Chapter 15 Cadence
Cadence
I'm dying. Like, I think actual death is here to greet me this month. I mean, I’ve never experienced period pain like this before and I don’t know why my body is trying to take me out right now. But I was kind of embarrassed making the decision to leave school like that.
The only thing that is helping me survive right now is the very sad movie playing in the background and the last text that Zach sent.
Sunshine.
That’s new. And I think I like it better than little one.
Things between us have been good since Monday night.
Granted, it’s only been a few days but I think it kind of feels like it’s gone back to normal since he took me to his house.
The night keeps replaying in my head on a loop; I can’t say I’ve felt anything like what I did that night.
He let me in a little, something I can confidently say that no one else has been privileged too.
Including Ashley. But it was nice to see a different side of him and to just exist with him in the moment for a while.
And then yesterday, he drove his bike to school.
That’s something he hasn’t done in a while.
I admit, I might have gotten a little territorial when the girls started to get a little hyper around him, just as they always do when he takes the bike.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I watched him get flocked and there was really nothing I could do about it.
But he texted me later and told me he thought it was cute that he could tell I was a little jealous and I simply told him that I can’t be jealous of something I don’t have.
Okay, correction. Ryen took my phone and texted him that, but she’s not wrong. I don’t really have Zach, at least not yet. And honestly, I’m not even sure how that truly comes about. When do we discuss becoming serious with each other?
Ryen also suggested that if I wanted to make another bold move—adding to the list of me confessing that I like him, holding his hand in the car, and telling him that I wanted to kiss him—then maybe I should ask him if he could take me for a ride on the back of his bike sometime.
I won’t lie, it sounded silly at the time, but when I woke up this morning, I talked myself into just going for it and I thought that maybe I was going to ask him after he got out of practice today.
But then mother nature hit me like a ton of bricks by first period and now I might never get the chance because . . . I’m dying.
RIP ME.
I text Ryen and she sends me a ton of skull emojis.
make sure you tell that man to avoid the chocolate.
Why would he bring me chocolate?
because most guys trying to take care of a girl on her period always go for the chocolate. it’s this weird thing that hardly ever does anything. it’s all in the head.
You really think he would?
he’s a guy.
I switch over to my text thread with Zach. I know he’ll be busy for at least another hour but I text him anyway.
Hey, just wanted to make sure that you didn’t plan on picking up any chocolate while you were at the store.
And then jump back over to mine and Ryen’s messages.
There, I told him.
good.
How’s work going?
slow. I mean, who comes to the theater on a wednesday anyway?
Lol well at least you don’t have to do much.
this is true. have you put any more thought into homecoming?
Ryen, I can’t go with Zach. How would we get away with that?
you mean with your brother? idk. just say you’re going as friends?
Yeah because that makes a lot of sense.
uh, i think it does. are you and Zach not allowed to be friends?
but seriously, Cadie. you have to figure out a way to go with him. you two would be so cute and if you don’t figure it out, you’re going to have to experience a lot of girls trying to shoot your shot.
I’m not going to bring it up. If he brings it up, then we’ll see. And I think no matter what, I’m going to experience that. It’s not like we can really tell everyone that we’re going.
you can if you tell your dumb brother.
Idk. We’ll see. I have to survive death first.
u so drama.
wait, what about the camping trip next weekend?
That’s right. Every year, usually before Homecoming depending on when the football team’s bye week is, juniors and seniors of Harper High go up to Look Out Mountain for a camping trip.
There’s a giant campground where tons of students and their families head up for the weekend and spend time just hanging out in the woods before the weather turns too cold.
We haven’t really talked about it much, but the assumption is that Bray, Zach, Ryen and I would drive together, like we did last year.
But now, things might be a little different.
Well, this situation between Zach and I would definitely make it more interesting.
Cadie Leigh. did you just give you and Zachypoo a title?
What did I tell you about calling him that? And wdym by a title?
you have yourself a little situationship, babes.
I send her several eyeroll emojis before giving her message a thumbs-down. She laughs back and I close my eyes.
Thoughts of being up in the mountains for a weekend with Zach start to manifest. It’s not something I haven’t done before. But this time, there’s definitely more of a risk. Risk of getting caught. Risk of getting too close. Risk of-
My phone chimes.
Hey, I just got out of practice.
Why would I bring you chocolate?
I don’t know. I guess it’s something guys do.
Well, I know you don’t like chocolate so that wasn’t even a thought.
Wait, you do?
Of course. You always go for the vanilla cupcakes at parties and you'd always pick out the chocolate candies from your Halloween basket and throw them into Bray’s.
My chest swells.
You notice all that?
Yeah, I do.
I don’t even think my own brother knows this about me.
Well that’s because your brother doesn't have a reason to be noticing those little things about you, sunshine.
That nickname again. I don’t know how to act.
I start typing something, but then delete it.
And then I try again, but realize I don’t really know what to say.
I stare at his messages for far too long, reading how he claims to have been observing me way longer than I would have ever imagined.
He knows I don’t like chocolate and now I’m curious as to what else he’s picked up on over the years.
Does he know that I literally despise his favorite food? Sushi. There’s just something about fish of any kind that makes me squirm.
What’s my favorite food?
I type out and hit send and he responds immediately.
Chicken strips with buffalo sauce. But a close second would be a burrito bowl from Chipotle.
My eyes go wide as I take in a deep breath. He knows.
Favorite movie?
The Little Mermaid. I think I overheard you telling someone in the fifth grade that Ariel made you feel like a princess because you both have the same color hair. I also know that you watched the live action remake and fell in love with it all over again.
I’m speechless.
What else does he know? There’s so much more I want to ask him. Like, does he know that when I throw a football, I throw it with my left hand? Because that’s Brayden’s dominant hand and the hand he taught me with. Even though I’m right-handed, like Zach.
Does he know that I can say the alphabet backwards in under fifteen seconds? Probably not because that fact is kind of embarrassing and I don’t think I’d be caught dead performing that in front of him. But I can.
Does he know that I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was thirteen? Or that I can play Under The Sea on the piano? And that it’s the only song I know how to play?
Does he know that I can’t drink water unless it has ice in it?
Does he know that whenever I look at him, my breath catches and the world goes quiet?
Just like the other night. It’s like the outside noise of whatever is going on around me simmers down and the only thing I can hear is the way he breathes.
It’s not like my world is loud with chaos, not like his seems to be but he gives me this gentle moment of happiness when our eyes connect.
Like our souls are talking. And now, more than anything, I want to keep learning about his vulnerabilities and the things that he holds onto when no one is watching.
Whatever keeps him awake at night seems to create a lot of noise in his head and I can tell that he’s exhausted from dealing with it, so I wonder if he feels the same way I do whenever he looks into my eyes.
And it also causes me to wonder . . . does he know that somewhere along the way, I think I kind of fell in love with him?
My phone vibrates, pulling me from the thoughts.
Anyways, I’m on my way with some sour gummies, a new heating pad and an Alani. You like those, right?
This boy. Yeah, I think I am definitely in love with this boy.
It’s not long before I get another text from him, maybe about twenty minutes later.
I’m here.
I stare at it. Maybe for a moment too long. He’s here. I roll over in my bed and look out the window, and sure enough, there’s his jeep parked right out front. I’m not sure why that thought panics me. What if Brayden comes home early? What if my parents notice that he’s here?
I immediately sit up and text him.
Zach I have the strangest favor.
I look out as I watch him text back.
What’s that?
I see him look up at me from his car, and I wave at him before I text back.
I’m gonna need you to park down the block or something.
What? Why?
Can’t have you implicated for being here when my brother isn’t. And what if he’s on his way home right now?
Cadence, are you serious?
I look out to see if I can tell if he is annoyed with me, but he has a smirk painted on his face which causes me to smile back.
Dead.
I watch him as he playfully rolls his eyes at me, but he listens. He drives his car out of view and I chew on my lips as I wait for him. A few minutes later, I can see him walking toward the house and my heart races.