Chapter 14 Meanwhile… #2
She looked at me from the corner of her eye, and I couldn’t tell if she wanted to soothe me for her own comfort, or mine. “I’ve done well for myself, to be housed in the palace. It has provided me a lot more freedom than most would have in my position. Now, I’m able to help many other women.”
She turned back to face me and took my hands, and I knew her personal revelations were over. “I rarely lose a mother who sees me, and takes my advice through her pregnancy. So, keep coming back.”
I was shocked by the pinch rising in my throat again. What the hell was wrong with me, that a simple kindness and reassurance brought me to tears?
“Thank you,” I croaked, then cleared my throat, forcefully swallowing back the rising lump.
Teen’s smile grew. “You aren’t alone here, though as it’s so early for you, I’m sure it feels that way.
But, please—there are so many of us here.
We stay close. Help each other. We must. It’s a way we cling to ourselves.
And each other. If we are known and loved for who we are, they cannot touch our souls.
These males… they will provide for your physical health—but if you have no one else, they’ll strip you of dignity and…
if you aren’t careful, they take what makes you you. ”
I swallowed again, but with discomfort this time, because this woman assumed I’d been abused and harmed as she had. While I didn’t want anyone to think ill of Jann, we couldn’t afford to start rumors that our relationship was anything other than the expected.
I hurried to change the subject, and endured her pity.
Let her believe I couldn’t bear to face the truth about the situation in which I’d found myself, and that we shared the degradation and violation.
But it made me sick. I did, at least, understand the fear that came with the threat of that.
I shuddered to think what this woman had endured as a young, na?ve girl among these… beasts.
It made me sick. And to know the experience was so widely shared, that they had created a community for support… As Teen continued to gently, carefully step around the obvious, to offer advice and reassurance, I grew more and more uncomfortable… and more and more angry.
The floors of the palace trembled once, again and we both turned our heads instinctively towards the Coliseum.
“I should go,” I whispered, getting to my feet.
Teen didn’t argue, but stood as well, and offered me a sweet hug until I was blinking back tears again.
“I’ll send word to Caelan when the frogs have revealed…
whatever they will reveal. If the message includes the word peace, it means the frogs haven’t responded.
If it includes an invitation to see me, it means that the frogs detect a growing babe.
I do hope that, no matter the result, you’ll come visit again? ”
I was touched. “Of course. And if there’s anything I can bring you as a thank you, or—”
“I have everything I need,” she said, indicating the chamber that I gathered was quite spacious for a slave. I thought of Jann’s expansive apartment and felt embarrassed. “However, I would love to share your company again. In the meantime… be careful. Come back if you have any need for… help.”
Our eyes met. We both knew what kind of help was likely needed in the short term. That thought brought my rage roaring back.
I thanked her again, hugged her briefly, then fled.
Halfway down the corridor, I turned a corner and found myself entirely alone, so I could walk the shadows. The floors trembled with another distant roar, and something in my heart went cold.
Jann?
He was too distant for us to link thoughts. Which meant Yilan was as well.
I knew I should go back to the rooms, and wait for him to return and tell me what had happened. Instead, I turned down the corridor that I knew would lead to the servant’s exit.
I’d only walked through the empty city streets for two or three blocks, when a huge roar rose from far ahead, and a jolt of fear from the bond with Jann, made my heart patter nervously.
What the hell was going on? I started to run, but soon staggered back to a walk because my legs were leadweight, and I struggled to catch my breath.
Was I ill? I could run miles before—
The weariness… growing a Neph babe costs your body every resource it possesses…
I stopped. The echoing roar had eased, but not disappeared. Somewhere up ahead, the Nephilim shouted and rumbled. If they caught sight of me, they would kill me, or rape me.
That was the kind of male that lived in this city. That powered this nation.
That was the kind of warrior we fought.
I almost vomited. Half of me wanted to rush to Jann, to find him and be in the circle of his arms, knowing I’d feel safer there. The other half raged that he lived and worked among men who were rightly feared in that way…
I tried to reach for him in my mind again, but still couldn’t. If the Coliseum was as close as I thought, I should have been able to, but I couldn’t reach Yilan either.
Was this place so dark it stunted my power? Or was that the pregnancy, stealing my strength, even in my gifts?
The noise from the Coliseum didn’t stop, but I had stopped walking. My chest burned with the knowledge that all my friends and allies were there, facing whatever had happened. Together. They all knew.
And I was here. Stuck. Weak. And ignorant—just waiting for my mate to return and tell me what he decided I should know.
My pride crackled. I had never waited on a man in my life!
A small, still voice niggled in the back of my mind: Not never.
But I pushed it away. I took another step, resolved that I’d shadow walk to the Coliseum, learn for myself what was occurring, and show them all that I was strong enough to be a part of this, just as they were!
I took two more steps, bracing to pick up my pace despite my tiredness, but something low in my belly pinched. A small pain. A mild cramp. But fear shot through me in a bolt from my belly to my heart, and I froze.
I looked down at myself, at my body, and that tiny voice, a mere whisper, echoed again.
What if I was pregnant? What if it wasn’t only my life that I risked?
I stood in the shadows of a stone wall, and for the first time, let myself consider—truly consider—what it meant if a baby grew inside me. A child. My child. And Jann’s child.
Tears—equally full of joy and fear—rose to blur my vision. I clapped one hand over my mouth to cover a sob, the other to my belly to hold it safe.
And reluctantly, I turned and started back towards the palace.
I was still angry—seething at the injustice of this place. I’d have words with Jann about it when he returned. But there was wisdom in waiting until we knew for sure before I put myself at risk for the mission. Just one more day, or two.
I could wait that long.
Just to be sure.