Chapter Sixteen
Liam
When Kara offered to cook dinner at her place, that was a godsend.
It’s best that this difficult conversation take place in private.
My plan is to ease into the evening and maybe after dinner tell her we need to talk.
But when she opens the door, wearing a tight red dress and smiling seductively, I know I can’t keep up the charade one minute longer.
She must see something in my face because her smile immediately dies and she wrinkles her brow. “What’s wrong? Are you still sick?”
“No,” I rasp. “I’m not sick.”
Although I feel like throwing up.
She steps aside, closing the door behind me.
I turn to face her, not sure where to begin.
I’ve broken up with plenty of women, but Kara is the only one I dated for this long.
Plus, I care about her. I’m not in love with her, not like I thought I was, but I also don’t want to hurt her.
But she will be hurt, there’s no way around that.
By being too afraid to see the truth, I’ve selfishly strung her along.
And it doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean to, I still did it.
“What’s wrong, Liam? Why do you look so serious?”
I wince. “We… we need to talk.” My voice sounds hollow and she immediately tenses.
“Oh, God.” She takes a step back, looking stricken. She turns and heads to the couch where she sits as if her legs have given out. “What is it?”
I follow, heart hammering. I don’t know where to begin. How do you break someone’s heart? I sit down next to her and I take her chilled hands in mine. I hold her wary gaze, feeling sick.
“Kara, I—” I swallow hard. “Shit, I… I don’t know how to do this without hurting you.”
She pulls her hands from mine, her face pale. “Just say it. Just say whatever it is you need to say.”
I close my eyes and when I open them, her eyes glitter with tears. But she doesn’t look sad so much as angry. I open my mouth to speak, but then close it again. I can’t seem to find the words.
“You’re breaking up with me.” Her voice is flat.
I let out a breath. “Kara, I really care about you—”
“No,” she hisses. “Don’t give me the speech. I don’t need the fucking speech, Liam. I want to know why. Why are you breaking up with me? You said you were happy. I asked you if you were happy and you said you were.”
“I know.” I grimace. “But I’m not happy and it’s not fair to you that I keep pretending I am.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I don’t know. I… I wanted to be happy with you.” I go to touch her arm but she moves away. “I do love you, it’s just not in the way you deserve.”
Her face is pinched. “Don’t pretend this is for me. You want out, that’s all.”
“Kara, we haven’t been getting along that great lately. You know it and I know it. Would you really want to marry me?”
Yes. I love you.” Her bottom lip trembles.
“Even though things haven’t been great between us lately?”
Her eyes go cold. “We were getting along beautifully until he came into our life.” My face warms and she narrows her eyes. “Oh, my God. You’re blushing. I’m right, aren’t I? Jude is the reason you’re dumping me.” She stands, looking like she wants to throw something.
“Kara—”
“I knew it,” she shouts, her face quivering. “I fucking knew that asshole was going to come between us.” She presses a hand to her chest. “I could feel it. I could feel him weaseling his way into your heart.”
“It really was just friendship. At first.”
“Bullshit. He went after you and he got you.”
I frown. “You want this to be about Jude, but it’s about us. I don’t love you the way I should, Kara. I can’t marry you knowing that. Why would you even want me to?”
“We were so happy before he came here.” She starts to cry. “We were so in love and everything was so good.”
My heart aches watching her unravel. I want to hold her to comfort her, but I know she’ll just shove me away. “Honey, yes, things were good, but the fact that I kept stalling about moving in together or proposing shows something was missing.”
“You would have proposed, if he hadn’t come into your life.” She cries harder, glaring at me. “You loved me.”
“I don’t think I would have proposed.” I hang my head. “I think I’d have stalled until you gave up on me. Like all the other women I dated did.”
“You bastard.” Her voice cracks.
“I’m so sorry, Kara. I didn’t know. I didn’t know this part of myself until Jude came here.” I study her feeling like a jerk. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well you did,” she snaps, wiping roughly at her eyes.
I slump. “I’m sorry,” I repeat yet again.
“So you’re actually saying that you’re suddenly into guys? Just like that?”
“Not guys,” I say hoarsely. “Just Jude.”
She winces as if I slapped her. “I knew he was after you. You kept wondering why I didn’t want him around you, now you know why. I could feel you turning to him.”
“He didn’t do this to me, Kara. But obviously I can’t marry you if I have these feelings for Jude.”
“I’m not buying that he’s innocent. You’re just confused because he seduced you.”
“He didn’t. He never approached me as anything but my friend.
” That’s true too. I’m the one who kissed him.
Not the other way around. Oh, he responded, but I initiated it.
I doubt Jude ever would have crossed that line first. “But what I feel for him isn’t friendship now.
Which is why I have to break up with you. ”
“But you and I had sex just a few days ago.” She looks bewildered. “You seemed really into it.”
“I thought I was in love with you. You’re gorgeous and I do care about you. I’m probably bisexual.” I sigh. “But what I feel for you isn’t enough. I don’t love you the way I should if we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, honey.”
“Don’t call me honey.”
“I’m sorry.” I grimace. “It’s a habit.”
She sits down, looking deflated. “Even though I knew something was wrong, I… I can’t believe you’re leaving me for Jude. That sneaky little asshole.”
It’s hard not to flinch under her disgusted stare. “Please don’t call him names, Kara. He’s done nothing wrong. Jude doesn’t even know I’m breaking up with you.”
She narrows her eyes. “He doesn’t know?”
I shake my head. “No. I just figured it out last night. When I saw him with Ben… it killed me. I was jealous.”
“You were definitely acting weird,” she mutters.
“I know.” I join her on the couch, feeling drained.
I meet her wounded gaze. “I’m really so sorry.
I know that isn’t enough but I don’t know what else to say.
I feel horrible, Kara. I swear. I’m confused and I don’t understand myself right now.
The only thing I do know is I never wanted to hurt you, but because I was in denial, I did.
” I rake a hand through my hair. “I hung onto our relationship like a lifeline, praying nothing had to change.”
Her face softens ever so slightly. “You have seemed pretty moody lately.”
“I have been moody. I’ve been an asshole.”
She gives the tiniest hint of a smile. “Don’t make me laugh. I’m trying to hate you.”
“Sorry.”
“I really love you,” she says softly. “I can’t believe you’re dumping me.”
I hold her sad gaze. “It’s the only respectful way to handle things.”
She scowls. “You mean because you want him.”
I don’t respond. I just stare at her. I do want Jude, but I have no idea if he wants me anymore. It’s possible he’s too into Ben now. Maybe he sees a future with Ben and only Ben.
She lets out a shaky breath, looking a little calmer. “You said he doesn’t know you’re here breaking up with me. Does that mean he doesn’t know you want to be with him?”
I nod. “Yeah. I wanted to do this first. You deserve to know the truth before anyone else.”
“Damn right I do.” She lifts her chin.
“Please don’t hate me, Kara,” I say softly. “You still mean so much to me.”
She drops her chin to her chest, looking sad again. “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me. We were so good together.”
“I can’t help how I feel.”
She scowls. “Fucking Jude. I knew he was trouble the second you let him move in with you.” She stands and goes to the dining room table where there’s a bottle of wine open on the table. She grabs it and brings it and two wine glasses over to the couch.
She pours us wine, scowling. “I loved your family so much. What now? Do I not get to see them anymore?”
“They love you too. I don’t know why you guys couldn’t still be close.”
She squints at me. “You think I can still go to your parent’s house for Christmas now?”
“My family would love it if you did.”
She laughs harshly. “If you end up with Jude, Christmas would be pretty fucking awkward.” She gulps her wine. “I guess I’ll have to go to my parent’s house in California now. Just so I don’t have to watch you and fucking Jude smooching across the fucking table.”
“I think you’ve said ‘fuck’ more in the last five minutes than you have the entire time we dated.”
“Well, I’m pissed, Liam.” She gives me a grumpy look. “You just ruined my entire life plan. Forgive me if I’m a potty mouth tonight. I earned it.”
I laugh because I can’t help it. Kara has always made me laugh. “I really do care about you. I hope you know that.”
“Sure,” she mumbles. “It’s just that you care about Jude more. God, I knew it.”
I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, I don’t forgive you,” she says. “Not yet. It’s way too soon. I’m heartbroken, Liam.” Her eyes fill with tears and she pours more wine in her glass.
“Slow down, hone—Kara. I don’t want you to get sick.”
She wipes a tear away. “You can still call me honey, I give you permission, and if Jude doesn’t like it he can suck it. I had you first.”
“Okay, I’ll call you whatever you want me to.”
She looks pleased.
“I don’t want you to think I was faking my feelings for you,” I say quietly. “I sincerely do love you, Kara. It’s just not the type of love that I should have if we were going to get married, you know?”
She nods, blowing out a breath. “Yeah. I deserve to be loved for real.”
“Exactly.”