Chapter 15 Cadence #3
“That was the first day that anyone has ever made me feel like I have a chance to belong. Besides my parents of course. But for years, I’d gotten so used to being made fun of my speech delay and for not talking and for, quite frankly I don’t even know what else.
But you-” He sits back down on the bed and leans in. “You made me feel safe.”
I blush at his admission, and maybe even a tear forms in my eyes. His timbre is soft and sincere as he speaks to me, keeping his eye contact focused on me.
“Do you remember the day I first spoke to anyone? When I decided it was safe to use my voice again because I wasn’t worried about no one not hearing me?”
I close my eyes and try to recall. “I think it was the day you had asked Brayden if he wanted to come over to your house. Just a few weeks after your first day I think,” I say as I look back up at him. I can’t be too sure when that was or if I’m right, because it was relayed to me from my brother.
Zach reaches his hand for mine once more and I watch as he fits his fingers through mine and rubs my wrist with his thumb.
“No,” he says and I pinch my brows together.
“What?” I ask, pretty sure that that was the first time anyone ever heard him spoke, but he corrects me.
“There was a day in the lunchroom, you had just dropped your popsicle. Do you remember that?”
His thumb keeps rubbing gentle strokes across my skin. I nod, the memory coming into view.
“I was behind you in line, and you leaned down, picked up your mess and I could tell you were starting to cry.”
“I did do that a lot,” I quip and Zach lets out a chuckle.
“I walked up to you and do you remember what I said?”
“You handed me your popsicle and said, ‘Here, you can have mine.’”
Zach leans in, a soft smile on his face. He reaches out and cups my cheek in his palm. My breath hitches when I feel his warm skin touch mine, and he stares right into my eyes.
“Those were the first words I spoke to anyone since the day I was found in that apartment, abandoned and alone.”
My heart aches. A tear slides down my cheek. His thumb catches it and I watch as he leans closer.
“You are the first person I wanted to talk to. You made me feel safe enough to use my voice again. You have meant more to me from the day that I first met you than you could ever know and I really don’t want to mess this up.”
He’s so close, just inches away from my face. My stomach twists with something I can’t describe as my chest rises and falls with my pounding heart.
“Zach…” I whisper his name and he leans in just a bit more.
“Cadence,” he starts. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” I whisper, no hesitation at all.
This is what I’ve been waiting for. This moment is all I’ve ever dreamed of. My heart races in my chest. Every nerve ending blooms with excitement.
This is really happening.
Zach comes closer, and I lean in a little too, eager to know what it feels like to press my lips to his. He pulls me in, closing the space between us. He snakes his hand behind my neck to help angle us just right and as soon as our faces are centimeters away from touching-
“Hey, Cadie-” we both spring back, moving away from each other frantically as I look over at my door and see my mom, mid knock.
Adrenaline courses through me, but the shock from almost being caught hits me just as hard. I stare at my mom, careful to even breath while Zach ducks his head with his hand brushing the back of his neck.
My mom tilts her head with semi-wide eyes.
“Umm, hi, Zachariah.” My mom breaks the awkward silence and I can tell there is uncertainty in her tone. Surprise.
“Hey, Mrs. Castle.” He gives her a very hesitant wave before he stands and turns to look at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He says as he grabs his bag.
I don’t say a word as I watch him make an exit, walking past my mom on the way out.
“Zach,” she says his name with utter confusion laced in her tone and once he’s gone, she glares at me.
I can’t move. I don’t want to even look at her, but I force myself to feign innocence as I look up at my mom.
“Care to explain what Zachariah Loft was just doing in your bedroom, young lady?”
I sigh, knowing damn well that I’ve been caught. And I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to admit what was just about to happen.
My mom crosses her arms at her chest as she leans against the door frame and I can’t tell what her main emotion is. She’s always been good at hiding her reactions.
“He brought me the assignments that I missed in class today.” A lie. And I instantly regret it.
“You two don’t have any classes together,” she remarks as she walks deeper into my room.
Right. Shit. “Oh, well Bray is out with his girlfriend and Ryen had to work, so I texted Zach and asked him to do it.”
“Right.” My mom lowers her eyes at me before she glances around the room. “And did this homework involve leaning in for a kiss or…”
“Mom! What?” I hold my hands out in defense. “No, that’s not what that-”
“Cadie…” Her tone is a warning. Not a harsh one, but I can tell that she knows I’m lying. Of course she can tell. I’m not very good at it.
My mom comes closer, walking over to my bed and lowering herself to sit next to me. I keep my hands laced and in my lap, not wanting to face her. But I decided that I just have to tell her.
“Can I ask you something without you completely getting all weird on me?” I ask, and she smirks at me.
“I can try.”
“Okay,” I start, nerves berating me as I consider what I’m actually about to do.
“Let’s say that you had a brother, and your brother had a best friend.
” She squints her eyes at me. “Not let’s say you kind of grew up with that best friend and over the years you kind of, sort of, developed a little crush.
Now let’s say that maybe that crush grew kind of out of hand and the older you got, it was harder to deny the crush that you had on your hypothetical brother’s best friend.
” I pause, shrugging my shoulders at her.
“Do you think that your brother would get mad at you for that? You know… if you had a brother?”
My mom sighs, but it’s not a disappointing sigh or something that I should worry about. It’s one of those, oh, my sweet girl, sighs that mothers do sometimes and I just know that she sees right through me.
“Zachariah, huh?” She smiles at me and I feel a wave of relief wash over me when her eyes reach mine with a calmness.
I let out the breath as I was holding as I sit up. “Yeah, Mom. And he likes me too. I just don’t think that either one of us really knows how to . . . like each other, you know?. It’s kind of complicated.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” She looks down before taking a deep breath of her own. “Have you guys…?”
“What? No! What you walked in on though, might have been almost my first kiss.”
My mother tilts her head at me, softness covering her features as she reaches up and swipes my hair out of my face.
“Listen, you know I love Zach and I think he’s actually a great kid.
But he’s also got a lot going on right now and I think on top of having to be concerned about your brother, who is very much real, by the way, you always have to consider what might happen after high school?
When you all head off to college and the distance that pulls you both apart.
Because it will. And even before college, what happens if he breaks your heart?
How will that affect the relationship either of you share with Brayden if it doesn’t get messy before then? ”
Damn it. She’s right. These are things I never really considered.
And while I’d like to think we’d be able to manage it, there’s no way to really know.
How can we tell if we’ll be able to make those things work if we’re already struggling to move forward right now?
I mean, it doesn’t seem like a lot of time has passed but we’ve known each other forever and while it’s clear we both have feelings for one another, there's still so much to learn.
My mom leans in and gives me a kiss on my temple before standing up and turning toward the door.
“How’s he taking it?” she asks, and I tilt my head in confusion.
“Taking what?”
“The divorce?" My mom looks at me, and my heart sinks. But before I can ask her for clarity, her phone rings and she insists that she has to take it before she exits.
Divorce? What divorce? Zach’s parents? Why hadn’t he said anything?
I reach for my phone frantically, pulling it off the charger and immediately opening Zach’s text thread. But I don’t have time to get my shaky fingers to cooperate before a separate text comes tonight.
It’s an unknown number and I swipe on it.
Hey, Cadence. It’s Drake. From the football team. I was wondering if I can ask you something?