Chapter 15 Cadence #2
Mom is in her office. Front door is unlocked but please be quiet.
I text him and I watch as he reads it before he disappears toward the front of the house. I wait with bated breath, not really thinking about the fact that I was going to have to basically sneak him into my house. But he’s here and I just hope to God that my mom doesn’t hear him.
I listen carefully, trying to hear if I can make out his approach, but nothing comes to me. I turn to the front door but then I catch my reflection in my mirror.
“Holy shit,” I say out loud when I realize just how rough I look. I untie my hair, desperate to rewind the bun but before I can make much progress, there’s a light as a feather knock at my door.
Everything stills. I know it’s him. But panic courses through me as I eagerly jump up and quietly walk to my door. I take a deep breath as I wrap my hand around the knob, and then I do my best to open it with as little noise as possible.
Zach is standing on the other side, a Target bag in his hand and that heart stopping smile with his dimples on either side of his cheeks.
I feel the adrenaline that swims in my veins when I realize that I really just snuck my best friend’s brother into my house, that he’s here for me, and he’s about to be in my room.
I stare at him for a beat, trying to decide if this is real or if my mind is playing tricks on me due to the period cramping I’ve been dealing with.
But then he blinks his eyes at me and speaks.
“Can I come in?” he asks and I duck my head, feeling embarrassed that I’ve just been standing here and staring at him like a weirdo.
But it’s hard not to get caught up in his presence.
Being this close to him does weird things to me and I’m not used to being able to have him to myself.
I step aside and offer him room to come in. He doesn’t hesitate as he enters, but he keeps his eyes on me the whole time.
I watch him for a second before I attempt to quietly close the door and that’s when it hits me.
Now, Zachariah Loft is in my room and we’re alone . . . again.
The realization excites me but also makes me feel nervous. I watch as he sets the grocery bag down on my bed and he started to empty out the contents.
“Heating pad,” he starts, laying it flat on my comforter. “Sour candy.” He tosses the bag of gummy worms next to the heating pad. “Energy drink.” He then turns to me and holds out the Alani.
But I’m frozen.
“Cadence?” Zach calls my name.
I look between the things he’s laid out on the bed and then him, feeling overwhelmed by how insanely sweet this gesture is.
“I can’t believe you actually did all this,” I admit to him as I reluctantly reach out for the can in his hand.
“What do you mean? I said I would.” Zach doesn’t keep his eyes on me long as I amble over to my bed. I climb on top of it and watch him as he unwraps the new heating pad and looks for an outlet in the wall to plug it into.
“There’s one over here,” I point next to my bed as I set the Alani down on the side table.
The air swirls with this unfamiliarity but also permeates a sense of wonder. I watch as he plugs the device in and then turns the setting on before handing me the pad.
Zach looks at me, and I feel those infamous butterflies return. His eyes are gentle, moving between both of mine. His demeanor is soft and his presence is calming. I still can’t believe this is real.
“You know, just last week,” I start as I take the heating pad from him. “We weren’t talking to each other and so far, over the past few days, we’ve both been in each other’s rooms now. Alone.”
I lay the heating pad under me, watching how his eyes stay steady on mine. I feel a little self-conscious about how I look right now but he doesn’t seem to mind which eases my worry a bit.
Silence greets us for a few beats, both just looking at each other. A slight breeze filters through the slight crack in my window and I shiver, but I’m not quite sure it’s from the chill more than it is from the goosebumps that Zachariah’s eyes are giving me right now.
My body floods with them, even as the heat from the heating pad starts to ignite under me.
“Cadence, can I ask you something?” I look up at Zach, his brown eyes honed in on mine as I lean back into the pillow and inadvertently pat the space next to me, offering him a place to sit.
“Of course,” I answer and he takes my offer, sitting down on the bed next to me.
I won’t lie, I feel nerves swarm me when I realize just how close he is and how he’s actually sitting on my bed. My legs are sprawled out, next to where he sits, as I lean back into my pillow and leave my hands intertwined in my lap.
“It’s about what you told me the other night.”
“About your football stuff?”
“No.” He pauses as he closes his eyes, and I don’t sense worry in him. I sense anguish, like he’s struggling with getting out what he wants to say next.
I sit up a bit. “What is it then?”
Zach takes a deep breath before opening his eyes, but keeping them lowered at the bed. “You told me you’ve never been kissed before.”
“Oh, yeah…” I trail off as I fall back into my pillow. That forbidden feeling caresses me, somethin akin to anxiety but not as harsh reaches my chest. And my body starts to tingle when he finally pulls his eyes up to meet mine. “What about it?” I ask.
“Well, is that true?” he asks..
“I don’t know why I would lie about something like that.”
“I just . . . I find it hard to believe, to be honest, Cadence.” Zach rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and I find it endearing that he seems so interested in whether or not I’ve had my first kiss.
I have to say, this is not something I would have ever thought I’d be discussing with my brother's best friend. And quite frankly one of my oldest friends outside of Ryen.
“Why’s that?” I wonder, curiosity pulling at me.
“Cadie. You’re you,” he starts. “Do you not know how many guys would kill to have a chance with you?”
His question confuses me because what is he talking about? Kill? To have a chance with me?
I scoff. “Don’t be silly, Zach. That’s not true.” I shoot him a playful smile but he just shakes his head.
“Guys talk, Cadie. I know it’s true.”
What is happening right now? Guys talk? About me? Since when? I shift a little uncomfortably in my position which causes me to accidentally touch Zach with my knee. But he doesn't say anything, so I don’t move.
“Well, it’s true,” I start to say, a little bit of reticence in my tone but I don’t really have a reason to lie. “And honestly, I’m okay with that.”
“You are?” Zach holds his eyes over mine and I can see the way his chest rises and falls with his breathing.
This moment feels unreal. He’s sitting in my bed next to me, having just brought me over a heating pad and candy, while asking me about my first kiss.
Or lack thereof, I should say. I used to lay in this bed and daydream about the day where I might get the chance to tell him I like him, but I never imagined he’d be here with me, alone in my room.
I sit up a little and think about just how vulnerable and honest I truly want to be with him in this moment and I know that no matter what, I want him to know just how much he means to me, even if this doesn’t work out the way I want it to.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask him, and Zach reaches over and brushes a few strands of my loose hair off of my forehead before he nods. “Of course you can.”
“Well, I don’t think I ever really thought about dating or having my first kiss, probably ever,” I start, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“The truth is, Zach. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.
Pretty much since the day I met you. And for as long as I can remember…
” I trail off as I dip my head, closing my eyes and preparing myself for the truth I am about to reveal.
Zach reaches out and grabs my hand; a gesture that I was not expecting and while I thought it might have heightened my nerves to have him touching me again, his touch actually relaxes me a bit.
“The truth is, I’ve always wanted my first kiss to be with you.”
Zach sighs as he ducks his head, and part of me feels like it’s out of disappointment or worry. I start to tense up not knowing what’s going on in his head but the silence between us seems to get louder and I feel the panic start to rise.
“So, you’ve never been kissed?” he asks me, and I shake my head.
He lowers his voice. “Have you ever been touched?”
His question sinks to my core. His whispered tone mixed with the way he’s looking at me gives me butterflies and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before answering him.
“No. I’m- I’m a virgin.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out and I flinch.
He’s upset? Or frustrated or disappointed or…
I pull my hand from his, not really intending to seem upset but it grabs his attention immediately and he looks back up at me.
“No, not like that, Cadence. I’m not- I’m not mad or anything.
It’s just, I didn’t know.” I can hear the plea and the defense in his tone, but something still feels sour in my stomach.
I just confessed a very personal secret to him, to someone I probably shouldn’t be confessing it to but it felt right.
He’s the one I wanted to tell. He’s the one I feel safe with right now. But he reacted as if it were a burden.
“It’s not a big deal,” I lie, trying to wave off my own disappointment but he notices my feigned reaction immediately.
“Don’t be like that, Cadie. It’s just, something like that makes…”
He trails off and I can tell he’s struggling. He stands from the bed and I immediately miss his presence. The warmth from his body fades as he paces my bedroom.
“Zach,” I whisper his name and he turns to look at me.
He pauses, almost as if a thought comes to mind before walking back over to me.
“Can I tell you my secret?” he asks and I immediately say yes.
“That first day in fourth grade, when you turned around and said my name. You remember that?”
“Yes,” I whisper.