Chapter 33 The Weight of Fear
SOUNDTRACK: God Complex by Henri Weaver
~ YILAN ~
Jann flinched. Diadre stared at him, like he’d carved her heart out.
I glared at Jann. “What did you do?”
He turned on me, snarling, but it was Diadre that answered.
“I told you—nothing. That’s the problem.”
Jann’s attention snapped back to her, and he started towards her, but she backed away, shaking her head. I saw the shadow in his eyes. Watched him falter. But it was Diadre that I felt.
Something was very, very wrong.
“Somebody needs to start explaining themselves very quickly,” I muttered, glaring at Jann.
He wouldn’t take his eyes off Diadre. I didn’t know if he was speaking to her through their bond, or if he just pleaded with his eyes.
But the frustration, anger, and fear that had been twisting my guts up for the past two hours, came to a volcanic head.
“Would somebody tell me what the hell is happening?!” I whisper-screamed at both of them.
Diadre broke free of his gaze, and turned to me.
Jann twitched and turned on his heel, marching back to the door through which they’d entered.
“Where are you going?” Diadre demanded.
“To keep you and our baby alive,” he snarled. “You can hate me later.” Then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
I was shocked. Jann had been so gentle with Diadre since she’d gotten pregnant. Hovering like an old woman, when he wasn’t painting on that steely facade for the Neph.
The moment the door slammed, Diadre dropped her face into her hands and sobbed.
I rushed to her, as the lock on the door clicked.
Jann knew it wouldn’t stop us leaving, but we were all still playing into this lie that I didn’t exist, that Diadre was restricted like a normal human woman, and that he was in charge.
The deceptions just kept piling up.
There was no time to bemoan that. My best and dearest friend, the strongest woman I knew, was falling apart in front of me.
I hurried to her from the room where I’d been pacing, gathering her up because she looked like she might sag to the floor.
I helped her over to the couch in Jann’s plush sitting room, and we both sank into it. Diadre’s cheeks were wet with sheets of tears. My heart shivered with a cold foreboding.
“Catch your breath, then tell me what’s happened,” I said, rubbing her back as we sat down.
She shook her head, swallowing, wiping her tears even as more poured over her lashes. “There’s no time. We have to… do something,” she gasped.
My stomach clenched. I didn’t tell her about my promise to Melek, but I held her hand and tried to help her calm down. “Just breathe. Then tell me what’s happened and we’ll deal with it,” I said as calmly as I was able.
Diadre’s eyes closed, and her head sank back. Her expression, already twisted with grief, fell into despair. Misery.
“Dee—”
“He just stood there and watched,” she whispered, shaking her head like she was trying to free herself of the memory.
“Watched what?”
She grimaced, and took her hand from mine to wipe her face again. “We were on the roof with the other Advisors. Those bastards. It was the worst I’d ever seen them. They were… thrilled about what was coming. Bloodthirst and… and lust.”
I nodded, swallowing back the disgust. “You know I’m not happy with Jann, but I don’t think he felt that—”
“No, that’s the problem,” Diadre said bitterly. “He didn’t feel anything.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
She took one deep breath, then met my eyes with hers, red and bloodshot.
“One of them got so excited about what was to come, he bent his slave over and took her. Right there. Right among us. Like a grunting animal. The poor woman—” She broke off, her face twisting with grief and the trauma of what she’d witnessed.
“He was strangling her. She couldn’t breathe.
Her face was red and her eyes bulged, and he just kept… kept taking her.”
Oh God. I felt sick.
Diadre plowed on. “She was… she was suffocating. She was so broken—going dead in the eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore, Yilan. I couldn’t just stand there and watch that. Jann wouldn’t do anything, because he said if he intervened, they’d suspect him. So, I had to… I had to do something.”
My stomach went cold, but I tried not to let her see. “What did you do?”
She dropped her face into her hands again, and the words came a whispered wail.
“I pretended Jann was raping me, too, and I grabbed her. Like I was trying to find something to hold onto, and I… I showed her, she nodded, she wanted it. She wanted out. I’m sure of it, but…
God, Yilan, it was so sick. I used the Gravehand, and I… I held it.”
I blinked, fighting not to react, as everything in my body recoiled from what she’d said.
Gravehand was a move we’d only been taught as adults. A way to stop blood flow to the mind, and fell even the strongest man in seconds. However, to hold it…
Holding it was murder.
“Diadre—”
“She wanted it,” she whispered. “She was broken, Yilan. Her mind was open. I asked—I showed her, and she nodded—she couldn’t speak, because that fucker was choking her so hard she couldn’t even breathe!”
I reeled. Diadre’s hands trembled as she pushed her hair back and mopped her face again, but the tears kept coming.
I swallowed hard. “I know you… I’m sure you measured it accurately. I’m sure you—”
“I shouldn’t have had to. He should have done something. He shouldn’t… he couldn’t… Yilan… he’s shut down. Completely. His whole heart. It’s terrifying.”
I watched her warily. “What do you mean?”
She pushed back to her feet, pacing the floor in front of the couch, gesturing as she spoke, still wiping her eyes with the backs of her wrists.
“He’s fighting. He’s been fighting the whole time.
But he’s so scared. Lucifer… Lucifer threatened me—and the baby—and it’s…
” she turned to face me, and opened her hands towards me, pleading.
“Hever tried to help. I don’t know how he knew, but he knew.
Jann was breaking—and he came here. Hever told him that we could win, and he told him how to get through it.
But, Yilan, Jann is so scared. He’s convinced Lucifer can’t be beaten, and that the moment he makes one wrong step, the Fallen will come for me. I’m afraid.”
I was on my feet, too. “Afraid of what? Be specific, Dee.”
She grimaced and dropped her face into her hands. Then, a moment later, she lifted her chin and shook her head again, staring at the ceiling, a fresh wash of tears trickling down her cheeks.
“I’m afraid he’s giving in. Giving over,” she breathed, then covered her face again, so that the rest of her words barely reached my ears. “I’m terrified he’s going to betray you and Melek, when the final moments come. Not because he wants to, but because he’s so scared of what will happen to me—”
“Melek?” I hissed. “You think he’s going to reveal him? And the army?”
Diadre lifted her head to meet my eyes. “I don’t know, but… yes. I’m afraid of that.”
Panic screamed in my head. “Melek is out with the army, Dee. He just left. Where’s Jann going?”
“I don’t know,” she wailed. “That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know.”
I wanted to jump out of my own skin. I tore through the room, to the weapons stacked in the corner, and began filling every sheath and belt I could fit on my body until I was bristling with blades.
“Melek is at the caves. He needs to know,” I said tightly.
Diadre nodded, but her expression was pure despair. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s been so hard—”
“You stay here. You stay safe,” I insisted.
Diadre’s head bobbed again. “He won’t hurt me. I know he won’t. He won’t let anyone hurt me.”
No, he’ll just hurt the rest of us, to keep you safe. “I pray that’s true,” I said flatly. “You stay here. I’m going after Melek.”
“I’m sorry, Yilan—”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s your mate—”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, when I suspected.”
My lips tightened and my head screamed. Yes! Yes, you should have told me, and Melek and—
I shook it off. “You can’t control what your mate does,” I said through my teeth. “Let’s just pray he doesn’t actually give in. That… that your suspicions are wrong.”
She nodded, but her gaze was empty. Fixed in the middle distance. The very picture of discouragement and desolation.
When I’d slipped the final blade into the sheath at my back, I stalked straight to her and took her arms, forcing her to meet my eyes.
“I’m going to warn Melek.”
“Wh-what about the hounds?”
“I’ll shadow walk,” I said, hastily praying that Melek was wrong, and they wouldn’t be able to sense me. “No matter what, you don’t tell Jann—if he comes back here, you keep him here. You tell him I went to find Istral. He can’t know, do you understand?”
She nodded dumbly. “I understand.”
I hugged her briefly. It took a moment, but then her arms slapped to my back and she squeezed me so hard, I lost my breath.
Then I tore out of that chamber, relieved that I really had waited, exactly as Melek said. I hadn’t left until it was a matter of life and death.
If only we’d understood how close death was, before this moment.
If only I’d trusted my instincts, and cut Jann loose from the beginning.
Help us, I begged God silently, as I slipped into the shadows and started through the palace, then out into the city, closing my ears to the screams and grunts that painted the night tonight.
I didn’t have any choice. I could shroud, but I couldn’t fly. It was miles out to the caves, and I had to evade any attention on the way.
Keep Jann focused on guarding Diadre. Don’t give him a chance to betray Melek. Please…
I couldn’t give energy up to weeping. But when this was done, I knew I’d collapse into tears, just like Diadre had.
There was a darkness out tonight. A weight in the air. Lucifer’s sick power. It sucked at all of us—and was a siren call to the Nephilim.
Please… keep Melek safe. Keep all of them safe, but Melek most of all.
Please.
My head filled with images of the frenzied Nephilim, eyes blazing, tearing through the city with bared teeth and clawed hands.
It wasn’t until I was two blocks from the outer walls of the city that I heard the puttering snarl, and was reminded that it wasn’t just Nephilim on the prowl tonight.
The hounds were loose.