Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Cody
Ioverreacted.
He will have no idea why. I spend so much time coming across as calm and in control. Kind of just blew it.
Still, as Lorcan examined the tile work—and found it up to whatever standard he had—I contemplated how to explain my vehemence.
He didn’t appear to need any explanation. He merely accepted I’d had a moment of inexplicable anger at the universe, and he’d moved on.
As I guided him out of the bathroom, through the closet, and into the bedroom, a huge question loomed.
What next?
“We haven’t finished our milkshakes. Oh, you were going to, uh—”
“Piss? He grinned.
“Yeah. I should probably…”
“You have two bathrooms. I remember the way.” He left my room.
I scampered into the primary bathroom and relieved myself.
Still don’t know what we’re going to do. Finishing our milkshakes will only take so much time.
I wanted him to stay. I wanted to talk about him without his ex-husband coming up in conversation. If he needed to continue to unburden himself, of course, that was fine. Again, I was walking the fine line between friend—and potential romantic partner—and therapist.
When I emerged from the bedroom, he stood by the sliding glass door and peered out. “Clouds are moving in from the west.”
“Oh?” I joined him and grinned when he handed my milkshake to me.
I held it out to him, encouraging a sip.
He held my gaze as he sucked on my straw. His face screwed up. “Ew. Way too sweet.” Then he held out his to me.
I sipped. The smooth maple taste hit me right away. I grinned. “I’m going to have to try this one again. I love maple syrup. Pancakes drenched in the stuff are my favorite.”
“Would you like mine?” He offered it.
“And you’ll finish my bubblegum?”
He tugged his arm back and hugged his milkshake protectively. “Never mind.”
I arched an eyebrow.
He rolled his eyes, “if you really want it, I’m happy to give it up. I can trade for a glass of water.”
“No. I’d never manipulate you into giving up something you’re enjoying. Daddies want their pups to be happy.”
Our gazes held.
He licked his lips. “Yeah.”
I nodded, trying this out for size. To see if it fit. “I can get you a glass of water once you’re finished drinking that delicious concoction. The next time we go, I’m going to order that.”
After a moment, he nodded. “I usually have grape or blueberry. I was just…wanting something comforting.”
“I think, for most Canadians, maple syrup is comfort food.”
“I love maple-flavored bacon. Oh, and maple donuts. I have to sort of watch what I eat, though.”
“Oh?”
“Cholesterol. Mine’s okay but not great. Dr. Raymond has asked me to pay more attention to what I eat. That was before, you know…” He scratched his chin. “And I’ll admit I haven’t done such a good job the last couple of years. I’m endeavoring to do better now, though.”
“Meatloaf was okay?”
“Yeah. Not too much meat, though. Especially red meat. I’m supposed to have more plant-based foods.” Lorcan shuddered.
“I have better-than-meat veggie meatballs. I cook a mean spaghetti.”
He patted his stomach. “Still digesting lunch.”
“I’m thinking ahead.”
“Oh.” He frowned a little. “I’m out of my depth here.
I only had hookups before and then was married for most of my adult life.
Hell, I haven’t had sex since my ex robbed me.
The last thing on my mind has been risking myself by being intimate with someone.
” He regarded me. “I think I used up all my courage going to pup night at Kink.”
I smiled. “I don’t know. I’d say meeting a virtual stranger for a walk in the park and then coming home with him and eating meatloaf and a maple-walnut milkshake takes guts.”
He tilted his head. “I guess…when you put it like that.”
“Well, I choose to put it like that. I choose to see you as brave, bold, and beautifully audacious.”
“Oh?” His expression held vague amusement as he scrutinized me with those oh-so-deep-brown eyes.
“You tried my milkshake.”
Lorcan chuckled. “I did that.” He sipped. “I think I’m pretty much done.”
“As am I.” I held out my hand to take his cup.
Our gazes held.
I swallowed. “So, what would you like to do?”
“I dunno. I sort of feel like I should be going or something. You know? That I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
“Never.” I said the word with vehemence. “If I ever need you to leave, I won’t hesitate to ask. I’m always very honest about that. Just like I would expect you to be honest with me and to let me know when you need me to leave.”
Surprisingly, he chuckled. “You’re never coming to my apartment, Cody. So you don’t need to worry about me needing to ask you to leave.”
I wasn’t offended by his comment. Likely it had nothing to do with me or our relationship—more likely because his cramped space held one couch and the view was of a dumpster.
Nodding, I headed to the kitchen. I rinsed out the drink containers and tossed them into the recycling bin. Then I grabbed two glasses. “Ice?”
“Yes, thank you.
I poured two glasses from the sink and added ice. I met his gaze. “Do you want to sit on the couch or at the table? The barstools aren’t the most comfortable—although I did buy padded cushions. Sometimes I sit there and work while I’ve got the TV on.”
“What do you watch?” He accepted the glass I handed him. “Couch is fine.”
I liked that he felt comfortable enough to sit closer to me. Not putting a table between us. After I took a sip, I put my glass on a coaster on the side table.
He took a sip from his and did the same. He had to reach over, though, to put his on that side table. Then he sat on the couch—close but not touching me—and turned his body so he faced me. Casually, he put his arm on the back of the couch.
I also turned to face him.
“You look comfortable. This space…” He gazed around. “It suits you.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, I really do. I’d like to think my place isn’t a reflection of me. But it kind of is. Down on my luck, sort of living just above a dumpster. And I’m not saying that so you feel sorry for me. I just want to make certain we’re on the same page.”
I cocked my head. “Which page?”
“That you’re way out of my league.”
Damn it. “I don’t see things that way. Not at all. I’m just a guy.”
“With a PhD and doctor before your name. I barely finished high school.”
I shook my head. “You ran a successful and prosperous business for more than twenty years. Whatever your ex did, he can’t wipe away that success. And sure, right now, you’re a little down on your luck. I see that changing. You’ve started a new job with great people.”
He smiled a little. “Yeah. Riley’s amazing and her crew—” He swallowed. “They’re good people, you know. Hardworking. No drama. Queer-friendly. That all means something to me.”
“Right.” I smiled encouragingly. “And you’re seeing a counselor next week. Remind me to give you the papers—I brought them up from my SUV when we came back here.”
“Yeah. I saw you put them on the counter. I won’t forget. This is—” He scratched his chin again. “—important to me. So I can show you that I’m trying.”
“Lorcan, you don’t have to show me anything.
I hope you’re not doing this because you believe I want you to do it.
” Have I said something to make him think that?
I wracked my brain, but couldn’t come up with anything concrete I might’ve said to make it appear any relationship with me was contingent on him getting help.
He had to do this for himself—otherwise, it would never work.
He shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just that…” He gazed down at his jeans and picked at them.
I didn’t see any lint, but I understood about giving him time to collect his thoughts.
He met my gaze. “I want to get out of this downward spiral. I’ve been holding on by my fingernails for two years. That jury gave me freedom—but even that came with strings. I’m in bankruptcy. I have nothing to my name. Like I said, we’re polar opposites.”
Slowly, I nodded. “Well, there’s very little in this condo that I own outright.
The credit union and I are acquainted on intimate terms. I know I’m one catastrophe from everything going to shit.
Most people are. I’m lucky in that I have various kinds of insurance—but I still can’t predict what bad things might happen in the future.
I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
Momentum helps with that.” I inched closer to him. “Maybe you just need a push.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Are you offering? Because I’ve never been into spanking, but with you…” His gaze held heat.
Instead of laughing, which was my first instinct, I inched even closer. “I didn’t say what else I thought was really brave.”
After a moment, he nodded. “Going to Kink. Wearing the yellow bracelet.”
“Yep. That took guts.”
“Because guys like me aren’t usually the puppies.”
My mind flashed to Foster. “I have a friend I would love for you to meet. But it might be problematic.”
He frowned.
Man, why did his lawyer have to be Arnav?
I’m grateful the brilliant attorney was there.
Because otherwise Lorcan might not have gotten free.
But if I introduce him to Arnav and Foster, that’ll be all kinds of awkward.
Hell, it might even cause a conflict of interest. Except if I didn’t speak to the guys, and they wound up at pup night with Lorcan attending, that might be even worse.
To my surprise, he reached out and pressed his thumb to the furrow between my eyebrows. “You’re thinking so hard, I can see the gears grinding.”
“Oh.” I had no response to that.
“Not in a bad way.” He offered a smile. “Just that whatever you’re thinking…I can handle it. I know I’ve shown you my soft underbelly today—which I sort of regret—but I can take just about anything you might dish out.”