that. You seemed… disgusted.”
“Yes.” I wince at the memories. “I was freaked out at first. I said hurtful things to you because I was lying to myself. I was scared of how I felt about you.” I stroke his stubbled cheek, holding his worried gaze. “But I’m not scared anymore.”
“I see.”
“I love you, Jude. I don’t want anyone but you.” When he still hesitates, jealousy eats at me. “Is it Ben that makes you hesitate?”
He frowns. “Ben?”
“Do you want him instead of me?” I rumble suspiciously.
“No.” Pain passes through his eyes. “ I wanted to love him. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Thank God,” I groan, relieved. “I thought maybe it was too late.”
He bites his bottom lip. “No, it’s not too late. Not if you actually want me.”
“I do want you. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
He nods, but he doesn’t look sure.
“What else can I do to prove it to you? I broke up with Kara. What else do you want me to do? I’ll do anything, Jude.” I lean closer to him, inhaling his intoxicating scent. “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it all out. I was so stubborn and scared.”
“I understood it was hard for you.” His eyes are soft with understanding. “You had the perfect life.”
I shake my head. “No. I had the life I thought I was supposed to want. Then you came to Golden Peak. The second I saw you, I… I knew. But I couldn’t accept it. I just wasn’t ready. But I also couldn’t let you go.”
“Yeah, I sensed that. And I was happy to be near you, however you wanted me.”
That gives me hope. “There’s a reason I never settled down with any of the women I dated. So many of them were great people. Kara was fucking perfect for me, but still, I didn’t want to marry her.”
He scowls. “She’s not that perfect.”
“She’s perfect on paper, but not perfect for me. You are though.”
He nods, although he still seems hesitant to accept what I’m saying.
My heart aches at his uncertainty, but I understand it comes from a place of fear. “I won’t let you down, Jude,” I say gently. “I know it’s hard for you to trust, but I swear on my life, I won’t let you down.”
“It’ll kill me if you do,” he says in a small voice.
“Trust me,” I whisper. “Please, Jude, we belong together. You know we do.”
“Liam,” he whimpers, “I want to trust you.”
“Then do.” I urge.
He leans in to kiss me as if he can’t help himself. He starts to pull me onto the couch with him, but I stop him.
“Let’s go upstairs,” I say. “I don’t want our first time to be on the couch. I want you in my bed. That’s where you belong.”
His mouth thins. “Your sheets probably smell of Kara.”
I sigh. “The sheets are clean, but I don’t suppose that’s really what’s bothering you. Shall I burn the bed? Maybe the whole house and start new with you somewhere else?”
He gives a grudging smile. “Maybe.”
“I’ll do it,” I warn. “Don’t think I won’t. There’s literally nothing I won’t do for you, Jude.”
He narrows his eyes. “Would you leave Golden Peak?”
My heart stutters at the thought, but I nod. “If that’s what you want.”
He frowns. “I don’t want that. Are you crazy? You love it here. Hell, I love it here. Plus, your mother would murder me.”
I laugh, relieved. “She might.”
He touches my face. “I… I don’t want to leave Golden Peak. I want to stay here and build a life with you.”
“Then let’s do that.” I slip my arms around him and we hold each other. I’m in awe of how much I need him. Of how perfect he feels in my arms. Jude is everything I’ve ever wanted or needed in a mate, and I almost lost him.
“Take me upstairs,” he whispers, his breath hot against my neck. “I’ve waited so long for you to wake up and see me, Liam.”
I pull back and cup his face. “Jude, I can’t see anything but you.”