24. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lisette
S tepping out of Sire’s bathroom, I dry my face with a towel as I walk into his living room.
I stop in my tracks as my eyes land on the couch where Vidia straddles Sire. My eyes widen as she deepens the kiss and I’m surprised they’re fully dressed with the way her tongue is all over him.
“You two just can’t wait for me to leave, huh?” I tease. I’m glad I slept here last night, not trusting myself to face my mind alone. However, now I’m starting to think I’ll be overstaying my welcome if I spend the rest of the day here.
Vidia attempts to climb off of my brother, but he keeps his arms around her tightly.
“We don’t want you to leave,” Sire calls out before looking behind the couch at me.
“Well, I’m certainly not joining.”
They both break into a loud laugh as I set my towel on a chair.
Vidia is still smiling at me while fixing her smudged lipstick. “He doesn’t know how to keep his hands off of me. It’s concerning.”
Sire’s head snaps back to her. “Me?” He starts tickling her and I can’t help but smile at the sound of her laugh. Flipping her, he pins her onto her back before climbing over her.
“You two are gross.” I shake my head at the couple, but secretly, I’m obsessed with them and so glad they are happy.
Glancing at the clock in the kitchen, my mood plummets when I notice the time. I still have two hours before I need to go tutor Isabelle.
I glance back at the couch where Sire and Vidia whisper to each other and laugh quietly. Vidia is on her lunch break and I start to feel bad for interrupting their alone time, so I collect my things.
I’m nearing the door when they call out to me.
“Hey, I meant what I said,” my brother calls. “Stay.”
“You’re good,” I reassure him. “I need to go tutor Isa soon.” I muster up a smile, desperately not wanting to be alone for the next two hours. If my pride wasn’t such a bitch, I’d tell him that.
“Isa is off from school today,” Sire says with a laugh before pushing Vidia’s hand away from inside his shirt. “Jackson and I were going to head to the park with her. She wants to play with Athena and he wanted to talk to me. He said he texted you?”
I pull my phone out of my pocket and notice a missed call from him. Opening our messages, he tells me what Sire said before inviting me with them. When I glance at the date, I realize it’s Tuesday and he wants to talk to him.
I tuck my phone away. “Alright so let’s go. Stop trying to get her pregnant.”
The couple laughs at me before rising from the couch.
We head down stairs with their dog and as we make it outside, Vidia gets on her tippy toes to kiss Sire goodbye. “I’ll see you after work, mi amor.”
She starts to pull away, but he pulls her closer.
“For fuck’s sake.” I roll my eyes at him. “I’ll meet you there. Come on, Athena.” They laugh from behind me as their rottweiler follows beside me. She stays close the entire walk to the park without a leash. I’m aware she’s a trained guard dog, but it’s pretty cool.
With the warm sun being out, it doesn’t look like the sad patch of grass I was laying on last night. Jackson and Isabelle are already here and I feel my mood skyrocket when Isabelle runs to me.
“Lissy!”
I kneel down with my arms open and she jumps on top of me. “Hello, pretty baby.” I kiss the top of her head before setting her down.
She barely spares me a second glance as she starts chasing the dog around. With a laugh, I walk over to her dad.
Today, he sits on the grass in a gray sweat suit.
“You almost look as good as you did in that fire fighter costume.”
A smirk grows on his lips as he rises to his feet to hug me. “I prefer you in this.” He gestures to my shitty outfit.
I hug him in return as I look down at my hoodie. “Liar, you can’t see my perfect tits.”
He barks up a laugh as we settle on the grass, leaning against a huge tree.
Jackson lets out a groan from beside me before standing up. He pulls his hoodie off and I feel my brows furrow as he shakes it out before sitting back down only to stand and shake out his hoodie again.
I’m incredibly confused until he does it two more times and I realize it’s a compulsion.
When he sits back down next to me, he stares at the patch of grass as if he’s feeling for something and it must feel right because he lays on his back again.
“How often do you do that?”
He glances over at me before shrugging. “Whenever I get an extremely scary intrusive thought.”
He must see my confusion because he explains.
“When I sat down, I thought about Athena literally biting Isabelle’s arm off. It all played out in my head. Her screaming, the hospital, her prosthetic arm.” He rolls his eyes at himself. “Laying down with that thought solidified that it’s going to happen, so I need to shake the bad thoughts away and sit back down while thinking of a good thought to replace it with.”
He shrugs. “Sometimes the first shake is okay, but other times it takes a while before it feels right and I get the perfect good thought.”
I simply nod in thought as I try to understand and he lets out a sigh before sitting back up.
“It doesn’t make sense,” he voices my thoughts.
“No, but I know it’s not supposed to make sense. Logic doesn’t help you so you do the compulsions.”
“Exactly.”
I nod before shaking my head. “But Athena has never shown signs of aggression. She’s the sweetest dog, especially with Isa. It’s like she knows she’s a kid and she needs to be gentle with her. Why was that your intrusive thought?”
He shrugs as he looks over at his daughter. “They’re unprovoked and random. Sometimes even if I truly know something deep down isn’t true, it manifests anyway, like the dog hurting Isa for no good reason. My thoughts just take my biggest fears. Before it was my own safety, but now, it’s my daughter’s.”
He watches his kid and there’s a protective look in his eyes every time he looks at her.
“How often do you get those intrusive thoughts? That Isabelle is going to get hurt if you don’t do the ritual, I mean.”
He shakes his head as his eyes follow her across the field. “Countless times a day. It’s exhausting and I try to let them pass, but the anxiety from not doing it makes me feel like I could die. I know she’ll be fine if I don’t shake out my clothes or hold my breath for thirty seconds while I run to touch her, but it doesn’t feel that way… it’s like an itch you can’t scratch. It’s just on the front of your mind and it eats at you.”
When he looks back at me, I see him in an entirely new light and not just because of what he said, but because I couldn’t imagine having those intrusive thoughts every day. My addiction is a bitch and most days it feels like that itch, but I’m not strong enough to handle zero quiet days.
Before either of us can say anything, Sire makes his way over. “What’s good?” He smiles down at his best friend. They do their cute little handshake before Jackson nods over at Isabelle.
“Her ballet classes started and they gave me the schedule for all of her recitals. Please clear your schedule because that little girl won’t be on stage if you and your brother aren’t there. You know how the last show went when you were late.”
Sire laughs as he smiles over at Belle. “Send it to me and I’ll move some things around.”
Jackson nods in return before tapping his knee. “Listen,” he clears his throat before glancing over at me. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
I bite my tongue as I look between the pair.
“Yeah, let me just go say hi to Isa.” He doesn’t give Jackson a chance to respond as he runs off to Isabelle. When he reaches her, he grabs her from behind before throwing her in the air.
“I don’t think you should tell him yet.”
Jackson looks over at me, his brows furrowed. “Why?”
I pluck a piece of grass. “I jokingly asked him what he’d think about us and he made it clear that he’d be physically hurting you.”
He lets out a sigh before burying his face in his hands. I leave him to his thoughts for a beat before he looks over at me. “If I tell him nothing happened yet, he might not be as mad. I can make him think I’m asking rather than telling him this is happening whether he’s on board or not.”
I shake my head at the sincerity in his voice. “Do you not think you can take him in a fight?”
He laughs. “I think I have a pretty good chance, but I’m not going to beat him up and then sleep with his sister. I’m not an asshole.”
I bite back a laugh. “You wouldn’t fight to the death for me?”
His eyes dart to mine, a smile on his pretty face that makes his one dimple pop. “I find it concerning that you want me to. Would you fight to the death for me?”
I shake my head in disappointment. “And to think men used to go to war for their country.”
He throws his head back with a laugh. “Am I less of a man for not fighting to the death for you?”
I shrug.
“Does it make it better knowing I’d do it for my daughter?”
“Fair enough, I guess .” Playfully rolling my eyes at him, I glance off to the side. I watch as Isabelle and my brother run past us, the tree blocking my view. Facing forward again, I feel Jackson watching me and when I look at him, a smirk is on his face.
His eyes cast down Sire’s hoodie I’m in before they land on my bare thighs. “How are you?”
I glance down at the scars on my leg before looking up at him. “Is that your way of asking if my crippling depression is pushing me to hurt myself today?”
He shakes his head as he brings a hand to my thigh. “That’s my way of saying I’m mad at myself for only scheduling tutoring for three days a week because I haven’t seen you in two days and I want to kiss you, but your brother is right behind you.”
A smile stretches across my face.
“But since you brought it up.” He turns more serious. “How are you feeling?” He rubs his thumb along on my scars and I’m surprised when it makes me feel better.
I open my mouth to voice a joke but stop short. Maybe it’s because he shared such a vulnerable part of himself earlier, but I consider letting my walls down just a bit.
At the sound of his daughter’s distant laugh from somewhere behind us, a smile touches my lips. “I was having a pretty shitty few days, but today just got better.”
He moves his hand from my leg before plucking a flower from beside us. “Here you go.” He holds it out to me with a smile.
“Why do you think flowers are going to heal me?”
He takes my hand before placing the flower in my palm. “I don’t think flowers will heal you. I just like seeing that smile on your face whenever I give you one.”
I try to wipe the smile off my face, but I’m failing. He leans over and plucks a bigger flower before tucking my hair behind my ear with it.
He looks between my eyes as he shakes his head in thought. “You’re so damn pretty.”
I stifle a laugh as I turn away. “I look like shit.” I gesture to Sire’s clothes that I dirtied during breakfast. Picking up a few strands of greasy hair, I show him my split ends, but he’s still smiling.
“Well, you’re the most gorgeous piece of shit I’ve ever seen.”
I break into a laugh, and when I look over at him, he’s still watching me.
“I accomplished something pretty big yesterday,” I start. “You haven’t unlocked that side of me, so I’m not telling you what it is, but if you knew, you’d be proud.”
His gaze softens as a smile touches his lips. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”
I falter at his name for me and it might just be the praise kink talking, but if he said that to me more often, I might actually stay clean long enough to finally get my year sober chip.
“Do you really mean that?” I find myself asking.
His brows furrow as he squeezes my leg. “Of course, I do. Are you not proud of yourself?”
I shrug as I look down at my nails. “I’ve made this accomplishment before and I’m tired of being at this stage. I want to accomplish more.”
He grabs my chin before tilting my head up to meet his gaze. “Just because you have to go back to the start doesn’t mean you’re never going to see the finish line. Learn from your setbacks and push through whatever is keeping you down.”
I smile up at him as I gently push his hand away. “Is Isabelle in any sports because that was very soccer dad of you.”
He laughs beside me as he leans on his elbow. “Just ballet and gymnastics. She was up so early today, twirling and flipping around me. Demanding I record her back handspring at 7:00 a.m.”
He sounds exhausted and I can’t help but laugh at his fake misery because I know deep down, he loves watching his daughter twirl in a tutu at the crack of dawn.
My eyes land on his biceps as my laugh sobers. He’s always in a suit and tie, but as he sits here in sweats and a white T-shirt that perfectly hugs him, he somehow looks hotter? I didn’t think that was possible, but tired, ruffled hair Jackson is dreamy.
“You mentioned wanting to kiss me earlier?”
His eyes cut up to mine and I don’t miss the smile that tugs at his lips.
“You said no kissing til Tuesday… come here.” I nod him over, but he doesn’t move as he looks past me.
He sits up and leans over to look behind the tree I’m still leaning against. After a beat, he quickly leans forward. He presses his lips against mine and I just barely kiss him back before he pulls away. When he looks behind me, I realize he’s watching out for my brother.
I look over my shoulder and lean over to catch a glance behind the huge tree. When Sire takes off running after Isabelle with his back to us, I turn back to Jackson and kiss him harder, knowing the tree covers us even if they did turn around. Just as my tongue grazes his, he pulls away before leaning on his elbow again.
“No more,” he whispers, his gaze shifting to the side. I bite back a smile, watching him struggle not to look at me.
“Not to ruin the mood with the what are we conversation, but what the hell are we doing? I can only take so many kisses, so if you’re scared of my brother, say it now because this feels like a high-risk, low reward situation.”
He opens his mouth before his brows furrow. “I’m a low reward ?”
“Are you offering me more than secret kisses behind his back? Sire said he’ll kick your ass for this, but I think this will be worth his anger if you at the very least fuck me.”
His chest rises faster as he gives me a once-over. “Do you have to voice every thought that enters your head?”
“Only the ones that involve us naked and you fueling my praise kink.”
He shakes his head at me, his eyes falling shut. When he opens them again, his dad face is on, and I wonder if he knows he does that when he’s being serious.
“I’m not scared of your brother.”
I bite my cheek so hard, I nearly cut myself. Crawling over to him, I rest a hand on the grass next to his head and the other on his chest. As I lean in, he inches away as if I were contagious. I stifle a laugh when he looks over my shoulder.
“A man of true bravery you are.”
His eyes narrow on me. “I’m not scared of him,” he says strongly. “We’ve known each other for a long time and I respect him and our friendship. I’m going to tell him about this before it goes any further.”
“So you do plan on having sex with me?”
He ignores me.
“Well, go tell him right now. You said you’ll tell him today.” I lean back on my arms but he doesn’t move and I can’t help but laugh.
“Shut the hell up, Lissy.”
I bite my tongue as I rein it in. “Well.” I lay on the grass beside him. “You have fun growing a pair big enough to tell my brother you like me, but I personally suggest telling him after we sleep together since he can’t kill you twice.”
Jackson lets out a scoff from beside me. “Why are you so confident I want to sleep with you?”
“Because you’re not blind.”
He chuckles quietly.
“Your dick is also hard right now and I barely touched you.”
He goes quiet and I bark up a laugh since I was shooting in the dark there.