Chapter 5 This is War
SOUNDTRACK: Sound the Alarm by Astyria
~ MELEK ~
When the door closed behind the girls, I turned back to face Gall, who stood with his feet apart and hands fisted.
I recognized his posture of determination.
He got stiff when he believed he had to be strong, and was bracing himself to do so.
Even though it ached that my son thought he had to be strong against me, it also warmed me that I still knew him. He was still here.
“Gall,” I started, stepping closer, but he shook his head and backed away until I stopped moving forward. There was a warning in his eyes, a shadow flickering behind them, that made me wary.
I couldn’t lose this opportunity to finally talk to him alone though, I had to break through.
I raised my hands, open palms towards him so he knew I wasn’t aggressive. “Gall, I always told you, and I meant it. I will never harm you.”
“Well, I never vowed, so… so I don’t have to say that in return,” he said with a firm, single nod, as if reminding himself that it was true.
I was stunned. Of all people, I was the one Gall had always felt safe to be soft with. I’d thought if we were alone, he’d let himself return to me, whisper his fears, and tell me all the ways he was in trouble.
Instead, he stood before me, determined to be hard.
I swallowed hard. “Why would you want to hurt me?”
Gall’s shoulder twitched and his brow furrowed. “I didn’t say I want to—”
“Then you don’t have to.”
“—but it doesn’t matter what I want, or why.”
“Gall, that’s not true. We’ve talked about this before. The reason why always matters. If you’ve been pressured—”
“I have my own mind!” he snapped, brows pinching into a v of anger. “I’m king now, and I have to be responsible. Right? You always said that too.”
“Of course,” I said as gently as I could, my hands still up while his remained fisted. “I’m just asking because… why would you be willing to hurt me if I’ve vowed—and proven—that I won’t hurt you?”
“You did hurt me. A lot.”
I sagged a little at that. “I know, and I’m sorry. I got it all wrong, Gall. I wish I could go back and change it, I do, but that was a misjudgment, not a desire to hurt you.”
“It doesn’t matter—the end is still the same.
” He blinked a couple times, apparently arguing with himself, because he shifted his weight like he was uncomfortable with his thoughts.
“I was scared, and you lied to me. I thought I was alone, because you went bad. Even when you told the truth, you still hid things!”
I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice soothing. “Son, if you think Lucifer isn’t hiding things from you—”
“I’m not talking about that!” Gall said, his tone edged with panic, but as he took a breath, his expression darkened. “I’m not supposed to talk to you at all.”
“Who told you that you can’t?”
“I’m king, and you’re trying to take away my power!”
“Gall… son, it’s not your power,” I said as gently as I could.
He froze, but then his eyes blazed and narrowed.
My blood froze as my son, my gentle, loving, sweet son, walked up to my toes to stand over me.
Somehow an inch taller than me. An inch he’d never owned before.
His shoulders rippled with tension, fists quivering at his sides.
“You never trusted me,” he muttered darkly.
“You never believed I could do anything big. You didn’t even think I could do small things.
And now look at me.” He stabbed a thumb towards his own chest and his chin rose. “They follow me. They listen to me.”
God, it was so wonderful to see him gaining some confidence, and so heartbreaking to know he’d been deceived into it. I hated shaking my head, but I couldn’t let him hold onto those lies.
“They follow the Fallen. Not you.”
“Stop trying to make me afraid! They follow me! And if they don’t at the start, I kill them—and then the others follow.”
“That’s not power, Gall. That’s intimidation. Remember Gault? Remember the Sergeants who trained you? How scary they were? All it takes to lose that kind of authority is for someone stronger to show up, and be more scary.”
Gall’s jaw flexed. “Like you?”
I exhaled slowly. “I claimed the crown before you did.”
“I didn’t have to claim it. It was already mine.”
We stood, toe-to-toe. I wouldn’t hurt him. Wouldn’t attack. But I also didn’t want to give him a reason to feel like he had to come for me.
How far was too far to push?
When I didn’t answer immediately, there was a flicker of uncertainty in Gall’s eyes—I saw him questioning himself, recalling the conversation and looking for his own mistakes, and it broke my heart, and I knew I had to be soft with him.
“Gall… I’m not your enemy.”
But his expression hardened. “Then leave, and don’t come back. And stop calling yourself a king!”
“I am a king, even if I leave. I’m already king of the Shadekin. And half your population—most of your fighting population—has already acknowledged me.”
Gall shrugged, but I saw the light of fear flash. “They’ll change their minds when they see me here,” he insisted.
I couldn’t deny that some would. But I also knew that many wouldn’t. Not those who’d truly resisted. “A lot of the men… they’ve changed, Gall. Many of them don’t want to follow the Fallen anymore. At all. They’ll stay with me, even if I leave Ebonreach and never return.”
“Then they aren’t real Neph, and they can leave too.”
I was growing desperate. I wanted to hug him. Hold him. Remind him that I’d been there for all of it. That he could trust me. Yet, it was clear he was so consumed with the lies he’d been fed, I was afraid trying to touch him would push him to attack.
“Please, Gall. Don’t do this. Don’t put yourself in that fucker’s hands. Don’t follow his sick, dark power. It may gain you wealth and fickle authority, but the moment you show weakness—”
“That’s what you don’t understand. I’m not weak with him.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
Gall’s chin rose. His gaze was wary, like I might try to trick him.
But also proud. When he leaned in to whisper, I was reminded of the child with a secret he was excited to share.
“With him I can think. I understand things. I know what to do. And I have power. They’re afraid of me when they see it. So, they listen. You never listened!”
“I always listened, even when no one else would!”
“No, you only listened when I said what you wanted me to say.”
It was a struggle not to scoff. “Try telling Lucifer something he doesn’t want to hear, and see how far you get—”
Gall’s lip pulled back from his teeth and he leaned right into my face. My skin prickled, my instincts sensing the new strength in him—and my spirit grieved, because I knew that didn’t come from Gall. It was a callous, angry strength that my son had never possessed.
“What did he do to you?” I breathed.
“Get out,” Gall snarled.
I wasn’t giving up. “I’m not coming for you, Gall. Remember that. I’d never hurt you. But I will defeat that Fallen bastard—or die trying.”
“Then you will die.” To my relief, he didn’t sound happy about it.
“At your hand?” I pressed.
Gall twitched. “Probably,” he replied sullenly.
I was stunned. I’d been certain he’d resist that. “What has he done to make you so sure you have to do this, Gall? Did he threaten Istral? Or you? Me? What did he say that made you willing to become this—”
“He told me the truth. The truth you never said: I was born to be a king. But you weren’t. You’re a use—a usurper and a rebel. I will kill you, because I’m king and you aren’t.”
I took a breath to give him space to think. “No matter what happens… You have a mate. Take care of her.”
Gall eyed me uneasily. “She’s my good. My balance. I’d never hurt her.”
“I hope that’s true, because if he gets the chance, Lucifer will hurt her. And watch out. Because I won’t lay hands on you, Gall. However, if you touch Istral in any way that isn’t loving, I can’t say the same for my mate.”
Gall leaned back, his eyes sliding around the room like he thought Yilan would pop out of a hiding spot. Which wasn’t unlikely. “She’s here too?”
“Of course. Would your mate leave you?”
“Never.”
“Neither will mine. You just remember that. If you come for me, you get her as well. And she’ll kill you if she believes you hurt Istral. Or me.”
Gall tensed, then frowned like he was angry at himself for his fear. “Leave. Now. I’m not warning you again.” His voice was so dark, so cold, a pang flashed in my chest.
Before I could reply, the door into the bedchamber opened. A clean and teary Istral trotted out with Yilan on her heels.
To my relief, Gall turned—and softened immediately when he saw his mate. But my unease ratcheted up at the expression on Yilan’s face. I turned my attention to the bond and felt her—still sick and fearful. Clearly grieving. What had happened to Istral?
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me,” Gall said quickly, trotting to meet Istral. “Please.”
Istral’s brow furrowed, and she reached for him as they met in the center of the room. “I never would.”
Gall sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around her. She was dwarfed by him, but it was clear who offered the comfort, and who received it. Her tiny hands rubbing up and down his back, as they whispered to each other.
Then, with Yilan and I staring on, Istral stepped back and took Gall’s hands. “Come with me. This is our time.”
Gall gripped her, his fists completely consuming her hands, but instead of giving in to her tugging, he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder, his brows pinched, and expression unhappy.
“I know you kept me alive when I was little, so I won’t hurt you now. But you leave. And you don’t come back. And you stop saying you’re king, or the next time I see you. I will kill you.”
I stiffened and Yilan winked out of sight to appear moments later in the shadows at my back. But Gall had already turned back to his mate. Istral continued to soothe him, as she led him to the bedchamber.
And my son didn’t even look back.
I stood there, stunned speechless, as the door was closed firmly so they were hidden from sight—and I was just as surely shut out of my son’s life.
Yilan’s touch on my back was a comfort, but I could barely think. I just stared at that closed door, stunned. It felt like a precious gift had been wrenched from my hands, and there was nothing I could do to get it back.
Then I looked down at my mate, and saw the tears in her eyes. “Istral too?” I whispered.
She nodded. “She won’t leave him. She… she’s determined.”
I shook my head and looked at the door again. “We need a new plan.”
Yilan didn’t respond, except to take my hand and step into the shadows, pulling me with her.
I shuddered, as she walked us through a wall, but I would barely have registered it, except on the other side, we met the shadows of the corridor…
and there a handful of the cloaked Advisor’s still stood, chuckling together, along with Lucifer—that smug, arrogant smile plastered all over his darkly handsome face.
‘He deceived my son. He lied and manipulated, and changed him, and now—’ Rage rose in my chest, with such intensity that I almost pulled Yilan off her feet. But even as she gasped, she clung to my arm and hugged it to her.
‘Don’t do it, Melek. Not without a plan. Don’t do it.’
The irony wasn’t lost on me. Just hours before, I’d wrestled with her not to reveal our presence to Lucifer, or any of these men. But that was when I still believed Gall was only holding his course out of fear.
Now…
‘This is bad, Yilan. Really, really bad.’
‘I know. It’s so much worse than I thought.’
She drew me away from that circle of self-congratulating men, their cruel words about my idiot son—and Lucifer’s sly smiles.
Then, she drew me through that cesspit of a palace, and into my old chambers, where we fell into each other’s arms, out of pure desperation and fear.