Chapter 17 Look Forward
~ YILAN ~
The following week, Diadre and I embarked on another patrol of the palace, listening for whispers from anyone loyal to Gall or Lucifer—which was everyone in its walls.
With Jann already among the Advisors, and Melek communicating with those now called the rebels, we were looking for anything that could help either of them.
Without a map, or clues. We shadow walked the corridors, slipping into rooms, just praying we’d stumble on something—anything—that could be of use.
It was a frustrating, fruitless search. Hours in, we were both slinking back to our mates’ chambers, talking in our minds because Jann and Melek’s chambers were only one corridor away from each other, so we were close enough.
‘What’s Jann’s schedule tomorrow?’ I asked her carefully.
‘I’m checking the royal suite more than once per day, in case Istral is taken there to wash or…
anything else.’ I shuddered to think what Lucifer might be doing with her, and had to push the thoughts away when they came, otherwise I’d be a chittering mess and useless to everyone.
‘Don’t let that fucker haunt you, Yilan,’ Diadre sent with a rush of sympathy.
‘We’ll have to be more careful. With Melek bringing the troops across the peak, Shadekin will arrive eventually, and if they’re assigned duties here in the palace, they might be capable of sensing us.
It would be just our luck Jann finds out I’m moving around when he doesn’t know, because of an ally. But he’s so worried these days—’
‘We’ve got time before we have to worry about that. They can’t get across the wall without the Neph, and those will report to Melek when they do. I should know each day who’s arrived and—’
‘Did he tell you who arrived last night?’
I was grateful my friend couldn’t see my face, and kept my feelings carefully stifled so she wouldn’t catch the jolt of adrenaline that flooded me.
‘The first troops arrived?’ I asked casually. ‘Already?’
‘Yes. Melek told Jann to call them in—they arrived last night, and they’re settled in the caverns already. No one in the palace yet, but it could happen at any time. Melek didn’t tell you?’
I winced. I’d spent most of the previous week shadow walking.
Melek knew—he’d sent me out. But he hadn’t known I was giving a lot of that time to trying to find Lucifer, or someone else who might know where he hid Istral.
Melek didn’t want me to find Istral before we had fighters to help get her and Gall out.
I couldn’t just sit back and let my sister be imprisoned by that evil creature.
I hadn’t planned to actually take Istral if I found her. I just wanted to be prepared for the moment we had the resources in place. To know how to reach her. Or find a way to follow someone who would know when she was being brought back to the palace.
It was good work, but I hadn’t wanted to lie to Melek, so last night, when he’d returned to the chamber after meeting Jann, I was already in bed and pretended I stayed asleep when he joined me.
‘We were… separated last night. He returned after I was asleep.’
It took Diadre a moment to reply, which meant she knew that was a strange response, but to my relief, she didn’t ask. ‘Was Melek as disturbed as Jann this morning? Jann couldn’t sit still. He’s barely sleeping—I worry about him.’
I sighed, torn between my love for my friend, and recognizing that Jann was her mate, and my fear that he might be a weak link in this fight against the Fallen.
‘I don’t think so…’ I sent carefully. ‘Melek is preoccupied, but his fear is mostly for Gall. He has a different battle to fight than Jann.’ When Diadre didn’t answer—which was odd for her—I decided to press. ‘Is Jann… okay? Are you?’
‘I’m worried about him,’ she admitted.
‘The lack of sleep? It’s not good, I admit, but they are strong—’
‘No, Yilan… I’m worried about him.’ She hesitated. We were almost at the same intersection of corridors, so instead of moving on, I waited for her in the shadows.
When she arrived, she found me. A skilled shadow walker could identify the presence of another if they were paying attention. When she got close, we linked hands so we could see each other.
I let her see the sympathy in my eyes—and also the question.
She bit her lip. I could feel her gathering courage to speak and slowed my pace, waiting for her to continue.
‘I’m worried about… what he’s thinking. What he’s willing to do to keep me and our baby safe.’
I sucked in a breath. ‘So… it’s real? The pregnancy?’
I didn’t know whether to feel jealous, or terrified for her.
Diadre instinctively placed a hand on her lower belly—still flat and strong, revealing nothing. But her eyes welled with tears, which was very unlike her. She cursed and wiped them away with the back of her hand.
‘Fucking sleep deprivation!’
I knew that wasn’t what caused her heightened emotion, but didn’t say anything.
Diadre took a deep breath, then met my eyes with hers clear again. ‘Yes, it’s real,’ she said, a hint of awe in her tone. ‘Yilan… I’m really pregnant.’
Even though it was a risk, I pulled her into a hug and squeezed her as hard as I dared. ‘Diadre… that’s incredible! How are you feeling? I know you’ve been tired, but—’
‘It’s terrifying,’ she offered baldly.
I squeezed her hand. ‘You’re strong, you’ll be—’
‘No, it’s not that—or rather, not just that. It’s Jann. Yilan, my mate believes he’s going to die soon, and it’s as if he’s rushing through everything else in case it happens tomorrow. I worry about what he’ll do…’
I braced. ‘Betray us?’ The words just came. My deepest fear that I’d been struggling not to voice, because I knew Melek trusted Jann, and Diadre wanted to, and—
Diadre shook her head. ‘I’m worried he’ll put himself at risk to keep us safe, because he thinks he’s dying anyway. I’m worried he’ll… decide to take the fall.’
I frowned. ‘Take what fall? Where?’
Diadre’s threat of tears returned, her eyes shining.
‘Someone has to take the fighters against Lucifer while you two get Gall and Istral—if we can find them. I know Melek would only trust that to Jann, but that means he’s plowing into the thick of the actual battle while—’ she cut herself off and stiffened, but I’d already heard the bitterness in her. The fear—and knew what it meant.
I swallowed hard. ‘You know that Melek and I are fighting for the kingdom… for the crown? For what’s right against the evil—’
‘I know, Yilan. I do. I understand. But if you get Gall and Istral out of here, and the rest of us are slaughtered in the meantime, what then?’
My head jerked back. ‘We’d never just flee and leave you all fighting!
No one’s being slaughtered while Melek’s still alive—but, once we have Gall and Istral out, we put them in trustworthy hands and Melek and I will join the fight.
We aren’t going to flee. Trust me. If one of us goes down, we all go down together. ’
Diadre slumped a little with relief, then gave me a watery smile. ‘Did you ever think, back when we were young and dreaming about fighting, that we’d be standing in a Neph palace, fighting alongside them?’
I huffed. ‘Never.’
‘Me either.’
My best friend and I smiled at each other. I was sure she remembered, as I did, the times we’d lay in bed at night when she was with me, dreaming about becoming soldiers—fighting our way through ranks of men to find the men we loved, who’d been dramatically imprisoned to save our lives…
I smiled at the childish, na?ve dreams I’d had… and wanted to weep for the loss of that young, idealistic woman.
So much loss since then, and so many battles of different kinds.
I sighed. ‘God is full of surprises,’ I offered dryly.
Diadre didn’t seem comforted by that. She looked down at her hand on her belly, and her smile faltered.
I tried to imagine what it might be like, to know that life grew within me and no matter what step I took now, I didn’t take it alone.
The implications were mind-boggling. And terrifying.
Then I had a flash of inspiration. ‘You know, Diadre—you could be the one.’
‘One what?’
‘The one who takes Gall and Istral back to safety. You and your baby could lead them. We could hand them to you. There’s no one Istral would feel safer with, and Gall follows Istral… it could be you. It should be you!’
A flash of hope lit in her eyes—but then her expression dropped and she shook her head. ‘I wasn’t born to run.’
I wanted to curse. ‘It wouldn’t be running. It would be fighting for my sister, and Gall and… and for the kingdom’s future.’ I nodded towards her belly and Diadre’s eyes widened. ‘You don’t have to decide now. We’ll discuss it again when it’s time. Until then, think about it.’
She opened her mouth to protest, but I interrupted her. ‘Don’t make me pull rank, Diadre. I’m still your queen.’
Diadre bristled, but I smiled.
‘Just think about it.’