Overdue Courtesy
“The next topic is about due,” Darcy said. “Speaking of courtesy, I should like to offer everyone refreshments. Should we repair to the house?”
“If nobody objects, I prefer to finish the conversation,” Elizabeth said. “It will not take long.”
Darcy nodded and held out his hand for her to proceed.
“WHAT!” Bingley and Darcy shouted in unison.
Consternation, anger, and mortification met her declaration. Bingley looked nearly apoplectic; Darcy, after his first outburst, grew as calm as a statue, which was considerably more frightening.
Elizabeth continued calmly. “My apologies; perhaps I was not clear enough, or precise enough. By 6-foot wall of muddy water, I mean a mixture of mud and water, whose peak height stood at approximately 6 feet, which your coach threw over my sister and I the day after the Netherfield ball, when you abandoned Netherfield without a word.”
Both men stared hard, shocked and confused.
Caroline stared open-mouthed, then snapped out of her stupor. “I cannot believe this is possible, Miss Bennet. Perhaps it was another coach. I would remember such an incident, and I can assure you that no such thing occurred.”
Elizabeth smiled like a cat with a mouse. “I suppose we have a difference of opinion, but I have made my apologies, so we may dismiss the topic and proceed.”
Belatedly seeing the precariousness of her position, Caroline said, “Perhaps it is possible our coachman executed his duties poorly. I shall dismiss him at once. I am certain I knew nothing of it.”
“Are you absolutely certain, Miss Bennet?” Bingley asked.
Elizabeth sighed resignedly; would the fool man ever grow up?
“Mr Bingley, what do you require to indicate certainty? I can assure you that being covered in mud from boots to bonnets is not an experience one confuses with any other, so I am certain the event happened. Your sister offers two alternate explanations that contradict my opinion about cause and effect; though, to be fair, her two explanations also contradict each other. How do you plan to resolve it, if at all?”
Bingley stared at her for a moment, belatedly realizing he was being tested—and probably found wanting.
“That is simple. I take you at your word. The incident happened exactly as described. Are you certain my sister was aware of it and did not offer assistance? Could the fault be with the coachman alone?”
Somewhat mollified, she said, "She certainly did not stop to offer assistance.
As to her awareness, my sister Mary saw her staring at us through the window and laughing, so she either saw us, or she was daydreaming with her eyes wide open and, to be honest, probably vacant, if she did not notice a show like that.
I realise this would be considered hearsay evidence and not admissible in a court, but you are welcome to question my sister.
She is now Mrs Mary Collins, at the parsonage in Hunsford. "
Spitting with rage, Miss Bingley demonstrated the principle that angry people are not always wise. “I will not be slandered in this way!” she cried. “Charles, can you not see the arts and allurements being applied right in front of your face? Wake up, brother! It never happened!”
Elizabeth replied nonchalantly. “Slandered? What do you mean, Miss Bingley? I clearly remember the past few minutes of conversation, and I merely gave you the courtesy that was overdue, along with my explanation for the delay. I certainly spoke no slander, as I have accused you of nothing more than lack of awareness.”
“Once again, I repeat. It. did. not. happen!”
“I suppose we are done with the topic, then. Shall we advance to current courtesies?”
Abject horror crossed Bingley’s face. “Not so hasty, if you please. I have by no means done.”
Elizabeth almost admired the forthright way he spoke… almost.
“Mr Bingley, perhaps you are not finished with the topic, but I am. We are at an impasse, with conflicting interpretations of what occurred. No real harm was done, and probably some good in the end. All my sisters learnt a great deal from the experience, and are the richer for it, so I am content that the subject has been exhausted.”
Darcy waded in. “Miss Bennet, might this be an example of one thing you are terrible at, and another you are very good at?”
Everyone stared while Elizabeth squirmed. “Mr Darcy refers to my being a terrible liar but an excellent prevaricator. I plead guilty as charged.”
Elizabeth startled when a new voice asked, “Do you object if I do, Miss Bennet?”
He noticed her alarm and said, “My apologies. It seems the less polite among us are always creeping up on you. Perhaps all men should wear bells.”
Elizabeth laughed gaily. “That might not do for the horses, Mr Newton, but I would certainly find it convenient. All will be forgiven after you spend a quarter of an hour talking to me about mathematics, and half an hour would put you back in my good books forever.”
Gardiner said, “You obviously know this man, Lizzy. Does he have something to add? I must admit to some fascination, regardless of how bored you are with the affair… and that is without even starting on why you know a coachman who appears to be a devotee of mathematics.”
Newton laughed. “I will be happy to enlighten you at your convenience, Mr Gardiner. As to the rest, I could add something to this discussion, but certain conditions prevent disclosure.”
He turned to Elizabeth. “Your injunction seems to have outlived its usefulness. Would you object to lifting it on behalf of yourself and Mrs Collins. If not, I will not intrude.”
Elizabeth was not certain she liked being backed into a corner, even by Mr Newton, but since her hair was on fire from a blaze she lit herself, she had no right to complain.
Bingley, plainly at sea, fumed. “Do you know something of this affair, Newton? If so, why is your employer the last to know?”
His fire pleased Elizabeth. Naturally, it was misdirected, and too little too late, but better than nothing.
Newton looked calmly at his employer, then turned back to Elizabeth. A quirk of his eyebrow indicated the next move was hers.
“The embargo has served its purpose. You may speak or remain silent as you choose.”
“You know perfectly well that ‘remaining silent’ is not one of the choices before me. By your leave?”
Elizabeth nodded.
Newton turned to Bingley, whose expression still promised murder. “I will answer your last question first. I have worked all my life for the gentry, as did my father and his before him. We like things that way. I came to work for you as a favour to Mr Darcy.”
Bingley stared at Darcy, who nodded, not particularly perturbed.
“In my family, we do things the old way. When a lady asks a coachman to hold his tongue, unless her safety is in question, we hold our tongues. Miss Bennet and Mrs Collins specifically and clearly demanded a vow of silence, so we complied.”
“The injunction has apparently been lifted, so I should like to understand. What happened?”
“We came upon the ladies with the furniture wagon a minute or two after the incident. Miss Bennet’s estimates were correct beyond dispute. Both ladies were covered from head to foot in muddy water. The road itself was as easy to read as a book—the last bend before Meryton. Do you remember it?”
Bingley nodded.
“Your coach went at a brisk trot, far too fast for that road, and far too fast so close to a village, apparently at Miss Bingley’s explicit direction.
He never slackened the pace. I believe he did not see the ladies, though that is bad enough.
Miss Elizabeth dragged her sister out of the path barely in time to be covered in mud rather than killed.
Miss Mary told us she saw Miss Bingley looking at her and laughing.
If your sister wants to call Mrs Collins a liar, I suppose that is her privilege, but the Bennets are at the very least consistent, and their story matches the evidence of the tracks. ”
“What happened then?”
“We did the obvious, sir. We covered them with blankets and greatcoats. Kep fetched water and rags from the stream to help them clean themselves. We discussed what to do at some length and asked their permission to inform you. They asked us to keep the incident quiet, for their own reasons, which are none of my business. We took them to Netherfield, asked the housekeeper to get them bathed, and Kep went to Longbourn to fetch the elder Miss Bennet with clean clothes.”
“My coachman nearly killed someone, yet he is still driving my coaches because you promised a lady to remain quiet.”
“Oh, he does not drive like that anymore. His skills and sense of caution are… enhanced.”
Bingley looked confused, and Newton continued, “The ladies prohibited us from speaking to you, sir. They reluctantly raised no objection to our applying some of what we call instruction to the coachman. He will not repeat the offence.”
At a loss for words, Bingley asked, “How did this transformation of his skills and attitude come about?”
Kep rather loudly cracked his knuckles, while his father said, “By your leave, I stay out of your business; you need not interfere in mine. We dealt with him according to our traditions.”
Bingley stared from one to the other. “I trust you, so we shall say no more. I thank you for your candour.”
“It is only your due, but it is my pleasure. And I thank Miss Bennet for releasing me.”
She laughed. “A quarter-hour, Mr Newton.”
He bowed. “It will be my pleasure, madam.”
Caroline stared in consternation at the entire debacle and opened her mouth to speak, but was forestalled by her brother.
“NOT a word, Caroline! Not a single sound is to come out of your mouth.”
She started to ignore him, as usual, while he ignored her and continued. “Darcy, do you object to lending me some horses? We could make another two hours if we leave soon. I am not inclined to pollute the shades of Pemberley with my sister’s presence—or mine, for that matter.”
Elizabeth said, “Do not leave on our account.”