Chapter 18
18
‘No, he’s not my boyfriend,’ I admitted to the New York stranger when I realised I hadn’t responded to his original question.
‘Come and have a drink with me then.’
‘Thank you but no,’ I said, politely but firmly. If romance in the UK had been difficult for me, I couldn’t see how starting something with someone who lived thousands of miles away would be a good idea.
I glanced back and saw Jake coming over with two drinks but hesitating when he saw the man with me.
‘Your loss,’ the man tutted, stalking away, annoyed.
‘I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?’ Jake asked when he reached me. He held out a glass of wine to me.
‘Definitely not. Thank you.’ I took a long sip.
‘Every time I leave you, the wolves descend,’ Jake said quietly. He took a sip of his wine and our eyes met over the rims of our glasses.
‘Another bad chat-up line,’ I said with a laugh, remembering Davis Mulberry’s failed flirting attempt with me.
‘What kind of line would work on you, I wonder?’
My eyes widened a little bit that he would wonder about that. ‘Maybe that’s the point. I don’t want a line at all. I want someone genuine. Who likes me for me. Who wants a relationship, not a disappointingly quick fumble in bed followed by ghosting.’ I was a bit embarrassed by my outburst but then I remembered he had heard me be even more frank to Liv so I might as well be honest with him.
‘You deserve someone genuine,’ Jake replied firmly. ‘I like how you see the world. Full of optimism and excitement. Like today. Seeing New York through your eyes felt like I was seeing it for the first time. You’ve made me smile a lot since we set off on this trip.’
I shook my head. ‘Yeah, laughing at me…’
‘No, Freya, never at… always with,’ Jake said softly. ‘You know I let myself get a little bit cynical and bitter, I kept myself aloof, afraid to open up and let people in but you make me want to change. To get back to the man I was.’
‘I told you – I would like to get to know that man,’ I said, wishing he would open up to me fully. ‘I was so intimidated by you when we first met, and for a long time. I was so nervous about this trip,’ I admitted. ‘But I want to succeed in this career so I knew I had to get past it. And the more I got to know you, the more I saw that we needed each other. That made me less nervous of you.’
Jake raised an eyebrow. ‘You were intimidated by me? Well then, the feeling was mutual.’
I choked on a sip of wine. ‘Are you joking? There was no way you’ve ever felt that way about me.’ I gestured to myself, thinking I must be the least intimidating person on the planet. Especially to someone like Jake Richards.
‘I was nervous for this trip too,’ Jake said. ‘Everything felt like it was slipping away, and I saw on your face how disappointed you were in me. I knew you loved my books and I hated letting you down. I wanted this trip to go well. Needed it to. And when I found out that your career was dependent on it as well… I felt terrible when both the interview and the panel went so badly. I tried to fix it earlier.’ He shook his head. ‘I bet you want to just give up on me now, and I wouldn’t blame you.’
‘I do find you frustrating,’ I said, the wine loosening my tongue.
‘I want to make it up to you so bad,’ he said gruffly.
‘Hayley won’t want to promote me after this trip; I’ve accepted that. Maybe I am not agent material after all,’ I said, thinking about how Jake hadn’t followed my advice. It hurt more than I cared to admit to him. More than it should for a work situation.
‘I’ll tell her that you are,’ he said fiercely. ‘I can’t let this trip mess things up for you as well. I’ll do whatever I can.’
‘I don’t know, maybe my advice hasn’t been right…’ I wondered.
‘Don’t doubt yourself because of me.’ He took a gulp from his drink. ‘You will go far, I know it. You’re tenacious. And ambitious. And great with people.’
‘Ha. Not great with men, though…’ I trailed off, wishing sometimes, I could go back in time and not blurt things out.
‘You’re doing pretty good with me,’ he replied. ‘Or is that because this is just professional?’
‘Are you asking me or telling me?’ I asked, once again wishing I had a better filter between my brain and my mouth, but I couldn’t help myself. I was suddenly desperate to know if this was still just professional for him.
I had definitely shocked him. Jake stared at me for a moment and I was sure his eyes flicked over me in a way that was definitely not professional. But then he stepped back with a sigh, breaking our eye contact. ‘It has to be, right? I know I’m not technically your client, but we are working here together. I’m ten years older, Freya, and you want romance, which is something I’m not sure I can give anyone right now.’ He shook his head, his expression dark.
This man had secrets that I wanted to unlock but I didn’t know how. ‘I thought you weren’t like other men,’ I said, thinking back to him telling me he’d treat me better than anyone ever had. At the time, I wasn’t sure if he meant women in general or me specifically but now I found myself hoping it was the former.
‘Freya.’ He said my name like it was precious to him. Then he broke our eye contact, looking out at the view instead of me. ‘Romance isn’t like it is in books.’
‘I keep feeling like that but I don’t want to give up hope that there is a love like that out there for me. And I think there is for you too. One day, we’ll find it.’
‘You think?’ Jake glanced at me again.
‘If we want it enough.’ I really hoped that was true. Then I decided it was best to move the subject on. ‘The sun is about to set,’ I said, turning to watch, needing to stop looking into Jake’s eyes.
I felt the sting of his rejection mixing with the alcohol in my bloodstream. I knew he was out of my league. I didn’t know if he could give me love like the kind he wrote about, but it was clear he didn’t want to try. Today might have felt far removed from it, but this was a work trip. I needed to remind myself quickly of not only that but also the fact that Jake was keeping something from me. I had to stop myself from feeling any more drawn to him.
We lapsed into silence as the sun started to set on the horizon. Everyone on the rooftop watched the sky turning orange around us. It was beautiful, and a reminder that whatever happens in a day, it ends, and you get a chance to try again tomorrow.
‘Freya.’
I raised an eyebrow when Jake spoke my name after a few moments. My name had come out as a wistful sigh on his lips.
‘What I said earlier about things having to be professional between us. I want you to know: just because it has to, doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking all day about it not being professional.’