Chapter 4
FOUR
ASPEN
“Another White Russian, Ms. Grinch?”
I sighed dramatically. “Would you stop calling me that? I told you. This event has given me serotonin and I’m fine.” And it was, surprisingly enough. Outside of the sadness that clouded me from not experiencing it directly with Ryder, it actually did warm my heart to see everyone filled with Christmas spirit, even more so to see the little kids having the time of their lives.
Little kids and their innocence, along with the parents who trailed behind them happily, easily precluded to me loving Christmas as much as I did.
Natalie pointed a drunken finger at me, careful to not slosh her drink on the gymnasium floor. Granted, the floor was already sticky and grimy from the amount of children who had spilled stuff previously, but I had to give her some sort of credit. “I literally just caught you staring at children and pouting. What the hell was that about? What aren’t you telling me?”
“What?” I asked, exasperated. I was tired of people over analyzing me lately. I wasn’t a fragile piece of glass. “They’re cute! You can pout when you find something cute.”
She gave me an even more pointed stare, with her finger still raised at me, and it took all of my effort to not bite it off entirely.
“Fine! I want a kid. And I was pouting. They’re cute, and I want to pinch their little cheeks. Are you happy now?”
She nodded. “Atta girl. Don’t hide from your best friend. Why can’t you have a baby? Shack Ryder and get to work, girl!”
I flinched. I still hadn’t told her. Her response stung, even though it was laced behind a drunken horniness of some kind.
She grew silent and weary. It was an off reaction from me and she knew it. “What?”
“Erm, we’ve been trying for a while?” I said sheepishly, swallowing the lump in my throat. “And we recently found out he was infertile. So, we’ve been trying to navigate that. Kinda hard when he’s stationed out, though.”
“Oh shit, babe. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry!”
My shoulders shrugged in response to her, even as my brain felt stagnant. “It’s okay. We’re figuring it out. We do what we can, ya know? I’m hoping to surprise him with something when he’s back home, but we’ll see.”
She nodded her head before timidly handing me her drink, to which I actually took and gulped with little thought in my brain. I didn’t want to get drunk by any means, but I wouldn’t deny the fuzzy intoxication that could take away the sadness floating through my brain.
The sadness that kept presenting itself at the thought of my potential lacking future.
Ryder and I would be fine, even if our future didn’t have the expected outcome as I thought it would.
Everything would be fine.
“Alright!” Natalie exclaimed after looking up from her phone and giving her attention back to me. I mentally shrugged, assuming her husband, Blake, had texted her something. She looked excited, and I briefly wondered if he could make it home for the holidays. But Natalie was always private about their exchanges, so I quirked an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue. “I’m tired of your moping. I love you, but I’m over it. Serious topics or not. It’s Christmas Eve! So, I demand you go sit on Santa’s lap and make a wish for Christmas.”
I blinked at her. Once. And then twice. I think the alcohol was stronger than I thought. “What?”
“You heard me! Go sit on Santa’s lap. Ask him for a baby or some weird shit. Hell, ask him to buy our next round. Cash bars are fucking expensive and I keep giving you all of mine.”
I was so confused. Why was she the second person to tell me to sit on Santa’s lap tonight? “Did Ryder put you up to this? What is he planning?”
She froze. “What? What are you talking about?”
“Ryder. He told me to sit on Santa’s lap earlier. Was he the one texting you?”
“Erm—no. He probably said that because your Christmas-obsessed ass could probably ride a candy-cane dildo if you wanted to. That was Blake sending me a dick pic,” she said, forcing me to choke on the last of my—her—drink, right as I began to swallow. The alcohol burnt my throat and nose as I coughed.
That was unbelievably unlike her to share.
Natalie pushed me toward the line where the children were slowly fading out as the night grew later. I sighed stubbornly, but joined the line all the same. Christmas spirit, my ass.
My feet were starting to hurt more and more in the combat boots that covered my feet, regardless of them being flat or not. I felt like I had been standing for hours on end, and I needed to get out of this dress before I began to get hives.
I was deeply ready to lie in my bed and snuggle into a pillow.
Plus, it was still snowing which meant I would wake up to a white Christmas. There was nothing better than that. If I could ever get home.
As I made it to the front of the line, Private Rook cocked an eyebrow at me and I felt the judgment and confusion radiating off of him. I propped a hand on my hip, my red dress sashaying across my thighs, and raised an equal brow. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his attitude, even if I liked him better than most. “Yes?”
“Oh, nothing,” he replied. “Just wondering what took you so lo?—”
“Ho, ho, ho!” the man dressed as Santa muttered, his voice gruff and yet…somehow familiar. “Next up! Let’s get this night to an end.”
I gave Rook yet another questioning stare, only to be met with his mouth popped open in an expression akin to understanding, and my confusion only grew more and more.
God, everyone was acting insane tonight.
Shaking my head, I walked along the sparkly, green-carpeted path and moved to sit directly on Santa’s lap, not bothering to spare the man a single glance. The only two men I could care about being here—Ryder, and his best friend, Lucas—were overseas, and I just wanted to do what everyone was requiring of me before I got the hell out of there for good.
As my small figure sat on the knee of Santa, he grunted appreciatively and a frown hit my lips.
Men grunting anywhere except the bedroom made my stomach curl.
I looked into the dying gymnasium to see Natalie filming me and even more confusion racked through me. I fucking hated being on camera, and she knew that.
Looking around to make sure no children were paying me any mind, I blew her camera a kiss and then flipped her the bird, though played it off like I was smoothing out the red lipstick decorating my face.
Santa laughed before I felt his hand travel down and grope my inner thigh, squeezing roughly.
I froze.
The fuck?
I couldn’t attack Santa in front of all the children.
Seething, I muttered, “Hands above the equator, grunt.”
Another dark chuckle vibrated through the man beneath me and I felt my body grow tense. Was this man mocking me? That was one way to get reported before you could blink.
I may not have been in the force myself, but Ryder and Lucas were both highly respected. I would have his ass on the ground before he could even say, “Barrack bunny.”
Before I could threaten him, though, his hand traveled to my waist. Doing exactly as I said. So, I continued, choosing pleasantries instead of anger. Even if it came out a little forceful. “Can we get this picture over with? My boyfriend probably wants proof I listened to him.”
He hummed appreciably. “You haven’t told me what you want for Christmas yet, though. Don’t you know how Santa works?”
I chuckled. “What’s wrong with your voice? It sounds like you’re trying to make it deeper. Oh, and what I want, you can’t give me, so why bother?”
His hand squeezed at my waist again at my little jab towards him, forcing me to become rock still once again, but he ignored it otherwise.
I was definitively reporting his sorry ass.
“Try me.”
I watched as the clock struck 2200 hours. Looking around, I noticed all the children truly had left the gymnasium now, and yet another stinging sensation struck me all over again at the empty sight. “It’s a very adult thing, Mr. Santa.”
“Yes, well, that does happen when pretty adults choose to sit in my lap.”
I snorted. “Stay in your lane.”
“Tell me what you want for Christmas.”
A sigh escaped me. I may as well say the complete and utter truth to someone else tonight, if I had already told Natalie. I just hoped it didn’t come back to bite me in the ass later. “I want to have a baby with my boyfriend, but that won’t happen. So, I just wish I could have a baby. Regardless of what I’d have to do to get one. Are you happy now?”
The deepest, most satisfied and mocking laugh hit me all at once.
It made goosebumps crawl throughout my skin.
I knew that laugh.
That laugh made me cream my panties, both in person and over-call before. That was…
What the fuck?
I tried to twist to face the man, but his grip on my waist tightened, forcing me still, before he used his other hand to point at the camera. “Time for our picture, angel.”
That nickname.
There was no fucking way.
I forced a smile to my face as the camera flashed. Looking back toward Natalie, I noticed tears were down her face now. The dripping mascara only confirmed what I had realized in the last thirty-five seconds.
I was surprised I hadn’t started crying myself the second I saw Natalie’s own tears.
She never cried like that.
“Ryder?” I asked, scared to even turn around now.
He hummed again, finally speaking normally. “I’m home baby. And…I know how we’re going to make your Christmas wish come true. Do you trust me?”