Chapter 6 How Far Will You Go?
~ DIADRE ~
I still trembled when we returned to Jann’s chambers after that horrible ritual.
Caelan took one look at me, and her eyes widened.
She rushed forward as Jann removed the leash, taking my arm and murmuring about a seat, and a bath, some nourishing food.
Even though all of those things greatly appealed, I pulled gently from her grip, shaking my head. I didn’t want to be alone.
“My Lady Diadre—”
“Cae, leave us for the evening,” Jann growled. “Take the night off. We’ll see you in the morning. Go. Now.”
Caelan jerked because Jann had spoken sharply to her, which was very unlike him.
I knew she was confused. She had no idea what we’d just witnessed, or what Jann faced.
He’d kept her out of the loop to keep all of us safe—including her.
If she knew nothing, she could betray nothing.
She also couldn’t be leveraged for information she didn’t have.
I knew she’d noticed that he was less open with her since I’d arrived, but I prayed she took it as a result of the awful changes going on among the Golden Eyes, the Nephilim nobility.
“Don’t worry,” I murmured to her, patting her warm hand with my trembling one. “Just go. We’ll see you in the morning.”
She blinked, but then nodded and curtseyed.
Then hurried from the room. I sighed at the worried expression on her features, as she slowed to close the door so it wouldn’t slam.
She had a small chamber just down the hall, so it was easy to call her if needed.
I prayed she’d be able to rest as I turned back to Jann—then startled because he’d moved in that silent way he had, and now loomed over me unexpectedly.
I was twitchy on the best of days among the Neph, but after that night, every nerve ending in my body was frayed. I gave a small shriek when I found myself in the shadow of his massive body, clutching one hand to my throat before I realized it was him.
“Holy shit!”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” But even though the words were kind, Jann’s normally sunny countenance was dark. He stood over me, looking around the room as if he still half-expected an attack, even here in his chambers.
“It’s okay. I’m just… jumpy.” Putting one shaking hand to his chest, I blew out a breath and shook my head.
Jann sighed audibly, and put his hand over mine. “What do you need? Are you feeling sick? I know you’re tired. I’ll call for some fruit and meat. You’ll need—”
“Jann, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
I squirmed under his scrutiny. He’d been told by the Fallen that I was pregnant. He was ecstatic, and terrified. My mate believed his bloodline was cursed, and that if I bore him a Nephilim son, he would die before the babe was five years old.
I didn’t know what to believe.
I’d been suspicious the Fallen was lying about my pregnancy since the initial shock wore off. Jann was certain he wasn’t, because it was such an important issue to the Fallen, he didn’t believe Lucifer had any good reason to lie about it.
I wasn’t as sure. Apart from some weariness—which was entirely normal, given the travel we’d done recently—I didn’t feel anything. It also had to be so early that I likely wouldn’t have signs yet…
Whether it was true or not, Jann believed it. He’d taken to treating me like his favorite sweet when we were in public, and as if I was made of fragile glass when we were alone.
Now he hovered, frowning. I could feel his tension in the bond, and petted his chest.
“Why don’t we go take a bath?” I asked him quietly. “I don’t know about you, but after that, I feel like I need it.” I shuddered, grimacing as visions of that horrific ritual swam to mind, and I fought to push them away.
I’d learned long ago as a soldier, that death wasn’t just a disturbing sight, but full of terrible sounds and smells as well. No one ever told you how to rinse your nostrils of the copper tang of blood.
“I’m fine, but I’ll run it for you,” Jann said quickly, but he sounded distracted as he turned for the bathing room within his chambers, grasping my wrist and tugging me after him. I resisted, and he turned back to face me, surprised. “Is something wrong?”
I let myself gape at him. “Jann,” I said quietly, looking left and right in the sitting room. “We’re alone now. You don’t have to maintain the charade.”
His brows drew down to shadow his eyes. “What charade?”
I almost choked. “Are you joking? You can’t tell me you’re okay with that ritual? That murd—”
The tingle of unease in him crackled to me through the bond, and I snapped my mouth closed. But his posture didn’t change, and he still looked at me like he was confused.
“I’ll admit, it was a little dramatic. But a bloodvow is hardly noteworthy, particularly for the royals.”
I stared, stunned, and uncertain whether he played a role, or was truly so callous.
We’d just watched poor Istral, frozen in fear, while another slave was murdered before our eyes, and she was drenched in the woman’s blood.
All while Gall watched on, seemingly pleased and proud to take his bride in such a brutal way.
I felt the knot in Jann’s chest as I stared up at him, but he didn’t soften. His expression of indifference never wavered.
“Jann—”
“Stop worrying, Dee. I’ll run you a bath. You need to rest, to help your body and the babe. Let go of what’s happened, it can’t be changed.”
“Let go?” I hissed. “You think we should just let that go?”
Jann’s forehead furrowed. He glanced over my shoulder towards the door where Caelan had left, as if checking it was closed, then he leaned closer. “Yes, Dee. I do.”
My lower jaw dropped, but Jann acted as if he didn’t see it. Or perhaps, didn’t care.
Those muscles at the back of his jaw flexed as he looked down to take my hand again, and his words grew tight. “What’s far more important is your health and—”
“My health? My health? Jann we just watched a woman brutally murdered!”
“And you’ll see many more in your years here in Valgorath City. My people are ruthless, Dee. You knew that.”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts.”
My head jerked back as the barest thread of alarm reached me through the bond. Jann warning me? Or afraid of me?
‘What haven’t you told me?’ I sent through the link, in case his concern was that we might have an eavesdropper.
But Jann shook his head and answered aloud. “There’s nothing. You know everything.”
The first thread of caution in him…
“Then what… why… What do you mean there’s no charade?”
I expected him to shush me. Or to get angry if he thought he was covering for someone overhearing us. Instead, he looked confused.
“Diadre… are you truly still unclear?”
“About what?”
“My eyes,” he said bluntly. “My golden eyes.”
I swallowed hard, as the first surge of pleading reached me through the link. “What about them? You’ve always had them,” I said hesitantly.
He huffed. “Precisely.” As if that were an answer.
I drew my hand out of his and folded my arms. “Jann, what are you saying?”
“Nothing you don’t already know—though now I wonder if you’ve deceived yourself? My eyes are yellow because I am of Nephilim nobility. My primary loyalty is to Lucifer. To the Fallen. Especially now.”
What. The actual. Fuck? “I… you… What do you mean, especially now?”
“I mean, I won’t risk you and our son to some idealistic, noble intentions,” he muttered darkly.
But I could feel him—pleading with me in the link. Feel how he needed me, how he fought fear, desperate not to allow it freedom.
He was playing a role. But why now? And why hadn’t he given me warning?
Still, I felt stronger, clearer of my purpose. Using my trembling, twisting it into anger, I pointed a finger, stabbing it at his chest. “What the fuck are you talking about, and why haven’t you raised this with me sooner? What about Melek?”
Jann’s normally bright, amused gaze was flat. Dark. “I love Melek, he’s my brother. But his grab for the crown is false. He isn’t royal. In the end, he won’t win. And I always back a winner.”
He winked at me, like it was a joke, a reference to choosing me. But that hint of pleading was still in the bond.
Someone had to be listening.
“But… Jann… I thought we came here to help put Melek on the throne?”
I actually swayed back when he leaned over me, his eyes dark and piercing with menace. “I don’t give a flying fuck who holds that crown, as long as I’m safe, you’re safe, and our baby is safe. Nothing else matters at this point.”
“But—”
“Think it through, Dee. Think it through,” he muttered.
“We’re talking about Lucifer. The Fallen Archangel.
The immortal. How could we kill an immortal?
And how does anyone else win while he’s still alive?
Gall is his chosen. His champion. We just watched him bloodvowed to the royal line of the Fetch.
Their child will be powerful. The Neph already own the continent.
Now Gall will father a dominant heir. And with the backing of Lucifer himself… You think even Melek can fight that?”
Resist. The clarion call echoed in my head, but I let my fear and anger show. “Melek is the one who won the Continent for you!”
“He won a battle or two. But real power isn’t in flesh and blood,” Jann said flatly. “Real power grips you by the fucking soul.”
Both of us jolted with fear at the word, and for a moment I almost broke. Almost gave in, and sent him a thought that was real. But there was a reason he’d blindsided me with this. My head spun, and my already churning stomach roiled.
I knew my mate. Knew his heart was good. I also felt that fear twisting in him. For the first time it occurred to me that the same fear that made his love for me and our potential child frantic, could also drive him to extremes to protect us.
“Jann…” I breathed. “How far will this take you? How far will you go?”
His eyes went dead. “As far as I have to, to keep you and our baby safe. Now, come on. I’ll run you a bath, and we’ll rest. It’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.”
Then he turned on his heel, and prowled towards the bathing room like an enemy awaited him there.
I watched him go, still gaping.
How far will you go?
As far as I have to…
Was it possible this wasn’t an act? That he warned me because he’d learned something that had turned his head? How far would his fear take him?
Would Jann actively betray Melek, to keep me and our son safe?
The question raised conclusions I found myself very reluctant to examine. Because they left me with only one, very important remaining question: What would I do if he did?